DELICATE ★ JENLISA - Chapter 12: Chapter 12

After a week of constantly seeing Ark, even if it was mainly only in the morning and on the couch at night, her absence in the apartment was still extremely noticeable. Lisa seemed to be more open and care-free when Ark was around, so now that the seven year old was back at home with her mother, her hardened exterior resurfaced.
Even though she seemed to lack emotion, she was actually beginning to talk to me more frequently. Without Ark around on Monday morning, she clearly thought less about what she wanted to say, which surprisingly worked in my favor because it meant that I could catch a glimpse of what she was truly like.
And I truly didn't mind the real Lisa Manoban.
Something told me that my opinion of her was a bit stronger than just 'not minding' her company, but I refused to admit anything of the sort to myself. What good would it have done? She was quite obviously attractive; her green eyes were captivating, her rare smile was gorgeous, and her voice...
Her voice sent shivers down my spine.
But all of that was irrelevant anyway when I didn't know what I wanted, and what I wanted wouldn't have mattered anyway when I knew Charles was still very much so in my life. The texts didn't stop.
I finished restocking, tossing the last box in the cart and steering it into the aisle. Running a hand through my hair, I tilted my head against the row of shelves and breathed out. My phone in my back pocket had been going off all night, and I had only needed to read a few of the texts to know that Charles was drunk off his ass. No surprise there.
I read the few at the top of my lock screen.
I'm not fucking around Jennie.
You're fucking making Cate upset and now I have to deal with it. Come home.
I hope you realize there are fucking consequences to your actions.
None of his texts really bothered me, that is, until the most recent one popped up on my screen and my eyes scanned over the words quickly.
I don't know where you are, but you and I both know you can't hide forever. You can play this game with Cate and I, but please understand that when you lose, there will be repercussions. Come home, Jennie, and I promise I'll keep my hands to myself. IF you come home tonight. I'm outside.
The knowledge that Charles was outside the grocery store, assuming he wasn't lying, scared the shit out of me. It didn't bother me because I was terrified of him hurting me, but because Lisa was shopping here tonight and he couldn't see me with her. She shouldn't have had a role in any of this.
A semi-familiar voice caught my attention, causing me to jump and nearly drop my phone. I looked up to see Cara standing in front of me with her hand on her hip, smirking. She was wearing light, partially-ripped jeans with a black Sleeping with Sirens tank top, and her dark hair rested over her right shoulder. "So this is what the legendary Jen Carter does with her free time, huh?"
I stopped myself from wincing at her words, and instead tried to focus on the fact that she was trying to joke around with me. "I know I played it off like I have a life back there at the mall, but I guess you caught me."
She smirked, making a comment that slightly contradicted what she had said to me at the mall. "Don't worry, I'm not entirely turned off. I don't know about you, but I find a bit of work ethic every now and then sexy."
I raised my eyebrow slightly. "Is that right? I guess I'm out of luck then."
"Believe me, you've got more of it than I do. I really should get a job... but then again.."
"What's the point, right?"
She smirked, chuckling softly. "Yeah, right."
I actually did enjoy being around Cara, but I still found that I had to force the smile on my face. It wasn't natural. It wasn't real; not like it was when Lisa drove me to smile.
Oh bloody hell...
I adverted my eyes from Cara's briefly, glancing past her to see a familiar tall blonde strolling in our direction. Her piercing green eyes were already on mine, burning through the back of Cara's head. When I met her gaze, she seemed to press her lips together and mask her current expression with something unplaceable.
And then she walked right past us, but not before tilting her head downwards at me and nodding. "Jennie."
When she was out of earshot, Cara whistled lowly and smirked at me. "Damn Jen, if you've got women that look like that after you, I stand no god damn chance."
"I thought you weren't looking for a relationship?"
She smirked and shrugged, seeming to dance around the topic lightly. "Seriously though, like I'm not one of those people, really, I'm not, but where can I get one?"
