Far From Home - Chapter 31: Chapter 31

Late November
"Why does it say you're three seasons into Riverdale?" Connor glanced over to Jake's laptop as he had his Netflix home screen pulled up to find a way to entertain himself while Connor studied.
Jake smiled, but he rubbed his hand over the back of his neck to stop it from turning red.
"I uh... I got into it after we broke up."
"No you did not." Connor grinned to mock him.
"I was having a hard time, okay?" Jake grumbled, swiping over the screen to find something else to watch.
"Yeah, so was I, but I didn't stoop that low."
Jake rolled his eyes, scrolling through pages and pages of things recommended for him that likely only ended up on his profile because McKenna watched sketchy shit on his account just to fuck with him.
"Okay, what did you do then, tough guy?"
Connor turned back to his notes, unimpressed by the question. His eyes were disinterested as they scanned over the textbook laid out on the library table in front of him, but his cheeks held the faintest blush that Jake knew was pissing him off more than anything. Jake bumped his shoulder from where he was sitting in the study booth next to him to pry an answer out of him, and Connor, unconvincingly, pretended like he didn't notice.
"Come on now..." Jake tapped his fingers out on the table to divert Connor's attention from his book.
His eyes ripped away from his notes like he was going to set Jake's hand on fire, but he answered him with a sigh anyway.
"I listened to every Nickelback album on shuffle for a solid week."
Jake shook his head. "Fucking hypocrite."
"You tell anyone that, I will cut your tongue out."
"Yeah, yeah." He waved off Connor's threat like it was as dangerous as a golden retriever puppy.
Jake returned his attention back to finding something to watch while Connor finished his notes. They had already been in the library for an hour, but time was passing by too slowly for Jake's liking, and the exam study guide he brought with him got boring about fifteen minutes into it. He knew better than to distract Connor from his work, so instead he sought out an alternative form of entertainment to keep him occupied before he started asking Connor to teach him biology for shits and giggles. It might have actually made a good study method if he could take it seriously, but Jake wasn't in a serious mood, and Connor in all actuality needed to focus.
But not before he pestered him for another minute more.
"Did any of those Nickelback songs remind you of me?"
Connor dropped his pen out on his notebook and turned to glare at Jake.
"Yeah, um..." He pretended to think. "The one about doing sex and drugs in an airplane."
"Fuck no, you'd never catch me on a plane." Jake shook his head.
"Scared of planes, are we?"
"Little bit."
"Well then, I need to push you out of one." Connor smiled like it was a solution.
"What?"
"Isn't that how your 'getting over fears of large modes of transportation' theory works?"
Jake rolled his head back. "Fuck you, you know the train was an accident."
Connor grinned like he finally got to bring up a grudge he had been holding for months.
"For what it's worth, it would have been a good idea." He shrugged. "You know... if there hadn't really been a train."
"I'm sorry, okay?"
Connor picked up the pen from where he set it out on his notebook and then tapped it twice along Jake's arm for good measure. "Mmm, no you're not."
"You were totally crushing on me back then, don't even lie to yourself." Jake scoffed as a joke.
"Why else do you think I went back there with you? For my own self-enjoyment?"
He hadn't expected Connor to answer seriously—however snarky it came across. It was a pleasant surprise that sent Jake into another question.
"You really liked me then?" It came across softer than all the other banter they had taken up so far.
Connor noticed the change in his voice and smirked. "You're an idiot."
"Wait... when did you like me?"
Jake angled himself towards Connor in an attempt to capture his undivided attention. They had never talked about it, but now it was all Jake wanted to know. He could almost pinpoint the exact moment he had caught on to his feelings for Connor, but had it been that easy for Connor too? When was the moment he had crossed that line between friends and something more in his own mind?
"Prom." He stared out at the empty booth across from them. "I tried to talk about it with you, but... I never got the chance."
That was what you wanted to ask when the train cut you off?
Had I been right the whole time?
"Why?"
"I had this rule about straight guys, but... I knew you weren't straight that night. I kinda had a feeling about you, but I didn't know if you were just being nice to me, or if it was something else... and... then that was it."
"Because of what I said about Katherine..."
"Well, yeah... but also the way you looked at me." Connor colored in a block on the side of his notebook. "Hate to break it to you, but you were staring, hard."
