Evermore - Chapter 12: Chapter 12

I put a strawberry in my mouth as I put another on the reindeers nose. Natalie's still asleep, I got up early to make her breakfast in bed.
I smile at my work, I pick up the plate, bringing it over to the bed tray table, I put it on there, besides the cutlery.
I turn going over to the coffee pot, I open the cupboard above me, getting out a mug before closing the cupboard again.
I set the mug down on the marble counter before picking up the coffee pot, I pour a glass of the black coffee into the mug. I also put on a Christmas hat in honour of Christmas.
I should bring one of her presents up...a small one. One of the books I got her.
I put the coffee pot back before lifting the mug, bringing it over to the tray. I set it down carefully.
I run to the living room quickly, I bend down besides the tree looking around. I pick up one of the presents with my wrapping paper. It's a white one with little candy canes.
I pick it up, it's definitely one of the books I got her...I think?
I go back to the kitchen again. I try fit it on the tray, it's a tight fit but it's fine. Maggy lays down on the floor.
I look around before I walk over to one of the drawers pulling it out, I look in the next one as I close it.
"Maggy, where does she keep your treats?" I look to her and she just stares at me.
"Yeah, I figured I wouldn't get an answer." I huff, I pull out another drawer spotting them, okay...She has a lot of treats. I take out one of the packets as I feel Maggy rubbing herself off my legs.
I smile opening the bag of treats, I take out a few of the small treats before closing the packet and putting it back where it was. I close the drawer with my hip before I bend down holding my hand out to her.
She eats them and I smile.
As she finishes, I rub the top of her head before standing back up, I walk over to the sink quickly washing my hands.
I turn around again lifting the tray from the counter...definitely heavier than I thought. I watch the coffee as I start walking slowly...really slow.
I can't drop any of this...if I do everything is ruined, Christmas will be over. I bite the inside of my cheek focusing...very hard.
I walk towards the stairs as slow and as steady as I can, the stairs is where everything could go downhill...myself included.
I take the first step and the coffee swirls inside the mug.
"Happy birthday, Jesus. I love you." I whisper before taking another step. The fork slides and I gasp but nothing falls.
I take two steps...everything's still in tact.
I keep walking..slowly, steady and concentrating as best as I can. I spent like an hour preparing this, if my hard work gets ruined...I will cry.
Last few steps.
I take one step at a time, the coffee still swirling...my heart pounding....But I can't panic because then my hands will get shaky—and sweaty and everything will fall, knocking me back down the stairs with it. Then Natalie will have no breakfast, a broken mug and plate along with a broken girlfriend...
"Darling." I hear Natalie. I freeze. I'm going to fall back..
"Don't move! Stay in bed! Please, just give me a second!" I say.
"Why? What are you doing?" I hear her ask suspiciously, I take another step...there's one more step.
"Just wait! Wait, please!" I say and I hear nothing.
"Natalie, please stay in bed!" I tell her. I take the last step.
I MADE IT.
Another win for Miss Cooper.
I walk down the hall watching the coffee specifically as I don't hear anything from Natalie. The coffees is the thing that will fall or spill making everything bad.
I get to the bedroom. I move the door open with my foot.
Natalie stands beside her bed and I huff.
"I told you stay in bed!" I give out and she looks at me.
"What are you doing?" Her lips curl into a smile as she offers her help but I shake my head quickly.
"Get into bed!" I huff and she does as I say...finally.
"Alright, alright." She gets into the bed and I smile slowly walking over.
I slowly put the tray down, over her lap. I let it go as I let out a breath of relief.
"Phew, that almost killed me." I say and Natalie smiles.
"When did you get up?" She looks up at me.
"Like...an hour ago or something." I scratch the side of my head. She pulls me closer by my hand to the bed and I smile.
"You're not a morning person." She laughs picking up her coffee taking a sip of it.
"Yeah...but I'm a person who want to make her girlfriend smile on this lovely Christmas morning." I say.
"You're amazing, I love you, merry Christmas." She says and I smile.
"I love you, Merry christmas. Wait! Before you eat, open one of your many presents." I motion towards the wrapped book.
She rolls her eyes still smiling. She picks it up.
