Comfy Closets - Chapter 45: Chapter 45

Silence reigned in the house. As if it was just me again.
I waited for him to say something, anything, as he stood by the door. With mouth agape, nothing came out.
I subtly pinched my thigh just to make sure I wasn’t imagining this all, as idiotic as that may seem, but it turns out that yes, my dad was still there and looking at me with clear shock painted on his face.
Words finally left his mouth a minute later, although, to me, it had felt like an eternity.
“Are you really?”
My heart instantly lodged itself into my throat. Now I was the one who couldn’t speak.
This was happening all over again.
When he saw the expression on my face, he quickly continued. “I mean, I just wanted to clarify. This is all kind of surprising, is all…”
I let out a breath. “Yes, Dad, I am. I’m gay.”
The man nodded slowly, a look of thoughtfulness on his face. “Okay. Alright. I see.” His grey orbs analysed me for a second. “Why does it look like you’ve been crying, then?”
I didn’t respond to that, biting my lower lip to try and stop the trembling, hoping it’d be enough to push back the overflow of emotions from spilling out again. He seemed to know the answer to his question already.
Lowering his bag onto the floor, Dad approached me and sat against the wall to my left. “Alyssa,” he started softly, “honey, I’m not against it. I want you to know that. In fact, I understand all of this and I’m not gonna force you to be something you’re not. If you don’t want to talk about it now, though, that’s fine. I just want to know if you’re okay.”
I gazed at those understanding, grey eyes and felt this pressure in my throat ease up at his words. He wasn’t mad. He wasn’t looking to change me. And as I comprehended the thought, I felt this unbearable weight that had been sitting on me, start to slip away. Not like before, when I first told Mom, but enough to take away the dark, scary thoughts that had been festering within since then.
I smiled weakly. “I’m okay now.” He returned my smile and squeezed my forearm briefly.
“What happened, then?”
I breathed out with reluctance. “I told Mom that I was gay, and she didn’t react well to it.”
He ruminated on it for a second. “Have you been sitting here since…”
“Yeah.”
We didn’t say anything for a bit, but after a while of sitting here with him, I felt like I had to emphasize this one point, as if to prove my certainty to him. “Dad, I’ve known since I was fourteen.”
I felt his gaze on the side of my face. “Why haven’t you said anything since then?”
It was a simple question, said out of curiosity I realised, and I was unbelievable glad that he hadn’t meant it as an accusation. “I wanted to be sure, I guess. You know, experience things myself before I said anything? And I did, and I’m sure.” I gulped. “But… I was also scared of telling you guys, and of the reaction I’d get. I didn’t say anything until I felt I was ready, and I thought I was when I told Mom, but…”
“What did she say?”
“She said I couldn’t be gay. That it was impossible,” I muttered, gazing down at my wringing hands.
“What? Do you know what she meant by that?” When I turned to look at him, his eyebrows were deeply furrowed.
“She kept saying that I couldn’t be gay because I’ve always talked about boys with her, but the thing was, and I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I have always tried to avoid talking about them whenever it was brought up. I never had any interest in them, but Mom wouldn’t stop talking about it.”
I didn’t know why I was suddenly so open and willing to talk about these things – things I’ve kept inside and hidden for so long, but it was a damn relief to know that I could with Dad. Once one truth was out, it felt like everything else was flooding to come out too.
I let out a shaky breath. “She doesn’t think there’s even a possibility that I’ve liked girls all this time. And I know I have. There are these instances that I remember of when I was younger that were clear signs, but I just never figured it out until fourteen. And now Mom- she just- she’s not going to listen.”
Defeat permeated my voice as a hand went to rub at my eyes, exhausted from all these emotions draining me like leeches.
A firm hand landed on my left shoulder. “Honey, hey… Mom is just going to need some time to process all this. She loves you, but she’s just not used to the idea of you with girls. Since you were little, she’s imagined you marrying a nice boy for so long. Her expectations will have to be altered, and that takes time, okay?” I felt Dad kiss the side of my temple gently. “I’ll talk to Mom, see where her head’s at. She’ll understand, Alyssa. She will.”
I let his comforting words wash over me, taking away the heavy feeling of despair that had been trying to drown me.
“Thanks, Dad,” I smiled, this time genuinely.
“Of course.”
