Evermore - Chapter 38: Chapter 38

-Natalie's POV-
I chew my nail watching my phone on the desk, I messaged Diana thirty minutes ago asking when she will be home. I don't know if she's left yet because I haven't gotten a response. The last time I was got no response from her during a car ride was when...
"Miss." Someone speaks up and I drop my hand dragging my eyes away from the dark screen, I look up to three hands raised. I look to one of my students, the one who called me.
"Yes? Are you alright?" I question.
"Could I go to the bathroom, please?" She asks and I nod, I look to the other two students.
"Same question?" I speak and they both nod.
"Go on, be quick." I say as they both stand up, I'm making most of my classes do silent reading because I haven't slept in almost a week at this point. I've gotten a few hours of broken sleep all together but I just keep waking up.
Then I'm lashing out because of my exhaustion and the night before Diana left I was an asshole, I was really horrible to her, I saw the pain in her eyes and I still chose to walk away. I shouldn't have. I keep thinking about it, I wanted to apologise on the phone but I think it's better to do it in person.
I suppose I've been treating her how I treated Olivia when I found out about her and Zack which Diana doesn't deserve but I just..my mind has gone to negative place after negative place about this whole thing.
I look up just as a student leans back on his chair, I go to speak but of course, he falls back causing a bang.
The class erupts into laughter and I sigh before I put my hands to my face as I laugh a little...I drop my hands as he gets up, his face going red. I'm too tired for this.
"Are you alright?" I stand up and he smiles awkwardly, nodding as he picks up his chair, they all keep laughing as one of his friends makes a joke making him block his face.
"Alright...It's supposed to be silent reading time." I clear my throat.
"Miss, we've been reading for twenty minutes in silence—"
"Matthew, fall off your chair again, I think I saw her smile." One of the girls speak up and I sit back in my seat as most of them keep laughing, debating whether or not to give out or be nice.
"You're acting as if it's a rare case to see me smile, Raegan." I look to her and she smiles at me. The students come back from the toilet finally, taking their seats again.
"Oh, it's a very rare case, Miss." Another student speaks up and I put my hand to head as I laugh.
"If I'm correct, you all are supposed to be reading. Not giving out about me and my resting bitch face." I speak, crossing my arms. Maybe I should have picked more appropriate words.
The laughing calms down and my phone lights up on the desk, I pick up it up quickly only to see a message from Tatum.
Tatum
U and Blondie still fighting??
Natalie
She's not home, she's out of the city for work
Tatum
Bring anyone home??
Natalie
No, I did not. Nor will I be bringing anyone home, don't even suggest anything.
Tatum
Bad joke. Sorry.
Natalie
Yes it was, now go talk to Maria and sort your problems with her out.
Tatum
I said it was a joke relax snow
Natalie
I'm tired, Tatum. Too tired for your shitty jokes, go to a bar and find someone to fuck or whatever you do.
She leaves me on opened and suddenly, I'm back in a bad mood. I put down my phone rubbing my hands over my face as the class talks amongst themselves and I just let them.
I should have stopped her from leaving on that stupid trip, I should have pulled her closer in bed and just spoke it out with her because now I've snapped at her on the phone the first night for having an attitude—I raised my voice, I got stressed with my writing and she wouldn't respond for hours after my phone died. I should have messaged more but I fell asleep.
Last night she was right about the shower...I got frustrated and I thought pleasuring myself would help, it didn't. I almost gave into her drunk on the phone when I should have hung up right away.
Talking to Diana drunk is very complicated sometimes since she refuses to listen. Most of the time she will say anything when there's alcohol in her system...
I sit up grabbing my phone again realising something.
Natalie
Are you with Diana right now?
Victoria
Hello to you too Natalie
Natalie
Hello, Victoria. Now, is she with you?
Victoria
She is. Will I tell her call?
Natalie
No. Don't tell her I'm messaging, but who was that man last night that started saying stuff to her?
Victoria
Angelo Karlton. I got him away from her and made sure she's ok so don't pounce me when I drop her home.
Natalie
He shouldn't have went up to her in the first place.
Victoria
Natalie I thought he wanted to speak with me.
Natalie
When will she be home?
Victoria
We're stopped for bathroom break, once she's finished we're on the road. Probably around six or so.
