Find My Heart - Chapter 25: Chapter 25

Emily
I woke up to the sound of two voices arguing.
I looked across at Cole and saw that he was still asleep. He had a slight frown on his face, which made my stomach clench with guilt. I couldn't believe I'd managed to drag him into this.
"He's Sebastian's son for god's sake!!" came an angry voice from the next room.
"How was I supposed to know?!" I recognised this as the voice of the large gruff man from yesterday.
"I don't know! Maybe the name might have been your first clue! Don't you even look at the intelligence I send you?!"
The door to the room opened and a tall younger guy poked his head in, looking at me briefly before turning his attention to the boy asleep next to me.
The man's long black hair was tied back, leaving the scowl on his face on full view. He had that look of a person who hadn't smiled in a long time.
Without saying a word, he turned and left the room.
I could hear the two men talking again, but this time in quieter tones. I strained my ears to try to hear. Werewolves had much better hearing than humans, and so I could just about make out what they were saying.
"What the fuck were you thinking?"
"I got you a werewolf didn't I?"
"Yes, but you also got me a whole shitload of problems too!"
"I could just take him back, and leave him where I found him?"
"He's not a damn lost puppy, Fitz!"
"Well then, what shall we do?"
There was a brief silence before the next answer made a chill run through my spine.
"You deal with it."
"What do you mean deal with it?"
"You just deal with it! God damn it Fitz, do I have to spell it out to you? Just deal with it!"
"Fuck Kane, I can't do that! He's not one of those monsters. He's a human. That's murder!"
"Yes, and this is kidnap! Do you think Sebastian will go easy on us when he finds out we kidnapped his goddamn son?!"
Someone's phone started ringing.
"Hello?" Kane answered, and after a few grunts he hung up.
"I'm going," he said to Fitz, "I'll be back tomorrow. Just.....just don't do anything else stupid ok?"
Fitz grunted in response, then I heard the sound of another door bang closed.
Cole moaned and rolled over next to me.
I quickly changed back into my human form so as not to startle him when he woke up.
"Hey," Cole said, rubbing his eyes. He obviously hadn't slept well as there were huge black rings underneath them.
"Hey," I said back, trying to hide the guilt that was trying to claw its way onto my face.
"Um, Cole, who's your dad?" I asked.
He frowned at the question. "His name's Sebastian, why?"
"They know him." I said, with a nod to the door.
Cole's eyes opened wide in surprise.
"Really? They must have been up to no good before then."
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"My dad's in the police," Cole replied.
"Oh," I replied, trying to put the pieces of the jigsaw together. It still really didn't make much sense. As far a I was aware, the group of hunters rarely stepped outside the law. After all, they viewed us as dangerous animals. The only laws they broke were trespass, and now kidnap.
But the way they spoke about Sebastian, it had sounded like fear. Why would a hunter be afraid of the police? It didn't make sense.
"Do you think my dad knows they've got me?" he asked, pulling me out of my train of thought.
"I don't know, but I guess we can hope he does," I replied, wishing with all my heart that someone would come and get us out of this situation.
I knew that if anything happened to Cole, I would never be able to forgive myself. And neither would Nathan.
Unconsciously, I began to play with a pin badge that was tucked on the inside of the lapel of my jacket.
"What's that?" Cole asked, drawing my attention to what I was doing.
I unfastened the badge from my coat and handed it to Cole.
"A friend gave it to me."
He let out a small laugh. "It's a tiger. I didn't think a wolf would be seen dead wearing a cat badge."
I laughed with him, watching as he turned it over in his hand, admiring it.
"It was actually a gift for Casper."
Cole raised an eyebrow and handed it back. "Does he know you've got it?"
"No," I said, shaking my head while staring at the badge. "For some reason, I could never bring myself to give it him."
"Why not?"
"It's a long story," I said with a sigh.
Cole looked around the cell and shrugged. "It's not like I've got anything better to do with my time."