"If this is another grammar book, I'll beat your ass with it." She laughs and I gasp rolling my eyes.
"It's not, I promise." I run around the bed quickly, I carefully get onto the bed, moving over to her.
She glances to me and I smile, leaning my chin onto her shoulder.
"Come on, open it!" I say.
"Alright, alright. Have patience." She tells me.
She unwraps, she does it slowly...not like I do, I rip my presents open like I have a time limit of five seconds. I mean...who doesn't want to know what they got right away, having a tree with presents beneath it and having to wait...and wait..it's unfair... it should be illegal.
"Mistakes were made?" Natalie questions looking over the cover...I picked it up, it was suggested to me online but I didn't expect what I got from it. Very...spicy?
"I read it, it's really good." I smile, leaning off of her shoulder.
"Hm." She turns it around, reading the blurb. I lay back on the bed looking around the room, she leans over kissing my head and I smile closing my eyes.
"Thanks, I'll read it when you go back to college and I finally get a break from you." She says and I ignore her rolling my eyes as I think for a second.
I watch Natalie as she cuts some of the pancake before eating it. She hums and I look at her side profile, I kind of stare...Her side profile is perfect, I'm jealous of it honestly. Her sharp jawline, perfect shaped lips and her nose...A view I wish I could wake up to every morning, I could potentially since she got fired...
She looks to me.
"Why are you staring at me?" She asks blocking her mouth, she takes some more pancake offering it to me, I shake my head.
"Nothing...." I say looking away.
"Speak." She says and I glance back to her.
"You got fired..." I say looking down at the backs of my hands since I don't want to see the small marks left on my palms.
"Yes. What about it?" She asks.
"I was just thinking..." I look at the blanket, pulling at it.
"Speak, come on, tell me." She says.
"We're just so far away from each other..."
"Diana." She says and I look at her.
"You could get an apartment, close to Yale, I could move in with you instead of living at the dorm....We could come back for Summer, Charlie can come stay with us whenever then....After I graduate, we move back here." I tell her and she searches my eyes.
"That's a big—"
"You told me the only thing keeping you here was this job....You could work near Yale." I kneel up looking at her.
"I'll have to think about it." She says and I furrow my eyebrows sitting up.
"Think about it? You hate the distance—"
"Yes, but my Dad just died and my Mom is a mess, I can't just leave."
"Do you not want to live with me?" I ask and she sighs. She reaches for my hands but I pull back slightly.
"I didn't say that—"
"You just said two seconds ago you'll read the book I got for you when you get a break from me." I tell her and she searches my eyes.
"I was being sarcastic."
"Well...I didn't like it." I sit back.
"Why are you mad with me because I can't just pick up my shit and leave?"
"You can, you're deciding not to." I sit back mumbling as she sighs.
"Why don't you drop out? You hate the distance, Diana. You're always complaining about Yale anyway." She tells me and I look at her.
"I will then—"
"Jesus Christ."
"I've been telling you I want to drop out but you keep telling me not to....Now you have the decision to move closer and you don't want to."
"I do want to, I really do but my Mom, Diana, she is grieving her husband—"
"What has that got to do with you?" I ask and she furrows her eyebrows looking at me. She takes the tray off her lap quickly, some of the coffee spills, she puts it on the floor as she gets out of the bed.
"I'm going to pretend you did not just ask me that." She says, she's trying not to get mad...She walks to the bathroom.
"Oh, of course, walk away from the argument." I sit back shrugging, she turns around looking at me.
"I'm walking away because you are angry because I won't leave my grieving mother for you. That woman has raised me since birth, it is my turn to take care of her for the time being." She says.
"Okay." I say shrugging and she hums shaking her head as I look down to the blanket.
"No, it's not fucking okay. Do not start shit you know so little about." She says and I look up at her giving her a weird look.
"Shit I know so little about?" I get up off the bed scoffing at what she said. Shit I know so little about...Good for her that she grew up with two parents and I know nothing about that.
"I didn't mean it like that." She says and I roll my eyes, I leave the bedroom slamming the door behind me as I take off the stupid hat dropping it on the floor.