I rolled my eyes. "Cara, come on."
She held up her hands. "What? I told you, I prefer not to think of myself as one of those douches, but dude. Who is she?"
"She's not that attractive," I muttered under my breath, glancing behind me but realizing she had already disappeared.
Cara slowly raised her eyebrows at me. "Are you sure you're gay?"
"One-hundred percent gay, Cara, but she's my biology teacher." I nodded my head towards the front of the store, gesturing for her to walk with me as we talked, and she complied willingly.
"She's what? Jen I've been going to our school for over three years, how have I never seen her?"
I shrugged. "I don't know, she's young. Maybe this is her first year."
"I'm really regretting taking environmental now."
"She's not very nice. You're not missing out on all that much." I felt a little bad as the words came out of my mouth, but even if I was aware of how much her stoic, bitchy exterior could shift in such little time, she was always the same in class. I wouldn't have been surprised if she posted her class motto outside her room and it read, 'Do your work and don't piss me off'.
"Who gives a shit about nice.." she whispered as we made it to the front of the store, both of us immediately seeing Lisa standing in line. I stood by the cafe, leaning against the wall as Cara stood next to me, and I could feel Lisa's eyes on me but I tried not to look up.
That was, until Cara nudged me and tilted her head, gesturing simply to the man who had appeared beside her, his height quite obviously his most noticeable feature. I looked up at him as Cara spoke.
"This is my brother Mino," she said, leaning forward slightly to bring her lips closer to my ear. She whispered, "He's a dick but be nice because he's my ride."
Mino rolled his eyes, shoving Cara so that she stumbled back a little, but she only smiled. "I heard that you ass." He turned to me. "I'm not that much of a dick. Nice to meet you..." He trailed off, and I realized he was waiting for my name.
"Jen," I finished, shaking his hand.
He nodded and then slung and arm around Cara's neck, drawing her closer. "We gotta go."
"Later Jen. Do me a favor and let me know before you're about to get frisky with your Victoria Secret science teacher over there so I can join in, alright?"
I widened my eyes, smirking a little bit and playfully striking her right shoulder. "Dude!"
She laughed, pulling out of Mino's side-embrace to throw an arm over my shoulder and pull me into her. "Ah I'm just messin'. But in all seriousness, leave the teacher out of the equation and I'm interested."
Then she winked at me, and her and her brother were gone. Lisa appeared next to me, holding a cloth bag full of groceries in either hand. She pulled her lips into a thin line and tilted her head at me. "Was I not supposed to hear that?"
I immediately blushed, realizing we had been talking about her, literally in her presence. "H-how much did you..?"
She shook her head. "Enough... you guys were speaking a little loud, you know."
"Cara was speaking a little loud. I know how to keep my voice down when it's necessary.."
"Jennie."
I looked over at her, bracing myself to be yelled at for even joking with Cara about the fact that we could somehow be involved. She spoke, "What does Cara know?"
I furrowed my eyebrows, shaking my head. "Nothing?"
She moved closer to me, speaking lower. "You haven't told her about... us?"
"Uh... no? I promised you I would never tell anyone, and I generally don't break my promises Lisa."
She shifted her stance. "So talking about sleeping with teachers is normal for students to do?"
"No," I answered. "But Cara thinks you're hot and I disagreed because I was uncomfortable... so she decided to tease me about it, I guess."
Lisa's expression shifted into one that was unplaceable, and she simply nodded her head towards the door and started walking. Other than making sure I hadn't spilled any information, she seemed unfazed by what Cara had just insinuated, which was odd. It was actually really odd, but I decided against commenting on it. Instead, she spoke up next to me.
"So, you going to go for it?"
"What are you talking about?"
She raised a single eyebrow. "Oh come on, she was quite obviously hitting on you."
I shook my head, "No, she was just messing around. Trust me, I spent an afternoon with her not that long ago and I can tell, that's just how she is."