I looked over to see him grinning at me.
"You remind me a lot of him you know," I said rather cryptically.
"Who? The person who gave you the badge?"
"Yes. His name was Joel. He worked as a servant at Blackwood Manor and was unfortunate enough to fall in love with Casper."
"What?!"
I smiled at Cole's shocked expression.
"Then why do you have it?" he asked.
I shrugged. "Because he was my friend too? And I miss him I guess."
Cole frowned. "You miss him? What happened to him?"
I swallowed the small lump that had formed in my throat. "I don't know. I don't even know if he's still alive."
Cole stayed silent for a moment, then said, "I think you need to start from the beginning."
I sighed and leaned back against the wall, closing my eyes. I could still picture him. His messy hair, warm brown eyes, and his cute dimple that appeared every time he smiled.
And so I told Cole his story. The parts I knew, and the parts that Casper had told me.
I told him how we met at the ball, and why he gave Casper the tiger pin. I told him how I noticed the chemistry between him and Casper, but how Casper seemed oblivious. I explained how Blackwood manor was run, telling him about Duncan and the other members of staff, and how they had to act and behave around the alpha family.
Then I told him about my family, and the family feud that had happened, resulting in the two alpha's wanting me and Casper to marry to join the packs together. And then how we all began to believe that Casper and Joel might actually be mates, and how troubled Casper became knowing that this might be the case.
"Did Casper want to be with Joel?" Cole asked.
I shrugged. "It's hard to answer that really. Maybe if Joel hadn't been a guy, or if he hadn't been a servant. But Joel was both of those things, and so Casper just couldn't see a future with him. Not when his father was like he was."
"What do you mean?" Cole asked.
Emily chuckled a little. "Casper's dad was scary. Like really scary. He wasn't opposed to violence either. Casper knew that he didn't really have any choice in the matter, not if he wanted to become alpha of his pack."
"So what happened then? To Joel I mean," Cole asked.
I turned the pin badge over in my hand, thinking back to that day.
"It was the day of our wedding. I was quite nervous because I knew that Casper had planned to talk to Joel the night before. I was scared that maybe he wouldn't turn up for the wedding and that he might have changed his mind and decided to seal the bond.
"But when I saw him, standing at the front waiting for me to walk down the aisle, I could see a change in him. He was smiling. Like really smiling, like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders.
"As soon as the ceremony was over, he quickly took me to one side and told me that he and Joel had accidentally touched, and that they weren't mates afterall. He was almost bouncing he was that relieved.
"We went away on our honeymoon that night, and spent two glorious weeks away. Away from our family, away from our pack, and away from all the stress that had led up to the wedding.
"It was the best two weeks of my life.
"We really started to bond and I was sure that everything was going to work out just fine.
"Then I noticed Casper's mood suddenly change the day before we were due to go home. At first I put it down to just being sad that our time away was coming to an end, but when we did get home and it didn't get any better, I knew something else was wrong..."
(Flashback)
"Casper, are you even listening to me?"
"Sorry, what did you say?" Casper said, looking at me apologetically.
His eyes had been scanning around the grounds again, as if he was looking for something, or someone.
"What is it?" I asked, getting a little frustrated as he'd been avoiding all my attempts to find out what was bothering him.
"Nothing," he said, "I was just looking for someone."
"Who?" I asked, knowing the truth, but wanting to hear it from his lips.
"No one, it doesn't matter," he said, quickly walking on.
"No, it does matter," I said grabbing hold of his sleeve making him stop mid stride. "It's Joel, isn't it? I haven't seen him since we've been back. Why don't you just go and ask Duncan where he is."
"No, it's fine. I'm not looking for Joel," he said, pulling his arm roughly away making my hand fall back down to my side.
Casper started to walk away again, and this time I let him.
If he wasn't going to do anything about his stinking mood, I sure as hell was.
As soon as he was out of sight, I made my way to the back of the manor and went in through the staff entrance.