I put my phone down again sighing.
✺
-Diana's POV-
"I'm fine, Bella, really. I got it, see." I hold my two bags, Arabella shuts the trunk off the jeep nodding. I shake my head a little trying to get the pieces of hair coming out of my braid away from my face because of the wind.
"Okay then, I will see you tomorrow bright and early, first day in the building." Arabella smiles at me, I smile back before she looks up to the house. I look too just as the front door gets pulled open.
Natalie stands, holding Dorothea as she looks at me. She's always so beautiful. The pace of my heart picks up slightly as if I've begun running. She's just waiting at the door for me, that's normal—why am I freaking out already?
Victoria beeps making me and Arabella both jump, I almost drop my bags as I look to the jeep.
"You better give that girl a break!" I hear Lili shouting out the window, looks like it was not Victoria beeping.
I talked to Lili about Natalie last night, it was a very long talk. One that ended in me laughing because of Lili.
I look to the window and Lili sticks her head out, winks at me and blows a kiss before pulling away from the window making me laugh.
"Lili!" Victoria gives out to Lili as the window goes up, I glance up to Natalie again just as she shuts the front door, she's walking down the drive without Dorothea now.
"Oh." I let out, Arabella rubs my shoulder.
"I'll see you tomorrow." Arabella speaks and I nod as she walks to the car, she looks to Natalie nodding too. Natalie nods back before stepping closer taking my bags from my hands without a word...
I look at her confused but she doesn't speak, she turns around walking back to the house, I follow quickly glancing back to the car waving before they pull away.
I walk behind her up the drive, wanting to take her hand but I keep mine at my side while I look at the back of her.
I follow her up the steps to the house and she opens the door despite holding two bags. She's in her pyjamas, red silky long sleeved ones.
She holds the door open for me as she kicks off her shoes. She shuts it again, the house silent, not even the Tv from the living room is playing. She sets the bags down on the floor as she turns to me.
She looks at me, her eyes are bright but also dull, she looks like she hasn't slept explaining that dullness in her eyes. The things I would do to go upstairs and cuddle until we both fell asleep..
I go to speak but close my mouth, I just search her eyes while my heart beats quickly and my mind goes blank of the words I wanted to say. I don't know what this is—I'm scared—nervous.
I feel slightly imprisoned in this eye contact with her even though that's probably the cause of my racing heart.
"Did you...see Benji?" She clears her throat, questioning even though she knows the answer already, her voice is oddly dry. The eye contact doesn't break, I can hold her eye contact but I have a feeling we're both struggling with it now while also feeling like we can't look away.
"Yeah...Did you have a good day at work?" I ask, the house still feeling too quiet. She's not acting mad, walking away or ignoring me...Good sign unless this is her waiting for the perfect moment to murder me. Now would be a good time..
"Hm." She nods and I suck in a breath trying to breath straight because of this...tension. It makes me feel stuck in place, stuck looking at her even though my eyes burn because I forget to blink for a couple of seconds. The intimidation from Natalie's eye contact never goes away. It's worse when we're arguing.
Her mouth opens slightly making my eyes flit to them, her lips are perfect, a rosy pink colour and perfect shape. She licks her bottom lip a little before chewing at it. I want to kiss them.
My eyes meet hers again as I force myself out of gazing at her lips. Her pupils are bigger, I search her eyes quicker, my heart is still racing but I'm not scared. I don't feel so nervous either maybe, it's just awkward. I'm good with awkward—I make most things awkward so I should probably do something.
She walks towards me and I look up to her while my heart picks up it's pace even more, I don't move my head I just look through my eyelashes while every part of my body begs to move forwards to her. At this moment I feel as if I'm being sucked into a tornado like those ones in the cartoons. I could fight it or let myself be sucked in even though it may not be so good for either of us.
We can't.
We shouldn't..
Maybe she's not even thinking the same thing as me..
She stops herself right in front of me. She swallows while looking at me, now searching my eyes.
Her hand slips beneath my chin, lifting for me to look at her properly. Her hands are cold. I want her to slip her hands beneath my hoodie like she usually does in bed when I complain about her being cold, I always freak out but it allows her hands to warm up while the backs of her fingers trail along my skin giving oxygen to the butterflies in my stomach.
