Find My Heart - Chapter 3: Chapter 3

Nathan
"We should pull out."
Ronan sighed from where he sat lazily across the armchair, his legs dangling over one side. He put down his book and looked at me.
"Why would we pull out?"
"We're you not just listening to me?" I cried in exasperation.
"Yes, I was listening," he replied calmly, "but I didn't hear anything that made me think we should pull out."
"There was a human trespassing!" I shouted back, while I resumed my pacing.
Even as I said it, I knew I was overreacting. And I hated that. I, Nathan Blake, did not do over-reacting.
Ronan narrowed his eyes at me. "Are you sure there's not something else you're failing to tell me?"
I'd been Ronan's Beta for nearly a year now, after his dad retired, and he knew this was not normal behaviour for me. I immediately felt myself tense up.
"No, of course not. You know how we like to keep humans out of our business. It's just too risky."
Ronan sighed again but stood up and walked over to me.
"I'm going to ignore the fact your hiding something from me.....for now," he said with raised eyebrows, "but I think you're wrong about keeping away from the humans. I've been thinking about it, and where is the one place that the hunters would never think to look for us? I think it's our anti-social behaviour that actually draws attention to ourselves. Maybe if we interacted more with the outside world, they will never suspect who we really are."
I opened my mouth to argue, but for once he made quite a good point. So instead I just mumbled, "I'm not sure it'll go down well with some of the pack."
"That may be," he replied, "but 8 deaths in the last 2 month is a pretty good reminder to shut them up."
Ronan was right. We did need action, and quick. The hunters had been gathering momentum over the last couple of years. The Bournville pack, with Casper now as the alpha, had stayed put and defended their territory, but it hadn't been without their losses. And just less than 2 months ago, we'd had our first attack.
Rather than sit and wait for the next attack, we'd decided the best course of action was to move.
We weren't giving up our territory, we were just moving our resources so to speak. Some would be left behind, but they would be under strict instructions not to change into their wolf at all, and to go about their daily lives as if they were humans.
The hunter's tended to attack when we were out training, and already in our wolf form. So if we took all the young active members of the pack to another location, we could continue training without the fear of being attacked.
"It won't do any harm to try looking at a few other places," I said hopefully.
"Why would I bother when this place is perfect?" Ronan asked.
I growled lightly, but decided there was no point in arguing.
"So are you going to tell me then?" Ronan asked.
"What?" I asked, feigning ignorance.
Ronan locked eyes with me for a couple of seconds before saying, "You know that a good Beta would never lie to his Alpha...."
I felt my jaw clench tightly.
The bastard. He knew exactly how to get me to talk. I prided myself on always being the best. That was why I was so good. No I wasn't being arrogant. I was just being honest.
I let out a sigh of defeat.
"Fine, fine," I said, taking a seat.
Ronan also sat down. He stayed silent while I tried to find the right words.
"The, um...... the guy who was trespassing, well he was my um........is I guess, he uh, is my mate."
Ronan just sat there in stunned silence.
"So, you see why I want to move elsewhere now?"
Ronan frowned.
"So hang on," he said, "let me get this straight. The mate that you found two years ago, the one you rejected, was trespassing here today?"
I hung my head down in defeat.
"Um no, this was another one."
"Another one!!" he replied back in shock, "How many mates do you have?!"
His mouth was turning up at the corners and after a few seconds of trying to hold it back, he burst out laughing.
"It's not funny," I grumbled.
"No, I guess it's not," he said, but he was still smiling. "There are some poor bastards out there, like Casper, who waited and waited to find their mate, holding balls, travelling around, and here's you, not even looking, and you've gone and found two!"
I stayed quiet and continued to grind my teeth. It really wasn't fair. It wasn't fair on me at all.
"How can that even be possible?" Ronan asked.
I shrugged, but I had an idea.
When I accidentally found my mate two years ago, I instantly rejected him. Thankfully we were strangers and as he was human, there was no need for us to ever meet again, so we didn't. However, that didn't mean the feelings went away.
