Far From Home - Chapter 19: Chapter 19
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The First Week of November
Just like Jake's night ended with a knock on the door, his morning began with one too.
He hadn't expected Connor to come around so soon, but there he was in the doorway—coffee in hand—ready to face whatever start to his morning Jake was about to throw at him. In terms of Connor's fashion range of 'threw on whatever was closest,' 'flannel goes with everything,' or 'dressed to kill,' today's outfit was rather typical for a Sunday morning. His favorite black jeans had been cuffed above his worn down black Vans, and above that was the maroon long sleeve shirt he had been wearing when they first met and the black leather watch that he never seemed to take off. Jake took inventory of his own Adidas sweatpants and plain gray tee and felt a little underdressed for the occasion, but in his own defense, he didn't know there was one.
What the fuck are you doing here?
"You're up early." His voice graveled through being used for the first time today.
Connor tilted his right hand over to look at the time. "It's ten-thirty."
"It's a Sunday, Connor. When have you ever gotten up before twelve?"
He didn't look too amused by the callout, but his glare didn't seem as rage-filled as it would have last night. Stepping past Jake into the room, Connor migrated towards Andre's side of things—steering clear of infringing on Jake's space. Jake made careful note of his hesitancy before closing the door and finding his way back to his desk just as he had the night before, sitting down on the edge of it while Connor leaned up against the edge of Andre's. This was the most space there had ever been between them, but nothing about it felt as awkward as Jake assumed it would—in fact, it felt more comfortable being further away from each other in the moment. They both needed the space to think, and being close enough to touch was not going to help that in the slightest.
"I remember last night." Connor broke the silence. "I wasn't as intoxicated as I should have been to have acted like that."
"It's okay." Jake crossed his arms over his chest instead of tapping on the desk this time.
"No, it's not. I'm still... I don't know... I had a terrible day and my head was a fucking mess..."
Connor took a sip of his coffee for confidence that Jake didn't dare interrupt to explain his side of the night's events.
"But I don't need to be such a huge dick all the time... maybe just a little one..." He squeezed down a little space between his index finger and thumb.
Jake smiled fondly and nodded at Connor's attempt at apologizing. He always was too stubborn for his own good, he made that very clear time and time again with every risk he made Jake take and every fight he wouldn't back down from despite his own safety. It used to be endearing, but it was also one of the things that made Connor more irrational, and ultimately had a hand in why their breakup was so much more of a mess than it should have been. Jake couldn't have controlled Connor's outbreak and he was so wrong for not taking his raw emotions into account when he had contemplated the best way to tell him.
"And I uh..." His eyes wandered over to Jake, but they didn't stay long before darting back to the floor. "I'm not ready to talk, but... um... truce?"
"Why the change of heart?" Jake couldn't help the natural urge to question it.
"Well, I don't want to kill you anymore, so there's that."
He shrugged as he took another sip of his coffee, and for a moment Jake could smell the caramel notes even from six feet away. Jake shook his head and sighed.
"And to think I spent all night digging that grave..."
Connor clicked his tongue. "Good to know you listened."
Always.
"Friends?" Jake threw out a little too optimistically.
Who was he to think after everything that had happened that they could go back to just being friends? He knew he couldn't stand the thought of it, but he'd rather have that than unbearable tension that filled him with frustration and left him looking at Connor with smiles he apparently didn't like too much. We can try friends, right? We were friends once before weren't we?
Connor weighed the options with a tilt of his head. He eventually settled on something that seemed to annoy him, but the disdain on his face didn't match his voice.
"Fine."
Jake knew getting too excited would make Connor uncomfortable, but he allowed himself a small little smile—just enough for him to feel it on his cheeks, but not enough to warrant a reaction from Connor.
"So..." He tried to clear what was left of his morning voice away. "Why the terrible day?"
Connor set his coffee cup down on Andre's desk and gave an exhausted sigh as he rubbed his hands over his face trying to clear away the bags under his eyes. He looked so tired it hurt, but Jake knew the look well enough on himself to know that it wasn't the lack of sleep that hit the hardest, but what he was thinking of when he should have been sleeping. Eventually, his gaze found the window and he blinked sunlight into his eyes as his pupils shrank into something infinitely smaller than they were last night in the shadows of this very same room.
"Do you really want to hear it?"
"Do you have to ask?" Jake retorted.
Connor rolled his eyes, but gave in.
"I decided to take some advice from Kaylee..." He stared at something out the window in distraction, but Jake couldn't take his eyes off of him. "She's a strong believer in the 'get over someone by getting under someone else' philosophy."
Oh... interesting.