Her other hand tucks some strands of hair that have fallen, back behind my ear as she studies my face. My eyes drift down from her eyes, to her nose, her lips and then her neck which is mostly exposed beneath the V neckline of her pyjamas.
I move my hand to the chain around her neck, the one with "D" on it, the one she's wore every single day for the last two years.
"We should talk." Natalie says, quietly, I look up meeting her eye again as she steps closer, her hands moving down to my waist.
"Yeah...We should." I respond, my hands leaving the chain, falling to the buttons of the shirt, unbuttoning it.
"This is stupid."
"I know."
"We're going to regret it."
"I know." I look up to her, unbuttoning the last button on her pyjamas, I know she's not wearing a bra beneath, she never does with pyjamas.
She holds the end of my hoodie while we both look at each other for a long moment.
"Did you come last night?" I ask—I need to say something and usually Natalie is the confident one but she's just giving me a guilty look—I have to say it. She feels guilty about something—probably everything.
"What?"
"In the shower, when you touched yourself." I keep looking at her, my heart continuously beating too quickly, I'm going to have heart problems soon. My hands are going to begin sweating—I wish we were both drunk right now.
"No."
"Couldn't you?" I ask, I move my hands up her sides, I slide my hands down her smooth arms, pushing her shirt down.
"No, touching myself isn't the same."
"As what?"
"You. Touching me or eating me out, making my legs shake and whimpers to escape." She pulls up my jumper, I don't look at her bare top half, I look directly at her as I lift my arms above my head so she can leave me bare before her.
My hoodie gets dropped to the floor, I didn't wear a shirt beneath, just my bra.
I reach behind unclasping it, letting it come loose before Natalie's fingers graze along my shoulder, pulling the straps down my arms.
I blink looking up at her as she looks down my body before her eyes run back up, meeting mine. I reach up, running my thumb along her bottom lip. Her eyes stay on me, her hands running around my stomach sending a shiver up my spine.
She breathes out and I chew my own lip, taking one step closer, right in front of her now as I slowly lean up.
"You're so beautiful." I let it out, it comes out as a breath as I cup her face pressing my lips to hers, her hands glue to my waist right away. Her hands squeeze my skin and I moan into her mouth.
She backs me up, I hold her face as my mouth opens, her tongue meeting mine right away and she hums into it.
I hit the wall, her knee slipping between my legs as she kisses me quickly—I attempt to catch up with her, sliding my hands around the back of her neck before she pulls away.
She looks at me for a moment too long and I breathe out, moving her hair back.
"I need you upstairs." She drops her knee from between my legs, pulling my hand over to the stairs quickly.
I want to shut my legs—cross them with excitement with the unknown things Natalie could do to me. But I also want to touch her—make her feel really good after these last few bad days.
It's stupid—having sex instead of talking but I think that call last night is the reason for this. Natalie will never do anything with me when I'm drunk which is one of the reasons I love and trust her so much. Although it's something everyone's partner should know not to do, not everyone will listen to that.
Natalie turns as she walks backwards down the hall, she pulls me closer and I move my hands to the side of her neck as I lean up kissing her again. Her hand goes to my hair as the other rests on my back.
I reach my hand out as Natalie hits the door, I turn the handle, backing her inside while her mouth works against mine. I move my hand to her shoulder before she pushes me back against the door, slamming it shut as I moan into the kiss.
I feel as if my body needs her, it always seems to, whether it's when we're sleeping and I need to cuddle up against her or when we're both a mess and it's a need for her touch or a need to touch her when she wants it.
"Can I touch you, can I be the one taking care of you tonight?" I whisper in between kisses, her hand tightening on my hair.
"You don't have to." She whispers in response.
"I want to."
"Then yes." She says and I pull back, her hand leaves my hair, I move my hands down her soft almost pale arms as I move past her, taking her hands, pulling her towards to our bed.
I look at her, she looks back tucking my hair behind my ear as I move my hands to her pyjamas pants.
I stand closer, feeling too far away from her. I want to touch her so badly already, I just want her to feel good and feel my love for her since the last few days neither of us have been feeling too much love from one another.
I push her pants down, letting it fall to her feet. I kiss the Center of her chest, letting the small wet kisses linger as I kiss upwards.
I kiss up to her collar bone, kissing along her slowly, taking my time with her.