I knocked on Duncan's door.
"Come in," I heard Duncan respond.
"Hi Duncan," I said, poking my head round the door.
Duncan immediately jumped off his chair and motioned for me to come in.
"Come in, come in. You do realise you don't have to knock Miss Hartley, oh I do beg your pardon, Mrs Bournville."
"Of course I should knock, it's good manners," I replied, "And please call me Emily."
I found the old fashioned traditions at Blackwood manor quite restricting, and I couldn't wait for Casper's dad to step down as Alpha so things could start to change.
"How can I help you then, Emily," Duncan asked, gesturing to the chair, encouraging me to take a seat.
"I need to ask you a favour," I said, while sitting down. "It involves Joel."
I saw Duncan visibly flinch at the mention of Joel and my eyes widened in surprise. Duncan was not one to show his emotions, but his response was quite clear. Something had happened while we were away.
"Duncan?" I asked, not needing to ask anything further.
He coughed nervously, before replying, "Joel no longer works at Blackwood manor."
"Why not?" I asked, a little shocked by his reply.
I could see Duncan fidgeting with his fingers, clearly unsure of what he could tell me.
"Maybe you should speak to Casper," he said, shuffling some papers on his desk as a distraction.
"I don't think Casper knows anything," I said, "although he has been acting off ever since we came back. But I was sure that was just because he hadn't seen Joel. He's been constantly looking for him though. I keep seeing him searching if there's a group of people nearby. And especially in the manor, whenever a member of staff comes in, his eyes shoot up, like he's expecting to see him."
Duncan's eyes met mine, and I could see that he was trying to weigh up my intentions. I had nothing to hide, so I looked right back.
"How much did Casper tell you about what happened the night before your wedding?"
I felt a slight blush creep up my cheeks with what he was implying. Was it possible that Casper hadn't told me the truth?
"He said that he and Joel had fallen asleep and he had woken up with Joel's arm touching his face, and that they were not mates afterall. Is that not true?"
Duncan slowly nodded his head. "I thought as much, but did he mention anything about what happened once he discovered they were not mates?"
My head was reeling, trying to second guess where this conversation was going.
"No, he didn't say anything, but when he told me at our wedding, he just seemed so happy and relieved that I didn't think to ask how Joel took it. Was he ok?"
Duncan stayed silent and I could see him wringing his hands again.
"Duncan, is Joel ok?" I asked, desperation starting to creep into my voice as I felt a certain uneasiness settle in my stomach.
Duncan eventually looked up at me and I could see that his eyes were sparkling. But not in the good way. In the way that they do when someone is on the verge of tears.
"I think you should go and talk to Casper," he just said, before getting up and walking out of the room.
I sat frozen in shock for a few seconds, before I got up and bolted out of the room.
I found Casper in his dad's office, his dad being away on business for the week.
His head snapped up from whatever he was reading the moment I stormed in and slammed the door behind me.
"What happened that night," I spat out, before realising I needed to elaborate. "The night before our wedding. What happened with you and Joel?"
Casper looked at me with wide eyes.
"I've told you what happened," he said calmly. "We fell asleep, and woke up touching, and there was no bond."
"Yes, but what happened after that?" I asked.
Casper immediately looked down, and I knew he was hiding something from me.
"For goodness sake Casper, you need to tell me. I deserve to know. What was so bad that Joel has now left and Duncan looks distraught?!"
Casper reacted immediately, looking like he had just been kicked in the stomach.
"Joel's left?"
"Yes, and Duncan wouldn't tell me why. He just said I should ask you."
Casper ran his hands through his hair, his face looking a little flushed as he still avoided eye contact.
"We had an argument," he mumbled.
"About what?" I asked.
Casper sighed and stood up, pacing the room nervously.
"I was angry, ok. And maybe I said some things that I regret, but in my defence, Joel had already applied for other jobs, so you can't be sure that this is totally my fault. I thought he'd realise that it was just heat of the moment stuff. I never meant for him to quit his job."
