Comfy Closets - Chapter 29: Chapter 29

"-Aly! Aly wake up! Come on, let's go open the presents!"
A groan feebly escaped my mouth as my eyes blearily blinked open, trying to maintain the image of my wonderful dream in mind so it could continue to play once the interruption went away. There was an extra weight on the bed that kept moving the mattress underneath, their bouncing incessant. "Wha..."
"Come on! I won't be waiting for you if you don't get up now!"
The bouncing human finally stopped, allowing me to breathe a sigh of relief as my sleepy brain went back to hibernate. That was soon interrupted when the little human jumped and landed squarely on my torso, causing me to release this strangled 'oomph' sound into the air.
"Addy..." I groaned in complaint.
"It's Christmas! Get up!"
My slow mind finally registered what she had said, and when it did, my upper body immediately sprang up in wakefulness. "What are we doing here?! Let's go!"
"That's what I've been saying..." the seven-year-old muttered under her breath.
We scrambled down the stairs and rounded the corner at the archway with speed, heading straight to our blue and white themed Christmas tree at the corner of the living room. My parents were already sitting on the couch with sleepy smiles as they watched both of us settle on the floor by the tree with excitement.
"Merry Christmas girls. Okay, Mom opens her presents first," Dad said, settling us down. He always let Mom be the first to open presents every Christmas.
I handed her mine first, my heart excitedly jittering in anticipation for what she thought. She pulled the bow apart from the small box and opened the lid, gaze warming at the sight of the necklace inside.
"Aww, honey. Thank you," she smiled gratefully and leaned over to kiss my head before taking it out and putting it on. It wasn't the most expensive necklace out there, but I thought mom would've liked it and its simplicity.
The rest of her presents consisted of a really nice drawing from Addison and this star map that Dad got, which represented the stars of an exact day at the exact location they had shared a special moment. He chose the day they first met. Mom threw her arms around him and kissed her husband repeatedly at the romantic-ness of the gift. He probably got the idea off of Pinterest.
Addison went next. She almost snatched her gift right out of my hands and ripped the wrapping paper off with claws she suddenly possessed. She gasped when she opened it up, squealing with glee. "I can't believe you got me the T-shirt!" she exclaimed as she took out the cloth with Steven Universe's face plastered on it, hugging it to her chest.
"No problem, Addy bear," I said fondly, ruffling up her bed hair a little. Mom and Dad got her these sneakers she'd been talking about for months, making her one happy girl. It was Dad's turn after, who received a book about dad jokes from me, a plane ticket from Mom for a romantic getaway she planned for the next year, and a clay mug that Addy made in class for him.
Finally, it was my turn, and I was given a tiny box from my little sister. "What's in here..." I pondered aloud, shaking the box and teasing her as I made her wait for my reaction.
"Aly! Open it up!"
"Alright, alright," I chuckled, ripping the paper off and opening it up to see this beaded bracelet filled with alternating colours of the rainbow. I looked up at her and smiled softly, admiring her simple way of looking at these colours, the symbolism lost on her. It meant way more to me than she could ever imagine because it was almost like she was saying she was okay that I was gay. It's silly to even think about, but it just made my heart warm at the thought. "Thanks, Addy. It's beautiful." She grinned widely in response.
"Okay, now our gift," Mom said, getting up from her seat and walking to the tree to get my present that was safely tucked behind. She carefully handed the big present to me. "Hope you like it, honey."
I looked to Dad with curiosity but was given no hints of what was inside as he smiled encouragingly, rewrapping his arm around Mom.
The present was in a big rectangular box the size of our coffee table. I carefully peeled the wrapping and opened the lid, to see another case, but in the clear shape of a guitar.
"You guys didn't," I whispered, taking it out and opening the lid to be welcomed by the sight of a brand new semi-acoustic guitar. I took it out and placed it on my lap, looking at it with both awe and sadness. I was grateful for the gift, but at the same time, all the instrument reminded me of, was of a time I didn't want to be reminded about.
"Thanks for this," I tried to muster up the most convincing smile I could, really wanting to show them my gratitude even as the memories started to bombard me.