I'm not staying here, not when she's acting like this...She said she wish she could explain the love she had for me....yet she won't take the opportunity to move closer to me.
"Diana, stop slamming shit and come back so we can talk!" She shouts so I can hear as I walk down the stairs.
"I'm going to Janes! Go to your moms house since you have one!" I shout back.
"Why are you being like this?" She asks, I look back as she stands at the top of the stairs.
"Fuck you." I say and she sighs.
"I didn't mean it like that, you know I didn't, I wouldn't—"
"But you did, Natalie! You won't even move closer to me when you have to chance—"
"I don't have the chance, for fuck sake! I can't shit the amount of money I need for an apartment. I have no job, I have money but not enough to pay for two houses! I am not selling this one!" She says.
I ignore her grabbing my keys and slipping on my shoes quickly, I'm still in my pyjamas but I'm not staying her when she's acting like this.
"So you're leaving?"
"I'm going to Janes." I say opening the front door, I shut it behind me. She can clean the kitchen.
✺
I sit down on the couch, My grandma and some of my family came over to Janes. Danielle had another baby last year so there's crying and I'm beginning to get a headache.
They had Christmas dinner and everything but I decided not to eat since I'm not hungry. I've just been sitting on the couch for the last few hours while movies keep playing on the Tv.
I called Charlie, he couldn't really talk since his Aunt Gigi was trying to talk to him and he felt rude. I told him I was fine while digging my nails into my palm again, It's always been a habit, shutting my fists tightly but Natalie has gotten me to stop by taking my hand or telling me to stop...But yesterday when she wasn't there, I bled. I mean it's okay, it's not that serious, just the pain clams my nerves weirdly.
"Got you a glass of wine." Beck walks into the living room making me jump a little.
"Oh, thank you." I say taking the glass. She nods sitting down beside me, I glance to her and she sits back.
"What's up with the girlfriend?" She asks and I sit back too, shrugging as I take a sip of the wine.
"We got in a fight earlier this morning, I think it's my fault though, I just got mad because she can't move to Yale." I say and she nods.
"Why can't she?"
"Her Dad died and her Mom is grieving, obviously....She told she can't leave because she just has to check in with her Mom and stuff...I made it about myself though..I didn't even think because she was never close with her Dad and...just...I made it about my own parent issues and stuff." I swirl the glass.
"Did she kick you out? Do you want me to kick her ass because I have no problem doing it." Beck laughs and I do too a little.
"It's fine, Beck and no she didn't, I left myself. I just didn't think about her Moms feelings and she's a really nice woman, she gave me this bracelet and I was just so rude about her...I just..." I shrug.
"It's okay. You love Natalie and of course you want her to live closer, it's understandable." Beck speaks and I nod taking another sip of my wine.
"I think I upset her though, I think I upset her a lot during our arguments and she's just always so calm with me because she knows I'm not good with yelling and stuff....but I always end up yelling at her." I huff.
"You care about each other, you're going to have your arguments whether you like them or not, especially when you two do end up moving in together...Theres going to be arguments, you just have to work through them." Beck tells me before Jane walks into the living room too.
I glance to her as she smiles coming over to the couch, she sits down beside me.
"Hi." I say sitting back.
"Um...Diana." Jane looks at me and I look back at her.
"Hm?" I question as Beck looks to the doorway, I follow her eyes and notice Danielle and Paige looking in....
"Just say it, Jane, whatever it is." I huff taking a sip of the wine as I look to her.
"Your mom was invited...by Grandma, I didn't know and she's on her way...I tried calling to tell her—"
"It's fine." I say without thinking and she looks at me, no it's not because my heart is now racing. My Christmas could not get worse...really.
"I can tell her—"
"I said it's fine. I wasn't supposed to come over and I just showed up so it's fine." I say, she nods.
"Are you sure?"
"I'm positive, I'll be fine...." I trail off as I look away. Jane walks out of the living room closing the door.
"Did you know?" I ask Beck and she shakes her head, she looks annoyed.
"No, she doesn't deserve to be invited over for Christ sake." Beck says taking a long sip of her wine, I think Beck is the only one who's held the grudge against my mom. I mean I see my other Aunts and grandparents rarely...I haven't seen my Dads family since he left—but my Moms family just never held anything against her for what happened—except Beck...I mean Jane didn't talk to her for a while, probably because she was sleeping with my Dad.