"I love you." She whispers by my ear, I close my eyes taking it in while kissing along her warm skin.
My hands finds the waistband of her underwear, she helps me push them down. I kiss her once more before pulling back.
"Lay down, please." I tell her, she steps past me crawling onto the bed, she turns sitting down, facing me as I stand at the foot of the bed.
"I don't like you so far away, come on." She nods to me, I push my sweatpants down with my underwear quickly before doing so.
I crawl up the bed to her, I lean into kiss her but she moves back...She smiles turning back to grab a pillow for her head.
"Tease." I speak and she lays back on the pillow, a little grin on her face.
I lean down, moving my left leg in between Natalie's as I kiss her. One arm runs along my stomach and around to my back, she trails her finger along my spin making my back arch down just as she moves up, our skin meeting.
I hum in between the kiss tasting a sweet taste from her lips, I tilt my head more to the side as she nips and tugs my lower lip. Her hand goes to my neck, holding me where I am.
I moan a little and her hand leaves my back, trailing her fingertips back down my stomach instead as she stops arching up against me.
She's trying to take control now. I know exactly what she's trying to do.
I move my hand to hers on my stomach, threading our fingers together. I squeeze moving her hand above her head causing her to let out a hum.
"Don't make me get the handcuffs again." I mumble and she takes my bottom lip between her teeth tugging. She squeezes my hand back and I use my free hand to touch her chest.
"Touch me then." She mumbles letting go of my bottom lip, I smile against her lips as my hand moves down her stomach.
"Let me do more, let me fuck you with the strap. I think that's what you need right now." I pull away from her lips, kiss down her jaw as she hums.
"The strap?"
"I want to fuck the anger out of you since you won't stop shouting at me." I pull back smiling, joking just a little, moving my fingers to her wet entrance. She looks up at me searching my eyes as my heart pounds in my ears.
"Hm. Do your worst." She says and I lift my leg over hers, I get off the bed walking to the closet quickly to get the strap.
I bend down to the box pulling it out along with a small bottle of lube, I quickly put the strap on while standing in the closet, tightening it perfectly before stepping out of the closet. Natalie touches her breasts, pulling at her nipples as she bends her legs up to her chest.
"The bigger one?" She looks down at it, dropping her hand as I kneel onto the bed.
"You're angry, Natalie."
"Mhm, you better be planning to fuck me good, beautiful. No teasing." She says.
I smile moving below her, she spreads her legs and I move up her body, her thighs resting at my hips.
I hold her gaze while her pupils stay wide, I lean down taking her hardened nipple in my mouth, her hand goes to my hair, pushing it back as she searches my eyes.
I swirl my tongue before tugging gently, I break a smile and she keeps looking at me.
"Keep looking at me like that and I might go crazy." She pulls my hair a little causing my mouth to fall open, I pull away from her chest smiling.
An idea strikes me, I move higher up her body, she looks up at me.
"I'll be good but suck." I nod down at it and her eyes flit down to the strap before back up at me as she leans up on her elbows.
"What?"
"If you want to be fucked, suck—spit on it at least." I say, she rolls her eyes as she grabs my hips pulling me closer making me gasp. I see some spit in her mouth before she takes the tip in her mouth.
I move my hand to her hair, it's something maybe I shouldn't be turned on by but god...I very much am.
She slowly moves her mouth down the dildo, looking up at me before her eyes flutter. My back arches, moving more of the strap into her mouth causing her eyes to roll back as she shuts them.
She holds my hips, moving her head back for a second before bobbing her head as my mouth falls open. Her hand moves around, squeezing my ass as I let out a breath. Jesus Christ.
She moves back wiping her mouth, I put my hands to her shoulders, pushing her back quickly. She separates her legs and I move down between them.
"Did that make you all wet?" She hums looking up at me and I search her eyes.
"I hate to admit that the sight of you sucking a dick turns me on, but Jesus, Natalie." I move my hands to her thighs as she hums.
I lean down pressing a kiss to her lips, I go to pull back but she holds my jaw, pulling my lips back against hers.
I move my mouth against hers while my hand goes to her entrance, lining the strap up with it. I move my hand up her stomach as hers go to my back.
I move my hips down, pressing the strap into her, earning a gasp against my own lips. I smile keeping my hand on her stomach as I begin moving my hips.
