Comfy Closets - Chapter 37: Chapter 37

Seconds after Leah’s best friend stormed off, a girl with fiery-red hair and two other boys pushed open the door to the nurse’s office. Their eyebrows were furrowed together when they came in, shooting glances down the hallway where the blonde just left. When they shifted their gazes to us, the groove between their brows deepened with utter confusion at the sight.
My jaw hung open as I was unable to comprehend what just happened? What did just happen?
My gaze drifted to Leah and I could imagine my expression was quite similar to hers at the moment. The dirty blonde locked her hazel eyes with me, and all I could see was the shock and dawning horror creeping onto her face.
“What… what was that all about?” Gia was the first one to ask.
My dry mouth went to answer, but I had to swallow a few times before I could. “Sara. She saw- she saw us… together.”
At first, the three of them were confused. But as their eyes started to flicker between me and my girlfriend, who currently stood only a few inches away as my hands still rested on her hips, I knew they got it.
“Oh…” was all Ashton was able to say.
My girlfriend pulled away, her hands going up to cover her eyes with frustration. “Shit. Shit, shit, shit…” When she let her hands fall, I could tell that she wanted to leave this room to chase after her friend. But with a glance towards me and my state, that urge seemed to disappear from her eyes.
Coming down from my state of shock, my brain started to do what it did best – overthink the shit out of things.
Now that Sara knew, what would she do? She just found out her friend wasn’t straight – oh god, was she going to tell anyone?! From what Leah mentioned before, I knew she comes from a very religious family, but how much will that affect her? She can’t out us – please, she can’t. I don’t want to feel like I’m losing control again – but I’m feeling it right now. What the fuck do we do?
As my breathing rate started to increase in pace, my mind whirled faster and faster as it thought of all the things that could go wrong – all the things that would go wrong.
Clutching the edge of the thin mattress in my hands, I shut my eyes tight as I tried to stop the thoughts from drowning me, but the darkness only aided in my inward spiral.
When I thought my heart couldn’t pound any faster than this, I felt warm, firm hands clutch my upper arms to steady my being.
“Lyssa, stop worrying– look at me. Look at me, babe.” Her loud, commanding voice cut through the fog that permeated my mind, making me fixate my gaze onto her soft, comforting eyes. “I know you’re overthinking this, so stop it. Everything will be okay. I’m going to step outside and call Sara to try and explain, but I’ll be right back.”
Her palm went to cup my left cheek for a moment, stroking her thumb against my skin with worry. Despite the reassurance of her words, I could see her own anxiety present itself in how her jaw clenched after every sentence and the way her lips pinched into a thin line. Still, she set her expression into one of comfort and with one final look, she let go and slipped past our friends who stood near the door.
Silence blanketed the space. Nobody knew what to say, and so I sat there, staring ahead at the window and the darkening sky outside. As the air grew awkward, I shifted uncomfortably in my seat while waiting for Leah to come back.
But in my periphery, I saw Zach make a move to sit on my right side, his hesitant arm going around to wrap around my shoulders.
“It’s going to be okay.”
His deep, smooth voice was soothing, and I allowed it to calm me as I leaned into his warmth and rested my head on his shoulder. I was just tired of everything. Gia sat on my other side and rubbed my lower back in comfort, and Ashton stood by us, eyebrows meeting together as he frowned with concern.
After a minute went by and no one else spoke, I decided to break the uncomfortable tension. “I heard we won the game,” I said, trying for a light tone.
Ash smiled. “Congrats on that, by the way. You were amazing tonight. If it wasn’t for your goal at the beginning of the second half, we would’ve lost.”
“Hayley was able to get a goal before the game ended. It was a close call, but you guys are going to the semi-finals!” Gia said excitedly.
For a moment, my heart leapt with elation, but I was quickly brought down with dejection when I remembered my throbbing ankle that was hanging off the bed. “That’s great, but I won’t be playing in the semis. Coach isn’t letting me because of this sprain.”
My friends all frowned at the news, Gia side-hugging me with sympathy.
That was when my girlfriend came in through the door, staring at her phone screen with a deep-set frown on her face. Her gaze met mine and revealed the disappointment harboured within. “I’ve tried calling her a few times, but she’s not answering the phone.”