Jake peaked his eyebrows curiously. "Did it work?"
Connor let out a single short laugh and then shook his head.
"No."
It shouldn't have made Jake smile. Connor's misfortune in moving on shouldn't have been satisfying. They had just called a truce and here he was happy that things didn't work out with someone else, but he couldn't help himself. You are such a fucking dick, Jake. Connor was absolutely right when he said jealousy wasn't a good look on him, it made him angry with himself for being so self-absorbed—even if only for a moment—but he couldn't control the way he felt. He knew that fact well enough by now.
"No, it totally did not."
"What went wrong?" Jake leaned his head over.
"Um, everything? For starters he's 6'4" and I am 5'9". He was taller than Aaron, and Aaron hovering over me always drove me crazy." He laughed.
Called it. I fucking called that one.
God, shut the fuck up, Jake.
"And then... I just... I don't know." He shrugged. "I didn't feel anything. He just annoyed me for some reason, which was weird because he was just like–"
Jake wanted him to finish that thought. 'Because he was just like you.' Say it, Connor. God, just say it.
"He was just my type." He backpedaled as quickly as he could.
Jake inhaled to clear his mind of how badly he wanted to fill in the blanks. "I feel like we've had a very similar conversation like this before."
Connor grinned. "Yeah, except it was about girls. Katherine Breyer, specifically."
"Technicality." He shrugged back.
"Pretty big technicality, Jake."
"Whatever... So now what? You think you're incapable of love too?"
"Something like that." Connor leaned his head over in thought. "Connor Morgan... cold, heartless bitch."
"You have a heart."
Connor looked to him skeptically as if the very suggestion was bordering an insult.
"Trust me, you do." Jake mumbled. "I would know."
"Mmm..." Connor's skeptical glare turned cold. "You revoked the right to tell me whether or not I have a heart when you broke it."
Fair enough.
Jake didn't skip a beat with a response. "So you acknowledge you have a heart then?"
A smile broke out across his face, but Connor continued to pretend he was unenthused. Jake watched the slight upturn of his lips that he tried to hide away by looking at the floor. You can't fool me, Connor. That cool front never did.
Connor looked up with a light blush on his cheeks that he tried to hide behind his coffee cup. "I fucking hate you."
"You know, for someone who hates lying so much, you're a bit of a fibber." Jake grinned, calling his bluff again.
Those green eyes flashed him enough annoyance to kill.
"You're insufferable."
"You're lying."
"I'm leaving." Connor stood up in response.
Jake took the joking measure with a grain of salt and offered him a kind goodbye just like he had last night. "Okay, have a good day."
He was flipped off almost immediately as Connor stalked off towards the door with his coffee cup pressed to his lips. Jake watched him grab the door handle and expected him to retreat back to Andre's desk after he had put on a show, but Connor was consistent with his 'leaving' act. Why it sent Jake's heart racing like those days where he chased after Connor in the driveway he didn't know, but he was suddenly scrambling off of his desk.
"Wait, are you really going?"
He hoped his voice didn't wear the disappointment he felt sinking into his chest, but Connor's small smile let him know that it did.
"Yeah, I just wanted to stop by for a minute." He mumbled. "Gotta accompany Ricky to the grocery store, he doesn't know how to shop for himself."
"Seriously?" Jake laughed, leaning back into his desk.
"Yeah, his family is rich as fuck, he's never had to do his own shopping before in his life. I talked him out of buying seventeen freezer meals last week because he didn't understand why we couldn't fit them all in the mini-fridge."
"Ricky is rich?"
"I know," Connor took a long sip of his drink. "Surprised me too."
"Interesting." Jake nodded slowly.
"Okay, well..."
"Right. Um..." He rubbed over the back of his neck with his hand. "Yeah, still have a good day."
Really, Jake? Did we learn nothing from the first awkward flirting stage? I thought we were past this.
Connor tried to hide his smile away before he was caught, but he failed miserably because Jake was grinning back at him before he opened the door. He knew Connor secretly enjoyed being talked to like he was soft because he always seemed to revel in it so dearly over the summer when their whole relationship was about the smaller things in life. Jake wanted that back, but just as he was trying to find a new version of himself, Connor had changed ever-so-slightly too. If he wanted things to work again with Connor, he needed to find that balance. If, was the question. He still wasn't sure of it, but his heart was certainly pulling him back in that direction if he was fumbling for stupid things to say just to see a smile on Connor's face.
Am I really going to do this again?
He should've known better, but he had to consider it.
"Thanks, Jake. Have a slightly less shitty day than yesterday."
And then Connor was out the door.