She rolled her eyes, looking away. "Yeah, I bet that's just how she is, with you."
"Whatever, I'm not interested dating," I responded, sighing. And then I shifted my eyes to the right as we walked out of the grocery store, immediately seeing a black mustang and remembering Charles's text. I had completely forgotten about it when Cara showed up and distracted me, but my breathing hitched in my throat when I saw Charles leaning against the hood of his car, a beer in his hand. His head turned and I could guarantee that his eyes were scanning the parking lot for someone. I didn't even need to guess who it was he was looking for, and when Lisa spoke, she was quite obviously startled by the force I began exerting on her body.
"I don't think she was necessarily referring to dating y-" she began, but I pushed her body in front of mine so she was out of view of Charles and pulled her to the right, rounding the corner of the building. I pulled her so that she spun around and flattened against the wall, my arms braced on either side of her head as her bags dropped to the ground.
She looked at her fallen bags and growled, "What the hell Jen?" I was too worried to speak, and when she looked up and saw my expression, hers completely changed and she brought her hand up to cup my cheek. I felt my skin tingle and I widened my eyes, but she didn't seem to notice the effect she had over me.
"What's going on? You have that look in your eyes..."
I bit my lip, looking down and away from her until she dropped her hand. I breathed, refraining from answering her momentarily. I thought about Charles's text, and I considered my options. As if I had options. I could stop threatening Lisa's life with my presence in her apartment by going home with him tonight, and I wouldn't have to worry about him touching me. At least not for a while. The one good thing about Charles was that he never lied to me, so when he said he wouldn't hurt me if I came home tonight, he meant it. I absolutely knew that I would eventually come crawling back, and the longer I waited, the worse it would be when I did return.
As if Lisa could tell what I was thinking, she lifted her head over my arm and around the corner to see Charles leaning against his mustang. He was waiting, like a fucking predator lurching around for their prey to come out of their hiding place, which I was very close to doing. I separated myself from Lisa, standing back before taking a deep breath and stepping one foot onto the pavement where Charles would be able to see me.
Lisa pulled me back immediately, switching our positions so that I was flattened against the wall and she was pinning me down. "Where the fuck do you think you're going? With him? Jennie, no."
I shook her off my wrist, pushing her back. "This isn't up for debate. I'm really glad to have had a break from him for a while, so thank you, but I need to go back Lisa. He's going to find out that I'm living with you, and then he's going to find out where you live, and then he's going to hurt you-"
She grabbed my shoulders, lightly pressing me against the wall and cutting me off. "Why don't you understand me when I tell you that I don't fucking care? Look, I know you probably think I'm a heartless, over-controlling bitch, but you're not going back there. I'm not going to allow it, and I'm not sorry for looking out for you. Just stop, okay? You don't need to do this."
I started to protest again, "Yes I do Lisa. You don't understand-"
She cut me off again, not having any of it. "Stop! I do understand, okay? I've seen what he's capable of putting you through and the fact is, I'm not going to let it happen again. I'm going to go get the car. Promise me you'll stay here where he can't see you. Promise me Jen."
I lowered my eyes. I didn't want to promise her.
She placed her hand beside my head, bracing herself, and then brought the index finger on her left hand to my chin, lifting it so that I was forced to look at her. I stopped breathing, staring up into her eyes.
"Please, Jen." She was begging me, which was hard to wrap my head around. I could never have imagined her begging anyone for anything.
And for that reason, I went against my better judgement and promised her.
I stayed right where I was that Tuesday night, and I knew that eventually, I'd have to deal with the consequences of doing so.
"I heard you and Cara ran into each other on Tuesday," Jisoo said, nudging my shoulder as we sat in art on Thursday, both of us shading our own drawings.
"Yeah, I saw her at work."
She raised her eyebrows. "Don't sound so enthusiastic. I think Cara likes you, you know. And you should probably take that as a compliment because from what Zac tells me, she doesn't get 'crushes' very often.. or.. at all."
