Comfy Closets - Chapter 28: Chapter 28

My booted feet fumbled down the stairs as my hands went to fix the flyaway strands on the top of my head, for the tenth time. By now, it was more out of nervousness than anything else, but I couldn't seem to stop.
I rounded the corner to the living room and stood in the entryway, looking down at myself to survey my outfit. "Mom? Do I look okay?"
Her eyes wandered over from her tablet to me, eyebrows raising at the sight. "You look great, honey. Where are you going, though?"
"A friend's," I said curtly, my hands brushing off the dust I thought I saw on my sweater.
"Well, you look very fancy and mature for just a visit to your friend's house," she mused.
I was wearing a white V-neck sweater with a grey wool overcoat and some black skinny jeans, paired with my good old heeled boots. I did look pretty adult-y if I did say so myself.
"Oh, it's just... her parents are... the very formal type? Yeah, so I thought I'd dress up a bit," I made up some crap on the spot, hoping she bought my lame excuse.
Her hum suggested that she wasn't convinced, but she let it go. "Alright, don't come back too late. Who's the friend, by the way?"
I settled with the truth. "Leah."
"Oh, Leah? I like that girl, very nice girl," she commented approvingly. I internally smiled at her unknowing acceptance of my girlfriend, feeling almost proud of that.
"Yeah, well, I better get going. Don't wanna be late." Waving goodbye, I was about to head out the door when I was stopped by Addison's voice coming from upstairs.
"I heard Leah's name. Is she coming over?" The little munchkin asked as she padded down the steps, as fast as she was allowed.
"No, sorry Addy. I was about to head over to hers for dinner."
She pouted in disappointment. "Aww. Can she come over anytime soon then? She's fun." The other times Leah has been here, although not many, has mostly been spent in my room. But Addy would sometimes manage to drag her over to her room to play, my girlfriend however not seeming to mind. Currently, Leah was her favourite of all my friends.
I patted her chubby cheeks in reassurance. "No guarantees, but I'll ask her."
She squealed in excitement and ran to tell our mom of the possible visit. I shook my head fondly and made my way out.
It only took me ten minutes to get to hers, but the whole way there, my fingers kept up their fidgety motions by tapping on the steering wheel the whole time. When I stopped in front of the house, I realised I had arrived earlier than when Leah had said to come.
Chewing my bottom lip, I slowly slid out from my parked car in her driveway and made my way to her door. As I stood in front of it, it seemed way more intimidating than the last times I had been here. I blew out one huge breath and just went for it, pressing on the bell and causing its sound to resound through the house.
I only had to wait a couple of seconds before the door was opened by none other than my gorgeous girlfriend. "Hey! You're a bit early." She came forward and gave me a quick kiss on the lips, and then another.
"Sorry, didn't want to be late," I smiled sheepishly, already missing her soft lips.
"No! Don't be sorry. Come in, you can meet my sister before everyone gets here," she said, taking my hand and pulling me in. "You look very nice, by the way." Her eyes gazed up and down my figure appreciatively. I couldn't stop the blush from appearing on my cheeks, kissing her temple in thanks.
Closing the door behind us, I looked around and took in all the Christmas decorations that were hung up, admiring it all. "Wow..."
"Yeah, we go all out," she said, pride in her voice.
I hung up my overcoat and followed my girlfriend into the kitchen, my heart starting to palpitate at the thought of meeting another one of her family members. Well, again.
We rounded the corner and entered the busy space. Leah's mom was by the stove, cooking, whilst her stepdad was rolling out some sort of dough on the counters. Another girl with blonde hair lighter than Leah's, sat at the island conversing with them.
"Mom, Joe, Lyssa's here," Leah announced as she pulled me forward. I gave them a small, timid wave in greeting.
"Hi, Mr and Mrs Mason."
"What did we say about calling us that?" Leah's mom playfully admonished, coming over to give me a tight hug. "Glad you could make it."
"Thanks for inviting me," I smiled kindly.
She swatted my shoulder. "Of course! We love having you over. And how can we not invite Leah's lovely girlfriend over for dinner." She gave me a pointed look at that.