"No problem, kiddo. We thought that since you haven't been playing your guitar lately, we figured we'd get you a new kind to help spur it up again. You used to love playing, and we loved listening to you play," Dad explained.
"Why did you stop playing?" Mom asked curiously. They didn't know anything about what had happened with Isabelle, so to them, it just seemed like I stopped one day for no reason. Like I'd lost interest. That, unfortunately, wasn't the case.
"Oh, you know, just wasn't feeling it," I replied vaguely as I ran my fingers lightly over the fretboard, almost afraid to cause a sound. I haven't touched the guitar in my room for over a year and a half, and to have the familiar edges of this instrument in my hands again... I realised I had missed this feeling so much.
"Okay, girls, let's have some breakfast. Who wants pancakes?"
"I do!" Addy yelled out and rushed into the kitchen with delight. I was slower in pace, gently placing the guitar back in its case first and closing it up almost reluctantly. These mixed feelings within me were like a raging fire, feeding my emotions and enhancing its effects. But I forcibly shut it away, not wanting to allow these thoughts to ruin my day.
We all ate breakfast together and migrated back to the living room to play some board games as a family. We were currently on Monopoly, which would probably be the last game of the day since it took forever to finish.
"Passing go. Two hundred, please."
"I'm upgrading this into a hotel."
"Jail again?! This is the third time! Although, I feel like it's safer, now that everything has a hotel..."
I knew we were nearing the end since only Addy and Mom were the ones actually playing whilst Dad and I hopped from one community chest to another. A ding went off from my phone and I went to see who it was since I was basically bankrupt now and didn't have to concentrate on the game.
Realising that it was Leah, a smile unconsciously tugged at my lips as I read her text.
Leahbabe - How's Christmas at your place?
Lyssathegf - Everything's great. Some wholesome board game time with the fam.
Leahbabe - Aww, that sounds so cute
Lyssathegf - I know I'm cute
Leahbabe - Not what I meant, but totally agree. Cute like Pikachu.
Lyssathegf - I prefer Evie, but okay.
Leahbabe - Pikachu is definitely you, what with all the blushing you do
Lyssathegf - Hey! You blush as much as me now!
Leahbabe - I disagree. One compliment and your cheeks would go red.
Lyssathegf - No, not true
Leahbabe - You're beautiful, babe. I can't believe I have a girlfriend like you.
Lyssathegf - Mhmm
Leahbabe - I bet you're blushing right now
Indeed, I was, but how could I not? She just had that effect on me. As I was typing back another reply, Dad interrupted our text conversation.
"Who are you texting?"
I lowered my phone and dropped the infatuated smile I realised I had. "Nothing. No one important."
"Must be someone important for you to be blushing like that. Is it a boy?" Mom asked nosily.
"No," I almost growled out. I hated how they assumed it was always about a boy. Can't a teenager's life involve things more important than just boys to them?
"Well, if it isn't anyone important, say goodbye and put the phone away. It's family time," Dad reminded.
I sighed and typed out a response.
Lyssathegf - Sorry, gotta go. Fam demands I stop using my phone.
Leahbabe - No worries. I'll talk to you later. And for the record, I knew you were blushing.
I shook my head in humour. She was starting to know me quite well.
Lunch came and went, and soon, I ended up outside in the front yard with Addison, casually passing a ball around on the grass.
"Addy, use the inside of your foot to pass. Yes, like that. Good job," I praised.
"I'm going to be as good as you, right?"
"You might be even better than me if you keep training at the rate you are." She beamed at that.
"I promise I'll be a captain, like you!" she swore with determination in her eyes, so similar to mine.
"I don't doubt it, Addy bear," I smiled with pride. To think I've been a good role model for her... it made this warm feeling spread out within my chest. "By the way, who's your favourite footballer?"
"You!"
Chuckling with flattery, I shook my head. "No, besides me. Someone well known. Who would it be?" She passed the ball a little harder than needed.
Addison's little face scrunched up in concentration as if this question was the hardest thing ever to answer. "Hmm... I think... I really like Alex Morgan."
"Oh, why's that?"
"Because she scores a lot of goals!"
"I guess we have a budding striker in the making," I said to myself. "Football isn't all about scoring goals, Addy. That's just one part of it." I passed the ball back to her.
