Crack In The Ice - Chapter 24: Chapter 24

"Penny for 'em?"
My head snaps up. "What?"
Chloe's face gives way to an almost-smile. She takes a seat next to me on the bench, setting her skates on the floor by her feet.
"Your thoughts," she says. "Your head's a mile away. Again."
More like five hundred miles, give or take.
It has been barely over a week since we came back from Calgary, but my mind keeps wandering back like I left a piece of it there.
"If you don't start talking, I will."
I look at her. "What is that supposed to mean?"
Chloe's shrewd gaze sends a tiny shiver down my spine. There's a challenge in those dark eyes.
"I know there's something going on with you," she says. "Even if I can't completely figure out what."
I purse my lips, looking down at the skates still on my feet.
"I also know it has something to do with Elijah Blake."
That has me looking up. For a moment, I can't get a word out. When I finally open my mouth to deny it, she cuts me off.
"Please don't you dare say I'm wrong." She arches her eyebrows. "I'm not an idiot, Liam. And you and I spend a lot of time together. When you fly me and Helga to Calgary on our way from freaking Montreal, you make it slightly more than obvious."
I bite my lip, knowing I should feel more self-conscious than I do about my lack of subtlety.
"Plus," she adds, "I saw him outside your hotel room the morning before we left."
My lips part. I rake my brain for something to say. Anything. An explanation.
I come up blank.
So I go with the truth.
"I can't tell you."
Chloe nods. "I can respect that. I just need you to not lie to me. Especially this far down the line." She looks out at the rink where we've been practicing together since we were nine years old. "This is it, you know. We've had a nearly perfect season. This is our shot at that Olympic medal." Her dark eyes zero back in on me. "I can't have you shut me out."
"I'm not," I say, because shutting her out was never my intention. "It's... complicated."
She looks at me like she's trying to figure me out, then shakes her head. "You used to be this open book. Usually had to beg you to stop sharing. And now I feel like there's this whole world inside your head that you're not letting me be a part of."
I can't find anything to say. I think this is the most raw and open Chloe has ever been with me during our whole friendship. It's... disarming.
"At first I thought it was because of Mack somehow."
I frown.
Chloe smiles a little and shrugs. "I don't know. You two have sort of grown apart over the years. Thought it might be taking a toll on your mood. But then I picked up on this weird thing between you and Blake. Whatever it is."
I nod. "Maybe..." I look down. "Maybe that's just how it goes, you know. Maybe we're supposed to start building these private worlds that no one gets to see. Part of growing up and whatever. You just don't get to share everything."
A crease forms between her eyebrows. "You really think so?"
"It's what you're doing too, right?"
That seems to catch her off guard. She physically pulls away from me a little.
I smile, trying to use the least threatening tone I can. "You were always more reserved, but I can still see what you're doing, you know. Trying to stay longer hours, stretching out our practices. Taking every chance you get to surround yourself with people. Being on board with me dragging you to Calgary after Montreal. Every chance you get to not go home, you take it."
Chloe looks like a kid who's been caught by the teacher cheating on a test.
To be honest, until right now, I wasn't sure if she was hoping nobody would notice, or if she herself hadn't realized what she was doing. Her reaction clears it.
"And you drink," I add. Because it makes sense, since we're airing it all out. "I'm trying not to be a fussy grandma over it, but you didn't use to. Not like this. And sometimes I wonder if I should worry."
She glances away from me.
I smile. "Everything okay with James?"
"Everything's perfect."
I didn't mean to look skeptic, but I can only manage so much unassuming comprehension.
Chloe rolls her eyes at me. "It is. Honestly. James is perfect. Everything is perfect. I love him."
"And?"
"And he loves me."
I wait, refusing to press any further.
Chloe lets out a frustrated sigh. "And he proposed."
My jaw drops.
"Come again."
She bites her lip, looking at me. "In September. After Beijing."
"He proposed?"
"Yes."
"Marriage?"
"Yes."
"Of the legal kind?"
"Yes."
"So. You're... engaged?"
"No."
My eyes go wide. "You turned him down?"
"No," she rushes, eyes popping wide open too, face going a little red. "I asked him to give me some time. To think."
"So." I take a moment to process. "You left him, what, on hold for two months?"
She huffs. "What am I supposed to tell him?"
"Do you want to marry him?"
"Yes."
I raise my eyebrows as high as they can go.
"I guess." She shrugs. "Just. Not, you know, now. Not..." She takes a breath. "I love James, but..." She shakes her head. Her next confession comes out in a whisper. "I don't want to be my mom, Liam."
We both give it some time for that to settle.
Chloe looks at me like she's searching for judgement. I hope she doesn't find any. Eventually, she continues.
"I love my mom," she starts carefully. Pointedly. "She's great. I owe everything to my parents and the home they made for us." She purses her lips.
"But?" I offer.
She sighs. "I wanna do more. I want to take the life they gave me and do something different with it. And we're close. You and I are so close to that Olympic podium, I see it every night when I close my eyes."
"I'm sure James would get that. And I don't know if getting engaged to him would make that much of a difference," I say. "That is, of course, if you want to."
Chloe squirms uncomfortably. "I don't know. I thought that too. He's sweet and supportive, and I thought that was perfect."
"But."
"But." She shrugs. "Things kinda changed in that last year of college. For the first three years he would talk about his classes. The ones he was liking, the ones he just had to power through. He was studying and getting assignments done. Like, he had his own life, you know. Things going on.
"Then senior year rolled in and, while Connor started talking about job applications and stuff, James started talking about getting a place at the apartment complex downtown with his parents money. And taking a year to take it easy. And to spend time with me before he decides which position he wants to take in his parents business."
She looks at me with a sort of plea in her eyes. Like she's searching my face to see if I get it. And I think I do.
"You thought the perfect supportive boyfriend would go just fine with your ambition. But now you're wondering if you want different things in life."
"More like... If we have different ideas of what life's supposed to be. Especially, like... our life together."
"Have you told James any of this?" I ask, knowing the answer. "Seems like the kind of conversation you should have with the guy you're in love with and whose proposal you're considering."
She looks down, like she knows this already. Because of course she does.
I bump her shoulder with mine softly to draw her eyes back to me. "Also seems like something he deserves to know. From you."
"Yeah." She nods. "I know."
"But."
She looks at me. I smile.
"But." She smiles. "I've been telling myself I can't deal with this now. That if we just get through these Winter Olympics, then I'll think about it more clearly."
I nod. "Right. But you're too smart to really fool yourself, and you know deep down that's all bullshit."
She rolls her eyes, but the smile is still there.
I lean into her, resting my chin on her slim shoulder. It's a little awkward because of our height difference. "Talk to James."
She nods. "I will."
Gently, she shakes me off her shoulder to make me face her. "And you. Whenever you want to share whatever's going on with you, I'm here."
I smile. "I know. Thanks."