Just like Jake's night ended with a knock on the door, his morning began with one too.
He hadn't expected Connor to come around so soon, but there he was in the doorway—coffee in hand—ready to face whatever start to his morning Jake was about to throw at him. In terms of Connor's fashion range of 'threw on whatever was closest,' 'flannel goes with everything,' or 'dressed to kill,' today's outfit was rather typical for a Sunday morning. His favorite black jeans had been cuffed above his worn down black Vans, and above that was the maroon long sleeve shirt he had been wearing when they first met and the black leather watch that he never seemed to take off. Jake took inventory of his own Adidas sweatpants and plain gray tee and felt a little underdressed for the occasion, but in his own defense, he didn't know there was one.
What the fuck are you doing here?
"You're up early." His voice graveled through being used for the first time today.
Connor tilted his right hand over to look at the time. "It's ten-thirty."
"It's a Sunday, Connor. When have you ever gotten up before twelve?"
He didn't look too amused by the callout, but his glare didn't seem as rage-filled as it would have last night. Stepping past Jake into the room, Connor migrated towards Andre's side of things—steering clear of infringing on Jake's space. Jake made careful note of his hesitancy before closing the door and finding his way back to his desk just as he had the night before, sitting down on the edge of it while Connor leaned up against the edge of Andre's. This was the most space there had ever been between them, but nothing about it felt as awkward as Jake assumed it would—in fact, it felt more comfortable being further away from each other in the moment. They both needed the space to think, and being close enough to touch was not going to help that in the slightest.
"I remember last night." Connor broke the silence. "I wasn't as intoxicated as I should have been to have acted like that."
"It's okay." Jake crossed his arms over his chest instead of tapping on the desk this time.
"No, it's not. I'm still... I don't know... I had a terrible day and my head was a fucking mess..."
Connor took a sip of his coffee for confidence that Jake didn't dare interrupt to explain his side of the night's events.
"But I don't need to be such a huge dick all the time... maybe just a little one..." He squeezed down a little space between his index finger and thumb.
Jake smiled fondly and nodded at Connor's attempt at apologizing. He always was too stubborn for his own good, he made that very clear time and time again with every risk he made Jake take and every fight he wouldn't back down from despite his own safety. It used to be endearing, but it was also one of the things that made Connor more irrational, and ultimately had a hand in why their breakup was so much more of a mess than it should have been. Jake couldn't have controlled Connor's outbreak and he was so wrong for not taking his raw emotions into account when he had contemplated the best way to tell him.
"And I uh..." His eyes wandered over to Jake, but they didn't stay long before darting back to the floor. "I'm not ready to talk, but... um... truce?"
"Why the change of heart?" Jake couldn't help the natural urge to question it.
"Well, I don't want to kill you anymore, so there's that."
He shrugged as he took another sip of his coffee, and for a moment Jake could smell the caramel notes even from six feet away. Jake shook his head and sighed.
"And to think I spent all night digging that grave..."
Connor clicked his tongue. "Good to know you listened."
Always.
"Friends?" Jake threw out a little too optimistically.
Who was he to think after everything that had happened that they could go back to just being friends? He knew he couldn't stand the thought of it, but he'd rather have that than unbearable tension that filled him with frustration and left him looking at Connor with smiles he apparently didn't like too much. We can try friends, right? We were friends once before weren't we?
Connor weighed the options with a tilt of his head. He eventually settled on something that seemed to annoy him, but the disdain on his face didn't match his voice.
"Fine."
Jake knew getting too excited would make Connor uncomfortable, but he allowed himself a small little smile—just enough for him to feel it on his cheeks, but not enough to warrant a reaction from Connor.
"So..." He tried to clear what was left of his morning voice away. "Why the terrible day?"
Connor set his coffee cup down on Andre's desk and gave an exhausted sigh as he rubbed his hands over his face trying to clear away the bags under his eyes. He looked so tired it hurt, but Jake knew the look well enough on himself to know that it wasn't the lack of sleep that hit the hardest, but what he was thinking of when he should have been sleeping. Eventually, his gaze found the window and he blinked sunlight into his eyes as his pupils shrank into something infinitely smaller than they were last night in the shadows of this very same room.
"Do you really want to hear it?"
"Do you have to ask?" Jake retorted.
Connor rolled his eyes, but gave in.
"I decided to take some advice from Kaylee..." He stared at something out the window in distraction, but Jake couldn't take his eyes off of him. "She's a strong believer in the 'get over someone by getting under someone else' philosophy."
Oh... interesting.
Jake peaked his eyebrows curiously. "Did it work?"
Connor let out a single short laugh and then shook his head.
