F-ing Perfect - Chapter 51: Chapter 51

Cal stumbled down the stairs in a hurry, nearly falling down in the process. She hadn't intended to drink nearly as much as she did that night, so there was no possibility of escaping the house in her car.
Stopping at the base of the stairs, she fumbled for her phone and scrolled through her contacts. Vision blurry, she hastily sent a text to Kenzie or Mark or whoever to come pick her up. She needed to get out of there immediately.
Cal didn't stop to take in the downstairs scene as she headed for the door, but she heard some of the guys still playing beer pong at the kitchen table. Dana was nowhere to be seen.
Cal cursed, passing the kitchen to reach for the front door handle. Before she could, a hand grabbed her shoulder, causing her to instinctively throw it off. She turned to see Sydney standing there with a shocked expression.
"Ah...sorry," Cal muttered, not really in the mood to interact with the younger redhead.
"Hey, I've been looking all over for you," Sydney replied, but she frowned the moment she got a good look at Cal's face. "Are you alright? Have you been crying?"
"I-I'm fine," Cal lied, just wanting to get out of there. "Just needed some fresh air."
"Here, I'll come with you."
"No, I just want to be left alone," Cal stated honestly.
"But you're-"
"Look, Sydney, I'm not interested in you, and I'm not in the mood, so just leave me alone," Cal snapped.
She instantly regretted her harshness when the redhead gave her a stunned and hurt expression and hastily walked off. It wasn't Sydney's fault that Cal's heart was going through the wringer.
God, what the fuck is wrong with me tonight?
Still, she opted to continue her journey out of the house. She couldn't wait in there for a second longer, fearing that she'd come face-to-face with Grace again. Her heart was still pounding from the heated encounter with her ex-girlfriend – the intensity of her feelings was burning her up from the inside.
What did it mean? Why did Grace kiss her back? Did she still like her? Would Cal be able to ignore her feelings after that?
Would she be able to stand being apart after that?
Stumbling into the front lawn, thoughts swirling through her head, the cool air seemed to sweep right through Cal's bones. She hugged herself to keep warm, the alcohol no longer providing its usual heat in her system.
Her head spun and she had some trouble keeping her balance, but the sound of ringing caught her attention. It seemed to be emanating from the buzzing object in her pocket, so she pulled it out and pressed it to her ear.
"Cal, what the hell is going on?"
The voice on the other end sounded so strangely familiar. Who was it? Who was even trying to call her at this time? Ah, it was just such a familiar voice...then it finally hit Cal.
"Sam?" she slurred into the phone mic. "Why are you calling me?"
"Because you just texted me to pick you up because you're drunk!" Samantha definitely did not sound happy, and the frantic tone was so out of character for her usually emotionless elder sister.
"Huh? I didn't text you," Cal argued, not really grasping the situation at hand. "I texted Kenzie. Or Mark...one of them."
"I don't know who those people are, but you need to give me the address of where you're at right now," Samantha demanded.
Cal was usually rather rebellious towards her sister, but she couldn't muster up the desire to argue. To the best of her ability, she explained the location of Dana's house using cross-streets. It wasn't particularly far from Cal's home, maybe a ten minute drive.
"Just stay right there, I'm on my way," Samantha ordered sternly, and hung up the phone.
Cal held her phone in her hand like an idiot, confused about what exactly was going on. How did she manage to contact her sister instead of her friends? Oh, she knew this was going to turn into a bad situation, but all she wanted was to just go home.
Slumping to the grass in the front lawn, she pulled her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. Her mind kept replaying her encounter with Grace over and over again, and the repetitiveness was starting to turn her stomach.
She never thought she'd get to feel Grace's warmth again...would that be the last time? Was Grace only receptive because she had drank? The thought sent a wave of guilt over Cal, in spite of the fact that she'd been even more inebriated.
That had to be it, Cal thought, burying her face in her arms. She hates me. There's no way she'd normally be okay with that. It wasn't really her.