"Girlfriend?" The blonde girl by the island slid off her chair and approached us curiously. "So, you're the new girlfriend, huh?"
"Yes..." I trailed off, glancing to the side at Leah. I still held her hand in mine, and to be honest, it felt weird being so open about our relationship with other people. It definitely felt like a huge step has been taken, but... I think I was okay with it.
The girl, who I'm assuming was Leah's sister, came closer to examine my face, eyes narrowed in calculation. "I've seen you somewhere before, but I can't put my finger on where..."
I was unconsciously leaning away from her proximity when Leah answered. "She was the girl who you spilt coffee on when you were last at Aunt Jemma's shop."
The girl looked confused for a second, then her eyes suddenly widened. "Wait, you're that girl?! The girl from the coffee place?! And now you're dating my sister? Damn," she let out, looking almost impressed, "you must be glad I spilt that coffee then."
"I am," I smirked, eyes softening as they drifted to Leah. "You remember the jacket you gave me?"
She lit up with laughter as we made our way to the barstools, the other two women moving back to their previous places. "The denim jacket? Yeah, and if I recall, you seemed to like it quite a bit..."
"Pfft, what? No, you must've been imagining things."
"Really now? I was going to give it to you since you liked it so much, but alright then."
"Wait," I let out reluctantly, catching the sly look in her eyes.
"Yes?"
"Give it to me later?" I couldn't help but ask. I knew I was weak, but I did love that comfy jacket, and bonus, it would smell just like her...
"That's what I thought," she said smugly, turning my stool and kissing me lightly on the cheek. She didn't care at all that her parents and sister were there in the same room as she openly showed her affection for me. It was so different from what I was used to, always needing to hide my sexuality from my parents.
It was a weird feeling. But refreshing. Refreshingly weird.
My eyes darted to the others in the room, only to see warm smiles in return. I realised then that a nice sort of feeling was blooming in my chest. And I knew I wanted to experience this more often.
"So," the blonde started, "I'm Lena. Nice to officially meet you. But I was just wondering, how the heck did Leah get you to like her?"
"Hey!" her sister exclaimed. Lena ignored her as she looked to me with interest.
I laughed at them. "Your sister is quite the charmer, Lena. And quite cute." I playfully tapped my girl's nose. She scrunched it up cutely.
"She gets that from me. The charming part," the older sister stated proudly, sending a wink my way. Both girls definitely had that charisma in common.
Leah gave her a pointed look. "More like Landon. I've seen you in action, sis, and I can't tell you how many times I've seen you stutter like an idiot around anyone you like."
"Babe, you don't do so great yourself," I hinted, recalling the time she kept rambling on when we got together at the beginning. She narrowed her eyes as if to say 'traitor'.
I shrugged, smiling innocently. Lena chuckled lightly at us. "I like her already."
My heart swelled at the comment. I was glad that I got the 'approval' of her sister, even if I hadn't known I had been looking for it, until now. Some of the tension in my shoulders slowly loosened at the thought.
"How old are you, by the way?" I asked curiously.
"Twenty-one, three years older than her." The doorbell went off just then, and she got off her chair to answer it. "I'll get it. Probably our brother." We heard her open the front door, and a myriad of voices answered her greeting.
It took them a couple of seconds before they rounded the corner, my stomach filling with nerves again. In came two kids, a girl that seemed a few years younger than me and the boy looking to be around ten. They were followed in by a man and a woman, the latter being someone I was quite familiar with since I saw her almost every week. At work.
"Jemma?!" I squeaked, my voice breaking as I suddenly wanted to slink down in my seat and disappear from this room entirely. This was going to be so awkward.
"Alyssa," the woman's eyes widened in surprise. "Nice... to see you here? Why are you here?"
I pointed my thumb to the girl beside me, almost sheepishly. "Leah invited me."
"Right..." Jemma said in realization. "My niece's girlfriend. How can I forget." She came over to hug Leah and then rested her palm on my shoulder. "This will definitely take some time in getting used to."
Lena narrowed her eyes as she looked between us three. "Wait, how does Aunt Jemma know you?"