"No," I said, shaking my head. "It's something more than that. Something's happened to Joel."
Casper suddenly stopped pacing.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean Duncan looked distraught. He didn't look like you would expect if Joel had left his job. I think Joel left the pack."
I'd barely finished my sentence before Casper was running out of the door. I quickly followed, knowing exactly where he was going.
"Duncan, Duncan!" Casper said, pounding on the door to Duncan's office and jiggling the door knob only to find it was locked.
"Damn it," Casper said, pounding his fist on the door in frustration.
"I was wondering how long it would take you to come here," came a voice from behind us.
We both turned round to see Duncan stood behind us, gesturing for us to move out of the way so he could get through to unlock his office.
Now that I really looked, I could see that Duncan didn't look good at all. He had lost some weight, and looked like he had aged since I last saw him.
My stomach dipped again with dread, leaving me both wanting to know, and not wanting to know what Duncan had to say.
I could see that Casper was desperate to ask Duncan what had happened, but he held it in until we were all inside the office and the door was shut.
"Oh god Duncan, please tell me he's alright? What happened? I know I was angry, but I didn't think he'd run away because of it."
Duncan's eyebrows raised a little.
"So you really have no idea what happened?" he said, looking a little relieved. "You're dad didn't tell you anything?"
Casper frowned. "My dad? What's my dad got to do with any of this?"
Duncan closed his eyes and took a deep breath, like he was preparing hiself to say something that was difficult for him to speak about.
"Can I trust you?" Duncan asked.
"You know you can," Casper replied firmly.
Duncan seemed to think this over for a few seconds before continuing.
"On the morning of your wedding, I found out that Joel had spent the night in your room, so I headed up to make sure that everything was still going ahead as planned."
He stole a quick anxious glance in my direction, before continuing.
"When I got to your room, I could hear the two of you arguing, so I waited outside as I didn't want to intrude. Not long after, I saw Joel come storming out of the room half dressed. Only I wasn't the only one to see him come out of your room that day. Your dad saw him too."
I looked over to Casper and saw the colour drain from his face.
"Fuck."
"I followed your father," Duncan continued, "and I heard him make a phone call asking..." Duncan paused and took a deep breath, "...asking someone to make it look like an accident."
I felt the breath leave my body and I saw Casper drop his head into his hands. I wanted to comfort him. I knew I should, but for some reason I just couldn't bring myself to do it. Maybe it was because I felt the loss too? Or maybe I was angry at him for being so careless?
"Please tell me he's not dead?" Casper pleaded, and I felt my heart clench when I saw the raw emotion in his eyes.
Duncan looked Casper straight in the eyes, and it was like time stood still. I expected the worst, but I still felt like every nerve was on fire, waiting to hear what Duncan said next.
Finally, like it was being played out in slow motion, he opened his mouth to talk.
"I don't know."
Casper took in a deep breath to calm himself, and I watched as a steely gaze settled across his face. Already he was starting to shut off his emotions. I'd been given a brief glimpse into how he actually felt, then the wall was starting to come back up.
"After I heard your dad on the phone, I contacted Joel's parents and told them what had happened. When Joel got home later that day, they already had a bag packed for him, and he slipped out that night."
"But where would he go?" I asked.
Casper suddenly lifted his head as he remembered something. "He'd go to his mum's," he said. "His birth mum's," he added in response to my confused look.
"How do you know that?" Duncan said, looking both surprised and concerned.
"He told me, that night," Casper replied. "He said something about finding a letter from his birth mum addressed to his adoptive mum."
I watched as Duncan turned over this information on his head, his expression changing from worried, to relieved, to worried again.
Eventually he mumbled, "Well that might explain why he hasn't turned up then."
"What do you mean, not turned up?" Casper asked rather frantically.