Despite all that he said, I had one more thing I was dying to ask. “How come you were so okay with all of this, by the way? You never mentioned anything about this before, and now to know that all along, you were okay with it – I just never expected it. You never gave a hint.”
Now that the tense, serious air was gone, he grinned lightly as he ran a hand across his jaw. “Well, I’ve been okay with it for a while. A buddy of mine from a long time ago was into guys, but back then, things were much tougher for people in the LGBT community. At first, when he told me, I didn’t understand it too and it took me a while to really learn to accept it and be a supporter for my friend. But in the end, I’m glad I was there for him. It’s sad that not a lot of his friends were, though.”
Eyes wide, I stared at him in disbelief. “No way… seriously? I wish you told me about this sooner, then I wouldn’t have waited so long to tell you.”
He hummed. “Yeah, I should’ve brought up the topic with you girls. I’m really sorry that I didn’t.”
His tone was regretful, and I knew I couldn’t hold this against him. I let it go. “So, what happened to your friend? Have I met him before?”
Dad shook his head. “No, you haven’t. I’ve actually lost contact with him a long time ago. He moved away and we just… grew apart, I guess. But I hope he’s doing fine,” the man said wistfully.
We sat in comfortable silence for a while, just the two of us sitting on the floor of the foyer and thinking to ourselves. I couldn’t stop thinking about how immensely lucky I was to have my dad understand me; not forcing me to change. Although the situation with Mom wasn’t what I wanted it to be, I still felt grateful that this didn’t go all to shit.
Dad nudged my shoulder a while later, smiling encouragingly. “Do you have a girlfriend, then? One that I don’t know of?”
A sheepish grin stretched across my lips. “Umm… yeah.”
His smile widened. “Wait, really? Who is it? Have I met her?”
“You have,” I spoke slowly. “It’s Leah.”
Dad's mouth formed an ‘o’ shape. “I can’t believe I didn’t see it before. She’d been over so often lately.” He chuckled at his own oversight. “But she’s a nice girl. You chose a good one. Although you know what this means, right?”
“What?”
“No more hanging out in your room with your door closed,” Dad said sternly, giving me a look. I rolled my eyes.
“Seriously?”
“Yup.”
With narrowed eyes, I met his stare. He didn’t back down though, and so I nodded in defeat. “Fine.”
“Good. I want to meet her officially as your girlfriend, too. We’ll need to have a talk.”
I hummed dismissively in agreement and he got up off the floor, dusting off his trousers. “Alright, I’m going to get a start on dinner before Mom and Addison get home. You should go freshen up. I’ll talk to Mom, okay?”
I nodded, and with a final reassuring smile, he was off. Getting up weakly on my feet, I slogged up the stairs and into my bathroom, taking a shower to help me feel better, but it didn’t do much.
Deciding that attending dinner was not worth it, I went down to heat up the microwaveable pizza from the freezer for myself. Dad didn’t say anything, just went about preparing some ingredients and leaving me to my meal for one. I brought the hot pepperoni and cheesy-filled goodness up to the room and ate it in silence, going through the motions until it was all gone.
Mom and Addison got back a few minutes after, and as they entered the house, the negative and depressing thoughts I had pushed down, made its appearance too.
I locked the door and slipped into bed, fatigue weighing on me from the events of today. Buzzing came from my phone on my nightstand and I picked it up to check, finding that I had a dozen missed calls from Gia and Leah and even more unread texts from them and the boys. But right now I knew I really couldn’t deal with it, so I placed my phone back and slumped down in bed, hoping sleep would come over me quick and fast to take me to a place without any memory of this exhaustion and misery.
____________________
By the time I walked down the stairs of my house, any trace of Mom and my little sister were gone, already having left the premises earlier than usual. My shoulders dropped at the sight of the empty kitchen. I guess this avoidance thing was going both ways.
I took a seat at the kitchen island and picked up a granola bar from the snack basket, opening the package and chomping on it slowly without much care. I just didn’t know if I could handle a day at school, but I could only avoid it for so long. Besides, there was soccer practice today and there was no way I was gonna miss that.
My phone buzzed in my pocket and I picked it up, seeing that it was Gia calling me.
“Hey.”
“Thank god you answered! Are you okay? You still at home?”
“I could be better,” I sighed, “but yeah, still at home. Why?”
“Okay, meet me at the front of the school. I’ll be waiting there.”
“…alright?”
