Dear Ex-Girlfriend (Lesbian, Girlxg... - Chapter 21: Chapter 21

I was sick. Dying. The doctors told me I wouldn't live that long. Maybe just a couple of days left.
It came as a shock. There were no precursors to it. Suddenly, I was out of breath, couldn't sleep, shaking, devoid of appetite, pale, and most importantly, in pain. All the classic signs in Webmd that I was about to keel over and die soon. I told dad that, except maybe he had a different opinion.
"Get up and go to school. It's almost eight."
"No. I'm dying."
A sigh from him. This exchange has gone on for ten minutes or so. He should probably go to his shop and leave me alone. If only he wasn't stubborn. "You're not dying, Destiny."
"I'm immortal then?"
He rolled his eyes. "Of course not. But you're not going to skip school either." His eyes flitted to my messy room. "Is this part of the teenager stuff you told me about yesterday? Part of the you hate the world and everything?" He made quotation marks in the air before staring at me. He looked tired and confused. Same as me. "Believe me, I've been there."
That made me laugh real hard.
"See? You're not sick or dying," he accused.
I continued laughing. The sound started high and bubbly. It made him smile too. And then something broke. Something I couldn't quite latch my fingers on. The high turned to low. The bubbly to choking.
Dad rushed to my bed, and for some reason embraced me. I didn't want to be touched by him or anyone. I wanted Genesis.
"I'm sorry." He rocked us back and forth, but the tears kept coming. They wouldn't stop. "I was wrong to assume. Did something happen?"
"I'm dying," I rasped. "I'm dying, daddy."
"Aww, honey. . ." His hold on me tightened. "Did someone break your heart? Did—" He shook his head and continued hugging me.
I didn't say anything. He could have taken that as a yes.
Eventually, he leaned back and wiped the tears on my cheek. His own eyes were red. "It gets easier," he murmured. "You get stronger. You live your life. Then you move on."
"You don't know what you're talking about, dad."
"I know more than you do." He stood and breathed out. He looked twice as tired than before. "I've had my fair share of heartbreaks before your mom and I got married."
I looked at him quizzically. "I thought mom was your first and last."
"I never said she isn't." He turned around to face the door, but I could see the ghost of a smile playing on his cheek. "Only your biggest love can be your biggest heartbreak. That's when you know that it's true." He started for the exit. "I'll call your school to tell them you have a fever. Breakfast is on the table in case you're hungry."
He left for work after that without so much as a goodbye. He wanted to give me space. Something I needed.
I stayed in bed most of the day, dizzy, thirsty, staring at the wall. What was wrong with me? Since yesterday, since I saw them—
I covered my head with a pillow, but the flashbacks still came. Her. Him. Them. What were they doing? Did he actually had his. . . Did she actually enjoy it?
Her moans filtered my ears, low, needy, torturing. I rolled over the bed and twisted the covers on me. Beads of sweat trickled down my throat. It was so uncomfortable. I wanted to scream. Why? Why?
"WHY, GODDAMMIT?!"
Why did it hurt?
It was afternoon when my eyes opened next. The room was bathed in orange, but despite that, the fall weather made it chilly inside.
I would have happily stayed in bed if it weren't for the hunger. Literal, gnawing pain, that made me want to puke if I didn't supply myself with food. I stumbled down the stairs.
Breakfast was laid on the table just as dad promised. I didn't care if the eggs were dried or the bread tasted like Styrofoam. I ate them all.
When those were gone, I ransacked the fridge. I drank water and juice till I was drowning. I ate dad's stash of chocolates. Going back to my room, I stripped my clothes off and changed. There was something I had to do.
Every place in Bear Creek was considered walking distance if you loved to walk. But some parts, specifically the part that I was going to, was one of the hardest places to reach if you didn't have patience or was lacking time. I was short on both today, so I took dad's truck without telling him.
The scenery changed the more I progressed. The nicer homes became shaggier. The wider roads more constricted. Gun shops were spotted more often. And the abandoned feeling wasn't lost in me.
I stopped the truck outside a graffiti-infested building. It was my destination for today.
No tickling sound was heard when I opened the door leading inside. I had to constantly remind myself that this wasn't Bertha's. No nice ladies would greet me with their sweet-smelling cinnamon rolls. Only stares of interest, the pungent scent of beer, and cigarette smoke. I tried not to cough as I went further in.
The guy behind the counter looked me up and down when I came forward. His fashion sense didn't totally register to me, aside from how he had too many piercings and didn't look amused to see me. "Whaddaya need?" he asked, his words mashing together.
My expression didn't change. "I'm looking for Gaby."