"Do you hate her, My mom?" I look to Beck and she looks back at me.
"Do you want an honest answer?"
"Yeah...I guess."
"Then yep, I hate her."
"Why though?" I question.
"Because what she did was so messed up, on too many levels to count. You were a kid, Diana. Especially after your Dad left...It's just so wrong and the fact they moved on...Do they even call you?" She asks and I shake my head.
"Exactly, I don't want to upset you but I'm saying the truth. I know you said you don't want to speak to them...they should still be trying." She tells me and I take a sip of my wine. I drop my head against the back of the couch.
"I guess....I just wish none of it ever happened...I miss my parents still, I miss the childhood I could have had...I miss our camping trips when my Dad would gross me out with worms and stuff making me run and my Mom protect me." I smile a little thinking back on it, I still remember every good memory, I try remember them more than the bad ones.
"Your Mom always hated camping."
"Yep...I wonder if she thinks about those trips...or the time we went to the aquarium and I got that little teddy bear in the gift store..I ended up losing it, I cried and my Dad bought me Mac Donald's...He went back to that aquarium and got me the same exact teddy bear." I say scrunching my nose a little as Beck listens.
"I would have took you in if I could have, I wanted to." She tells me and I look at her.
"It's fine—"
"It's just not though, Diana. Nobody should have had to take you in, your parents should have been there for you."
"I'm fine though, I mean I have my days where I get upset but I'm okay, I'm happy." I say lifting my head and she sighs.
"You were the sweetest kid." She shakes her head and I bite my lip a little.
"My parents raised me well until I had to do it myself for awhile." I say and she looks away.
"I need a stronger drink so excuse me." She nods at me getting up. I nod.
She goes to the living room door opening it. She shuts the door as she leaves.
It's weird to think about...My childhood and my parents now..
I mean my Mom's out of rehab—I mean of course she is, it's been two years. But is she really clean? Or is she drowning herself in alcohol and drugs while pretending she's okay.
I want Natalie, if she was here she would help me with these thoughts...But I got mad—overreacted—over my parents, over my mom who is actually on her way over.
Shit....Shit? I said it was fine to Jane when it's not because I had a breakdown about my Parents yesterday.
She's out of rehab and she hasn't even called.
It's Christmas...Yesterday I was expecting today to go with me and Natalie opening presents and baking more cookies, watching Christmas movies and laughing....But here I am, running away from Natalie because I'm angry she doesn't want to move with me, I'm throwing a pity party for myself on a couch while my mom is on her way over.
I need to cry...I think.
I stand up from the couch, I pick up the wine glass as I walk to the living room door, I pull it open.
As I step out I bump straight into someone, I drop my wine glass...The glass shatters everywhere...all over the floor.
I look up, to be faced with my mom who's white dress is now mostly stained a light maroon.
Shit.
Shit.
Shit.
Shit!
"Oh my god!" She says, it's more louder than her indoor voice should be—I spilled wine all over her she's going to murder me—I should run—I can't run—I can't.
I can fix this—right...I just—
"I'm so sorry—I can fix it...I promise—I'm sorry." I bend down quickly picking up the shards of glass as the panic rises in my chest—or maybe it's fear at the raised voice I used to hear before I was left with marks, I get cut and wince a little as Jane comes over quickly.
"Put that down!" Jane shouts since my hand begins to bleed. My Moms hand goes to my shoulder and I freeze as my heart beats too quickly for comfort. I try swallow but my mouths gone dry as my hand begins bleeding...a lot and my head spins—from the fear or the blood—I don't know.
"I'm sorry—I'm so sorry, I'm sorry—"
"Diana, take a breath." Jane says as Beck comes over quickly, taking my hand and pressing a cloth to it.
"I'm so sorry, it was an accident—"
"Diana." Jane says looking at me as my eyes begin to fuzz—I want to pass out, I need to just disappear right now....Please let me sink into the floor.