“Good. See you then.” And with that, she hung up the phone, leaving me oddly confused.
I finished up my granola bar and got up, trudging to the door with my bags in hand. As I took in a fresh breath of the spring air, I let it rejuvenate my tired body that was so adamant on draining it of any enthusiasm.
In no rush to get to school, my drive there was slow and more cruise-like, causing a fifteen-minute journey to become a twenty-five one. By the time I got to the school parking lot, there was only a couple of minutes left before the bell would ring.
I got out of my car and walked to the front in a leisurely pace, my head down and a hand in my pocket as I tried not to draw any unwanted attention to me.
My red-headed best friend stood on the front steps of the school like she said, but I realised she wasn’t alone like I assumed.
“Hey, Al.” The sandy-haired boy came to hug me as I approached. I allowed his arms to envelope me whole, welcoming his warmth. A small smile tugged at the corners of my lips as I pulled back.
“Hey, you.”
“I’m sorry I wasn’t there yesterday. It must’ve been… brutal,” he breathed, a look of empathy tracing his features.
“It was. I just had to get away for a bit.”
He nodded in understanding and Ashton came up to replace his spot with his own hug. “I’m sorry you’re going through this bullshit right now,” the boy mumbled into my hair, squeezing me tight. I clutched the back of his shirt and sighed into him, appreciating him for being here.
When I pulled away from him, my gaze drifted over to Gia and despite the soft smile currently on display, her light blue eyes showed the hidden rage within.
The redhead slung an arm over my shoulders and pulled me close, keeping me to her side. “We’re gonna be here for you, okay? Anyone stupid enough to come up to us and ask about shit that’s not their business, we’ll send them right back. Don’t worry too much about today.” She kept her eyes ahead, scanning through the crowd as if expecting someone to jump out at us at any moment.
I looked around at these bunch of goofs fondly, grateful to have them by my side through all of this. I couldn’t imagine how I’d be able to get through today without them now.
Entering the halls together, Gia stayed to my left with her arm still loosely around me, and Ash and Zach were by our sides like tall bodyguards ready to fend off the masses.
Gia chose to keep the conversation casual as we walked through the halls, ignoring the looks sent our way. “So, how’s training been going for the finals? I really need you guys to win because I’m planning to go all out for the after-party, but it won’t be epic if you guys don’t win.”
“We’re getting better. Making fewer mistakes and getting a better flow as a team. But the team we’re playing against are really good. They’ve beat us before, so I don’t know…”
“It’s going to be epic no matter what,” Ash cut in cockily. “Have you forgotten that I’m throwing this party?”
The girl next to me rolled her eyes and huffed. “Yeah, like getting booze and snacks is that hard to do…”
Ashton was about to rebut, but the sight of a group of boys heading our way stopped him. It was the same group of boys from yesterday, and Conner, the captain of the swim team, was taking the lead in all his smug glory.
“So, I never got an answer yesterday,” the boy started as he wore his arrogant smirk. “Since all you did was run away, I’m guessing the rumour was true?”
He and the boys behind him cackled at that. I spotted the jerk, Kyle, among the crowd of boys too. My blood boiled in both the anger and embarrassment that coursed through my veins. I wanted to punch their stupid faces and run away at the same time.
Gia stepped up to them with a sneer. “You boys just don’t know how to mind your business, do you? Like little boys and their gossip,” she mocked.
I could see her comment had an effect on the group since their snickering died down and was replaced by glares. Kyle was the one who spoke up.
“Well, your dyke friend over there should just admit to this shit, and we’d be on our way.” The boy’s face had twisted into a scowl.
That word – its impact was akin to a sucker punch to the gut. I stared at the boy with eyes wide, hoping I had heard wrong. But no, I hadn’t.
The dark-haired boy standing by my side moved to stand in front, and from my position, all I could clearly see was his tense back through his shirt and the clenched fists at his sides.
“You better back the fuck up if you know what’s good for you. And mind you own fucking business. If you can’t, I’ll teach you how,” Ashton muttered lowly, the sinister edge to his tone powerful enough to cause everyone around us to stop talking.
The jerk of a boy in front of us met Ash’s eyes defiantly, but I could make out the sweat on his temple and the shaking of his fingers as he tried to prolong the staring contest.
Conner was smart enough to grab the boy by the arm and pull him back, prompting the jerk to yank his arm out of Conner’s grip and storm off in the other direction like a child. The rest of the boys followed the ring leader’s lead and went the other way too.