"No Gaby 'ere."
I took the Blackberry from my back pocket. "Okay. I'll tell the Governor that now."
"W-wait!" Fear flashed on the guy's face, quickly replaced by newfound respect. "I'm just jokin' aight? Gaby is out back playing pool."
"Thank you." I tucked my phone where it came from and gave him a small salute. "Nice piercings by the way."
"I can refer you to my artist." His voice followed me.
"I'll think about it."
Gaby was on the corner most part of the back room. She was playing with two other guys, both of which were too busy staring at her low-cut top than actually hitting the ball. Maybe she was enjoying the attention. Maybe the jukebox playing on the side was too loud. I had to repeat myself three times before I was finally noticed.
"Gabrielle! Gabrielle Morgan!"
"Gaby, I think that girl is calling you."
The two guys pointed at me, making her turn around. Gabrielle's expression changed from annoyance to surprise, all in two seconds. "Destiny? Destiny fucking Jones?" She glanced behind me to see if I've brought an entourage. Seeing none, her eyes darted back to my face. "What are you doing here?"
"It's just Destiny Jones," I mumbled. "And I want to talk to you privately."
"Privately?" one of the guys said. "Mind if we tag along?"
Their hyena laughter stopped when Gabrielle flung her pool stick to the chair. The guys who were standing in front of it scampered out of the way. She might or might not have done it intentionally.
Staring back at me, Gaby tilted her head to the front. "You want to talk. Let's talk."
Outside, I was surprised when Gaby took my hand without a word and started dragging me to the parking lot. I haven't noticed it before, but now that she had taken me, her convertible shone like a beacon to thieves. Good thing everyone knew who her father was, or it would have been gone long time ago.
Gabrielle unlocked the convertible and shoved me to the passenger seat. "In," she said.
"I thought we were just. . ."
"In!"
I didn't argue and went inside. Her face was still heavy with makeup, and her goth fashion was still on point, but the way she said it reminded me of her sister. It made my stomach twist, my mind bouncing everywhere. It was better if I was seated.
Gaby started the car soon as she got on the driver side. She didn't bother putting the seatbelt on. "Good girls like you don't belong here," she said. "I'm taking you home."
"But my dad's truck."
"Someone will send it back."
She didn't play music while she drove. I didn't know what her deal was. Wasn't she supposed to be this bad chick that guys bang on their spare time? That was her reputation. That was all I knew of her. Why then did I seek her out?
She must have thought of the same thing, because she let out a sigh before asking, "What do you want to talk about?" Her hand lifted before I said anything. "Don't answer that. You're going to ask about Genesis. That's the only reason why you'd be here on a school day, disappointing whatever Saint you believe in."
"I'm actually here to ask you about sex."
The car screeched to a stop.
Gabrielle stared mildly at me while fixing her hair. "Sex?"
"What does it feel like?" I said with a straight face. "Why do you do it? Is it pleasurable? Do you have to love someone in order to say yes?"
The lines on her forehead deepened. She glanced in front as if gauging if she should answer, and then she was starting the car again. "Why are you asking me these things?"
"I want to understand someone." I tried to keep the quiver from my voice, but it was so freaking hard not to. I stared at the window while waiting for her to answer.
It took some time before she spoke again. By then we were back to the nicer neighborhood, with the sun shining over the houses like a blessing. My mind was the only cloudy place left.
"Sex feels good," she said. "It feels raw and powerful. It's like a drug."
My jaw was clenched when I looked at her. "Do you have a connection with the person you're doing it with?"
"Not at all." She met my stare. "Not everything is about love, baby girl. Sometimes it's just for the pleasure." She stopped the car and leaned to me, enough that I could smell the odor of cigarette clinging to her collar. I wanted to leave but I was desperate. She knew that too, which was probably why she smiled. "Experience it for yourself. What's stopping you?"
"I. . . You. . ."
She laughed and unbuckled my seatbelt. "Go to school, little lamb. You're too young to be asking these questions." The door opened with a push of a button, and she was shooing me out. "Go."
I stared around and realized that we'd stopped near the school. She'd taken me back.
"Out, Destiny, before I kick your ass."
I scowled at her as I got up from the car. "Why are you such a bitch?"
She closed the door and flipped me a finger. "Mind your own fucking business." Her laughter rang as the car sped away.
I was even more confused with what Gabrielle had said. Her answers didn't make sense. Weren't people supposed to have sex because they loved someone? Wasn't it supposed to be intimate? Private? Life-changing?
My cellphone vibrated before I could dwell more on the questions. I've been ignoring it for most of the day.
