Far From Home - Chapter 22: Chapter 22

Early November
"Are you sure he isn't dyslexic?" Katherine's face popped in the screen over Aaron's shoulder.
"Uh..." Jake stared off into the room behind his phone. "Honestly it would make sense, but he's never been tested."
"I'm not dyslexic." Aaron grumbled with a frown.
Jake smiled. "Do you even know what that is, bud?"
Aaron didn't look enthused, which meant he absolutely did not know the answer. Jake knew he was two seconds away from deflecting when Katherine jumped into the conversation again.
"I think you should get tested."
"Damn Kath, you sound like my roommate. You should've gone to school."
"If I would've thought about it!" She gestured her hand out. "I could've gotten some sort of degree and worked with kids or something. Like social work, right?"
"You are pretty good with kids." Aaron leaned his head back to look at her.
She pushed his face away. "Don't look at me like that."
"Woah, woah, woah..." Jake grinned as he leaned forward into his phone. "Am I missing something?"
"I am not pregnant, thank you very much!"
She seemed rather annoyed by the suggestion, but Aaron just smiled like it was a running joke that Jake just hadn't picked up on yet.
"Not yet." He smirked over to her, but she was already out of the screen preoccupied with something else.
"Seriously dude? We're eighteen!" Jake scoffed in disbelief.
"It's a joke." Aaron shook his head. "Her mom thinks she's pregnant because we're lookin' at houses."
"How the fuck are you gonna buy a house?"
"Not buy, rent. The Andersons got a couple by the tracks that are goin' up pretty soon."
"You're gonna rent from the Andersons?"
"Yeah, why not? They already know Kath's got a stable income. All we gotta do is have her dad co-sign or whatever."
"Damn, okay." Jake shook his head.
I guess we're really growing up, huh?
"It's exhausting living at home, man. You had the right idea." Aaron sighed.
"It's exhausting here too."
"Whatchu mean?"
It would have been easy to blame it on the excessive workload, the days he forgot to eat under stress, or trying to find peace when everyone seemed to be up his ass all the time, but honestly, it was trying to figure out how he was going to deal with Connor. Two days had already passed since they talked and Jake wasn't any more decided now than he was then.
"Um..."
But that wasn't anything he wanted to admit to being distraught about in front of Katherine. Aaron seemed to notice the grimace on his face.
"What?"
Jake mouthed the word 'Kath' hoping he would pick up on the hint, but Aaron never was the brightest, and he should have expected him to make a fool out of himself.
"Hold on." He grumbled, swiping out of their FaceTime screen and electing for a text instead.
Can we talk alone?
Aaron squinted at the screen as the text came in. "Ohhhh... yeah, give me a minute."
The screen tumbled as Aaron mumbled something to Katherine while he shuffled through the room, the ceiling overhead fading with shadows as he walked through what Jake knew to be her hallway. He heard the familiar creak of the front screen door, but Aaron didn't stop to sit on the front porch stairs like Jake had expected him to—he kept on walking down the driveway, the sunset framing his features with more orange than should have been possible. His hair looked brighter in this lighting than it had anywhere else, but all of that blaze was gone when he ducked his head into his truck, and eventually settled into another half-lit setting with a slammed door.
"Alright, I'm officially alone." He sighed.
Jake yawned as he watched the sunset out his own window. "I gathered that much."
"It's cold out here, what do you want?"
"It's not cold, you're a fucking baby."
"It's like forty."
"So?"
Aaron's face scrunched up in his defense, but it only made Jake want to make fun of him more. The phone clattered against the dashboard as Aaron settled his head back against the headrest, completely drained.
"What's so fuckin' special I had to come sit in the truck, hm?"
Jake sighed, rolling himself over in bed to look at the empty half of the room beside him. Andre had already left to go get food, and while Jake had said he wasn't hungry, it was definitely a lie. The grumble of his stomach was proof that he was starving, but his nerves were operating at maximum capacity thinking about what he wanted with Connor. While he may have had the urge to eat, he was absolutely certain it would just make him feel sick if he tried down anything while his mind was spinning circles around his future. The sooner he figured it out, the less anguish he would have to put himself through.
"I think I want to get back together with Connor."
Aaron fumbled for his phone, shaking in his hands as he brought it back up to his face.
"What?"
"I think I–"
"Yeah, I fuckin' heard you... what the fuck, Jake?"
Jake ran a hand over his face to make himself look like he regretted thinking about it more than he actually did.
"We talked and–"
"What? When?"
"If you'd stop cutting me off, you'd find out, dipshit." He muttered to the screen.
Aaron frowned in mockery, but then followed with silence.
"A couple nights ago we talked about why I broke up with him, and what he wants... and... I don't know... I really want to, but I can't decide if it's a good idea."
"He actually wants to get back with you?" Aaron asked, almost in disbelief.
Jake might have taken offense to it if it were anyone else but Aaron.
"Yes, fucker." He mumbled. "We both do."