The negative thoughts swirled around her mind, dragging her further and further into a pit of despair. The whole make-out session did nothing but bring her old feelings to the forefront. Feelings that would, once again, be unreciprocated. The pain of such thoughts sent tears down Cal's cheeks once again, and she found herself basically sobbing.
Lost in sadness, she hardly registered the sound of a car pulling up nearby and a door opening.
"Cal, I'm here, come on!" a voice called out from a few feet away. But she still didn't really react to it. The voice drew nearer, and suddenly there were hands her on her arms, prying them away from her face.
She looked up to see Samantha standing over her, leaning down to pull her to her feet. When Cal wobbled, Samantha put an arm around her waist to keep her steady.
"Jesus, Cal, what is going on here?" Samantha asked, walking her to the car parked on the curb in front of them. Cal thought she must've been imagining it, but Sam's voice was wavering.
The elder sister gently pushed her into the passenger seat of the car, closing the door behind her. Cal slumped against the seat immediately, enveloped in the warmth of the vehicle's interior.
Samantha walked around the front to the driver's side and got in. She looked over at Cal, her brown eyes displaying concern. "Put your seatbelt on."
Cal hesitated, but eventually fumbled for the strap. When she had trouble buckling it in, Samantha leaned over the center console to do it for her.
"Oh my God, Cal, how much did you have to drink?" Samantha breathed, returning to her seat to pull the car onto the road.
"...not that much," Cal replied, trying to sound cool and sober.
"Yeah, right," Samantha replied. "You should see your face right now. You're a mess!"
Cal started to feel herself get angry. "Well, I didn't want you to come deal with me anyway! Just drop me off at home and you won't have to worry about me anymore."
"Are you kidding? If Mom sees you in this state, she's going to completely flip!"
Cal wanted to snap back with an argument, but her sister was one-hundred percent right. What would her mother even do if she saw her like this? She'd probably never let her come home late from school ever again.
"You're staying at my apartment tonight," Samantha ordered.
Cal was surprised that she was willing to watch over her younger sister in this state. Samantha had always been rather hands-off in Cal's life – it was part of the reason that Cal didn't get along with her. She wasn't there when had to leave her previous school, she wasn't there when her and Grace broke up...
But she was here now. And that gave Cal some sort of strange comfort in this confusing time. She slumped against the passenger side window, allowing Samantha to drive her to the apartment.
--
Getting up to apartment was a bit of a feat. The elevator was out of service, so Samantha had to drag Cal up four flights of stairs without managing to kill them both. With Cal's size and current clumsiness, it was no easy task.
But finally, after expending most of her breath, Samantha dragged her younger sister to her apartment door and fumbled with the keys to open it.
The apartment was dark and Cal covered her eyes and winced as Samantha began turning on the lights.
"Good God, close the door behind you," Samantha scolded, slinking around Cal to do it herself.
"Ugh..." Cal moaned. "I'm starting to not feel so good."
Samantha paused and turned to Cal. She studied the taller girl's face before her expression morphed into one of panic.
"Bathroom! Now!"
Samantha pushed her sister through the door a couple feet away from them, shoving Cal's face down to the toilet bowl just in time for her to start vomiting. Some strands of hair fell loose from Cal's bun, but Samantha pulled them gently out of the way. The uncharacteristically soft touch soothed Cal a little during her moment of utter misery.
After retching what little contents were left of her stomach, Cal wiped her mouth with a piece of toilet paper, flushed, and leaned back on the bathroom floor. Samantha was on her knees beside her, having stayed that way for the whole ordeal.
With her vision spinning and her heart aching, Cal suddenly burst into tears, something she never thought she'd do in front of her older sister. But she couldn't stop it – images of her encounter with Grace flashed through her brain and she was even recalling the times they shared before breaking up. The full weight of her feelings crashed down on her at that very moment, and it was all becoming too much to bear.