I felt Zach squeeze me tighter to his side, but it couldn’t stop the dread from filling my veins as my control slipped from my fingers once again.
_______________________
Nothing but worry and anxiety permeated my being since the game last Friday. The whole weekend was horrible, even if I spent most of it at Leah’s house. All I did was overthink and dread for the coming Monday. Don’t even get me started on how I somehow handled my shift on Saturday at the café.
Sara still hasn’t answered any of Leah’s calls and I could tell my girlfriend was starting to really panic. This was her best friend who refused to talk to her. Leah even went to her house to talk but was turned away by Sara’s mother when she firmly said Sara didn’t want to see anyone right now. When I saw the dirty blonde after, my heart hurt seeing her so dejected as those beautiful eyes looked so lost.
She was afraid she’d lost her friend. It’s the exact reason why I was so scared to tell my own two best friends about me. It’s the most horrible feeling knowing that your friend doesn’t accept you for who you truly are.
I think what she really wanted was just the opportunity explain all this to her friend. I mean, Riley already knew, and we didn’t need to say much about it after she found out. But she didn’t run off, so I guess circumstances were different with Sara. Maybe I was stupid to expect Sara’s reaction would be similar.
Now, we could do nothing but wait until school to talk.
On Monday morning, Leah said she’d pick me up as I still had the injury that prevented me from driving. Mom and Dad were also extremely clear on the consequences of it if I even tried.
As I scooped my cereal up to eat, I couldn’t help but sigh as I thought of the day I’ll have to endure ahead. I just wasn’t in the mood to do school – actually, I never was, but today in particular. The nurse said that adding onto the fact I won’t be able to play in the semis, I also wouldn’t be able to do anything in practice this week. So, including the thing with Sara, no one would wonder why it wasn’t going to be exciting for me.
“What’s wrong, honey?” Mom asked, eating her own breakfast of eggs and toast beside me on the kitchen island.
“Just- I don’t know. Not in the mood for school, I guess.”
“Is the sprain giving you a hard time?” the older woman asked, her motherly tone expressing concern.
“It’s fine,” I mumbled monotonously.
“You see, this is why I didn’t want you playing soccer. There are so many injuries that happen-”
“Mom, I’m already not playing in the semis, so can you please stop with that,” I begged, already feeling depressed about missing out on the rest of my last championship with the team. I didn’t know if I’ll even get to play in the finals if they made it through.
Mom paused. My eyes were fixed on my soggy cereal, so I couldn’t tell what she was thinking. But then I felt her hug me from the side and sighed. “I’m sorry you’ll have to miss it, Alyssa.”
The familiar scent of her expensive perfume had a calming effect on me, and I leaned into her touch. “It’s okay, it just… sucks, I guess.”
“Just focus on recovering and you’ll be back on the field soon, hm?”
I nodded weakly in acknowledgement and she let go to put her plate in the sink, preparing to head off to work. “I guess you can use this extra time to – oh, I don’t know, get ahead with your homework?” she said with a sly smirk.
“Urghh, no, Mom. I’m already in so much pain,” I groaned loudly, but couldn’t help the corner of my lips from twitching up.
She laughed at my dramatics. “Who’s going to bring you to school today, by the way?”
“Leah.”
“Oh, it’s nice of her to drive you. You know, I’ve noticed that she’s over here very often, even more than Gia and Ashton. You guys besties now?” she teased.
I smiled softly as I thought of the gorgeous girl that I got to call my girlfriend. “Yeah, I guess you could say that.”
“Oh, how is she doing lately?”
“She’s fine. A little stressed with the school play coming up, and uh…” I hesitated for a second, “she’s having a hard time with a friend of hers who isn’t responding to any of her texts or calls. I don’t know what to do to help...” I rubbed my face, frustrated.
My mom came back around the counter and sat down beside me, pursing her lips in thought. “Well, I don’t know what the issue is, but Leah seems like a genuinely nice girl – very bright too. I’m sure whatever the problem is, it’ll just need some time or some good communicating before things go back to being okay. All you can do is be there for her while she vents out.”
With that, she patted my cheek in that motherly way of hers as she headed out of the kitchen.
I smiled at the things she said about Leah and couldn’t help but completely agree. “Thanks, Mom.”