"Alright." His best friend shrugged his shoulders like he had already been convinced it was a good idea. "What's the hang up then?"
"Same thing it was the last time. My parents, the town, all that fucking tension–"
Aaron interrupted him by waving his hand over the screen. "Jake, let me ask you somethin'..."
"What?"
"How many miles are you away from all this right now?" He gestured around himself.
"A lot."
"Yep. You're far away, makin' your own decisions, livin' your own life... so who the fuck cares?"
"I do."
"Why?" Aaron looked unimpressed by his argument.
"Because I have to come home at some point–"
"Do you, though?"
"Why wouldn't I?"
Jake felt puzzled by the suggestion. Not coming home was never an option. He had never allowed it to be.
"What do you have here, man?"
"You, Kath, Kenna..."
"Yeah, and guess what?" He didn't let him answer. "We all got cars and no reason not to visit you."
"Yeah, but... we're supposed to have–"
"If you use that goddamn dream we came up with when we were five years old as a way to justify puttin' yourself through misery, I will turn on this fuckin' truck to drive down there and beat your ass."
"That's a waste of gas. You wouldn't touch me, it'd be quite disappointing." Jake felt the natural urge to retort even though he couldn't have been more startled by Aaron's new found interest in pushing him in the opposite direction they had been going their whole lives.
It was nice, in a way, that Aaron could see things in a perspective he couldn't. Aaron had always made the heart choices and dove in head first. Jake wanted to make the heart choices, but he would rather make no choice at all then end up choosing wrong. Maybe letting Aaron make the choice for him was exactly what he needed.
"Alright, asshole... you always gotta use that fuckin' brain of yours, so let's think, alright?"
Jake shook his head out to humor him.
"Both of you have feelings for each other, so no fear of denial."
Aaron motioned his finger out like checking boxes off of a list.
"You both come from the same town with the same bullshit, so you'll understand each other's experiences... You're over a hundred miles away from anyone who cares about your sexuality, and it can stay that way if you want it to... and you're in a new place where no one knows about your relationship and no one cares."
Aaron sighed. "You're stupid if you don't think that's perfect. Y'all can live that quiet, boring life you like where no one's in your business and no one cares that you're gay, okay?"
He's got a point. I hate that he's got a point.
"What's not fuckin' clickin' Holmes?"
Jake let himself stare out into the room in thought. It couldn't be that easy, could it? Everything here was new, but that didn't mean it was bad. Just because it was unfamiliar, didn't mean it couldn't be home if he allowed himself to grow into it. His obsession with home as a place had led to a downward spiral of the things he would have to sacrifice to belong there, but maybe Connor was right when he said home was more of a feeling. Aaron would be one to say 'home is where the heart is,' but Jake always thought that sounded like a load of bullshit. His heart had been tied to a family that did more harm than good to him for the past eighteen years, and with it was a twisted definition of belonging and love. That wasn't home anymore. It had been once, but it couldn't be anymore.
"You're right." He whispered out so softly he didn't know he had said it.
"Did you just tell me I was right?" Aaron gawked through the screen.
"I think so."
"Damn, must be my lucky day."
Jake rolled his eyes. "Don't get used to it."
"Wouldn't dream of it."
Taking in a deep breath, Jake settled with the knowledge that maybe it could work. He wouldn't just be allowing himself to think it could work like he once had... maybe it could actually work. Aaron was right as much as it killed him to admit. He was an adult now, there was nothing holding him to home except the mental strings he allowed himself to become tangled up in. A life with Connor could work if he truly wanted it.
"So, you really think I should?"
"Well, was there anythin' you hated about him?"
"He can be a bitch sometimes." Jake smirked. "But, no. He was really great actually."
His best friend shrugged. "You're a bitch too, must be a gay thing."
"No, Aaron... that's not how that works."
Aaron smiled like for once he had just said something stupid on purpose. It made Jake want to smack him by the back of the head if only he could reach through the screen to slap him.
"Honestly man, I kinda miss him." He shook off his joke. "He made you happy."
"You think?"
"Yeah, I ain't ever seen you look at anyone like that. I knew you really liked him."
Jake was stupid to think Aaron wouldn't have noticed the change in his emotions. Aaron may have been one of the dumbest people he had ever met, but he wasn't dumb when it came to people. He could read other's feelings like they were his own, but wouldn't let them know he had picked up on it. It was one of the reasons Jake never had to tell him exactly what was wrong growing up, somehow Aaron always knew and kept quiet.
"I did." Jake whispered somberly to himself.
Aaron either didn't hear him or didn't feel like commenting on it.
"Plus, he's kinda way out of your league, so bonus points for that one, bud."
"How is he out of my league?"
"Oh boy." Aaron laughed. "Are your eyes broken? You're as hot as an ice cube in Antarctica."
Jake grinned. "Fuck off."
"Connor's like a solid nine out of ten on a bad day, and you're like... mmm... a four."