I nodded slowly, internally sighing. Honestly, it wasn't that I didn't want to see where things with Cara could go, I just couldn't and I also couldn't tell anyone except for Lisa why. "She's... cool.."
Jisoo seemed to get the point. "I take it you don't like her back?"
I started shaking my head. "It's not that.. actually, she's really cool. And... attractive." Jisoo looked at my face and laughed lightly, picking up a different pencil as I spoke up again. "And funny, which is pretty hard to come by."
"So what's the problem?"
"I just don't do the whole dating thing." The brunette went to roll her eyes but I stopped her, shaking my head. "Don't give me that look, I just shouldn't be in a relationship right now."
She shrugged. "Hey, it's not my place to say anything. You can do what you want, Jen. Do you want me to steer Cara in the other direction?"
"No it's fine, I'd still like to be friends with her. Like I said, she is pretty cool."
She nodded and zoned out, focusing in on her artwork as the clock continued to tick. I couldn't help but to think that one day, most likely very soon, this was all going to blow up in my face. I honestly didn't know what Charles could be like towards people other than me, but I did know what he was capable of when drunk and now the number of people I had associated myself with was way too high. Between worrying about Lisa, Jisoo, the group of three that followed her around, and Cara, the possible situations that were running through my head were driving me insane. I would have been worried about Taemin too if I hadn't been so sure that he could handle himself. I had seen him fight once before, and I honestly wasn't even sure if Charles had the capability of intimidating him.
For some reason, I formulated the image of Taemin as a professional bodyguard in my mind, and I couldn't help but smirk to myself.
Almost as if he knew I was thinking about him, I heard my phone buzzing and I glanced at the screen to see the unfamiliar number appearing again, words that obviously came from Taemin showing up underneath it.
I'm outside your school, I think. Weather's shitty.. so get out here as soon as you can ~ D
I knew there were ten or so minutes left of second period, and I also knew my art teacher payed a lot less attention than Lisa. If I asked to go to the bathroom now, I could probably make it outside and back in before the late bell for third period went off. I was really not in the mood to be interrogated by Lisa or whatever it is she would do if I was late, so I slipped out of my seat, muttered a few words to the teacher, and headed out the door. I was happy to see Taemin again because he was probably the one person I could trust the most right now. He knew more about me than Lisa did, after all, he'd been in the system with me.
He was probably one of the only two people that I had ever actually told about my parents.
Unfortunately, the other wasn't alive anymore.
I sighed, shaking my thoughts away because they weren't heading in the right direction. I made sure not to run into any teachers on my way through the school, eventually pushing through the lobby doors and rounding the outside of the school to find Taemin in a dark corner of the parking lot where the trees produced a large shadow. I nodded my head to him and he gestured me over, allowing me to sit down next to him under the tree.
"It's about damn time, I think it's about to rain."
I rolled my eyes. "I honestly couldn't have gotten out here any faster if I tried. So, you have the ID?"
He shook his head. "Shit is that what I'm here for?"
Narrowing my eyes at him, I stared until he sighed and reached into his back pocket. "You're no fun, you can't even joke around anymore?"
I smirked at him. "When you make a funny joke, then I'll joke around with you."
He rolled his eyes and I took the plastic card from his hand, turning it over to examine it. It was almost identical to the last one he had made me, although this time, I looked much older in the picture. "Thanks Tae, I owe you one."
He waved me off. "No you don't Jen, you payed me double already."
I shrugged and he stood up, brushing his pants off. "Listen... while I'm out without Kris worrying where I am, I'm gunna go deliver the last of my current supply."
"Then you're done, right?"
He adverted his eyes from mine, leaning against the tree. "Yeah... about that.."
"Taemin..."
He sighed. "By the time the ILP has helped me find a place, I'll be eighteen... and then I'm not going to have any help anymore. I don't have the money right now to own any kind of apartment on my own... I can't stop dealing. I'm so fucking done but.. I don't have any other options."
