DÉJÀ VU - Chapter 13: Chapter 13

???'s POV:
"Girl, mi tell yuh 'bout a million times seh dem neva deh together! A yuh same one tell mi fi mek dem do dat to di girl!" Soriah's voice rang through the phone, sharp like a blade.
My blood started boiling instantly. I gritted my teeth and sucked in a sharp breath.
"Watch yuh mouth enuh, Soriah! Yuh a gwaan like yuh waan mi fuck yuh up. Chat wah yuh a chat and mind wi end up wid bigger problems," I warned, my voice low.
I heard her exhale hard through the phone, then her voice dropped a bit, but the attitude was still there. "I told you that Kairo and that girl were just friends. That's what Jerome told me... before he died, of course."
Jerome.
But before I could even respond, she threw the real grenade.
"And now that girl almost got raped because of YOU!" she shouted, her voice cracking under the weight of her rage.
Because of me?
Yes.
My heart started to race, my chest tightening like I was suffocating.
"And to top this shit off, Kairo is out searching for-well him think him a look fi rass man when in reality, its-"
"If yuh eva seh mi name Soriah I swear we aguh have more problems bigger than we have now.
Is that the truth though??
Xanai Rylie Billings|18
"I'm so proud of you my baby! Oh my I love you so much, make sure you meet me at the-" she rants before I cut her off.
"Yes, I'll meet you there. I love you too, Mom. Bye," I tapped the red button on my phone, ending the call with a small smile still on my face.
Three months. It had been about three months since my family came to visit me. It felt good to see them after so long. Life's been... better since then. I'm not sure if it's because I saw them, or if I just started focusing on myself more. Either way, I wasn't complaining.
I glanced at my reflection in the mirror, running a hand down the front of my dress, smoothing out the small creases. It wasn't a school uniform today — it was something different.
Well technically it is a school uniform but I'm gonna change into my gown when I get to school so...
Anywho... today is 6th form graduation day, and I'm valedictorian, along with Kairo, surprisingly.
Dat surprising?
It didn't feel real at first. I stood there, staring at myself, thinking about how far I'd come. Wolmer's High School had put me through it, but it wasn't for nothing. I finished high school with 11 subjects, all passed with flying colors.
I thought about all the nights I stayed up studying, eyes burning from sleep deprivation. The moments I swore I'd never make it. But look at me now.
Sharp as ever.
I smiled to myself. It felt good to finally breathe a little. No more constant deadlines, no more assignments being thrown at me from every angle. Just peace. Well... mostly peace.
(Not exactly according to Jamaican schools' guidelines or policies, I mostly did my own thing for the plot. Like, instead of Wolmer's girls/boys its just a co-head school overall.)
As my mother walked into the ceremony, my smile instantly dropped as I saw her eyes red and her under-eyes swollen and puffy.
"Mom? What's wrong?" I asked as she fought back tears, "It's okay baby, today is your day and mi nah mek nuhn spoil it." She speaks with a sad smile that didn't meet her eyes.
Um, okay?
My brows furrowed and I didn't feel as though I would just leave it alone.
But later mi question har bout' dat.
"Okay mom, if you say so. I'm gonna go get my gown on and reread my speech and all." I spoke still wondering what could be going on.
"I'm coming with you."
"You look stunning my baby!" My mother half- squeals, holding my hands in hers.
"Thank you mommy." I smile genuinely.
Omniscient
"And now for our next valedictorian, Xanai, to say her speech!"
"Good morning, students, teachers, parents, and most importantly, the graduates of the Class of 2024. My name is Xanai Billings, and today, I stand before you not just as a graduate but as someone who has seen firsthand what it means to rise after every fall.
When I think about this journey, I can't help but reflect on the nights where sleep was just a dream. The moments where everything felt too heavy to carry, and I wanted to give up. But I didn't. We didn't. Each of us faced our own battles, but here we are — standing strong.
High school wasn't just about textbooks, lessons, and grades. It was about finding ourselves, learning who we are under pressure, and discovering just how far we can go when we don't give up. Each of us has a story to tell, and no two stories are the same.
But if there's one thing we all share, it's this: We made it. Through the tears, the stress, and even the moments of doubt, we made it. And I want you to know that no matter where life takes you from here, the person you became during this journey will always be with you.
To our parents, guardians, and teachers — thank you. Thank you for being patient with us, for understanding when we shut down, and for encouraging us when we wanted to give up. Your love and support mean more than you will ever know.
