Don't Chase Me [Cheater!Levi Ackerman|Mod!Au] - Chapter 19: Chapter 19

"So keep me close and never stray
I'll promise you the same.
If we should fall we'll rise again
And never place the blame..."
"Alright, what the hell?!" That was Jean's voice as he stormed down the hall, Marco trying fruitlessly to stop him. "What kind of shithead are you that you think [Name]'s just gonna go prancing back to you like nothing happened?!"
"This isn't your fight, Kirstein, stay out of it!" snapped Levi, pulling away from you to glare at Jean.
"You're in my apartment, smartass, and we're not at work so you're not my boss," Jean spat, arms crossed as he and Levi glared at each other (although, his glare was already starting to falter).
"Stop it, the both of you," you said, going to stand between them. You turned to Jean with a meaningful smile. "Look, Jean, you're my friend and I know you're only looking out for me but this is between me and Levi. And, yes, we are in your apartment but still..."
"Jean," Marco insisted, grabbing Jean's arm. "Leave them be –"
"Sorry, Marco," Jean said, pulling his arm out his grip. "But there's no way in hell – [Name] are you out of your damn mind? You're seriously just going to go back to him, after what he's done?"
"I," you started, flinching. "I haven't decided yet."
"Do really trust what he says enough to guarantee he'll never cheat again?! Do you have that much faith in him? How much of an idiot would you have to be?!" insisted the duel toned man, his arms going out to the sides to emphasize his point.
Levi growled to this, his muscles tensing and fists clenching. "Don't call her an idiot, horse face!"
Jean's glare turned to Levi as he stepped closer to him. "But you know I'm right!"
Levi didn't say anything to this.
You didn't know whether or not to muster a glare up, or who to send it to. You loved Levi, with all of your heart. You adored him so much it hurt, and it wasn't Jean's place to judge your decision, but at the same time – it was true.
Jean had a point.
Levi did hurt you, unfathomably so.
You ran your hands through your hair, searching the carpet for answers as you began to pace again. Tightness began to coil in your chest, questions racing through your mind.
Was Levi worth this?
Was he telling the truth?
Would he stick to his word?
A million questions sling-shotted through your mind, ricocheting off of one another. You felt a panic attack try and seize you, but you took a deep breath and pushed it away. Even with your numb knees, you still somehow found the strength to keep your pacing. You knew if you sat you'd just – give up.
Jean was the first to break the silence. "Have you ever cared, or even considered how she's felt through all of this?! Can you even understand how much she's hurting? You can ask her what she's thinking, but what about how she feels?!"
There was silence again, indicating that Levi had not. As much as you hurt, you knew he was hurting too. And you would always put him before yourself. Levi knew that too, and that's why it hurt him so much to hear that.
It was just another thing he never thought of ask you.
With all you knew of him – how much did he really know of you?
Looking at you now, Levi felt like you were a stranger. A stranger that he loved with all of his cold heart. A stranger he'd thrown away because the thought of being close to someone – be vulnerable – was a frightening one. But it was also frightening to think that this stranger would ever leave him before he got the chance to truly know them.
You could see all of his colours, but what kind of picture did you hold? What colours had he not yet uncovered? What stories lay etched in your mind? Levi wanted to be able to recite those stories like you could do with his. He was so busy being closed off from everyone, he forgot to allow time to let you open yourself up.
He was an even bigger piece of garbage than he thought.
"[Name]," said Levi softly. You stopped your pacing to look at him, but he was glaring down at the carpet with his body turned to you. Levi's shoulders were slumped, his fists trembling. "Tch, one day I'll get this right..."
"Levi, please, you don't have to –" you started, knowing where this was heading.
Levi's eyes shot up to you; his sadness and rage radiated off him in tsunami tides. The feeling was overwhelming. "Yes, I do! – There's always something I'm fucking missing, some damn thing or another I haven't considered when it comes to you. Whether it's what you thought, or how you felt – I hardly ever fucking asked you how your damn day was! I never did enough to show you I cared..."
