Don't Chase Me [Cheater!Levi Ackerman|Mod!Au] - Chapter 17: Chapter 17

"Well, I've had a hard time with this thing called love
It's always pushed me down..."
You'd eventually managed to cry yourself into a dozing state, eyes focused on old memories, as you laid curled on your side and drooled absently on your pillow. The white wall was a perfect canvas to paint Levi's face across. His shiny black hair, and deadly silver eyes that could stop your heart in a glance. You wished you could trace the contours of his face with your finger against the dim moonlight. Levi always did hate that the moon shined right in your bedroom window; it glared in his eyes through the cracks in his shades, but he laid on that side so that it wouldn't bother you.
You placed your hand on the wall slowly, feeling the cool surface under your fingers. It reminded you of Levi's face, in a way; when he'd come in from shovelling snow in the winter, and you'd cuddle him up to get him warm. Or when he sat in front of the air conditioner too long in the summer, even his muscles cool through his white tank top.
You blinked, excess liquid dripping lightly onto the pillow.
You wanted to touch his face now, and run your hands across his chest and down his arms. A warm feeling of belonging washing over you. You wanted to kiss his cheek, his collar bone, his shoulder – nuzzling your nose into him as you cuddled, just enjoying his scent.
You wanted to feel Levi's kiss on your temple, his hand giving your arm a squeeze while the other rubbed your back. You wanted to feel him roll over in the night, and grab your waist while squishing you to his chest. You wanted his nose nudging the back of your neck, sending chills down your spine.
He conflicted you so much.
You felt like you belonged in the arms of the short man, but what he'd done to you...could you be sure he wanted you there?
A strangled sob ripped from your raw throat, your eyes also sore from crying.
"Le-e-vi-i-i," you sobbed quietly.
Your chest hurt so bad, both physically and emotionally. It felt like your heart had been ripped from your ribcage, and stomped on while it was still beating. You were the one who left, but it hurt so bad; a hundred billion arrows stabbing through your soul.
You stared numbly at the wall, trying to force away all thought and feeling; just trying to be a temporary vegetable.
You thought you were hallucinating when you heard the first buzz. It sounded like a fly across the room. But the buzzing kept going, rapidly at first, and then becoming a long, droning tone. When this got no response, the tone went back to an irregular rhythm.
You groaned, the buzzing getting on your last nerve.
You shot out of bed and storm out of your room, the loud mingled snores of your friends echoing from the left, at their end of the hallway. You rolled your eyes, marching up to the box with the small white circle attached to the wall by the door.
"Goddamn, what do you want?!" you snapped, pressing the button. There was silence for a moment before the person answered.
"[Name]?" It was Levi's voice that answered you. You squeaked, stepping back from the box. How did he find you?! These two were not exactly Levi's favourite, well Jean wasn't anyway – Levi didn't mind Marco, he thought he was interesting company.
Clearing your throat, you put an accent, "I – uh – no, I have never heard of this [Name] person before."
"[Name], you're not fooling anyone," Levi stated, you could practically hear the eye roll in his voice. "Please, just – let me come up."
"Go to hell asshat," snapped Jean from behind you; you still had your finger on the button. Apparently you had woken up him and Marco.
"Tell Kirstein to shove it – you and I need to talk. Please, [Name]," Levi begged.
You pulled your finger away from the button, brushing your hands nervously through your hair. You could feel the tears coming again, your eyes burned.
"Jean, Marco," you whined hoarsely, looking over at your friends. "What should I do?! – I don't know what to do!!"
Jean had his fists clenched as he glared at the box, Marco tiredly clung to his arm. The brunette boy looked between you and the silver square with sad eyes.
"It's up to you, [Name], it's your life," said the freckled boy finally.
Your heart nervously skipped at this, pulling tremors through your body. Even your breath shook as you stared at the silver box. You wanted to let him up, to wrap your arms around him and forgive him. But you also wanted to turn him away, crying and screaming and yelling for him to never come near you again!
You slowly walked over, finger hovering over the white switch. You pressed your eyes shut, leaning your head on the wall. Pressing the button, you croaked, "please...go away, Levi. I don't want to hear your lies anymore."
There was a second of silence, before a low growl came from the speaker, "[Name]...I know I don't deserve a damn ounce of your forgiveness. But if you won't let me the hell up to talk, then at least listen to what the fuck I have to say."