"I'm so sorry, Jane." I say as my breath hitches as I'm unable to catch it and she looks away from me and to my Mom, who only put her hand on my shoulder but I thought she was going to do something else—maybe I knew she wouldn't but this has happened before, with my orange juice at the table after I cooked us food....
My mom steps away from me as Beck applies pressure to the cloth at my hand, it's red, I'm bleeding. It hurts—yeah but I don't know...My eyes are watering but not really from the pain—I'm panicking.
"Natalie." I breathe out, I want Natalie...I need her right now. Oh god, please, I need Natalie.
"I'll call her." Jane straightens up as a few tears fall down my cheeks. Paige comes over brushing up the glass as Beck helps me straighten up.
"Breathe, come on." Beck says as she looks at me. I look around the hall quickly as my little cousins stare at me.
"Beck, I need Natalie—please—I want Natalie." I inhale deeply since it feels like I'm suffocating. Natalie is the only person who can make me feel safe—calm when I panic like this—why am I panicking...
"Bring her upstairs, I need to find my phone, there's bandages." Jane comes over in a panic handing stuff to Beck. My hands are shaking and I'm now noticing as more blood drops to the floor.
"She has to breathe first, Jane." Beck says.
"Im breathing." I say as I take a big breath, I slow down, breathing in for a few seconds before out.
"Upstairs, come on." Beck says letting go of the cloth on my hand.
-Natalie's POV-
I park quickly, I almost crashed on the way for Christ sake, I didn't even put on my seat belt. People should be at home for Christmas not driving around causing me to be stuck in traffic.
I pull the keys out of my car in a hurry before I get out of my car, shutting the door after me. Jane called me saying Diana's Mom is here and there's been a 'whole situation' as Diana spilled wine and broke a glass and she can't catch her breath. Jane also mentioned she kept saying my name.
I walk up the door opening it, I should have knocked but I don't care because I don't know what the fuck happened.
"Jane?" I say as I shut the door behind me.
A woman comes out of the kitchen, oh I could punch her. A thin woman, pale, blonde thin hair, blue eyes with bags beneath them. They looks so alike, she's just older.
"Did you touch her?" I ask and she squints at me a little.
"No, I didn't, Jane is upstairs with her." She tells me as she takes a small step back, I give her a look before walking over to the stairs, I run up quickly.
Jane and Beck are outside her old bedroom door, beck holding a bloody cloth. What the fuck.
"What happened?" I question walking closer.
"Glass broke, she tried to pick it up." Beck says and I look to the closed door, Beck steps out of the way and I glance to them both before I open the door.
I step inside shutting it behind me, the curtains are closed and the light off, there's only light coming through the edge of the curtains.
I see her blonde hair above the blanket.
I sigh walking closer to the bed, I sit down beside her as she doesn't look up, she stays facing away from me, I look at her bandaged hand...Noticing blood on the other, the one without any bandage.
I look a little closer noticing to small crescent dents in her palm, Jesus Christ.
I take off my shoes before laying down behind her, she sniffles and I move closer, my front against her back as I become the big spoon like she begs me to do sometimes.
I press my lips to the back of her head.
"I'm sorry." She whispers and I shut my eyes.
"I don't want to hear it. I am sorry, it was my fault what happened this morning and I'm sorry for not being here with you." I whisper moving her hair back out of her face.
"Thank you for still coming even when I was rude earlier...you didn't have to." She says.
"I chose to because I love you, Diana. I care about you too much to let a small argument stop me from coming here to make sure you are alright and clearly you aren't." I whisper and she moves back more against me.
She opens her hands looking at them, I lean my chin on on her shoulder as I put my hand on the back of her unbandaged hand.
"Why did you do that?" I ask look at her hand and she closes her hand.
"It's helps."
"It doesn't, darling, it may feel like it in some way but trust me, it does not help you in reality." I say to her, softly because otherwise it may sound harsh.
"I'm—"
"Don't say sorry, it's alright, you just need to find ways around it and I will help you, I'll always be here to help you." I bring her hand to my lips, kissing it gently before pulling it back and closing her hand carefully.
"I love you..." She says and I stay quiet for a second. I think for a few seconds.
More than a few seconds actually. I pull back a little and she turns looking back at me confused, she searches my eyes, hers red and watering.