You sighed, playing with the edge of your shirt. "Levi, please, I know it's hard for you – to show anything, really. And I know this is scary for you –"
"This isn't just about me, [Name]!" Levi shouted, throwing up his hands before marching over and planting his hands firmly on your shoulders. "This is about you, this is about us. You know how I feel about the dumbass thing I did. But I want to know how you feel about everything. How angry you are, how much you hate me!"
Your eyes widened, your mouth folding into a slight pout. "I don't hate you, Levi, I told you that. I still love you, even though I know should separate myself from you –"
"But how do you feel?" insisted the short man, squeezing your shoulders. He held your eyes steadily. He wasn't going to let this go until you answered him.
"How am I supposed to feel, Levi?" you muttered, shaking your head slightly while your shoulders raised a fraction. "You cheated on me – because you were scared of me and the feelings that I gave you. It hurts – it feels like you've ripped out my beating heart and you're tearing it apart vein by vein. And I don't know whether or not to forgive you – I'm so...confused! All of my common sense is telling me to tell you 'no' – to hurt you more than I already have. But I want to wake up next to you tomorrow morning, and have you kiss me like you always do. I want to know that this is all behind us, and that kiss is finally only mine –"
"I never kissed them, you know," Levi interjected, this caught you off guard; Levi loved to kiss you during sex – well any time of the day, really. "Even before I met you...remember Vivian's reason in Pretty Woman? I didn't want to fall in love with them, I just wanted their distraction. And I always used a condom."
"Always a clean freak, even during sex," you muttered with a slight smile.
Levi shrugged, his face as stoic as ever. "I was trying to keep from catching anything, or impregnating any of those bitches. The last thing I want is a kid from a whore."
You sighed, "Still, Levi, it doesn't change what you did. It doesn't keep it from hurting. I wish you would have just talked to me, or one of your friends. I know you considered Chuck your friend, but you really were an idiot to listen to him."
Levi sighed, releasing you and dropping his hands to his sides. "I know, and I'm never not going to regret it – I'll understand if you leave, I'd leave a shithead like me."
"I know...but I want, so badly, to tell you that I'll come home," you said, "I want so badly to treat this like it's just a bad dream –"
"I figured out so many things tonight – I feel...different. Like I'm a completely different man than I was yesterday. I know I'm a foul mouthed, grumpy, good-for-nothing bastard. But I've never panicked about anything like I panicked about you possibly leaving me for good. I want to work on our relationship, [Name] – I really want to try this time. I'm still scared, but I realized how little I have without you...You woke me up from my nightmare, [Name] so – please – let me wake you up from yours."
You two stood still, staring at each other.
What were you going to do? That was the question that plagued you now. You hadn't even noticed that Marco had finally been able to haul Jean back to their bedroom, until you listened to how quiet it was.
It was your call now. No Jean to interrupt.
No more argument to be had. No more points to make to each other.
Everything was out in the open now. The air between you two was finally light, but still heavy with the argument that had transpired – you felt bad for the Kirstein's neighbours, it was after midnight. With everything you knew about your beloved Levi, with that look in his eyes that you'd never seen before, a part of you believed him. That part wanted to run into his arms, kiss him like he was the only thing that mattered and then sink into forever with him.
But there was a part of you that wanted to slap him silly, and get the rest of your stuff from the house. That part, however, was slowly softening. Levi's heart was unwinding in his eyes.
He really did seem different now.
His shoulders more squared, his jaw a little more hard set. His eyes, though they swelled with agony, seemed like they'd seen a war. He also seemed more worn, and it wasn't just from the ungodly amount of paperwork you knew he had waiting for him on his desk tomorrow morning – well, actually, his work day would start in about five or six hours.
Levi looked like a different man than he was yesterday. And it wasn't just his fight wounds.
Could a matter of a few hours really change a person that much?
You heart swelled, a warmth rushing through you as you looked at this weathered man.
Time felt like it was suspended just for the two of you, you both staring each other down. Two strangers across the room from each other, like the night you met. Even if his speech pattern was still his usual angry cursing. He got softer than you'd ever heard him before, his shell had cracked more than you'd ever seen it.
You saw it now, his rainbow. It was pouring out before you in this stranger, reflecting in those storm clouds that clouded his soul.