"She works for me," her aunt said with a grin, draping her arm around my shoulders now.
"Yep," I popped the 'p'. "She's my boss."
The girl was shocked into disbelief. "How come I didn't know about any of this? Leah, you didn't tell me shit over the phone," she complained.
"Now you know." Lena didn't seem satisfied with that response.
Jemma slipped her arm off my shoulders to hug her sister, greeting everyone else before introducing me to her family. "I don't think you've met my husband or kids. My man over there is Mark. This is my daughter, Thalia, and my son, James," she said as she gestured to her children. The girl waved shyly, light brown hair covering half of her face, while the boy gave a small nod and went back out to watch the TV in the living room.
"Hi, I'm Alyssa."
"Hi," she said softly.
Leah got off her seat next to me and went to hug the girl. "My little cuz, what's up?"
"Not much. School sucks, like usual." She relaxed a bit and shrugged, catching my eye for a second only to quickly look away. I tried to smile warmly, not wanting to intimidate her. She kind of reminded me of my younger self; all shy and timid, although I still sort of am like that.
"Okay everyone, shoo. Off to the living room, it's getting too crowded in here," Leah's mom ushered us off. We complied and exited the room, all of us settling into the soft wrap-around couch with the TV playing quietly in the background.
"Aly, you coming to work this weekend?" Jemma said jokingly, all boss-like.
"J, don't make this any weirder than it is," I groaned, earning a laugh from her.
"Mom," her son spoke up, "can I switch the channel to watch soccer?"
"Not everyone likes watching soccer, dear. Another time, okay?" He scrunched up his eyebrows in disappointment at her response.
"You play soccer?" I asked conversationally. The boy nodded slightly. "Me too."
His eyes suddenly lit up with excitement from finding another soccer fan like him. "Really? What position do you play?"
"I'm a midfielder."
"She's the captain of the soccer team at our school, y' know," Leah mentioned with pride, one of her legs tucking underneath her as she played with my fingers on her lap.
"No way," he whispered, eyes widening even further with awe. "Can you show me some tricks? Dad doesn't really know any good ones."
I looked to Jemma's husband, Mark, to see him shrug. "Personally, more of a baseball fan."
Chuckling lightly, I gave him my agreement. "Sure, if we have time later and you can manage to find a soccer ball around here." He bounced in his seat with excitement.
The doorbell rang again, and Leah let go of my hand and got up to answer it this time. I decided to come along, still feeling a little awkward and not wanting to be alone without Leah.
I hung back from the entrance as she opened the door, and saw a guy around six feet come in and swoop Leah up into a hug.
"Hey, LeLe! Missed you so much," the guy said, voice muffled by her hair. I smiled at them, touched by their sibling love. From where I stood, I could see his styled sandy blonde hair that was a few shades lighter than Leah's. He stepped back and held her at arm's length, smiling a wide grin. "I haven't seen you since summer."
"I know. You should visit more often," Leah chastised. He nodded his head in agreement as he rubbed the short beard around his face. Leah's eyes drifted to behind him and lit up again with delight. "Hey, guys! So good to see you all here!"
Her brother moved into the house to reveal another man with dark hair that stood behind him, with a little girl in his arms. "Hey, Leah. Sorry, we're a bit late."
"No worries, Sean. Dinner's not yet ready." She gave him a hug too and turned her attention to the cute little girl with her brunette hair in pigtails. "Hi there, Evie! Auntie missed you so much!" My girlfriend continued to talk to her in a baby voice as she softly squished her cheeks.
As I looked at all of them from my position by the entryway, it clicked in my head. The way that Leah's brother looked at the other man, lacing their fingers together. I didn't know why, but my mind couldn't compute that fact for a second. All I could do was stand there in stunned silence.
Her brother was the one who noticed me standing there. "Who's this?"
Leah looked back at me and smiled, coming to stand by me as her arm slipped around my waist. "This is Alyssa, my girlfriend."
"Oh... so this is the girl you were talking about over our calls. It's nice to meet you. I'm Landon." He came up to me with a warm smile and unexpectedly pulled me into a hug. I responded a second later, a little surprised at the friendliness. He pulled back and gestured to the other two newcomers. "This is my husband, Sean. And the little girl is our daughter, Evangeline, or Evie for short."