"But I like scoring goals..." She kicked the ball back, the object leaving the ground.
Lifting my foot, I caught it before it went past. "Well, if you want to be as good as Alex Morgan, you'll have to be better than this!" I teased.
"Hey!" she exclaimed with the offence.
We went on to pass the ball around for a couple of more minutes before retiring to the house, heading straight for the snacks in the kitchen. As I was eating a cupcake my Mom made this morning, she herself walked in seconds later and grabbed one for herself, settling to stand on the opposite side of the kitchen island from us.
"So, you girls had fun?" We nodded our heads in response, preoccupied with the treat. "Any homework you need to get done?"
"Mom," I groaned, not wanting to be reminded of that on Christmas.
"Sorry," she chuckled. "Why don't you play us a song on the new guitar, then? We'd love to listen."
"Umm," I paused, unsure of what to say, "I don't really feel like it right now..."
My mom's eyebrows furrowed in concern. "Honey, are you alright? Is it the gift? We can always take it back if you really don't like it."
"No, Mom. It's not that," I lied. "I just- I'll play it when I feel like it. I know it's weird, but it's a guitar thing," I brushed off.
She dropped the topic after that, but now, I was reminded again of the reason why I've been avoiding the instrument in my room. My heart felt like it was constricting with pain; blackened memories of the past plaguing me with an undeniable force. The image of her face started circulating my mind, then the incident from my soccer game started playing out, something I've been suppressing for a while.
My mood was taking a turn for the worst, so I thought it was best to leave before my family realised. "Umm, I'm going to my room. Thanks for the cupcake, Mom," I said with my voice strained.
Not waiting for a reply, I sped to my room and shut the door with a loud thud. My back rested against the wood with relief, allowing it to take my weight and the burden of these memories from me. Slowly, I slid down until my bottom hit the floor, propping up my knees and resting my hands on top. I stayed like that for a while, letting the silence of the room envelop me as if hugging me and reassuring me of its safety.
I gazed into nothingness, unfocused and dazed. You ever get the feeling where it just seems easier to stare at nothing and not think? Yeah, that's what I was feeling. I could imagine this was how it felt when people got high.
I don't know how long had passed, with me sitting on the floor like this. When I finally came to my senses, my eyes automatically drifted to the new guitar case resting against the end of my bed. As if I was unable to control my movements, I slowly got up and made my way to the case, setting it on the floor and opening the clasps with dazed motions. Taking the brand-new guitar by the neck, I sat on my bed and rested the instrument in its rightful place on my lap.
For a moment, I let myself run my fingers over the instrument. The taut strings, the ridges of the frets, the smooth hollow body. The textures of it all were so familiar; I hadn't realised I had missed it so much. Finally, I let one of my fingers pluck at a string, the sudden sound resonating around the quiet room. Then, I let my thumb strum softly across all the strings, creating this soft hum of a sound.
Realising it was out of tune, I went to fix that, tuning it by ear with experience. Once I was satisfied, I let my hands rest on the strings and frets, just letting it sit there. I didn't know if I was scared to play because I was out of practice, or because I knew the rawest memories would surface from it. But I didn't let myself ponder on it for long as my hands went to play a chord, and another, then another, until it evolved into fingerpicking instead.
My hand glided seamlessly across the fretboard, the familiarity of the motions coming back to me. I didn't even realise I had slipped into a song until I recognised the well-known tune coming out.
I felt my lips part to sing the sorrowful lyrics aloud.
From walking home and talking loads
To seeing shows in evening clothes with you
From nervous touch and getting drunk
To staying up and waking up with you
Letting out a shaky breath, I continued playing with effort.
Now we're sleeping near the edge
Holding something we don't need
All this delusion in our heads
Is gonna bring us to our knees
I let the words resonate within me and ring true.
So, come on, let it go, just let it be
Why don't you be you, and I'll be me?
Everything that's broke, leave it to the breeze
Why don't you be you, and I'll be me?
And I'll be me
I let the picking of the notes become softer and slower until no sounds came out anymore. No words could describe what I was feeling better than the song just had. I just wanted to move on, leave everything that had happened with Isabelle, in the past.
Lifting my gaze from the ground, I knew what I needed to do.