"Good girl." She runs her finger down my spine causing me to arch my back, moving the length of the strap into her. Her hand stops, squeezing a little.
I pull back from her lips to look down between her legs. I move my hips back slowly, watching how her pussy grips the strap as it moves out of her, making me want to move faster.
I move my hips down quickly, she lets out a moan, her nails digging into my back. I move at a quick pace after each moan, filling her each time I move forward.
"Oh my god, faster." She moans into my ear, I bite my lip, obeying immediately.
I nip at her neck as she becomes louder, her nails digging into my back making me flinch slightly at the feeling.
"Fuck, Natalie." I whisper against her skin as one of her hands find my hair.
"Don't stop, beautiful." She pulls me away from her neck before crashing her lips against mine again, moaning into my mouth as I breath heavy.
Her thighs go to close, hitting my hips as I move myself down against her harder, her lips don't move against mine but her hand tightens on my hair as she moans.
A shiver runs down my spine before her nails run down my back, I squeeze my eyes shut as my back begins to sting but I don't stop as Natalie's legs press hard against my skin.
She arches up, her stomach and chest meeting mine as she reaches her climax. I pull back biting my lip, I reach down forcing her legs further apart as I slam the strap into her once more causing her to cry out.
"Fuck!" She moans loudly, maybe too loudly and I brush my lips against her shoulder, kissing along her warm skin.
I slowly pull out of her slowly, kissing once more before looking down at the coated strap. I chew my lip looking to Natalie as she drops her head back against the pillow.
"Turn over." I say and she opens her eyes looking at me.
She sits up on her knees before turning away from me, planting her hands down on the bed as she gets on all fours. She looks back at me over her shoulder.
"Satisfied?" She looks at me and I search her eyes, taking a breath before speaking.
"Do I need to spank that attitude out of you?" I ask and she squints at me slightly, most likely as surprised by my words as I am...
"Watch that beautiful mouth of yours, Darling. I'm not in hand cuffs and I can very quickly switch this around." She says, looking away from me, I move closer to her. She most definitely could...
I move my hands up the backs of her thighs, her back arches down slightly as she reaches back fixing her hair to the side, my eyes drift down her back.
My hands move up her ass, I could listen to what she said or I could not...
I slap her—not too hard but she gasps looking back at me. I chew my lip as she looks up at me—her pupils are completely dilated, the green almost not visible because of it.
I grab hold of her hips while she keeps looking at me, I pull her back quickly onto the strap. A loud moan comes leaves her mouth as she shuts her eyes, I need to press my legs tightly together. Her moans...
"I'm going to kill you." She breathes out and I smile, she slowly opens her eyes slightly glaring at me.
I push her forward before pulling her back again making her look away from me as she gathers some of the sheets while she shuts her hand.
I look down as the strap goes into her, I grip her hips hard as I lean over her. I pull her back quickly causing a loud gasp before I whisper in her ear.
"Your pussy is so pretty, baby." I nip at her ear, her back pressing up against my stomach.
"Keep saying stuff like that, you don't know how much it turns me on." She laughs, breathing heavy. She pushes herself back against the strap with another moan.
"Me calling your pussy pretty turns you on?" I question, smiling as I pull her harder onto the strap, the sounds from her growing louder.
"Mhm—you've become brave, beautiful—" She cuts herself off with a moan, her hands grip the sheets and I pull back from her ear. I watch the strap going into her, our skin meeting each time the strap fills her cunt.
I slap her ass again and her body jolts forward slightly as she lets out a breathy moan, I move myself down against her quicker, becoming more turned on because of the noises she makes.
"Fuck me, darling." She looks back at me, my mouth falls open from the look she gives me. I hold her tighter as I pound the strap into her, wishing I had put my hair back before this.
She moans loudly and continuously, her knuckles going white from her grip on the sheets below her.
"Oh yes!" She gasps, I press down against her harder, my skin slapping against hers almost painfully. I lean my body weight into it, she falls down on the sheets with a moan. I follow her as I keep fucking her, refusing to stop since I know she's close.
She drops her face to the blanket, moaning loudly into it, I breathe heavy holding back my own whimpers solely from the sounds from her and the sound between her legs because of how wet she's gotten.
