Find My Heart - Chapter 16: Chapter 16

Nathan
I banged angrily on the horn on my steering wheel.
"FUCKING MOVE!!" I shouted at the taxi that had just decided to stop in the middle of the road.
Some drunken tart with a skirt up her arse and heels the size of tower blocks tottered over to the taxi, throwing a middle finger in my direction before getting in.
I drew in a deep breath through my nose. I couldn't lose my temper. It might cause me to be delayed further.
I still couldn't believe it took me so long to see the text from Cole. I always had my phone on me, yet tonight for some reason i'd left it in my bedroom.
On the one night he needed me.
As I drove like a maniac down the road I tried to rationalise with my thoughts
What if he's badly hurt?
That's unlikely. He did manage to send a text.
Yes but what if something happened after he sent that text, afterall, it took you long enough to read it.
He's bound to be fine. And then I can yell at him for texting me when I specifically told him to only text about the project.
My mind snapped to attention as I pulled into Beech Drive.
I could tell which house it was, without even looking at the door numbers. It was the one surrounded by police cars. The whole street was lit up in an eerie neon blue from the multitude of flashing lights. My heart thumped harder when I also saw an ambulance tucked behind a police van.
I pulled up, a safe distance away and slowly walked towards the house.
I paused outside. I hoped he wasn't still inside because that would either mean he was hurt, or he was in trouble with the law.
I heard a hissing noise from somewhere behind me. I turned and scanned the area until I saw someone hunkered down behind a car.
I took a step out into the road for a better look and saw Cole's friend Natalie, waving at me to come over.
I quickly jogged over, relieved that I might at least get some answers.
"Are you looking for Percy?" Natalie asked once I was in front of her.
"Percy? Was Percy here?" I asked.
"Yes. Wait, wasn't that who you were looking for?"
"No, Cole texted asking for my help. He just didn't say what for. What went on here, and is Cole still inside?"
Natalie sighed shaking her head. "All hell broke loose," she said.
I stared at her waiting for her to say more. Heck, I wanted to grab hold of her and shake her right now, but I needed to stay calm.
"And Cole?" I prompted again.
"I don't know," she replied.
"What do you mean you don't know?!" I snapped back, beginning to lose the battle to stay calm.
Natalie raised an eyebrow at me. "Hey, don't take that tone with me. I said I don't know. It's not my fault he went back inside to find Percy."
Damn Percy! As soon as she mentioned he was here, I knew he would somehow be to blame.
"Are they still in there?" I asked.
Natalie shook her head. "I don't think so. Not unless they're hiding in a cupboard or something. I searched everywhere."
I knew if I wandered around, I would be able to detect his scent if he had left the house recently.
"I'm going to go," I said, starting to walk away.
"Wait!" she squealed chasing after me. "Man, you are so rude sometimes!"
I just looked at her, partly amused by her blunt manner, and partly annoyed that she was further delaying me in finding Cole.
Natalie opened her mouth to say something but was interrupted when that chubby kid wandered over.
"Hey Natalie, do you need a ride?"
"Yes she does," I said, shoving her lightly towards the boy.
"I wouldn't want to get in a car with you anyway!" she spat back, although I know that was what she was just going to ask me.
I quickly walked away as Charlie led her over to his car.
I paced around for a bit, circling the area, until I finally caught his scent. I followed it for a few blocks until it led into a small park. And then into a small wooded area.
I felt myself tense slightly, hoping that he was ok. His scent was getting stronger, so I knew he was close by, but there was also another worrying smell. Blood.
I started jogging through the trees, until I came out of the other side.
I skidded to a stop when I saw a figure sitting in the middle of the grass, illuminated by the moonlight. Ok, and a coupe of lamps that were nearby.
I let out a sigh of relief to see that he was sitting upright, and so not badly harmed.
I considered turning round and leaving now I had seen he was ok, but something wouldn't let me. I just needed to make sure.
"Cole," I said gently, but he still snapped his head round like I was about to stab him or something.
"Jeepers, you scared me!" he said, holding a hand over his chest.
"Sorry," I said chuckling lightly, "I tried to be........"
I stopped as I saw that there was something wrong with his face.