The gathered audience scattered once they realised the show was over, but a few still cast glances my way - no longer speculative like yesterday, but sure of the truth now.
Gia came back to my side and squeezed my shoulder, offering the comfort that I gladly welcomed. “Come on, let’s get to class.”
After that, I drifted from class to class, keeping to myself and only interacting with the people in my close friend group. I didn’t think I had it in me today to satisfy the curiosity that my other friends would surely present.
By lunchtime, I was done with all the stares and whispers. Nobody really bothered me, especially after that display this morning, but it didn’t stop them from shooting me a glance once in a while during class or between lessons. Even in the toilets. I even spotted a teammate or two looking over, but they also didn’t approach. However, I wasn’t sure if that was the sort of reaction I wanted from them.
Sitting down with my tray in hand, I tuned in to the conversation going on already at the table. They were talking about some meme on the internet that I wasn’t aware of when my girlfriend joined us at the table.
“Hey,” she said breathlessly like she’d rushed to get here. “Sorry I couldn’t be here this morning. I had to talk to someone. But how are you doing? What was your decision last night, about your parents?”
Until then, no one had mentioned anything about my parents, mostly because Leah was the only one privy to my plans about telling them. But as she brought it up, it also reminded me of the events that I spent all morning trying not to think about.
She must’ve seen something in my expression because her lips curled down into a frown soon after. “What is it?” the blonde asked lowly. I heard the rest of the table quiet down, but I could tell they were trying to make their pricked ears less obvious, continuing their own conversation about puns and memes.
I sighed and rubbed my neck with the arm propped up on the table. “I told my parents last night. Mom first. Then Dad. The talk with my mom didn’t go so well, though.”
Her beautiful, hazel eyes turned sympathetic as she grasped my other hand under the table. “I’m sorry that that was how it panned out. You shouldn’t have to go through this.”
A small smile tugged at my lips as I felt her thumb rub soothingly against the back of my hand, loving the feeling. “Well, yeah, it did suck. But I’m glad that my dad was supportive of me. It’s something, I guess. And I have you, and these guys. I’m better off than most people.”
She hummed and smiled slightly as her hazels scanned my face, making sure I was being honest. When she didn’t find anything, I noticed her shoulders relax and she inched closer to me on the seat, our thighs touching as she rested our hands on her lap. I grinned at that.
We let it drop and turned back to our food and the rest of the table, joining in on their odd discussion as our hands stayed clasped under the table. It felt nice to be in this moment, absorbed in our own little world while the rest of the place faded from my attention.
At one point, I saw Leah lean over to Gia beside her, and they had a whispered discussion between themselves. My curiosity was peaked when I noticed it looked heated and important, but it was over before I could ask them about it.
I shrugged it off, getting up with the rest of them as it neared the end of lunch. Thankfully, I shared most of my classes with at least one of them, and it was honestly making today easier to get through.
Lessons came and went and before I knew it, it was nearing the end of the day. I couldn’t believe I was almost there.
When the final bell rang, a sigh of relief left my body. I got up with my things and made my way to the exit of the Chemistry lab. Saying bye to both Leah and Ash, I left them to head towards the locker rooms. It was just going to be me, the soccer balls, my teammates, and the field. And after that, I get to go home to my nice, cosy bed.
Oh, shoot. My teammates.
I could feel my palms growing sweaty just at the thought of facing them. The whole day, I haven’t talked to any of them and now I wasn’t sure how to act around them. I mean, they were my friends, but I never did tell them about me and my ‘gayness’. No one except Olivia and Hayley, and they only found out by accident. I couldn’t predict how the rest of them would react.
Entering the changing room, I saw the girls and greeted them hesitantly. I received feeble replies. Hayley was sat at the corner changing and I made my way over to her with a hesitant smile. When the ginger spotted me, a friendly grin slipped onto her face.
“Hey!” she greeted happily, but a sombre expression quickly took over as she lowered her voice. “I heard about what’s going around. I’m really sorry you have to go through that. It’s not right. You shouldn’t have to deal with this crap.”
She gritted her teeth angrily as she spoke, and I appreciated that she also thought that this situation was frustrating. It already made me feel less alone in this room filled with people.
Looking around, I spotted the rest of the girls looking my way cautiously, as if expecting me to jump their bones any second. The thought hurt me more than I’d like to admit.