He was open and raw. He was gorgeous like this. It was as though he'd shed his past like a snake does to its skin. He looked so much more mature, and his heir was different now. This was a Levi you wanted. This was a man before you, no longer the scared boy you'd met in a bar two and a half years ago.
Levi was finally starting to see your beautiful iridescent and mother-of-pearl. He'd seen beneath that shell of yours, and wanted more than anything to be able to pry it away more.
He couldn't believe he'd wanted to throw this away, God! You were gorgeous, looking at you made his heart swell and hurt. Just like the first time he'd ever seen you, but he wasn't scared of it this time. This time, he was ready to face it head on. He wasn't going to run away anymore.
Tears began to leak from your eyes, a hand going to cover your mouth as you let out a sad chuckle with a head shake. Levi was hard to look at like this, in this new form he'd taken on. He was serious and beautiful and mature – his gaze didn't waver with uncertainty like it had before.
He was resolute now.
Removing your hand, you gave him a large smile. "Please come wake me up, Levi."
This caught the man off guard. He expected you to leave, but instead you were holding your arms out for him. He couldn't feel his legs as they carried them to you, standing before you only a moment before pulling you in for the tightest hug ever. You seemed to fall against him, your bodies moulding together in ways neither of you had never noticed before. Levi pulled back to wipe at the tears on your cheeks.
"I love you, [Name]," he muttered, watching your face intently. He wanted to see how you looked when he said that to you. He found your eyes were filling with affection, and he could feel your rib cage expand the slightest bit like you were making more room for those words in your chest. Suddenly, you grabbed his face and kissed him passionately.
This wasn't how you thought the night would end when you left. But, then again, you didn't think he would care, you didn't know he was scared – and you didn't know that his shell would ever crack.
"I want to go home, Levi," you muttered as you pulled away, to which the man nodded.
Levi was reluctant to let you go, and you him, when you knew you had to fetch your stuff from the guestroom. You bid goodbye to an angry Jean and a content Marco. You rode in Levi's mustang, your car would be retrieved later.
On the ride back home, Levi called out of work so that you two could spend a three day weekend together – and called the police, reporting Chuck's bar. When you slowly passed by it about twenty minutes later, there were police surrounding the building. Chuck was being brought out in cuffs, the look on his face when he saw Levi's smug face in his Mustang and you by his side was amusing; you could see Lexi glaring behind him.
The house had never looked so inviting as it had when Levi pulled into the driveway. It was almost as though it was smiling to know that you were returning with its missing half. You giggled as Levi scooped you up bridal style and carried you to the door. He carefully unlocked the door, and brought you inside.
You gawked at the mess. You'd never ever seen the house in this state, even after a party.
"I told you, I went crazy," Levi noted, carrying you up the hallway to your shared room.
"I can see that," you breathed, a mild sense of guilt washing over you. Yet, there was also a sense of pride – you'd broken Levi like a glow stick. He was shining now, and had freed himself of his dull cleaning habit to hunt you down.
Levi's cleanliness and pride were his two most important and guarded things. But tonight he'd showed you that he'd overcome them both. He'd finally showed you that you mattered more than anything.
Levi had completed his own painting before your eyes. Stripping away some of those dark hues and spatters of neon to reveal the delicate pastels beneath to you.
Levi placed you on in the middle of the bed, before changing and lying beside you. There was no hesitation from either of you and you twisted together to cuddle. You both laid silently, your head on his chest as you listened to his thunderous heart.
It was like lying beside a new man now.
"So what now, Levi?" you muttered sleepily.
He groaned, rubbing your arm affectionately. "What do you mean? We sort things out between us. I'm going to get a new phone and number in the morning, we're going to clean up the damn mess I made – I'm going to get Mikasa off of my ass..."
"I know, but – do you wanna, like, sell the house? Move to a different city? Do you want to –" you started, Levi kissed the top of your head gently.
"This is our home, [Name]," was all Levi said, and you knew he was right.
And, though these halls held dark things, you both wanted to smother them out with a new array of memories.
Happy ones.
You both were ready for everything to blow over. To finally be able to be together how you wanted.
You both were finally ready to wake up.
"Take all your love,
And what you're thinking of
And show it all to me..."