"A four? That's awfully gracious of you."
"That's on a good day." Aaron pointed to him.
"There it is." Jake nodded with the insult. "You talk a big game for a borderline two."
"Fuck you. I'm at least a five-and-a-half."
"Your scale is broken."
"That's because your mom sat on it."
You motherfucker.
"Did you just use a 'your mom' joke on me? I'm gonna fucking kill you."
"Sorry, I regretted it." Aaron winced. "Forgot who I was talkin' to."
"Mhm." Jake scoffed. "You're a dick."
"I saw your mom yesterday, actually."
"Did you really?"
"Yep. At the store."
"How was she?" Jake sat up in his bed to focus.
He hadn't talked to McKenna about their family in a while. They had somehow carefully skirted around that topic every time she texted him about town gossip or a link to a video he would never watch. That wasn't to say Jake hadn't been curious as to how everything was going, or how McKenna was adjusting, but the more he worried himself with it, the more he would want to go home to help. Even if he hadn't realized it, a subconscious part of himself had been ignoring the thought of going home for months now. Poor McKenna had been paying the price.
"She was askin' me about you." He frowned. "How school was goin', if you got a job, if you got a girlfriend... which is kinda ironic when you call me the day after about your boyfriend."
"Not my boyfriend." Jake corrected him. "Haven't even decided if we're getting back together."
Aaron scoffed. "Yeah, okay. She don't need to know that anyways."
"Yeah, no."
"She um..." He hesitated like he didn't know whether he should say it. "Said your dad finally sold the truck."
Oh.
"Damn." Jake allowed himself disappointment, even when he knew it was coming.
Aaron shuffled on screen, awkwardly rubbing his hand behind his neck like Jake did. Their mannerisms had always been so similar, Jake wondered if he had rubbed off on Aaron, or if it had been the other way around. Jake could tell he was about to say something uncomfortable, but he never expected what ended up leaving his mouth.
"Yeah, um... Hunter bought it."
His heart dropped in his chest.
"Are you fucking kidding me?"
Why the fuck would he do that?
Goddamnit, Hunter.
"Fucking asshole." He muttered, shaking his head.
"Sorry, man."
"He's gonna ruin it."
Somehow the thought of Hunter owning something that was previously his didn't hurt as much as the thought of Hunter ruining something that was previously his. Something that Jake had poured his heart and soul into fixing, just to be trashed by someone who had no regard for what it meant to work for what he wanted. It was just a truck, but it was Jake's sanctuary for the time he spent in it, and Hunter had no idea what it ever felt like to need somewhere to hide on a bad day. Sure he would roll down the windows to feel the same wind cut across his skin and listen to the same radio playing the same top fifty country songs, but he wouldn't do it because he felt like he had to escape or because he was trying to prolong going home. He would do it because he could, not because he needed to. That truck had been a lifeline of sorts, and now it was just another toy for Hunter Anderson to fuck around with until he got bored.
Fucking Hunter.
"He sold the Malibu. Got a pretty penny from it too, the thing was practically brand new."
Why?
Why?!
"I can't believe him." Jake shook his head. "God, he's such a fucking dick."
"Well at least it's not sittin' in the driveway anymore, right?"
I think I would have preferred if it was.
"Right."
"Kath says he's been kinda weird lately." Aaron mumbled.
"What do you mean?" Jake squinted. "It's Hunter."
"He came to work wasted. Like apparently he passed out and everything. His dad's gettin' pissed."
"I didn't know he drank like that."
"Me neither. He's goin' downhill man. Katherine was talking to Alyssa about the breakup, and apparently he was always being a bitch for no reason and she got tired of puttin' up with it."
"Good for her." Jake grumbled. "He sounds like our dads."
"He wasn't like that, though."
Aaron sounded sad—a bit remorseful, almost. Jake knew what he meant to say. He wasn't like that when he had us.
Do you really feel guilty about it?
"People change, Aaron."
He nodded through the screen, but Jake just knew he was settling with his answer. "Yeah. Guess so."
Jake couldn't help but wonder if he had changed too. Once upon a time, Hunter had told him he had, but that was out of spite, not any real observation. Hunter would never change, he remembered telling himself as a response until he was blue in the face. He thought he knew Hunter well enough to know he was too stuck in his own ways to realize it was dragging him down, but maybe he had. Maybe Hunter had seen the error in his own behavior and realized he hated it just as much as everyone else, or maybe—the more terrifying option—he had taken a look in the mirror and realized he hadn't made people hate him enough.
Hunter needed attention. High school was over and there was no one left to put him on a pedestal. Jake shook his head, knowing he was right.
Hunter hadn't changed. He was incapable of it. This was redirection. If he couldn't get enough attention through being the golden boy alone, he had to create something else for people to talk about. This was self-destruction that he had convinced himself was survival. Hunter would destroy himself before he would allow himself to fade away to nothing.
Jake was just glad he wasn't there to watch.