Evermore - Chapter 2: Chapter 2

-Natalie's POV-
I walk into the kitchen putting the grocery bag down on the counter with a sigh. I take off my jacket throwing it onto a chair at the island as I sigh.
My phone rings in my bag again and I groan rubbing my head, my mom has been calling me all day for Christ sake. I think it may have slipped her mind that I am a teacher.
I put my hands on the counter waiting for it to ring out as I stare at the bags I have to unpack. Oh, I hate being an adult.
Once my phone rings out, I begin to unpack the groceries, I had to work late because I got caught supervising detention and there was a few students there and they would not shut up. I ended up shouting at them and thank fuck they were quiet after it.
I put the eggs in the fridge before my phone starts ringing again.
"Goddammit, mom." I speak out loud to myself.
I shut the fridge walking over to my black bag in the counter, I open it moving my laptop out of the way and reaching for my phone.
I pick it up and answer it.
"Yes? Jesus christ, I have about fifty missed calls from you, mom." I snap.
"It's Carson, Nat, we need to talk." He says and I run my hand over my face, I do not want to talk, I want to go to bed...but I can't do that since I have shit to do.
"About?" I ask, I tilt my head to balance my phone between my ear and my shoulder while I continue to unpack the groceries.
"Dad."
"What about him?" I ask.
"Did nobody call you yesterday?" Carson asks, his voice showing confusion.
"No...why?"
"Shit, Natalie." He says and I sigh to myself again.
"Spit it out, chico."
"Dads dying...this morning they said he doesn't have long left—mom called you multiple times since everyone was at the hospital except you. He wants to talk to you." He says and I freeze. Jesus Christ.
"Did he possibly lose his memory or anything like that?" I question setting the milk in my hand down.
"Natalie, this isn't the time for jokes, seriously. Just get to the hospital as soon as possible." Carson says before the call ends. I hum dropping my phone on the counter.
Of course, I am the last informed that my father is dying. That may be my own fault for not answering the phone, but I am assuming my whole family is at the hospital. I'm guessing it was a stroke or something.
My dads father did have a stroke, two times, the second being the reasoning of his death. I don't have much memories of him as I was young when he died. My dads mother, died when he was young. I don't know what of since she was never spoken about.
I put the freezer items away before I grab my keys, my dad being in the verge of death should rush me but if it was me on that bed, I wonder if he'd show up at all.
✺
I walk down the bright hallway to where my family stands speaking amongst themselves, I fix my shirt looking down at it.
"Oh, Natalia!" I hear my mom say rather loudly, I look up at her and she's crying, more than crying she's hysterically crying, you could say.
Oh Jesus.
"Are you alright?" I ask and she shakes her head as I walk closer, she wraps her arms around me and I freeze. I make eye contact with Carson who looks like he has been crying recently too, the red eyes making me believe that.
"It's alright, he...he's strong." I look back to my mom unsure of what to say to her, she cries into my shirt. I was not expecting this. But, it is painful to see my mom cry.
"Natalia, he's going to go soon." My mom sobs, I put my hand on the back of her head, I kiss the top of her head...When people get emotional around me, I don't know how to react most of the time.
"And we are all here for you, mom." I whisper and she tightens her arms around me making me flinch slightly.
Camila sits down on one of the chairs, crying. Ellie is beside her, with teary eyes. Caleb is leaning against a wall staring at the floor. Anna's bent down speaking to Lilah. Zack is in with my dad, I am guessing.
The door opens to my dads room, Zack steps outside, crying...goodbyes aren't easy, especially to someone who has raised you. Or someone you loved deeply, but that's the difference between me and everyone else here, my dad has never offered me love, I wasn't raised by him.
I rub my moms back as Olivia steps out of my dads room too, of course, she's here. Olivia looks at me nodding for me to go in.
"Mom, I need to—"
"I got her." Carson comes over putting his hand onto my moms back, she lets me go. I feel the wet on my shirt but I straighten my shirt out before walking over to the door.
I step inside, it's a small room, really, there's only a bed, a side table with flowers, a chair, a heart monitor and some other things along with a window but the curtains are closed.
I look to my dad, he has a nasal cannula, for his breathing. His eyes look heavy, his skin paler than usual.
I shut the door, there's not much light, only the light escaping through the window and the room window, but those shutters are half closed.
I walk closer to the bed looking at the floor, unsure of my feelings and what to do or say.
I stand for a second, staring at the tiled floor beneath me. Something Diana would do.
"Natalia." He says, his voice isn't strong like usual, it's much weaker, quieter. I look up to him.
"Hm?" I hum, my lips pressing together.
"Sit down." He lifts his hand weakly, pointing toward the end of his bed.
I take a breath as I walk over to the bed, I sit down on the edge, making sure I don't sit on his legs. I wouldn't want to crush the already dying man.
I look to the floor again since I am not used to sitting down with him. Although I can make eye contact for long with strangers, I can't with him.
I make myself out to be this confident and careless woman but around my dad...I feel so insecure and small. Which I find embarrassing for myself.
"Are you going to shame me, or give out once more while you still can?" I question looking to him. He looks back at me, it's like looking into my own eyes. I think this is the first time I've truly looked into his eyes, he looks sad...Anyone would on their deathbed, their family coming in one by one to say goodbye, knowing it's the last time.
He smiles and it makes my flinch...I flinched. Maybe because my Dads never smiled at me, he's never been happy about anything involving me.
He coughs a little and I just continue to look at him. He sits back taking a big breath. I look to his heart monitor before back to him.
"You better do it while you still can." I say threading my fingers together, I look at my hands, they aren't shaking or anything. Of course they're not, I don't do well with death, I don't process death, so I don't know how to feel. Maybe just loss in general is something I don't process.