Her body shakes beneath me and I gasp, my body feeling so overwhelmed because of her shaking, her moaning and everything about her.
I fill her once more, staying down against her for a second as she presses back against me.
I pull back, the strap leaving her cunt, she drops her legs, her hands loosen on the sheets.
I kneel back breathing heavy, looking down at her, laying down her face buried in the sheets, her ass red. Oops.
I kneel up, moves my hand between her legs, running my fingers along her wet entrance. I reach up with my other hand gripping her hair, I pull her up a little before moving my fingers to her lips.
She grips my wrist licking my fingers clean.
"You came so good, baby." I whisper and she breathes heavy glancing back at me.
"Mhm, go get the other strap for me." She pushes herself up and I search her eyes quickly.
She grips my neck pulling me closer for a kiss, I almost gasp, we're both breathing heavy already and she wants the other strap—I might die from this.
She moves her hand up squeezing my jaw, I open my mouth and her tongue slips inside. I lean into it, tasting her from her tongue. She pulls back and I let the salty taste linger before I loosen the strap.
I get up off the bed, throwing it to the floor as I walk to the closet, a lump forming in my throat because I never know what to expect with Natalie.
I get the other strap before stepping out of the closet. Natalie stands up as I begin walking closer.
She takes the strap from me, she slides the harness of it up her legs, I watch as she tightens it at her hips, her cheeks pink and her hair messy.
She sits down on the bed, grabbing the lube, I watch her put it on the dildo, pressing my thighs together as my mind begins to race through the things she could do to me—the things I would allow her to me should not spoken aloud.
She looks up at me and I meet her eye, she wraps her arm around my waist pulling me closer, it makes me smile. Her other hand moves down my ass, she squeezes making me smile more as I look away from her.
I fix her hair as she slowly takes my nipple between her teeth. I chew my lip, moving her hair back out of the way, only imagining the state that mine must be in.
She pulls away from me as she stands, she pushes me onto the bed, I fall letting out a gasp.
I push myself back slightly as I look up at her, my heart racing and my legs falling open for her like always. She gets onto the bed, kneeling between my legs.
"Turn over." She says and my eyes widen.
"I've been good, baby." I whisper as she bends over me, feeling my entrance with a hum.
"Have you been?"
"Mmhm, I've been so good, I fucked you like you wanted." I tell her as she searches my eyes, she leans down, kissing my neck warming me all over.
"And how do you want to be fucked? I'm guessing fast and hard until you're shaking and can't take it anymore?" She whispers and I take a breath in slowly.
"Yeah—hard and fast."
"That's not what a good girl would say, is it?" Her fingers run up my folds before she begins circling my clit with her thumb. I look up at her, trying to hold the eye contact but it's never easy when she's above me, giving me that look.
"No—it is, Im telling the truth, I want to be fucked hard and fast by you, baby." I speak, feeling like I could vomit from the nerves.
She looks down between my legs and I inhale a breath, I feel the tip of the strap rubbing against my folds. Natalie threads her fingers through mine, pushing my hands down against the blanket.
The strap suddenly fills me and my legs beg to shut immediately at the slight pain between my legs as well as pleasure.
My walls hug the dildo inside me as I look up at Natalie, my mouth open as I couldn't even gasp, it was inaudible as my mouth fell open.
She moves her hips back slightly as I look down between us, she pushes forward harder and I let out a moan at the feeling the length of the strap filling me, stretching my walls as it pushes into me, hitting the perfect spot.
"Natalie—Nat." I breathe heavy, squeezing her hands before she begins to move her hips down against me at a steady pace.
One hand leaves mine as she smiles putting her hand on my pale stomach. She keeps filling me making me want to melt from the view above me and the pleasure between my legs.
"Shit—baby." I moan loudly, moving my hand to the back of her neck, pulling her down into a kiss.
I work my mouth against her quickly, she slams the strap into me and I whimper, stopping for a second as I squeeze her neck. Her hips move faster against me.
I pull back, she breathes heavy, her other hand pulling away from mine as she holds my thigh. I look up at her and she looks back at me as I come undone beneath her, turning into a whimpering mess as I arch up, my skin meeting hers.
"Baby—fuck, that feels so good." I whisper—breathy and almost coming out as a whimper.
"Are you coming along the strap for me?" She breathes heavy above me and I moan loudly nodding.