I dropped down onto my knees and grabbed hold of his head with both hands, turning him to face me.
"What the hell happened to your face?"
Cole looked back at me with wide eyes.
"Um. Well, you see, erm....I sort of...erm...walked into something?"
"Cole," I growled, "tell me who did it now!"
I could feel the blood starting to pump round my body. How dare someone do this to Cole. How dare someone touch my mate.
I dropped his face and took a step back when I realised what I was thinking.
Cole wasn't my mate. I had rejected him. He should mean nothing to me.
"Nathan?"
I turned to look at him and I felt my heart melt when I saw him looking at me with worry and confusion in his eyes. Or should I say eye. The beautiful brown eye was practically swollen shut.
"Sorry I just.......well.......I think....." I was struggling to breathe let alone think straight. My heart was aching in a way that I'd never felt before. It felt as though it was about to break up into tiny pieces.
I took a few deep breaths. "Can you just tell me who did this, then I'll leave you alone?"
That was my plan. Get a name and then take out my frustrations on the piece of shit that did this to my Cole.
Cole sighed and turned his back on me. "Why would I tell you Nathan, it's got nothing to do with you."
"It's got everything to do with me!" I snapped back. It angered me that Cole seemed to think I had a choice in this. That I wanted to feel as though my heart was breaking every time I saw that swelling on his face.
"I really don't get it Nathan. I don't understand any of it. Why are you here again?" This time Cole spun round to look at me, and I could see his eyebrows were furrowed together.
"Because you texted me," I replied.
"No Nathan, why are you here? In this field, and not back at the house where I told you I'd be?"
I opened my mouth to reply but then quickly shut it again when I realised I didn't have an answer. Or at least an answer I was willing to share.
"I...err.....I saw Natalie and she said she saw you running this way, so I just wandered round till I found you."
"So you just happened to walk through the trees, where there's no path, and stumble out exactly where I was?"
"Yes," I said, "although I was expecting to find you up in one of the trees again. That's where I usually find you."
I was pleased to see the corners of his mouth twitched upwards. I hoped the distraction had worked.
Within a couple of seconds, his face was serious again. "I saw something else tonight. Something that I was hoping you could explain."
I didn't like the sound of this, but I said, "Go on.."
"I saw....a guy...and he went to bite the arm of another guy, but when he did, his whole mouth seemed to change shape, and his jaws became really wide, and he had massive canine teeth, like fangs."
I knew there was no avoiding it now. Suddenly I felt set up. Like Cole had been sat there waiting for me all along.
I plopped myself down on the grass next to Cole, looking out into the distance.
"Was this....guy....Percy by any chance?" I asked.
Cole took a quick look in my direction before looking ahead again.
"It may or may not have been."
"It's ok Cole. I know he was with you. Natalie told me. Plus I can smell him on you."
I felt my muscles tighten when I realised what I'd just said.
Cole sniffed at his arms, then started laughing. In fact he laughed so hard he fell backwards onto his back on the grass.
I just watched in silence, slightly amused.
"Sorry," he said, finally getting control of himself and sitting up. "I guess the craziness just got to me."
I didn't say anything. What could I say?
"So what are you guys then?" he suddenly asked.
"He's my sort of nephew I guess," I replied.
"No, that's not what I meant. I meant what are you? You're not human right?"
I paused for a while wondering what to say. It wasn't a secret that we were allowed to share with just anybody. But then Cole wasn't just anybody. But then again, I wasn't going to be accepting him as my mate, so I probably shouldn't tell him. But then he had seen quite a bit. And somehow I just knew I could trust him.
"No, we're not." I said.
Cole took a deep breath, but at least he didn't show any signs of freaking out.
"So I'm guessing you're something to do with those massive wolves I saw back at the Hall?"
"You'd guess right." I replied.
Cole looked down and shook his head in disbelief.
"I knew there was something not right, but I just couldn't put my finger on it. But then why would I? Who in their right mind would think those creatures could also take on a human form?"
It was like he was talking to himself, not to me. But then he turned his head to face me.
"I think I've seen you as a wolf. Is it black with a stripe of silver?"
It was my turn to look shocked. "When did you see that?"