I felt my heart sinking, mainly because I didn't want Taemin putting himself in situations where he could get in a lot of trouble anymore. "Get a job?"
He gave me the most dead-panned look ever, raising his eyebrows. "Really, your suggestion is for me to get a job? With my record?"
"I know, I know, I just... maybe..."
He shook his head. "Yeah maybe, just maybe, I'll apply and they'll choose me for the job over the other two hundred teenage applicants who don't have to worry about juvy popping up on their background check. Right?"
"I went to juvy and I got a job a couple of weeks ago."
He narrowed his eyes at me. "You went for three days and somehow managed to wiggle out of it being put on your criminal record. Consider yourself lucky, Jen."
I sunk against the tree and sighed, knowing he was right. "Well try not to get yourself killed. Drug dealing isn't exactly the safest, Taemin. It would be different if you were just dealing weed."
He rolled his eyes. "Really? I had no idea. And I am just dealing weed... well.. tonight anyway."
"God you're sarcastic today."
He stretched a hand down to me, pulling me up from the ground and smiling slightly. "I know, what can I say, you bring out the best in me."
"You're cute."
"I know." My old foster brother looked back towards my school, and his face seemed to light up as he turned back to me. "Hey... are you doing anything important in school today?"
"No?"
"You wouldn't want to come with me, would you?"
I simply raised my eyebrow. "That is a really hard offer to turn down. Why wouldn't I want to join you while you deal? I certainly can't think of any reason not to, like getting caught, getting sent to jail, possibly getting killed-"
"Oh shut the hell up Jen, I don't deal to people like that. And I'm actually just delivering today, there's a difference. I have to go pick it up from Tom but then there's the fun part; the frat house a couple miles from here is on the receiving end and I could really use someone to enjoy the party with..."
"What makes you think they'll want you to stay?"
He smirked. "Oh please, I'm the life of the party."
I quirked an eyebrow and he just shook his head, chuckling a bit. "I know one of the guys Jen, pretty well actually. Come on, come with me. It's not until tonight but you said you weren't doing anything in school and I really wouldn't mind spending some time with someone I actually enjoy being around."
I placed a hand over my heart, smiling a bit. "Aw, you mean to say you actually enjoy my company?"
"I know, hard to believe. So, whatya say?"
I shook my head. "I have to w-" Then I stopped myself short, realizing I actually didn't have to work today. Max had told me yesterday that I didn't have to come in until Monday because apparently shipments were backed up and there wouldn't be anything for me to do. It kind of sucked because that meant three days of no pay, but at the same time, I was also grateful to have the break.
He folded his arms across his chest. "You have to what?"
"I was going to say I have to work but I don't...."
He smiled triumphantly. "Awesome. Come on Jen, I'm not tryin' to be a bad influence or anything, but I know that it's probably been a while since you've had fun and you deserve to let loose a little bit."
I sighed, thinking about it. I actually really wanted to go, mainly because I wanted to spend time with Taemin but also because he was right. It had been a while since I'd had fun, and I knew that going to a frat party would probably do the trick. I had enough experience acting like I was twenty-one; I could certainly fit in with a bunch of wasted college kids. There was only one problem; if I skipped the rest of school, Lisa would most certainly know because I had yet to go to third period and I was supposed to have detention today.
But with Taemin standing in front of me, I decided I was sick and tired, at least for the time being, of worrying. I wanted to have fun, for once in my life, and I knew that Taemin could help me do so. "Alright, but I swear if you somehow manage to get me in trouble, I'm going to beat the shit out of you."
He laughed, picking up my arm and then letting it fall back down to my side. "You're not going to get in trouble, just relax, but.. I can't exactly say I'm scared," he answered, gesturing to my obviously weak arms.