“No problem, now take care at school and don’t push your ankle too hard. You remember what the doctor said.” And with that, she left with my sister, who had been in the living room watching cartoons.
The house grew quiet as I was left to be the only one in the house. Giving up on finishing my cereal, I let myself sit and ponder. As my eyes idly wandered the expanse of my empty home, my thoughts were tempted into diving deep, uprooting the very questions I didn’t want to ask myself.
Why… why didn’t I want to come out to my family? Why did the very thought scare me half to death?
As I looked around my own home, passing by the photos in frames, the little knick-knacks on the shelves, and the familiar light grey wallpaper that stayed the same for the years we’ve lived here, I somehow found the answer.
It was the comfort that my home exuded, the warmth and love that filled every corner despite the lack of other presences here – I didn’t want to ever lose it. This was home, but what if one day it didn’t feel like that anymore? Could I bear to lose that? Lose the love and warmth my family always gave me?
But what if I didn’t lose it and got the chance to truthfully live my life?
A horn honk interrupted my muddled train of thoughts. With all this deep introspective thinking going on, maybe I should’ve waited to ponder on my fear of coming out until after school…
Putting my bowl in the sink, I picked up my bag and slowly made my way to the door with a slight limp, pain springing up my leg every time I put weight on my left foot. I opened the front door and saw Leah’s car waiting in front of the house. As I drew closer, I noticed she was on the phone talking to someone.
I opened the door and carefully got in, catching the last of her sentence.
“-just please call me back, okay? We need to talk. Please, bye.” Leah hung up and laid back in her seat, letting out a tired sigh. “She’s still not answering.”
I reached over to intertwine our fingers on her lap, squeezing it in a way I hope was comforting. “It’s okay. We’ll see her at school, so we can talk then.”
She managed a strained smile, but it turned a little more genuine when I brought her hand to my lips and kissed her knuckles with affection.
We set off to school and got there in fifteen minutes, Leah parking close to the front doors of the school for me. It was still a little early so when we got out, there were only a couple people hanging around.
I winced as I started walking up the steps and instantly, my girlfriend went to hold my left arm to take some weight off my leg. My eyebrows knitted in frustration as I got up the steps, quickly releasing her hold when we got to the top. I hated having to rely on others to support me for something as simple as walking when I could usually run around a field for ninety minutes and be okay. It just reminded me of the fact that I wouldn’t get to play in the next game.
Leah still refused to break contact with me and let her hand fall to rest on my lower back. I opened my mouth to refuse her support, but with one unwavering look from her, I shut my lips. There was no point saying anything when she was like this. I already got an earful from her in the weekend when we were going up the stairs at her house.
Slow and steady, we made it to my locker then hers, Leah not leaving my side as we walked. When she was getting her stuff out from hers, three of my teammates walked up to us when they saw me.
“Hey, Aly. You okay? We haven’t heard much from you after the game,” Jordan, our goalkeeper, mentioned.
“How’s the ankle?” my left-back defender, Sam, followed up.
“I’ve been okay. Just bummed I won’t be playing in the semis with you guys. Coach’s orders.”
“What?! We can’t win without you!” Lindsey said.
I glanced at Leah briefly and saw the sympathetic smile tugging at her plump lips. “I’m sorry, my ankle probably won’t heal by then. Maybe not even for the finals next week if you guys get through.” I tried to hide the disappointment in my tone, but I think I did a bad job of it as the girls’ faces fell.
“Don’t say that, cap. I’m sure you’ll be on the field soon. I mean, if you’re walking on your feet and don’t need crutches, it can’t be that bad. Don’t worry too much,” Sam said, trying to stay positive. It helped a bit.
“Thanks, I’ll try to get back soon. You’ll be fine in the semis too, with Hayley as your captain. It’ll be fine,” I repeated, hoping with all of me that it would be true.
They agreed and soon left with their ‘see you’s’. Leaning against the lockers, I turned to Leah with pursed lips, trying my best to not fall into a negative mindset after that interaction. She closed her locker and glided her hand up to hold my forearm, drawing my attention to her. “Stop thinking about it and just get better, okay?”