To my fellow graduates, know this — this is only the beginning. The world is big, yes. It's unpredictable, yes. But you are ready. You've already proven that you have the strength, courage, and wisdom to overcome. So step boldly into the future, knowing that no obstacle is too big for you." She speaks confidently.
The applause thundered through the auditorium like a wave crashing against the shore. Smiles, cheers, and proud tears filled the room as parents stood clapping, teachers nodded with satisfaction, and students grinned with the relief of it all finally being over. Xanai stood beside Kairo at the podium, her heart thudding in her chest. Not from nerves anymore, but from something far greater — pride. She had done it.
Her eyes scanned the crowd, searching for familiar faces. Her mom should be easy to spot. She was always the loudest one, clapping as if her hands were made of iron. But as Xanai's gaze swept across the sea of faces, confusion crept in.
Her mom wasn't standing. Not clapping. Not smiling.
Instead, she was sitting toward the back, her head bowed slightly, her shoulders trembling like she was trying to hold something in. Her aunt sat beside her, rubbing her back in slow, circular motions. Her cousins, who were always loud and full of energy, sat in complete stillness. It didn't make sense.
Xanai Rylie Billings|18
My eyes narrowed as I scanned the crowd again.
Where is she?
I expected to see my mom standing up, clapping louder than everybody else, probably waving her hands in the air like she always did. She always does that. Basic, prep But today, she wasn't.
I spotted her near the back, sitting down. Not smiling. Not clapping. Just... sitting. Her head was low, and her shoulders were moving — slow, shaky movements. Like she was trying not to cry.
No. That's not right.
She wouldn't be crying right now. Today is a happy day.
I keep moving toward her, weaving between parents and students taking pictures. My eyes stay locked on her. Something about it doesn't feel right. She's supposed to be loud right now. Laughing. Proud. Beaming.
I see my uncle next to her, rubbing her back in slow circles. My cousins are there too, but they're not grinning or being loud like usual. They're just sitting, faces blank, eyes heavy.
The closer I get, the tighter my chest feels. It's like my body already knows something my mind hasn't caught up to yet. My steps slow down. My heart beats harder.
Why do they look like that?
I'm close enough now to hear them. My uncle is leaning in close to my mom, his voice soft but clear.
"Mi know seh it hard Lani, but mummy wouldn't want yuh fi beat up yuhself suh. Today a yuh daughter day, celebrate fi mummy nuh." He speaks softly to her, although he looks as if he himself has been crying.
What about grandma?
Please tell mi seh anuh wah mi think it is.
My heart started beating so hard it felt like it was trying to push out of my chest. I took a slow step forward, then another, my legs feeling heavier with every move.
My breaths came shorter and faster. My uncle's words played on a loop in my head.
My uncle's eyes gazed the area around him, and eventually landed on me, a look of shock being portrayed on his face.
I'm right in front of them now. Close enough to see my mom's lips trembling, close enough to see the tear tracks running down her face.
"Mom?" My voice is soft, cracked, like it's not even mine. I hear it, but it doesn't sound like me. I step forward, eyes wide, chest tight, like I'm holding my breath underwater. "Mom, what happen?"
Her head snaps up. Her eyes meet mine.
"Mom tell mi wah happen. What happened to grandma?"
Her lips press together like she's trying to hold something in, but it's already too late. Tears fall faster, and she doesn't even try to stop them this time. Her breath shakes as she looks at me. Her eyes look... broken.
No. No no no no no.
Her lips part, and for a second, she doesn't speak. Her eyes shift to my uncle, like she's looking for help, but he just lowers his head. He can't even look at me.
Her eyes come back to mine. Her voice cracks before the words even come out.
"Baby girl... grandma passed."
Pass wah? Pass gas? A muss gas she pass.
"She's dead."
"No, mommy grandma doh dead, weh yah talk bout nuh jus this morning mi talk to grandma and she a seh how much she proud a mi?" My voice gets louder, the words spilling out like I'm trying to say it enough times to make it true.
"Xanai this is not something to make up, grandma, unfortunately, is dead." My uncle speaks, his voice breaking.
Tears burn my eyes, and suddenly I can't see clearly. My hands ball into fists, and my nails dig into my palms. I press them hard, harder, until it stings. If I press hard enough, maybe I'll wake up. This must be a dream. Come on lamp, look weird.