I punched his shoulder playfully, only earning another witty remark from him, and without thinking anymore about it, I turned away from the school and we began walking in the opposite direction. I knew that by now, second period had ended and I would probably have to deal with a very angry or disappointed Lalisa Manoban when I returned to her apartment tonight, but I didn't care.
Taemin and I spent the afternoon together in a restaurant, and I knew I was already loosening up. I wasn't exactly exited about delivering weed with him, but I couldn't lie and say that I didn't want to drink. I was excited for the party, and after meeting up with Tom, Taemin and I started the five or so mile walk. I probably didn't have enough energy to be expending by walking so far, and because we'd already walked quite a distance and I knew that I'd have to walk a good distance to get back to Lisa's apartment, I knew I was going to be physically drained by the end of the night. I was just hoping Lisa would be asleep by the time I got back so she didn't tear my head off for showing up drunk.
At least I didn't smoke.
The door was already open when we arrived and we slipped inside, and because it was already pretty late, the party appeared to be in full swing. Taemin separated from me briefly with his 'gift' for his friend, and I lingered just inside the door to be greeted by a tall frat boy.
"Yoo! You lookin for a good time, I take it?"
I shifted my stance, raising my eyebrows. "Sure.. but I suppose that depends on what your idea of a good time is."
The guy laughed, removing the joint from between his lips to pass it to someone else. He breathed the smoke away from me, before nodding me over and holding up a bottle of vodka and a bottle of beer.
"Beer or vodka?"
I took the beer, thanking him as he then proceeded to hit on me multiple times. He was quite clearly high, and probably drunk, but I had to admit, he had game. I laughed it off and after spending an hour or so with him and his friends, I went to find Taemin. I eventually found him surrounded by a few guys and a girl. The shortest guy was doing a keg stand with the other two holding him up by his legs, and Taemin was standing by with his arms crossed as he talked to someone next to him. He saw me approaching and smiled, throwing an arm around my shoulder.
"Sup Jen, havin fun?"
I shrugged, sipping on my third beer. I'd had a few shots while talking to Axel, and I was definitely feeling buzzed, so I could admit that I was having a good time. I wasn't thinking about what I'd have to go home to at all.
I probably should have been.
Taemin had a beer in his hand as well but I knew he wasn't drunk and he wasn't high either, but he had let loose as well and was laughing along with everyone. I was happy for him, because I knew his group home, scratch that, his life was rough, and he deserved to have fun every once in a while just as much as he claimed that I did. A few hours passed by without very much significance, and I continued to get tipsier and tipsier as the night went on. I felt my inhibitions slipping away and I struggled to see how I was going to successfully find my way back to Lisa's apartment after this; I was already having trouble navigating my way through the frat house.
I half expected the cops to show up and bust Taemin and I for underage drinking and smoking, even if neither of us had touched the weed that he'd brought, but they didn't. Sometime during the night, I had told one of the guys surrounding me that I didn't swing that way, which lead to them bringing over some decent looking blonde that seemed interested. Everything was hazy but I remembered her lips on mine, and I remembered kissing her back initially. She seemed to want to take it farther but I wasn't in the mood, so I merely shook my head, kissed her again, and continued to have a good time.
Taemin eventually stumbled over to me, now hours later, clearly a little tipsy, and started shouting over the music. "I'm gunna stick around for the night! Text me later on that number I sent you earlier okay?"
I nodded, waving him off as I tried to psyche myself up for the walk home. The blonde I had been kissing earlier strutted up to me, placing a kiss on my lips and flashing me a perfect smile. "Later babe," she said, taking a pen and writing down a number on my hand. "Call me sometime."
And then I stumbled out the door, beginning a trek that I knew would take a while, even if I was actually only a thirty minute walk from Lisa's apartment.
Eventually I made it to the familiar building, and I didn't think much of anything as I climbed the first set of stairs and stopped in front of her door. I was praying that it wasn't going to be locked, because if it was locked, then I would either have to ring the door bell and wake her up or sit in the hall for the entire night so I didn't have to face her. I fumbled with the knob on her door for a bit, before realizing it was unlocked.