Levi cleared his throat, and little did you know he was matching your position with his throbbing forehead pressed against the cool cement wall as his finger held down the button.
Sighing, Levi continued, "I've been a real shithead, but you knew that already. You can scream and hit and curse me all you want, I'm a pathetic bastard and I deserve every. Single. Bit of hell you give me. But please, this once, with God and the two shits in that apartment as my witness, listen to me. I never ever meant for any of this to happen...I – I'm in love with you, [Name], and that scares me shitless. I've never had anyone like that in my pathetic existence before, and the feelings you gave me...I couldn't handle them – I – I..."
Levi trailed off then, searching the concrete for an answer.
"I know there is positively no excuse for what I've done," he said at last. "I was a stupid kid when I met you, and I guess my actions just show that. Then when you left, it really did scare the hell out of me –"
"432," you said suddenly, cutting off Levi. He'd been to the apartment with you before, but you knew he never cared to pay enough attention to where you were going to come up on his own. Jean flinched, staring at your back wide eyed. Tears dribbled down your cheeks, but you were smiling.
You didn't know why.
"What?" asked Levi and Jean at the same time.
"Apartment 432, I'm buzzing you in. Fourth floor, last door on the left." You pressed the second button, and heard the door click from Levi still pressing the intercom button. "Are you coming up to talk or not, Levi?"
"I – yeah, be there in a minute," he muttered, and then the line went dead.
You turned to your friends then, Marco with a small smile on his face while Jean looked like a ticking time bomb.
"Why the hell – ?!" cursed Jean, glaring hard at you. You sighed, shoulders slumping.
"I was going to turn him away, but – you don't understand – Levi...he doesn't just say that kind of stuff. It's hard for him," you cried, wiping at your face. "I know what he's done is awful, and I should be yelling at him, but there's so much I need to know! – Besides, I can always tell when Levi is lying, and he's not. So he's coming up here so we can talk – like adults."
Before Jean could protest further, Marco said, "We'll leave you two alone." And then began tugging a Jean down the hall.
A knock came at the apartment door not a moment later. Your heart jumped as you spun to face it. With a trembling hand, you reached for the knob and slowly opened it.
You gasped as you saw Levi's face, his lip was bleeding and his right eye, which had a cut above it, was starting to get a dark bruise.
"Levi, what happened to you?!" you asked breathlessly. Levi chuckled, meeting your eyes and then looking away while shaking his head. Stepping out of the doorway, you gestured to the apartment. "Come in, I'll get you cleaned up."
When Levi stepped in, you pulled him to the couch and sat him down before running off to ask where the first aid kit was. Once you'd retrieved it, you went back to perch next to Levi. Pulling out an alcohol swab and starting to clean Levi's cut, you sighed, "Honestly, can't you go anywhere –"
"I'm banned from the bar," Levi stated flatly. You paused in your work, staring at him with furrowed eyebrows.
"Levi –"
The man held up a hand, to stop your sentence, on which you saw blood. "I couldn't let Chuck off the hook so easily, and I had to show those – fucking whores that I didn't belong to them."
You leaned back, hand falling into your lap as you stared evenly at him. Levi stared back, his eyes boring into yours. You didn't find an ounce of lies in his eyes, just resolute truth.
You were silent a moment before whispering, "You didn't – I mean – I know you love that place –"
"I did have to, idiot," Levi snapped, "that asshole deserved it! I've always hated him and that grimy pub. Especially with all of the shit he put me through –"
You put a hand over Levi's, taking note of his slip knuckles – you'd clean them up later. "Levi, what in hell are you talking about?"
Levi dragged in a deep breath, holding it before releasing it. "Look, it's a long story and I really don't fucking know where to start..."
Silence surrounded you two for a moment, then it was your turn to draw in a shaky breath.
"If anything, I want to know why, Levi..." you said quietly, squeezing your eyes shut. "Tell me why you did it..."
Levi's breath caught in his throat, pain going through his chest at your wounded expression. He wanted to make the hurt go away, but how could he when he was the cause of it all?
"I...I never wanted to hurt you, [Name]," Levi muttered, "I let Chuck get in my damn head. I'm a fucking idiot. He made think that I wanted those...women...and that it was perfectly okay in a relationship to do what I did. But I never lied to you when I said I wanted you. And if I ever said that I didn't love you, it would be the biggest bluff I've ever told."