For a year I pined over him. For a year I felt lost and vulnerable. For a year I felt alone. But I never let anyone know that. I never let it show.
Shortly after I had accidently sealed the bond I sought some advice off one of the elders, and he had told me that it was believed that if a wolf rejected his or her mate, as long as they didn't reinforce the bond in any way by coming into contact, the bond would break after a year.
And it did. And it felt great.
But now, I had that burning feeling in my chest again, and an aching desire to go out and find him again. Basically I had another year of hell to endure.
"So I take it you're rejecting this one too?" Ronan asked.
I just nodded, not quite ready to say the words out loud after so recently sealing the bond.
"So what's wrong with him this time?"
Not many wolves showed me any sympathy last time, Ronan included, so I didn't expect it to be any different this time. They didn't understand how I could reject my mate. But they also didn't understand what it had taken to get where I was.
I was born a nobody, but I had been adopted by a Beta and his family in a really small wolf pack on the south coast. By the time I was eight, the pack had been decimated by another rival pack. Our pack had fled. We moved around for the next 5 years, never staying in one place for more than a few months. I'd had to learn to fight the hard way. If I didn't fight I'd die.
I was 14 when we came across the Granthum pack. They'd suffered a few tragedies recently and so were sympathetic to our story. The Alpha Jacob became my idol. He was everything a wolf should be. He was strong, lean, sharp and extremely handsome. He was my first crush as well as my mentor. He showed me how to make the most of my strength and he honed my fighting skills, until I was one of the best in the pack.
But the attention I was getting made some of the other wolves in the pack jealous.
Fights started breaking out in training, and things started getting chaotic. It was around that time that Jacob found his mate. She was a horrible, demanding, spoilt werewolf who thought of nothing but herself. In my opinion she was a poor choice for a mate.
Of course I couldn't tell Jacob that, but I could see the negative effect it was having on the pack. Normally Jacob was a good leader who wouldn't tolerate any misbehaviour or insolence in his pack, but he spent so much time running around after his mate that he took his eye off the ball.
The pack was attacked by a rival pack. We weren't prepared. I fought hard, but it wasn't enough. There were many losses on our side. Jacob took it badly.
I was still getting jibes off some of the other wolves. For some reason, they never really accepted me as one of their own.
So I decided to leave.
After telling Jacob my decision, he pleaded with me to let him find me another pack. And so I did, and a month later, I moved into the Huntley pack.
"Well?" Ronan asked, jolting me out of my thoughts.
"Well what?"
"I said, what's wrong with this one?"
I sighed, "Same as last time I guess. He's just not right for me."
"How can you know that if you don't get to know him?" he said, clearly exasperated with me.
"I just know," I replied.
Whenever I had pictured my mate, I'd always imagined him to be someone like Jacob. Strong and intelligent. A leader. What I hadn't imagined was a scrawny rather small human, with odd eyes. Yes, I was sure there was something unusual about his eyes, even though I'd only seen them for a second.
"Is it because he's a he?" Ronan asked.
"No, not at all," I replied. And I wasn't bothered by that. I'd accepted my sexuality a long time ago, and although many wolf packs were against it, thankfully the Huntley pack were more forward thinking.
The Huntley pack weren't like a lot of the other packs I'd known. They were a lot more tolerant of individuality, and less hung up on traditions and rules.
At first I'd found it hard to adjust, after all, rules and order were what I was good at. But eventually I began to realise that this characteristic that I originally disliked, was the exact reason why I was accepted so easily into the pack. There was no jealousy or back biting. They just accepted me as Beta on recognition of my ability.
"I think you should give this one a chance," Ronan said.
I rolled my eyes. "Why would I do that when I know he's not right for me?"
Ronan chuckled lightly, before picking his book back up, basically signalling that the conversation was coming to an end.
"Because, and correct me if I'm wrong, I believe that's his jumper that you've still got clutched in your hands."
Damn it.