Pushing it open, I stepped inside. I didn't see her initially and I thought I was in the clear, that was, until I heard the shuffling of feet and I moved forward to see her sitting on the coffee table in the living room, her hand buried deep into her hair. She looked up when she heard the door closing behind me, and she was quite clearly worried as shit.
She stood up and practically ran over to me. "Jen! Where the hell have you been? Are you okay?"
I was about to speak but by then, she had crossed the distance between us and she was standing right in front of me. I watched as her expression of worry shifted into one of anger, disappointment, and confusion. "Are you high?"
"I don't smoke," I muttered in response.
"Really?" she asked, clearly upset. "Why the fuck do you smell like weed then?"
I wanted to find a way to calm her down without lying, but I didn't know what to say. I was beyond drunk and I couldn't think straight. All I could think about was how much I would have rather been kissing her than the blonde that had given me her number. For some reason, she was really hot when she was mad and I couldn't take my eyes off of her.
"I never said I wasn't around other people that were smoking."
She narrowed her eyes at me, and I struggled to understand why she was so angry. "You have got to be fucking kidding me."
"What the hell is wrong with you? Why are you acting like such a bitch?" My head was buzzing and I wasn't sure if I was going to throw up, but I knew that getting this drunk on a Thursday was a really bad idea. How the hell was I going to go to school tomorrow?
My comment sparked only anger in her, and I tried to move past her but she grabbed both of my arms, stopping me. "You want to know why I'm acting like such a bitch? Alright Jennie, here's why. I just spent the last fourteen hours worrying about where the hell you were! You weren't in my class, you weren't in detention, and you weren't at the grocery store, and you didn't even think to tell me why! I had to use my imagination to assume that Charles got fed up with you ignoring him and fucking stole you off of school grounds, and was off somewhere beating the shit out of you! Do you even understand how worried I was? And you were fucking getting high and drinking all night?"
I had no idea what to say. I couldn't breathe with her holding my exposed skin the way she was, and I didn't know what to think. She was yelling at me, but it was because she had been worried, and I suddenly felt bad. She thought that something had happened to me? She thought that Charles had been abusing me all night?
Shit, now I felt like the worst person in the world.
"I'm s-sorry Lisa..." I said, slurring my words a bit. "I didn't think about it-"
She released me, turning around immediately. Judging by the tone of her voice, she was angry. "Yeah you clearly didn't think about your actions. At all. I cannot believe that you would do that, Jennie. I don't know even know what to say to you right now."
I leaned against the wall, feeling absolutely horrible. I wasn't going to apologize for having fun for the first time in years, but I knew that I should've at least told her what I was doing. She would have tried to stop me, but she honestly couldn't have said anything to change my mind and that way she would've at least known that I wasn't in any danger.
"Lisa, I'm s-sorry for not telling you.." I trailed off, closing my eyes. "I didn't think you would... care so much.."
She turned back to me, and she seemed to have a hard time keeping herself together. "You didn't think I would care?" she asked incredulously. "After I've spent the past week and a half trying to explain to you how much I care about your safety?"
I tried to speak but nothing came out, and instead I adverted my eyes from hers, looking down. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw her leaning her elbows against the counter, her head in her hands. "I don't understand you, Jen. You tell me you've been through the foster care system, and that now you're living with an abusive alcoholic and his wife. After knowing what it's like to be around people who don't care, why won't you listen to someone who does?"
I didn't understand. What did she mean by listen to?
"I don't.... what do you mean..?"
She sighed heavily. "You're doing such bad things to your body. I know you want to have fun. You're a senior in high school, I get that, I've been there. But you're taking it to an extreme, and I've been trying to look out for you but you're making it so damn difficult."
If only she knew that I'd gotten another ID..
I could only imagine how mad she would be.
"I'm sorry.. I'm not.. in a good state to have.. a real conversation. I need to go to s-sleep."