You stared at Levi, then glanced at your lap and then to the side, but the burn from his gaze was still there. You let out a breathy laugh, shaking your head. "Let's get you cleaned up."
You reached your hand up, and began blotting at the drying cut above his eye. You couldn't bare to look down into his irises, but you could feel them burning your flesh. It was electric to be this close to him, tantalizing and dangerous.
"Tell me what you're thinking," Levi said suddenly, you flinched and made the mistake of catching his eyes. You stared caught in those grey storm clouds, the tension causing you to tremble. "I never asked about you enough. So tell me what you're thinking...you're so – unreadable."
"...I..." you breathed, drawing in a small stream of air. "...I'm trying to make sense of this...I don't understand..."
You sat still as a statue, as Levi carefully raised his hands to rest on your cheeks. Leaning forward, he gently put his nose to yours – like the picture that wounded him so much – and kept eye contact with you.
Levi decided he was going to tell you the whole story. That was what you deserved, and maybe then you'd understand. But he had to keep your attention first.
"I don't need you to say anything, [Name], I only need you to listen to me. You deserve the answers you want, and I'll explain it until you can comprehend them..." he said quietly, his lips ghosting across yours. "I was still a thug when I met Chuck. Farlan, Isabel and I ducked in the bar one night. We were in some deep shit. But, we were only a couple of teens then – we didn't know better. The other two left, while I stayed behind. Chuck offered me a drink and we talked some. I found out that the bank was going to repossess the building if Chuck didn't pay up. Lexi was the most expensive whore in that place, like she still is. Once we got talking, Chuck begged me to sleep with her. He told me it was just the once, I had some cash I'd stolen so I decided to do it – but once I did, he kept calling. Asking me to sleep his girls so he could pay rent, in return he wouldn't tell the police what I was up to with the gang.
"When I got out of the gang and joined Titan Industries and began to climb the corporate ladder, I'd still kept the habit of going to the bar. I was slipping that asshole money under the table to keep his establishment going. As long as I was doing that I also wouldn't tell the police that he was running a brothel and serving alcohol to minors. In return, I could have the girls whenever I wanted for half or low charge – free when they were feeling generous – and I could get all the free liquor I could drink. This went on for a while, and then –"
"You met me?" you asked so low you could barely hear yourself.
"Yes, and then I met you," Levi agreed, his eyes still staring through yours. "And suddenly all of the booze and sex didn't matter. I didn't understand why, and it scared the living hell out of me. As you know, I hastily jumped at the chance to be with you. At first, I hadn't known just what that meant, it took a year of us being together before I did. From the start, though... I saw you whenever I closed my eyes, and my mind went...crazy...at the thought of you. When I kissed you it felt like the world tapered off around us, quickly I found I never wanted a day without you. But still – I'd never felt anything like it, and that scared me.
"I didn't think to go to Isabel and Farlan about it, or even to talk to you first. I headed to straight to Chuck's and drank my weight in shots. He asked me what it was about. He'd called you 'the stupidly pretty girl' that got in my head. As I said, he told me some fucked up shit. 'Have your whiskey, and drink it too!' were his words. Sleep with his girls, the ones he insisted were the most beautiful in the world, and keep you quietly ignorant at home. And much to my future to regret – I'd believed him, like the ass I was.
"I feel like such a fucking bastard..!" cried Levi, fury flitting through his silver eyes. A muffled, 'you are' sounded from Jean in the back bedroom. Levi pried his eyes away from yours momentarily, to glare at the bedroom door.
When Levi released your eyes, you felt like you could breathe again. The squeezing in your chest had gone, and it felt like your heart could beat properly. But everything seized up again when Levi return his attentions to you.
It was quiet between the two of you again. A cold tension shaking through you both.
"Tell me what you're thinking," Levi muttered. You swallowed the thick lump in your throat, your brows finally relaxing from being furrowed. An unexplainable calm swept through you.
"I want to know why you're here Levi," you said. "And I don't just mean coming here and – spewing – out this stuff –"
Anger and hurt flashed through Levi's eyes again as he pulled away from you. His glare this time was trained on you. "You don't fucking believe me, do you? – do you, [Name]?!"
"And it's left its scars and burns running up and down my back
Still I'm learning, still I keep myself on track..."