Jake smiled, but looked down. "Sorry, you were hot and I was panicking."
"I know."
He didn't specify whether he knew he was hot, or if he knew Jake was panicking, but knowing Connor it was probably some combination of both.
"Alright, asshole. Get your work done." Jake grumbled, trying to find his attention elsewhere.
"Always the endearing pet names with you." Connor sighed as he finished coloring in his block, sitting up so he could focus again.
Jake let it go after that. He knew words like 'honey' and 'babe' made Connor cringe to no end, so he never tried to use them. 'Princess' was a term reserved for Aaron when he was annoyed enough, and 'sunshine' was only used to address Jake, never the other way around. Connor didn't have some cute pet name, but Jake thought he might have liked it better that way. One day he might try something again, but until then all he would have was 'Connor' and his overall disdain for the names reserved for couples so madly in love it made him want to vomit.
Jake knew he would never admit it, but deep down inside Connor did like all the romantic shit he pretended to be annoyed by in others. His resting bitch face wore cringe whenever he saw someone making out across the room or heard some out-of-nowhere comment about someone's sex life, but it was all hypocritical. He did the same things with Jake, just not in such a public way. Jake could almost pinpoint some of the times when Connor's mind wandered off staring at his lips too long, or the smiles he tried to hide when he watched Jake do something stupid like he had never adored him more. Connor felt it all, but he fought so hard to hide it.
And Jake decided he would be wrong to call him out on it.
Despite all of Connor's initial teasing, after an hour and a half of doing his notes, he ended up peering over Jake's shoulder to watch Riverdale. There were a couple times Jake had to pause to gawk to Connor about a real line from the show that shouldn't have made it onto television, but besides that he had stayed incredibly focused on finishing his work and left the monstrosity playing out on screen to Jake's eyes alone.
The library was primarily empty except for the few unfortunate souls who left all their homework for break like Connor, and a group of girls at the large table across the room who did a lot more talking about where in the world they would rather be than here instead of studying. Jake was used to the first floor of the library being exceptionally loud for what was supposed to be a 'quiet space.' He and Nat spent a great deal of time here after stats, chugging down tea, trying to get their homework done in the small break between classes. But today it was quiet—enough to where Jake thought the audio in his earbuds might have been too loud even though it was only a quarter of the way up. It didn't seem loud enough to disturb Connor, so Jake thought he must have passed his imaginary sound test.
Content with the lack of crowd and the hidden location of their study booth in the corner, Jake had allowed Connor to set his hand down over his knee when he had tapped over it for permission. For whatever reason, Connor tended to do it when he was most in thought—lost in his notes, but still compulsively reaching out to have a hand on Jake. He did it more than he probably cared to admit to himself, but Jake never missed it.
Connor prized those small touches more than anything else. It was the hand on Jake's knee while he worked, the grazing of his fingers over his back while he walked past him, tapping out to Jake when he knew he couldn't touch him completely, and lingering just far enough to pull away when he did. Jake loved it, mainly because Connor didn't even notice he did it. Connor would smile sometimes—a look so soft and so foreign that Jake might have thought he was possessed—but he never caught Jake staring, or if he did, he pretended not to notice. Happiness was so heavenly on Connor that he didn't even think about what it meant for Connor to be smiling at him like that, all he knew was that he never wanted it to stop.
He looked at him a lot like that when the little things like soft touches were major moves in the careful game they played months ago. Jake remembered the first time he held Connor's hand like it was yesterday—the smile on Connor's face when he realized Jake touched him first and meant it. How far they had come since then. It wasn't the fear of taking one step forward just so Jake could send them three steps back, it was taking one step forward and staying there for the first time in his life. After a while, it stopped feeling so scary.
Connor's hand slid up his leg on accident when he leaned forward to grab his phone from behind his notebook. He regained his grip over Jake's thigh now, his fingers curled into the inside of his leg and with it came a sharp inhale Jake hadn't been expecting as he felt Connor's hand somewhere new. Lost reading a text on his phone, Connor hadn't noticed the shift like Jake did.