Cole just smiled and shook his head.
"Can I see it now?" he asked.
"No you can't," I said scrambling to my feet, suddenly feeling extremely jittery.
"Fine, fine," he said holding his hands up in surrender. "Sit back down though because I'm not finished with asking questions yet."
I stared in shock at this new side to Cole that I'd never seen before. Usually he was nervous and shy around me. I quite liked this new demanding side to him, and without even thinking about it, I sat back down.
"I know I could ask you another million questions about the whole wolf thing, but I'm guessing you wouldn't answer most of them.....am I right?"
"Yes probably," I replied, relieved that he seemed to understand that there were things that I couldn't say.
"So then let me ask you this. Why me?"
"What?" I said in surprise, turning to face him.
Cole still looked straight ahead, but said again, "Why me?"
"Why you what?" I asked, looping my arms around my legs to give me something to grip onto.
I wasn't ready for this conversation. I may have rejected a mate before, but I'd never had to do it to his face.
"Why me? There's been something going on since we first met. When you touched me, you looked kind of horrified, like I'd stung you or something, and then when I saw you at that party, you told Percy to never touch me again. Not just anybody, but me specifically. And then tonight, you find me, just like Percy said you would, even though I was hidden all the way over here. And I'm guessing that if I did tell you who did this," he said, gesturing to his face, "that you'd go all wolf on their arses. It's like you have this need to defend or protect me. Like when you brought me home when I was drunk, or when you helped me down from that tree......sometimes I think that maybe......" he suddenly looked down, and I bet that if it wasn't dark, I would see a blush rising on his cheeks.
He coughed a little then continued. "Sometimes I think you may feel something for me, but then other times, I'm not even sure you can stand the sight of me."
He turned towards me, and his hand came out and touched my knee. I wanted to pull away, but it rooted me to the spot. It felt so warm and made my body start to melt from the inside.
"I know there are things you can't tell me, and I respect that, but please, it's only fair that I know what this has to do with me. How I've somehow become caught up in whatever this is?"
He was right. I knew he was right. I wanted to reach out and touch his face. I wanted to lean over and kiss his swollen eye. I wanted to take him into my arms and tell him that I would look after him, and that everything would be alright.
But I couldn't.
I stood up, making Cole's arm fall off my knee. I saw the disappointment flash across his face.
"I'm not leaving, if that's what you think," I said, making him lift his head towards me. "I'll give you your answers. You're right. It is only fair that you know."
I started pacing up and down in front of him, wondering how I could tell him, without making this too painful.
"I'm a werewolf, which means I can take the form of a human or a wolf. One thing that is different about us, is how we find our mates."
I saw Cole jolt slightly at the word 'mate', making my anxiety increase about tenfold.
"Once a werewolf turns 18, they are able to find their mate. And by mate I mean someone that has been chosen for them."
I paused. This was really difficult to explain.
"Chosen by who?" Cole asked.
"I don't know," I replied. "Chosen by fate, God, the Moon Goddess, whatever deity you chose to believe in I guess."
I saw Cole frown. "And what do you believe in?" he asked.
I shrugged. "I don't know. Father Christmas?"
Cole chuckled, and I smiled. Until I remembered that this was probably the last time I would ever hear that sound. I forced down the lump forming in my throat.
"And how do you know who your mate is?" Cole asked.
"You know when you touch them," I replied. "The moment you have skin on skin contact with them, you feel it.
Once again Cole frowned, seemingly lost in thought. After a brief silence he asked, "Does it hurt?"
I was slightly taken aback by this odd question.
"Not at all. It feels sort of tingly, at the point your skin touches, then you feel a warm glow spread round your body, and you instantly want to be closer to the person you've bonded with. Instead of love at first sight, it's like love at first touch."
I could see Cole turning this information over in his mind. He opened his mouth like he was going to say something a couple of times, but then clamped his mouth shut. Eventually he decided what to say.
"I'm really confused now. I was sure you were going to tell me that I'm your mate, because it sort of fits. The whole overly protective thing, and the reaction when you touched my arm. But then, the rest doesn't make sense. When you touched me, you looked.....I don't know....sort of hurt, and angry, like the whole experience was unpleasant. And then you don't seem to want to be around me. In fact I would go as far as to say you avoid me. Unless I'm in some sort of danger."