I shook myself out of my shocked state and managed a small wave, definitely not used to seeing gay couples, especially because of where we lived. "Nice to meet you too. I didn't know... I didn't know you were-"
"Gay?" Landon finished for me, giving me a crooked smile. "Leah never mentioned it?"
"No, she hasn't." I looked to my girlfriend to see her biting her lower lip, not meeting my gaze. I didn't know what to make of that.
Landon drew my attention away when he tsk-ed his sister. "Must've forgotten. But anyway, lets head in to see the others. Hope dinner's almost done because I'm starving."
The three of them moved past us and into the living room while Leah and I stood there. I turned to her and canted my head. "Why didn't you tell me about your brother?" My tone wasn't accusatory, just curious.
She pursed her lips and brushed a hand through her dirty blonde hair, sighing. "I guess I forgot," she said unconvincingly. I wanted to ask further, but let the words fall away. It wasn't really my place to ask, so I just let it go.
We followed the others, and soon, dinner was ready, and we all made our way to the dining room. Taking my seat next to Leah, we all settled down and started to dig in. Landon and his husband sat across from me and Leah as Lena sat beside me. Now with them all together, I could really see the resemblance between all of them. They shared the same eyes and nose, but their hair colouring was where it differed quite a bit.
It felt a little weird to be sitting here with Leah's family, but the thing was, was that they didn't make this weird. They were all very nice and welcoming, supportive of my relationship with Leah. I guess I was just expecting some sort of resistance or disagreement. It sounded weird to even think about it like that, but that was what it was in my head.
We all ate heaps, bellies full by the time we arrived at dessert but still made space for that too. The whole time through, Lena and Landon had been asking me questions and getting to know me more, intrigued by their sister's girlfriend.
I found out that Leah had rarely brought her past girlfriends or boyfriends home to be introduced to her family, so this was kind of new to them. This experience was definitely new to me too, but I tried to put on a cool and calm facade so I wouldn't look like a wimp.
When we were back in the living room again, as Leah sat next to me with her legs resting comfortably on my lap, Landon directed his question to me. "Alyssa? Can you come to help me with something in the kitchen?"
I realized seconds later that this was the 'brother talk' I had been anticipating. I gulped nervously and gave him a nod, gently pushing Leah's legs off of me. She also seemed to catch on to what was happening and narrowed her eyes in concern. The corners of my lips lifted slightly, and I squeezed her thigh in reassurance before getting up to follow her brother.
He did enter the kitchen but instead continued walking through another archway towards the back of the house. Once he deemed it far away enough, he stopped and turned around, crossing his muscled arms over his broad chest. I could feel my palms sweating, wanting to wipe them on my jeans but not wanting to do it in front of him at the same time.
"So," he started, "what's your deal with my sister?"
I wasn't really sure how to answer that. "Um... ah... W-what do you mean-"
"I mean," he interrupted, "why are you with my sister if you're still in the closet. What's your angle?"
I felt a lump become stuck in my throat, unable to clear it even as I swallowed. "How... how did you know? That I'm not out?"
His eyes bored into me as if trying to analyse me and extract the answer to his question for himself. "I can just guess. Kind of obvious to me, since I've been in the same position as you before."
"Oh." My voice was meek and quiet, slightly intimidated by his intense stare. I decided to try to answer his question anyway. "I like your sister. A lot. She's an amazing, understanding person. And to be honest, there's this natural pull to her. She makes me laugh, and she makes me smile. But most of all, she's helped me grow. I've never felt more like myself, and free than ever before."
I felt like I was finally digging up my realization, the truth behind all of this, and I knew it was genuine. To be so vulnerable in front of a person I just met a few hours ago, was terrifying, but at the same time, I was filled with such relief. I didn't realise I needed to hear this for myself until now.
Landon stayed silent for a few moments, not looking at me but at the view outside of the glass sliding door, an unreadable expression on his face.
"You're different."