She keeps one hand on my thigh despite my leg shaking in her grip, her other hand wraps around me, holding me against her as she keeps going.
I bury my face into the side of her neck to quiet my moans at least a little. I shut my eyes tightly, almost not being able to take the pleasure.
"It's alright, beautiful, you're alright." Natalie breathes heavy, reading my mind like usual. She slows down and I pull back slowly as the strap leaves me.
Natalie runs her fingers down my arched back gently before I fall back on the sheets breathing heavy, trying to recover...
I move my hand down between my legs despite feeling weak already, I run my fingers up my entrance.
Natalie looks down at me, leaning down and kissing my forehead as she breathes heavy. I lift my fingers up to her, she looks at the mess on them before she looks at me while taking my fingers in her mouth.
She licks up them while still looking at me and I smile as she hums pulling back.
"You taste so good, darling." She leans down kissing me, I open my mouth and her tongue slides into my mouth, I taste myself from her as I lean into the kiss more.
"Do you want to go again?" She mumbles and I hum before her hands are on my waist, she sits up, dropping me on her lap, I chase her lips not finished with the kiss yet.
I feel her lips curving up against my own, my hand slides around her neck, pressing my lips harder against hers.
She pushes my waist down slowly, I feel the strap again, I keep kissing her, wanting the kiss to last forever. Her lips are always addictive, a kiss with her always feels right like an addiction I can't get enough of, and god, it's the only addiction I would let myself give in to.
"Baby." I whisper against her lips, my body suddenly feeling weak, she helps me, her other hand goes to my waist, she gets more gentle as she lifts me slightly before moving me back down the strap, a moan leaves me before I can even process it. My body feeling pleasure from the strap inside me.
I hold her shoulders tighter as she pulls back from my lips, I push myself up on my knees. I look down, watching the dildo slowly leaving me before I lower myself back down with another moan.
I look to Natalie, noticing her already watching me—I can't read her, she just watches me before she squeezes my waist.
"I love you." She lets out, moving her hands down to cup my ass, moving me up and down the strap harder. I gasp before smiling.
"I love you, baby." I wrap my arms around the back of her neck again, basically hugging her while I moan by her ear.
"You're so beautiful—so good taking it like this." She whispers and I moan louder as the strap goes into me faster, Natalie moving my waist down quickly.
I hug her tighter.
"Natalie." I moan, dropping my head to her shoulder as my walls hug the strap tighter, she doesn't stop, still moving me roughly down the length of the dildo as warmth floods my insides making me whimper and my legs beg to shut.
"I'm coming—I'm coming so good, baby!" I moan as she turns kissing the side of my head, she slaps my ass and my body goes weak with the pleasure because of her.
✺
Natalie's fingers run through my hair as I lay my head on her shoulder, her other hand holding mine while my legs stay sprawled across her stomach.
I think we've been laying here in silence for twenty minutes, it's not really awkward, it's just been quiet.
I've looked up to Natalie a few times but her eyes stay on the ceiling, her eyebrows slightly knotted.
She's probably regretting it...I came home, we had sex and now neither of us are speaking up.
I don't want her to be mad with me again, I really don't. I can't handle it anymore, we almost never argue and if we do we get over it but this is just...different and I don't like it.
I can't—she's my everything. Natalie is everything to me, she has been for the last two years and I can't lose her. She's the one thing in this stupid world that I have left, our relationship is a good thing—more than that it's beyond words and if it ended I would have nothing left.
"Don't break up with me." I whisper, letting it come out as I look up at her. Her hand stops on my hair as she looks down at me.
"What?"
"We have a good thing, Natalie."
"Diana—"
"Don't throw it away because of what happened because we're stronger than that—I know your not mad about this kiss anymore it's that I kept it from you—but it was because of this. I am afraid of losing you—everything seems to get taken from me and no it's not a guilt trip to keep you with me because if you really want to end it with me, do it but just remember everything—don't throw away our love because I got scared." I take a big breath, sitting up, she follows looking at me her eyebrows furrowed.