"No."
It shouldn't have made Jake smile. Connor's misfortune in moving on shouldn't have been satisfying. They had just called a truce and here he was happy that things didn't work out with someone else, but he couldn't help himself. You are such a fucking dick, Jake. Connor was absolutely right when he said jealousy wasn't a good look on him, it made him angry with himself for being so self-absorbed—even if only for a moment—but he couldn't control the way he felt. He knew that fact well enough by now.
"No, it totally did not."
"What went wrong?" Jake leaned his head over.
"Um, everything? For starters he's 6'4" and I am 5'9". He was taller than Aaron, and Aaron hovering over me always drove me crazy." He laughed.
Called it. I fucking called that one.
God, shut the fuck up, Jake.
"And then... I just... I don't know." He shrugged. "I didn't feel anything. He just annoyed me for some reason, which was weird because he was just like–"
Jake wanted him to finish that thought. 'Because he was just like you.' Say it, Connor. God, just say it.
"He was just my type." He backpedaled as quickly as he could.
Jake inhaled to clear his mind of how badly he wanted to fill in the blanks. "I feel like we've had a very similar conversation like this before."
Connor grinned. "Yeah, except it was about girls. Katherine Breyer, specifically."
"Technicality." He shrugged back.
"Pretty big technicality, Jake."
"Whatever... So now what? You think you're incapable of love too?"
"Something like that." Connor leaned his head over in thought. "Connor Morgan... cold, heartless bitch."
"You have a heart."
Connor looked to him skeptically as if the very suggestion was bordering an insult.
"Trust me, you do." Jake mumbled. "I would know."
"Mmm..." Connor's skeptical glare turned cold. "You revoked the right to tell me whether or not I have a heart when you broke it."
Fair enough.
Jake didn't skip a beat with a response. "So you acknowledge you have a heart then?"
A smile broke out across his face, but Connor continued to pretend he was unenthused. Jake watched the slight upturn of his lips that he tried to hide away by looking at the floor. You can't fool me, Connor. That cool front never did.
Connor looked up with a light blush on his cheeks that he tried to hide behind his coffee cup. "I fucking hate you."
"You know, for someone who hates lying so much, you're a bit of a fibber." Jake grinned, calling his bluff again.
Those green eyes flashed him enough annoyance to kill.
"You're insufferable."
"You're lying."
"I'm leaving." Connor stood up in response.
Jake took the joking measure with a grain of salt and offered him a kind goodbye just like he had last night. "Okay, have a good day."
He was flipped off almost immediately as Connor stalked off towards the door with his coffee cup pressed to his lips. Jake watched him grab the door handle and expected him to retreat back to Andre's desk after he had put on a show, but Connor was consistent with his 'leaving' act. Why it sent Jake's heart racing like those days where he chased after Connor in the driveway he didn't know, but he was suddenly scrambling off of his desk.
"Wait, are you really going?"
He hoped his voice didn't wear the disappointment he felt sinking into his chest, but Connor's small smile let him know that it did.
"Yeah, I just wanted to stop by for a minute." He mumbled. "Gotta accompany Ricky to the grocery store, he doesn't know how to shop for himself."
"Seriously?" Jake laughed, leaning back into his desk.
"Yeah, his family is rich as fuck, he's never had to do his own shopping before in his life. I talked him out of buying seventeen freezer meals last week because he didn't understand why we couldn't fit them all in the mini-fridge."
"Ricky is rich?"
"I know," Connor took a long sip of his drink. "Surprised me too."
"Interesting." Jake nodded slowly.
"Okay, well..."
"Right. Um..." He rubbed over the back of his neck with his hand. "Yeah, still have a good day."
Really, Jake? Did we learn nothing from the first awkward flirting stage? I thought we were past this.
Connor tried to hide his smile away before he was caught, but he failed miserably because Jake was grinning back at him before he opened the door. He knew Connor secretly enjoyed being talked to like he was soft because he always seemed to revel in it so dearly over the summer when their whole relationship was about the smaller things in life. Jake wanted that back, but just as he was trying to find a new version of himself, Connor had changed ever-so-slightly too. If he wanted things to work again with Connor, he needed to find that balance. If, was the question. He still wasn't sure of it, but his heart was certainly pulling him back in that direction if he was fumbling for stupid things to say just to see a smile on Connor's face.
Am I really going to do this again?
He should've known better, but he had to consider it.
"Thanks, Jake. Have a slightly less shitty day than yesterday."
And then Connor was out the door.
End of Far From Home Chapter 19. Continue reading Chapter 20 or return to Far From Home book page.