He looked to me with a steady gaze, a softness to his expression. "I don't think I've ever seen her so open about her sexuality, at least with us. We've always known since she was eleven, but she was never really open about talking about girls. Or any relationship, really. But then now, she comes and brings you to meet the whole family..." he shook his head with a smile, "you must mean quite a bit to her."
I felt his words hit me right in the chest, sinking deep until it settled there and made space for itself. It started to warm, slowly working through my whole being and filling me with such joy. All I could do was smile. "She means a lot to me."
"I'm glad to hear. I know you're genuine about this. But I also understand the feeling of wanting to stay in the closet. It's comfy and safe in there, and no one would judge you for it if they didn't know." He sighed, almost like he was reliving the days from his past within his mind. "But you won't truly be happy if you don't completely be true to yourself, for yourself. It's something I've discovered in my own experience."
"What do you mean by that?"
He leant a shoulder against the wall, turning his body to me as his eyes displayed a faraway look even as he gazed at me. It seemed like he had been sucked back into the past. "Our father wasn't the best man out there. He was strict, rigid in his ways and beliefs. He didn't treat our mom right either, always emotionally abusing her, making her seem lesser or always in the wrong. It was a constant cycle of guilt and shame for her, and I couldn't stand to see that. We all knew what he was doing was wrong, but we didn't think we could do anything about it."
He took in a long, shaky breath. I wanted to say that he didn't have to explain, but I kept silent. It seemed like something he wanted me to understand. "Back then, I wasn't out though. I was fifteen when I started my first relationship. Kept it a secret for a while because I was scared of his reaction. But one day, he caught us together." His eyes were solemn. "Everything got worse from there."
"What happened?" I couldn't help but quietly ask. It seemed hard for him to continue, but he did so anyway.
"He started abusing me, physically. He was so mad, but I couldn't have stopped him back then. Mom found out later, and that's when she couldn't take him any more. She said enough and called the cops. He didn't get any jail time, only probation, but mom had moved us out of there right away anyways. Moved to a different city and started over, just the four of us. Leah was only eight then."
Anger and sadness overwhelmed my senses as I listened. I felt so much resentment towards this man I've never met. They were so young, and to have gone through this all must have been so hard. I tried to convey my sympathy through my gaze as he continued.
"My mom and sisters had accepted me the moment they found out, but I still stayed in the closet. I was scared that something like before would happen but with strangers this time. It took a long time before I actually opened up about myself, and it was with much support from them," he nodded his head to the direction of the people in the living room. "My aunt and uncle, my family; they helped me through it and made me the man I am today. I'm proud I had built up the courage to come out, but before I had reached that point, I'm afraid I might have affected the way Leah saw things."
His lips formed a thin line. "I reckon you've noticed that she's quite a private person. Doesn't like to share things about herself, but more so to people outside of our family." I furrowed my brows in thought, remembering the times she hadn't told me certain things about her or her family. "She has a hard time trusting people, putting her faith in them. Maybe it's because of our dad, or maybe it's because of my example, but it is what it is."
Rubbing his jaw, he finally looked directly at me, his eyes kind. "I think it's different with you. Although she doesn't tell you absolutely everything, you've still managed to open her up, just like how she's helped you be more open with yourself. Just showing her that you can be trusted, is enough. You've helped her more than you know." He took a step towards me then, towering over me. "One thing, though: don't let me find out that you've broken my baby sister's heart or trust. Ever. Understand?"
I nodded my head rapidly. "I promise. I won't.
"Good," he said satisfyingly, the tension now leaving the space. "As for your predicament about coming out, just know that sometimes it's worth the risk of rejection because you'll never know who'll surprise you with acceptance. Even within your family."
Then, he patted my shoulder and started making his way back to the others. "Good talk, Alyssa."
As I continued to stand there, I thought over his words, rolling them around in my head. I knew he was right, but I still couldn't really wrap myself around the idea of actually taking action on it.
I slowly made my way back to the living room and stood in the archway. I observed the way they interacted and how they accepted each other so unconditionally. Envy filled me from my head and all the way to my toes, settling most heavily on my chest.
Will I ever have that with my family?