"I—"
"I'm not finished. I love you. I have loved you with everything I have in me—I still get butterflies like when we first started seeing each other and if anything they make me more nervous now. I...I have read every single book you mentioned to me—I listen to all your favourite songs—I make playlists! And your movies and shows—I keep all your notes that you have left for me, even the ones where you say you're just going to the store when I'm in the shower. Anytime I look into your eyes, it makes it so hard to believe that I—me, a girl who second guesses herself on everything, could be blessed with a chance of marrying a woman as magnificent as you because I always think I'm dreaming and if I am, it's the best dream—one I don't want to wake up from." I take another big breath as I speak too fast, Natalie searches my eyes as I speak and I drop my shoulders.
I can't cry—I really can't because then it will be a guilt trip and I won't guilt her into staying if she really wants to go.
"I'm not breaking up with you, you idiot." She says and I look at her.
"What?"
"I'm not that much of a fool."
I fall back on the bed letting out the biggest breath of relief.
"But...In order for this whole thing to not bite our asses in the future, we must talk about it...Which you tried to do but I shut you out, because like you, I also got scared." She says and I slowly sit back up looking at her.
"Why did you get scared?" I question, rubbing my chest in attempt to slow my racing heart. I really am going to have heart problems.
"Because, the whole thing with Olivia came back to me and I know, I really do know that you didn't kiss her back but if what happened with Olivia happened with you, I know it would break me. I hate being all soft or whatever but my heart really is in your hands, I don't want to be hurt again. Especially not by you, never you." She reaches forward tucking my hair behind my ear.
"I'll never hurt you. Never ever. I will gladly have your heart in my hands and protect it, all I want to do is love you, get married and grow old with you—maybe move onto a farm too—with horses." I look at her and she smiles, running the backs of her fingers along my cheek, a loving look in her eye, one that relieves me of everything I've ever been scared of.
"I want that too—the horses and all...but we have to tell each other everything that happens. We're gonna be alright, just if someone kisses you again then—"
"They won't, I'm taking up boxing classes so these women stay away from me." I say and she laughs dropping her head a little and I smile.
"Would I be hot with a six pack and muscles?" I question and she looks at me smiling before kissing me.
"You're hot enough, let me breathe around you, would you?" She says and I smile widely.
"From now on, I will listen to you having bad feelings about woman, none of them will be kissing me, my lips are only for you." I say and she pulls me to lay back down, I turn on my side as she does.
"Women seem to falling to their knees left and right for you, I might have to take up a few boxing classes again myself." She leans over kissing my head and I laugh.
"I'll get your name tattooed on my head or something." I say and she begins laughing, I keep smiling.
"I'm serious, Natalie written across my head wouldn't be such a bad look." I say and she shakes her head at me.
"I'd prefer it on your ass." She jokes and I look at her, gasping a little. She pulls me closer kissing my cheek.
"I'll book a tattoo appointment tomorrow." I say and she pulls back to look at me again.
"Or maybe your chest, that's shown more like in that photo you sent me the other night." She kisses my forehead and I feel my cheeks heating up.
"The pyjamas were low..."
"You pulled them lower, I know you well enough to know you're a tease when you want to be." She says and I smile.
"Whatever." I shake my head rolling my eyes. I move closer to her, laying my head against her warm chest and her arms wrap back around me.
"So remember, we tell each other everything now. I want to kiss you and make love to you without worrying about you dropping a bomb on me afterwards." She whispers and I smile against her.
"She's using 'making love' now?" I speak and she kisses the top of my head.
"It was never just sex with you." She whispers.
I pull back looking up at her quickly, searching her eyes. Something washes over me, happiness but something else too.
"What about at the start?" I ask and she looks at my lips.
"I got down on my knees in a janitors closet for you, I wouldn't do that for just anybody." She says and I sit up.
"Dance with me, where's my phone?" I question looking around for my phone. I get out of the bed quickly as Natalie begin laughing, I walk to the closet to get one of Natalie's hoodies.
I slip it on before getting her one too, I leave the closet throwing it to her. She catches it still laughing.
"Why are we dancing?" She asks and I see my phone on the floor, it must have fell in the midst of me and Natalie tearing clothes off...
"For our wedding." I pick up my phone searching the same song from New years, lover.
I play it turning it up quickly throwing my phone on the bed.
"Get up, come on." I hold my hands out.
She smiles getting up, walking closer to me taking my hand in hers before wrapping her other one around my waist.
"We should get married." I look up at her and she smiles.
"I was just about to suggest it."