I got changed and as I was tying up my cleats, from the corner of my eye, I saw Camilla and Lindsey approach me.
“Hi, Aly…” Lindsey started off slowly. “We just wanted to clear things up, with you directly.”
Camilla continued for her. “Yeah, we’ve heard some things. And we won’t believe them if you say they aren’t true, but as your friends, we’d just like to know what to believe – what’s the truth.”
Placing my hands on my thighs, I looked at the two of them, then at the rest of the girls who were looking our way intently, waiting for my answer. There was no one to really rely on now. Feeling my heart speed up in my chest, I took in a deep breath in an attempt to calm myself down.
I focused my gaze on the two of them and nodded. “Yes, it’s true. I’m gay.” My eyes swept the room and met everyone’s stare one by one. “It doesn’t change anything. I’m still the same person. We’re all still here to play some ball. This is just one thing about me, and now you all know.”
No one said anything for a few moments. I waited with bated breath for a reaction, hoping with all of me that it wouldn’t be a bad one. They were more than just teammates to me.
Finally, Camilla reacted. She closed the distance between us and pulled me into a hug.
I stayed stock still, shocked by the suddenness. Lindsey came to join the hug, enveloping her arms around the both of us.
My shock turned into a laugh of relief as I returned their gesture, gratitude filling my heart at the acceptance they so willingly displayed.
They pulled away after a few second, wide grins stretched across their faces.
Lindsey playfully ruffled my hair. “Hey, it’s okay if you’re gay. I mean, sometimes guys are just douches. Don’t know why we’re still attracted to them.”
I laughed at that, and a few of the others joined me.
Jordan, our keeper, spoke up from the side. “Wish I was into girls. If so, it’s a guarantee I’d be into you, Aly. I mean, heck, you’re freaking hot!”
At her exclamation, a flush heated up my cheeks and a lot more of the girls joined in with laughter.
This felt nice, being with the girls and not having to hide this one secret anymore. Catching Olivia’s eye in the crowded room, we shared a smile, and everything felt just right.
But it didn’t last long enough.
One of the girls near the back stepped up with a look of horror marring her face. I recognised her as our defender, Kacey.
“You all aren’t seriously okay with this, are you? It’s wrong!”
Another girl, April, came up to join her side. “It’s unnatural, is what it is. How can we expect to feel safe in here while you’re here too? Staring and preying on us – it’s disgusting!”
The atmosphere turned a one-eighty.
With every word they said, I felt my beating lump of flesh sink lower and lower into my body, wishing to disappear from this place. This was what I was hoping wouldn’t happen – to have such lack of acceptance in a place where I had always found safety in. I didn’t want to let them take that away.
A lot of the players gazed at them with similar expressions of disbelief, clearly shocked by the sudden turn of events.
Before I could open my mouth to say anything, another voice beat me to it. Olivia.
“Alyssa is welcome here just as much as everyone else. We’re here to play soccer, not discriminate,” she growled. “You can have your own beliefs, but if you can’t separate it from your discrimination, I don’t know if you belong here.”
“But she likes girls! She can come at us at any time!” Kacey pointed out hysterically.
Olivia scoffed. “'Liking girls' doesn’t mean liking every girl on the freaking planet! It does not automatically mean she will like you. And being gay doesn’t make a person an animal,” she said incredulously. “It’s not like we lose control and leap at anyone we’re attracted to. Being gay is like being straight, but the attraction is just with the same sex. It’s that simple.” She made it sound like common sense as she stared down the two.
Both of the girls stayed quiet, not knowing what to refute with. But April decided to point out one thing. “Wait, you said ‘we’…”
The brunette smirked then, flicking her hair back confidently and crossing her arms. “Yes, you heard right. I’m into girls too. You got a problem with that?”
My jaw dropped open.
Did she just… come out?
Instead of continuing this argument and going against Olivia, April and Kacey decided it was best to leave the room and exit to the field. The brunette smiled triumphantly as she watched them leave, letting her arms fall and turning to face the room of shocked players.
“Oh my gosh…”
I muttered softly. Everything was happening so fast. Olivia’s eyes drifted to me and she grinned knowingly. Grabbing her water bottle, she cast us all one final glance and made her way out. “Come on, girls, Coach will kill us if we stay in here for too long. We have practise.”