I unthread my fingers, stretching out my fingers, looking at my hands, the dark red gel nails...I got them short..I look at the veins in my hands, studying them along with my skinny fingers.
"I'm proud of you." I hear him say. I shut my hands looking up, not to him, to the white shutters on the window of the hospital room, I see the bright light peaking through.
"No you're not, don't lie to yourself because you're going to die." I say, harshly. I get that he's going to die, I do, he's my father but he's never acted like one towards me. I won't sit here and speak bullshit, especially to a dying man.
"I am not lying...You...you remind me a lot of myself when I was...younger." He takes small breaks between his words.
I look back to him again.
"Why? Why have you treated me differently?" I ask and he looks back at me.
"You are different."
"Why? Because I am in love with a woman? I know you think it's not normal...but it is not something I can control, but I wouldn't change it—yes, when I was twelve and thinking about it in my room because you thought I was different, I would wish to change it back then. I knew that me not finding a man to have children with would set you off, but get over it, honestly." I sigh and he doesn't react, he just stares at me.
"You don't understand, Natalia."
"I don't understand?..." I laugh a little before taking a breath so I don't raise my voice too much.
"I was the teenager who cried in her room for years because of my feelings towards women, yes, believe it or not I did cry...I thought it was wrong, because you spoke so low of people like me...because we love? Just like you love mom. I loved Olivia and...you thought it was okay when I got heartbroken because she got with a man—my own brother..You never once asked if I was alright." I say and he closes his eyes for a second.
I take a breath to calm myself down.
"Your grandmother." He says before her coughs again, his body shaking. I look at him.
"What?" I question, confused why this is being brought up now.
"It's not that I don't accept you. I cannot. My mother was murdered for loving a woman, my father raised me to not accept that...his wife had an affair with a woman and died because of it." He says taking a long inhaled breath.
I search his eyes as they fill with tears, I shift uncomfortable before looking away from him.
"I didn't know...I apologise and I can understand that in a way—but before I came out, you never cared about—"
"I have always cared about, I was worried."
"Worried of what?"
"I saw myself in your eyes..I still do."
"Why's that so bad?"
"Because...I was not a good person before I met your mom." He says quietly as his voice becomes weaker, I glance to the heart monitor again before back at him.
"I was a child....seeing yourself in my eyes is not an excuse for you to ignore me, not treat me as your child. You used to say I was a 'freak' for not crying but trust me I did, I cried thinking why can't my dad just love me? Why can't he love me like he loves my siblings, what did I do?" I ask and he's the one so look away this time.
"I knew you would grow up to be strong, you're confidence...it threatened me." He says and I scoff a little, pinching the bridge of my nose.
"I love you, Natalia and care about you deeply. Even though I never showed that." He says and I look at him. I stare into his eyes for a second, waiting for him to break the eye contact, but his eyes show sadness but truth.
"Do you truly mean that or are you bullshitting me?" question. He nods.
"I...support you in a way. I hope you will find a woman who loves you and cares about you as much as you deserve but I hope you are safe living your life." He says. I haven't told my family about Diana yet. It's complicated.
My phone buzzes in my pocket, ringing.
"Who is it?" My dad asks.
"The woman who loves me and cares about me as much as I deserve." I say, letting the phone ring out, I don't have to check it to know it's her. Of course it's her.
"Is she good to you?" He asks and I look at him again.
"She's amazing to me. I love her more than I could explain."
"What's her name?"
"Diana. You would like her, if she wasn't with me I suppose." I smile and he does too.
"She...better take care of you."
"Don't worry. I can take care of myself." I say and he blinks a few times. His face is almost grey.
"No doubt." He says...I barely hear him. I sigh looking at him.
"I'll get mom." I tell him.
"No." He responds, I look at him confused.
"She—"
"She won't move on, Natalia, especially if she sees me.." He stops talking, talking seems to take all the energy out of him. I don't think she will get over this either way.
"Will I leave?" I asks and he blinks slowly shaking his head slightly, barely.
His hand twitches, I look down and he lifts his hand, it barely lifts but it's shaking.
I take his hand, it's cold, very cold.
"I apologise...I never thought you....how to ride a bike. Happy birthday." He breathes heavier and I laugh a little.
"Are you gonna make me cry for the last time?" I ask but my voice shakes a little as I get goosebumps, but my body feels roasting, even as I hold his cold hand.
My eyes burn a little. God sake.
I look up blinking so the tears don't come out. I don't cry in front of people, I won't start now.
"I believe you're a good man...I just wish I got to see him for myself." I cover his hand with my other as I look at him, there's a shine in his eyes...for a second before it slowly dims.
I hear the monitor begins to beep louder. I let out a shaky breath.
The door opens quickly. I don't look to see whoever it is, I rub the back of his hand that's becoming colder by the second before getting up. I lean over kissing his head.
"Sleep well, Dad." I whisper. I look down at his hand before letting go the Nurse walks around the opposite side of the bed.
I turn around as my mom starts screaming as she cries, loudly in Carson's arms. I leave the room stepping out to where everyone is, they all heard the beeping so I guess that's it.
They're all crying.
I wipe beneath my eyes before my phone starts ringing again, I walk down the hall, away from everyone as I look at who's calling.
I wipe my nose as I take a quick breath before answering.
"Hello, my beautiful girl." I say clearing my throat looking up at the ceiling so the tear go away.
"You haven't answered my last few calls, is everything okay? I had this whole thing planned out—I was gonna play happy birthday on my laptop but you didn't answer." I hear her voice, I can tell she's pouting and I smile.
"I apologise, I've been busy today." I tell her, running my hand through my hair.
"Nat." I turn around to Olivia calling me. She nods back towards my family.
"Is that—"
"Look, I'm going to call you back in a while." I say before hanging up my phone to go back over to my family.