For Jake, it was the only thing he noticed. The images on screen and the voices in his ear meant nothing now. It was as if all his senses were devoted to Connor all at once. He tried not to think about it. He tried swallowing down the weird rush climbing up his throat to lean into the touch. He tried sitting up straighter to see if he could ignore the feeling, but when he did Connor's hand followed him and the ghosted feeling of his touch interrupted by the jeans Jake was wearing was more unsettling than it should have been. Even more unsettling was the urge to move so Connor's fingers might fall a little further up his thigh... a little closer...
Fuck.
Fuck.
No.
He couldn't stop thinking about it. The unfamiliar feeling that had coursed through him last night when Connor's mouth came a little too close to his waistband was coming back, and Jake didn't know what to do with it. His mind was in the gutter—completely enthralled by the memory of Connor's weight against his own, hands holding him down, lips on his body, whispered words against his skin...
Fucking hell.
There was no use pretending he didn't feel it. The tight constriction of his jeans was unmistakable. He had never been turned on in a library before, but he guessed if there was one thing he had learned this year it was that there was a first time for everything. Now it was just a matter of how he was going to get over it.
Goddamnit Jake, why are you like this?
He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, hoping that maybe if he counted to ten it might make the feeling go away. If anything it made it worse. Connor had begun tapping his fingers out distractedly and Jake wanted to cut each one of them off before he did something he regretted with them.
Fuck, no. No! Get your shit together.
He dug his fingers into Connor's hand not knowing whether he wanted it to stay or tear it away. It took Connor off guard as he turned to face him with a concerned look in his eyes. Jake had to take a deep breath before he wanted to reach out and kiss that worry right off of his face.
"You good?"
Words should have been easy, but they didn't come. Jake didn't know if he was okay or not, he had never felt like this before. Especially not about someone he genuinely cared about in the middle of a fucking library. It felt like some sort of disrespect that he couldn't quite find the words to explain. Dirty, immoral, selfish, carnal... okay, maybe he did have the words, but it didn't make them any easier to sit with.
He tried to nod, but his jaw was so tense from trying not to feel that Connor didn't find it the least bit convincing. Setting his phone down on the table, he turned to focus on Jake, his fingers tensing over Jake's leg the more Jake's fingers curled into his hand. It only took him a moment to look down and realize why.
Fuck, Connor.
Connor wanted to be smug, Jake could see a sly smile itching for a place on his face. He tried to conceal it, but his amusement got the best of him.
"Really?"
"Shit." Jake sighed, not bothering to keep his guard up anymore. "Sorry."
He rolled his head back against the seat as he consciously pried his hand away from Connor's. Having a death grip on him was going to get him nowhere now. His face burned red and he didn't have the notion to hide it because it wasn't the only place he felt like his body was on fire and at this point he couldn't figure out where to direct his own attention for self-preservation.
"Sorry... I–"
Connor cut him off with a low, calm mumble that could have sounded pissed if Jake knew he wasn't entertained. "Stop apologizing."
Despite the way his mouth worked to find 'sorry' once more, Jake sealed his mouth shut, swallowing down his embarrassment as his throat grew tight. Connor's hand left his thigh, and while Jake expected it to offer some instantaneous relief, it didn't. In fact, he nearly missed it, however miserable it made him.
God, this is pathetic.
Connor thinks I'm pathetic.
Connor had lazily gathered his things in his hands by the time Jake had the wherewithal to look over at him. He couldn't meet him in the eye, but he watched as he got up from the booth—notebook and textbook in one hand, his phone in the other. He's mad. Fuck he's gotta be mad. Why else is he leaving?
He stopped, waiting for Jake to look at him, and not settling for words until he did. Jake shut his laptop down—despite the fact that he hadn't actually been watching the last five minutes of the show to begin with—and pulled the white cord that connected his earbuds out away from his face.
"Where are you going?" He mumbled, finally meeting Connor in the eye.
Connor looked around the room disinterested, but shrugged once he came up with nothing worth noticing.
"Back to your room." He raised an eyebrow in question. "You coming?"
It sounded cold. He tried so hard to seem as cool as he could, but in the end, not even Connor Morgan could control how the corners of his mouth betrayed him. Jake dared to smile back at him and that fire only spread. Connor grinned and Jake wanted nothing more than to kiss that stupid look off of his face. 'Mad' wasn't a word he would use to describe the way Connor looked at him now.
Connor licked over his lips casually. "Well?"
Fuck.
Jake had never packed his things so quickly in his life.