Samantha tentatively placed a hand on Cal's arm, which was already an enormous gesture of empathy from someone as reserved as her. "Cal, what happened back there?"
Her voice was so gentle that Cal lost all of her reservations with her sibling. She spilled everything to her – meeting Grace, developing feelings for her, their fights, their romantic relationship, their breakup, and, finally, what happened that night.
"I just – I'm so done with this!" Cal sobbed after it all. "Why can't I get over it? Why can't I just stop feeling this way?"
Samantha was silent for a second, taking all of the information in. Surely Cal would regret telling her all of this in the morning – after all, they didn't have a close relationship, and whenever they were around each other, they seemed to bicker.
But Samantha didn't make fun of her or scold her or belittle her. She just listened.
"Do you think...you're in love with her?" the older blonde finally asked.
Cal's hands dropped from her face to her lap, leaving excess tears to stain her face. She stared off into the distance, considering the question. Her brain was still hazy, so she couldn't properly rationalize her response. She could only voice her raw emotions.
"I must be..." Cal replied.
Otherwise she wouldn't be having so much trouble letting go of Grace. She wouldn't be able to renew such fresh feelings after so many months had passed since they were together.
She wouldn't want to be with her this badly.
"Well...I think you need to tell her that," Samantha said quietly.
Silence hung in the air, and honestly that small tidbit of advice was more than enough for Cal. The mere presence of her sister, who she thought didn't care about her, prevented Cal from spiraling into despair. Even if it didn't seem like much...it meant the world to her.
Samantha coaxed Cal to her feet, offering her some mouth wash after the latter's puking ordeal. Cal opted to splash her face with water as well, reveling in the cool feeling. It seemed to help her with her slow progress towards sobriety.
It was getting rather late, and Samantha insisted that Cal was still in no shape to return home. So she called their mother and said that the younger sister was staying over. She didn't need to give an explanation – their mom just seemed pleased that they were supposedly getting along.
Cal was given some of Samantha's spare pajamas and they re-grouped in the living room.
"My roommate's out of town, so I can let you sleep on the couch," Samantha stated. "It folds out into a bed."
As Samantha unraveled the couch, Cal fidgeted there awkwardly.
"Uh...you know, I really appreciate you picking me up..." Cal stammered, feeling completely awkward with this gushy talk towards her sister. It wasn't helping that her mind was clearing up either. "And...you know...listening to me."
"Well, I can't just leave my sister alone when she calls me, drunk at some stranger's house," Samantha said stoically, but she seemed to be hiding a flush on her cheeks as she put sheets on the couch bed.
"Seriously," Cal said, her tone changing. "I don't know what I would've done if you weren't here tonight."
Samantha turned to her, and Cal was shocked by the emotional expression on her face. The blonde looked like she was furiously fighting back tears, her brown eyes trying to convey a million different feelings.
"I'm sorry, Cal," she said shakily. "For everything...I've always just been too scared to help you. Scared of falling out of line with Mom."
Cal never thought she'd hear those words from Samantha's mouth, but they provided a sense of relief from the usual tension she felt in the older woman's presence.
"And I'm sorry for giving you a hard time," Cal replied, rubbing the back of her neck. "I know you've always tried to be perfect for Mom...I can't imagine how stressful that is."
It reminded Cal of Grace's obsession for perfection and how much it strained her. She never really saw her sister in that perspective, but it was a similar situation. Even still, perfectionism was never a choice for Samantha like it was for Grace. She'd been raised like that since childhood, to the point of even prioritizing it over her relationship with her sister.
"Well...I'm just happy you're safe," Samantha said, seeming more anxious the longer they talked. "I'm going to bed now."
"Goodnight," Cal said as Samantha started towards her bedroom door.
Samantha paused as she gripped the handle. Without turning to Cal, she said, "Goodnight, Cal. I love you."
Cal smiled.
"I love you too, sis."