I hummed and nodded weakly. Then, out of the corner of my eye, I saw a certain blonde walking down the hallway with her head dipped down and eyes glazed over as if she was deep in thought. I nudged Leah to look in the blonde’s direction, and when my girlfriend finally spotted her, she pulled me along as fast as she was able without hurting me and caught her friend’s arm.
Sara spun around and widened her eyes when she saw the two of us. Before she could say anything, Leah got in the first word. “We need to talk, Sara.”
She looked like she was about to refuse, but Leah had that determined expression on her face from earlier that left no room for refusal. Her friend nodded and proceeded to enter an empty classroom nearby with reluctance.
When I closed the door behind us and turned around, it was then that I noticed the glare in Sara’s eyes as it wiped away her previous shock.
“What?” Leah’s friend asked bluntly, crossing her arms across her chest.
“I wanted to explain. What you saw after the game-” Leah was cut off by Sara’s harsh voice.
“I saw you two kissing. Are you seriously a dyke, Leah?”
Immediately, hurt filled Leah’s eyes at her insulting words, jaw clenching with tension. “Yes, I’m gay, Sara. And there’s nothing wrong with it.”
“Everything is wrong with it! It’s unnatural! Why would you choose this lifestyle?”
My chest stung. The way she said it like it was a choice – this reminded me too much of the last time someone found out about me. I couldn’t imagine how this must feel for Leah to hear this from her best friend.
“This isn’t a choice, Sara! It’s not like I chose to like girls, just like Aly. For crying out loud, my brother didn’t choose to like guys, but he does! It’s just who we’re attracted to!” Leah started to get heated, her shoulders heaving up and down as she faced Sara not with hurt anymore, but rage.
“Then what about Blake, huh?! What about all the guys you’ve dated? Were you even dating them?” the blonde accused.
Leah rolled her eyes, exasperated. “Yes, of course, I was! I can like both guys and girls, bisexuals exist!”
“But why would you choose to be a dyke?!” Sara turned her eyes to me, accusation in her glare. “Did you turn her? You’re bringing her to hell with you for being a gay!”
At that, Leah stood stock still in her place, shoulders deflating and lost for words as she stared at her friend with glassy eyes that looked too fragile.
Deep inside, I could feel that urge to shrink back into a corner and escape all the hate that the girl was spewing, just like before with Isabelle’s friends. But something was different this time. Something was different with me.
I wasn’t about to take her bullshit. And especially not when Leah looked like she was about to crumble before me.
“Oh, shut up, Sara! Nobody is turning anybody! Nobody can do that because this isn’t a choice. It never has been, so stop with that if you don’t want to sound like an ignorant ass.”
I slowly walked up to her, trying my best to hide my wince at the pain throbbing in my ankle. “That’s your friend who you’re talking to. The same Leah that had your back since sixth grade. The same Leah who got you through your crushes and break-ups and the rest of it. And you’re going to stand there and call her these disgusting names, then-”
I was cut off by the sound of the door opening, and a teacher entered the room. He looked surprised to see us there. “Is something wrong, ladies?”
Despite all the things I said, Sara held a harsh scowl on her face as she took the chance to storm out of the room, leaving us to explain the situation.
“Um. Nothing, Mr Beames. Just a disagreement. We’ll leave now.”
Taking Leah’s limp hand in mine, I dragged her out of there and into the busy hallways filled with student doing their own thing. My breath was now slowing down as the adrenaline and anger left my body. But as I turned back to check up on Leah, my heart felt like it shattered into tiny jagged-shaped pieces at the sight.
She looked defeated, hurt, and utterly wounded even as she tried so desperately to hide it with blankness. I stopped and softly grasped her forearms, bringing her attention to me. “Leah…”
I knew there was no point asking if she was okay because she clearly wasn’t. But the dirty blonde bit her lip and shook her head, looking like she was trying to hold back tears. “I’m okay. I’m fine. Let’s just get to class.”
The warning bell rang then, bringing us to reality and reinforcing her point as I looked around and saw students rushing about, some staring at us as we had stopped in the middle of the hallway.
Sighing, I gave her a look, but she slipped out of my grasp and headed the other way. Students moved out of her way as she walked on, seemingly unaware of her surroundings and all I could do was watch her walk away with a sinking feeling in my stomach.