Duncan sighed. "He never made it to his mum's. We started to assume the worst, but if he had told you about his mum, there's a chance that he decided it wouldn't be safe to go there."
"Not safe? Does he really think I would tell my dad that? That I would put him in danger like that?" Casper said, a certain amount of fire returning into his eyes.
Duncan frowned back at Casper. "Do you not remember what you said to him that morning? You were angry, and in the few seconds that I heard, you sounded exactly like the kind of guy that would tell his dad everything."
I swung round to glare at Casper.
"For god's sake Casper, it wasn't his fault that you were not mates. We all thought it too. Not just him."
Duncan nodded in agreement.
At least Casper had the decency to hang his head in shame. Still I knew it would take me a while to forgive him for what he'd done.
"So Joel is still out there somewhere then?" Casper said, thinking it through. "If he's nowhere to go then he's probably living as a rogue wolf. He won't stand a chance!"
Duncan shrugged, a certain look of resignation on his face.
"If he's survived this far, we can only hope he can keep surviving."
"What if I talk to my dad?" Casper asked, suddenly jumping up out of his seat.
"NO!" Duncan shouted back, a look of genuine fear on his face.
"The night I heard him on the phone, I managed to convince him that you didn't care for Joel, and that you had happily chosen Emily over him. That seemed to calm him down, and I don't think he put a lot of resources into finding Joel once he knew he'd gone. If you go now and ask him to stop hunting him down, it will only reinforce your father's idea that you care about him, probably making him double his effort in finding him. If you don't even acknowledge he's gone, your dad will truly believe you didn't care for him and will probably call off the search."
Everything Duncan said made sense, and I saw Casper deflate as he slumped back on his chair.
"But there must be something I can do?" he said, almost pleading with Duncan.
"Whatever you do, you must be discreet in doing it. Your father can never know."
"Ok," Casper said nodding, and I could already see plans starting to form in his mind.
(end of flashback)
"So did Casper find him?" Cole asked, after I'd been silent for a moment.
"No," I said shaking my head. "He spent a few nights away looking, but then only three weeks after we had got back from our honeymoon, our pack was ambushed by hunters during one of the training sessions. Two wolves were killed and another few were badly injured.
"Casper of course blamed himself for not being there, and so he stopped searching for Joel." I swallowed hard, my throat feeling quite scratchy from telling the story.
"The guilt continued to eat away at him though. Another two weeks passed and the hunters were back again. Another wolf was killed."
"Oh god," Cole said, the sadness in his eyes matching mine, even though he had never known them.
"Casper's dad then stepped down as Alpha as he had a bit of a health scare and knew that the pack needed a strong fully fit leader. But of course that just put more pressure on Casper.
"And then that I found out I was pregnant," I said with a small smile. "That seemed to trigger off another wave of panic through Casper. He arranged for me to go back home and stay at Worthington Manor to keep me safe from the hunters. I barely saw my husband the whole time I was pregnant."
I couldn't help my shoulders sagging at the memory. Everything had turned completely on its head since our blissful honeymoon.
"After I had the twins.."
"Twins?!" Cole interrupted with a huge smile.
"Yes," I said, smiling back, "I had twins, one boy and one girl."
"What are their names?" Cole asked, and I was glad for the momentary change in subject.
"Lyra and Orion."
Cole asked me some more questions about them which I gladly answered.
"So, does Casper live with you now at Highfield Hall?"
I shook my head. "No. He's been trying to persuade me to move back to Blackwood Manor, as they haven't seen any hunters on their grounds for quite a while now. Although after this latest attack on Worthington Manor, I'm not sure he's going to want us to move yet."
Cole shook his head and gave a cynical smile.
"I can't believe that all of this has been going on under our noses. All this history, and this.....this death, right on our doorstep and no one knows."
I just nodded along.
I wished my life had been easier.
I wished things had been better with me and Casper.
I wished that my children wouldn't have to grow up with the same heartache that we had.
But right now, more than anything, I just wished I could go home.