"Yeah, you do. I'm not in a good state to have a real conversation either Jen, I'm way too fucking pissed at you."
I sighed. "I'm sorry."
She stayed silent and I took that as my que to start walking towards her bedroom. I stumbled in that general direction for a while, before tripping over the coffee table in the dark and finding it absolutely hilarious.
God I was drunk.
I wasn't even sure what was happening when I felt a pair of hands on my body then, one underneath my leg and one around my neck. I stopped chuckling at myself and looked up into Lisa's green eyes, seeing that her expression had shifted once again. The anger was gone, but I couldn't quite place what it had been replaced by.
I stuttered, "W-what a-are you doing?" At that point, the slur in my speech wasn't even because I was drunk. It was because my heart was beating out of my chest and I couldn't even think, let alone try and formulate a proper sentence.
She sighed. "Putting you to bed, Jen, you can hardly even walk."
She picked me up effortlessly and I felt like I was going to fall because I didn't want to overstep and put my hands on her as well, but she propped me up on one knee and used her free hand to guide mine to her neck. I wrapped my arms around her, all of the sudden feeling secure again.
Both her and her niece were officially the only two people in the world, that I had met, that could make me feel secure.
She frowned noticeably. "You are scarily light."
I frowned as she lowered her knee and started walking towards the bedroom with me in her arms. "Whatya want me to do about that?"
"I want you to eat three meals a day."
"I do-"
"No you don't Jen," she said, and I knew that if we continued talking, I was only going to spill information about myself that I didn't want her to know. That's what I did when I was drunk; I was too honest for my own good. "I know you don't eat lunch."
"How do you..."
She pushed open her bedroom door, carrying me inside. "Sometimes I'm forced to supervise the cafeteria. The responsibility cycles between the teachers, but I've done it enough to know that you don't eat enough. Why is that, Jen? Please tell me you're not doing it on purpose... you are... beautiful and.. you don't need to starve yourself to get that way."
I stared into her gorgeous, piercing green eyes and opened my mouth, surprised that she had said such a thing. I blushed. "I.. I'm not doing it on purpose... I just... don't have very much of an appetite."
"Well we need to change that," she said, setting me down on the left side of her bed. She went to stand up straight but I still had my arms wrapped around her neck, and she couldn't go anywhere. I studied her face, finding myself ridiculously attracted to the way that her features stood out without very much help and to the way that her expression could melt into one so.... stunningly beautiful.
"You know," I whispered, unable to release my grip from around her neck. "Most people look worse when they're mad, but... something about you when you're angry is oddly sexy..."
She closed her eyes, letting some rendition of a sigh escape her lips. "I'm glad you think so."
She moved her hands to the back of her neck to pull my arms away, but she only ended up getting closer, not succeeding at all in separating herself from me. I stared at her, and at that moment in time, I was unable to stop myself from lifting my face to hers. I didn't want to stop myself; I wanted to kiss her in a way that I had never wanted to kiss any of the other women that I had slept with.
She was different.
I tentatively pressed my lips to hers, and I knew that I wouldn't be doing this if I was sober but I didn't care. She smelled amazing and her lips felt so good against mine, like it was meant to happen. She didn't appear very eager to kiss me back, but she didn't pull away. She allowed herself to hover above me as I let my arms fall from around her neck, using my now free hands to pull her face into mine.
And just as I felt her lips start to move and mold against mine, she reached up and pulled my hands off of her face, placing them on either side of my body. She exhaled heavily, staring at me with confusion written all over her face.
What was she confused about?
Before I had the chance to ask her, she stepped back and started toward her bedroom door. "Sleep well Jen."
And then she shut the light off, pulling the door shut and slipping into the living room. I wasn't sure what to think, but it didn't matter because without her hovering over me and distracting me, I immediately took notice to the comfort of her bed.
And then I fell asleep before I had the chance to make sense of what had just happened.