"Can I ask you something?" I question.
"What?"
"My mom....she gave me something." I say, I take my hand away from her waist as I reach into the back pocket of my jeans.
I pull the ring out before showing her, She shifts a little. It's silver, there's small diamonds going around the thin lining of the ring while a bigger diamond lays in the middle.
"That's beautiful." She says and I look at it.
"Hm, do you like it?"
"Yeah, it's beautiful, it looks very expensive though."
"It's my Moms wedding ring." I tell her and she tilts her head slightly looking at me.
"She took it off?" Diana asks quietly and I nod.
"Yes...You'll never believe what she told me to do with it." I lean up on my elbow and she searches my eyes. I laugh a little.
"What?"
"She told me to ask you." I look at the ring. That night when I was helping my Mom, I stayed longer than Carson and Camila. I think I talked about Diana for an hour—maybe two because although I'm not one to speak too much, I could not shut up at the chance to speak about her.
My mom took off her ring and told me to ask Diana when I got home, I didn't have the guts to do it because of our argument but I've been waiting for the right time as I've been taking it everywhere with me. I was thinking of maybe planning something for New Years.
"Ask me...? As in...?" She keeps searching my eyes, she's nervous.
"I was going to wait, prepare a whole thing but I think I should ask you now." I say looking away since I have to prepare myself. I wasn't planning to do this today.
"Natalie..." She says and I look back at her.
"I may not be able to move closer to you quite yet...but I do have the opportunity to see you more until we can move in together for good...I should have prepared a speech." I say and she laughs a little.
"Look....I've been in love before and that probably drives you crazy, but the love I have for you is something I have never felt, it's one I never want to lose and I don't think I could even if we ended things....I wrote a book, about us and in those...three hundred and fifty seven pages, I was never able to find the write words to describe the love I have for you—the love we share even...It drives me insane that I still can't but the least I could do to show it a little more by changing the whole girlfriend thing to fiancée.." I cringe slightly since I hate being like this, saying these types of things, I mean it, but it's still embarrassing to speak aloud.
"Baby, wait, seriously?" She looks up at me as her eyes begin watering. I smile a little nodding.
"I love you, Diana. Will you marry me?" I ask as my voice lowers.
"Seriously? Natalie, you're not joking?" She asks me and I shake my head.
"I am serious." I say and she searches my eyes quickly.
"Then—yeah—of course—yeah—oh my god." She says sitting up a little, she holds out her hand and I slide the ring onto her ring finger before bringing the back of her hand to my lips, kissing it again before rubbing my thumb over when I kissed. She sniffles a little and I look at her smiling.
"Can I kiss you, Diana?" I question and she laughs a little as she cries.
She nods and I lean forward kissing her as my hand goes to the side of her neck.
I pull back slightly, keeping my eyes closed before I kiss her gently again.
I pull back opening my eyes this time to look at her. She smiles looking down at the ring on her finger.
"Weird to think that it was over two years ago when we were risking it in the janitors closet." She whispers and I snort.
"At lunchtime, poor Charlie." I say and she smiles, she moves closer to me, leaning her head against me.
"I remember the feeling the first time."
"Really? Tell me, what did you feel?" I ask.
"Scared, when you asked me did I need to use the bathroom, I knew what you wanted to do."
"And..?"
"I got turned on weirdly...But not like the time with Melody, it was all too sudden with her, I didn't get time to process what was happening before I..." she cringes and I laugh, pulling against me.
"What was different with me?"
"You asked...I was scared, yeah but I wanted it to happen, you made me feel okay unlike Melody, you were slow at first because you wanted to make sure."
"Because I didn't want you to feel like you had to do anything, the last thing I would do is force someone...especially with a thing like sex." I tell her and she leans up, kissing the side of my neck.
"I love you."
"I love you." I respond looking at the ring on her finger.
"We should go home....Did you open your presents?" She asks.
"No, I was waiting for you."
"Okay, let's go."
"Are you alright? We can go home and go to bed if you need rest after what happened."
"No..I'll be fine, I just want to open our presents and forget about what happened before this." She says and I nod getting up off the bed.