I had stopped pacing and was kicking absentmindedly at a small stone in the grass. I couldn't look at him.
"You are my mate. And yes, when I grabbed your arm, that was the first time I realised. You see werewolves and humans can be mates, but you won't feel the bond like I do. That's why you didn't know."
I could hear Cole's breathing getting louder. I looked over to him and could see that he was taking deep breaths, probably in an attempt to remain calm.
Eventually he turned his face towards me again.
"So, even though as a human, I don't feel the same, I am supposed to just become your mate? How does that even work?" A look of realisation flashed across his face, and he suddenly began to edge away from me along the grass.
"Oh god, you're going to do something to me aren't you? What do you have to do? Bite me? Mark me? Something like that?"
"What?! NO!" I shouted back in annoyance. "We don't do that. Believe it or not, most human's submit to being a wolf's mate willingly."
"SUBMIT?! Is that how it works? I've got to do as you say?"
I could feel my temper starting to flare. "Will you stop that! Stop twisting my words. All I meant was that most humans fall in love easily with their mate."
"Well this one won't," he spat back, drawing his knees up to his chest and throwing his arms around them.
I flinched back, like I'd been punched in the gut.
Was my mate rejecting me?
Wait, shouldn't I be happy about that? Isn't that what I wanted all along?
Then why did I feel like I wanted to throw up?
This was it, it was now or never.
"No Cole," I said, keeping my voice calm and devoid of feeling, "I'm not asking you to love me, or even be with me. I'm asking you to just stay away from me."
Cole tilted his head in confusion.
"What? So you don't even want to try?"
His words shocked me, and without engaging my brain I replied,
"No, I don't".
Cole's mouth dropped open for a second before he said, "But can you do that? Live without a mate I mean?"
"Yes, it'll be hard at first, but then after a year of not seeing your mate, the bond breaks."
"But does that mean you'll live the rest of your life without ever loving someone?"
Despite the tension in the air, I chuckled.
"You'd think so, but actually you'll be the second mate that I've rejected."
The word came out of my mouth without me even realising it. In fact I wouldn't have realised if I hadn't seen Cole visibly flinch, like I'd just slapped him across the face.
"R-Rejected?" he stammered.
There was no point in denying it now.
"Yes, rejected."
"But.....but why? Is it because I'm human, or because I'm male?" he asked, and my stomach began to feel heavy at the hurt tone of his voice.
"No, neither of those bother me," I said trying to reassure him.
"Then why?" he asked.
"Because...." what could I say? Because you're weak, and small, and slightly odd? "Because...you're not my type I guess."
"Not your type?" he said back, and I cringed on hearing the words. "So what, you're just going to keep rejecting your mates until you find one that suits? Isn't that a bit....I don't know, shallow?"
"Look, I didn't ask for this either," I said, and I could hear the desperation in my voice. "I wasn't looking for a mate. I just somehow keep finding them!"
"So what was the first one like?" Cole asked.
"I don't know," I said shrugging. "I never spoke to him."
"What?!" Cole spluttered in shock, "then you just rejected him without even getting to know him?"
"It was easier that way," I replied. "He was human so knew nothing about it. I would have done that with you too, if you didn't just keep showing up everywhere! Do you know how hard you've made this for me?"
"Oh, I'm so sorry that this has been so difficult for you," Cole spat at me with real venom in his voice. "I'm sorry I got in the way of your neat little plan. Don't worry, I won't come near you ever again."
My body was a trembling mess. I had never felt so many conflicting emotions at once. Part of me wanted to scream at him, part of me wanted to just turn and run away, and by far the largest part of me wanted to scoop him up in my arms and tell him how sorry I was and how much I loved him.
"I-I think I should go," I said turning to walk away.
I took a few steps, then paused. "You won't tell anyone will you?" I asked.
Cole let out what sounded like a noise that was half a laugh, and half a sob. "Why would I want to tell anyone I was rejected my my own mate?"
I felt my knees nearly give out beneath me.
I did the only thing I could. I turned and walked away.