Looking at the screen now, I caught messages from the twins:
'Mr. Jones told me you were absent because of fever. I'll ask your teachers if they left any homework. Don't worry too much about it. I got you covered.'
'Hi, Destiny. Papa Jones texted to say you're sick. I'll swing by your house to bring you food. Ester is talking about homework. Bleurgh!'
I tried to ignore the sinkhole in my chest due to the fact that there were no other messages. I concentrated on my phone instead. 'Hi, Spence. Meet me at the edge of the woods after school. It's important.'
His reply was almost instantaneous. I haven't taken a step away from the building when the phone vibrated on my hand. 'She's alive!'
'Yes.'
'I thought you were sick. Why are we meeting in the woods?'
'Explain later.'
'Sure. Should I bring Es?'
'No. Just the two of us.'
'Sounds fun. Looking forward to it.'
Minutes later, I paced on the grass back and forth. What was I going to say to Spencer? Would he understand what I mean?
I glanced to the trees and hugged myself when the leaves swayed from the wind. It was getting cold. Even my breaths came out in wisps of smoke. And though I wanted to go home, this day wouldn't end without an explanation. My sanity depended on it.
After a while, heavy footsteps crunched on the browning leaves. I knew it was Spencer the moment his hulking frame emerged, but there was something different about him. His eyes were unfocused.
"Hey," I said. "Thanks for coming." I shove my fingers in my pocket. The shaking was out of control.
A lazy smile spread on his face as he came nearer. He scratched his head and nodded. "What's up, Destiny Jones? Sorry I took so long. Brad was forcing me to eat."
Anger sparked in me upon hearing the name. Anger and helplessness. I stumbled towards the tree. I only felt a little bit better when my back was resting on it. "I want to ask you something personal," I started. "I think the answer should come from a guy."
"Go ahead."
"It's about. . ." I nibbled on my lip. "It's about sex."
Spencer gave me a blank stare. He was getting so close now. I could smell something weird coming from him. "What about it?" he asked.
"Is it as important to a guy? You're the only person I could ask. I trust you."
"Aww. . . I trust you too." He moved forward.
"Can you please step back a little, Spence? It's getting stuffy in here."
"Sure," he murmured, but he didn't step back. He continued advancing. And what's more, his hands have grasped my shoulders. He squeezed me again and again.
"You're making me uncomfortable," I complained. "What's wrong with you?"
"Nothing, babe."
It was clearly something because he didn't act like this. Spencer never had this spacey look on his face. Spencer would never slide his hands on. . .
"Shit!"
His right hand cupped his cheek. It was red from the slap I gave him. "Why did you do that?" he whispered.
I reached out to apologize. I didn't mean to do it. He surprised me was all. He probably didn't mean it too.
But before I could touch him, he was dragging me to the ground, pushing me to the grass, pinning me beneath him.
"Spencer! Spencer, stop!"
He kissed me on the neck. His hands reached for everything they could reach. He wouldn't have heard me shout because he was too busy fumbling for my zipper.
"Spencer!"
Something hard pressed on my leg. Something I didn't want to think of. I was choking, gasping, trying to break free from his hold. I was crying her name.
"Genesis! Genesis, help me!"
"I'm going to kill you, motherfucker!"
Someone hit Spencer's head. Someone wrestled him to the ground, beaten him to unconsciousness, put a gun between his eyes.
Genesis was about to squeeze the trigger when I ran to her and yanked her hand. "Stop," I begged. "Don't!"
"He was going to rape you!"
"He's our best friend!"
"I would never do that to you!" Her teeth were clenched when she turned to me. Her eyes were raging mad. Her finger was a breath away from ending someone's life, but here she was telling me that she'd never violate my rights. Like she hadn't done that yesterday. Like she hadn't broken me into pieces, destroying everything I hold true.
"You disgust me," I whispered.
"Destiny. . ."
"Don't talk to me again!"
She grasped my hand before I could walk away. "Nothing happened yesterday," she said.
"I don't care!"
"Nothing happened! Believe me!"
I twisted to her. This stupidity, this foolishness, it had to end now. "I wish I never met you, Genesis. All this hurt, all this pain, all these inconveniences I'm experiencing is because of you. I hate you!"
I smiled when her hand dropped to her side. I smiled when she stepped back. At least now it would be over. At least now I could get on with my life.
"I'm going to leave you alone," she confirmed. "But before I do, I need to tell you something." One of her contact lenses fell off as tears pooled on her eyes. "I'm lesbian, Destiny. I'm lesbian and I've always been in love with you." She turned around. "Goodbye."