Fire & Ice - Chapter 36: Chapter 36

With PJs package, my whole trip home was kind of ruined. True to his word, two days later, a letter was waiting in the mail box of our new house containing a letter and the death certificates. PJ was killed in a car accident while driving home from meeting his parole officer. Along with the cause of death, there was also the information from his lawyer requesting a phone call with us to go over some other things in his will that was left for us. We called once we finished reading the letter wanting this all to be over.
Turns out some of the paperwork that was in the box was his banking information. His lawyer told us we were named as the only ones to receive his monetary assets, including what was left of his police pension. The pension will be paid out over time until it runs out. After all the necessary taxes and legal fees were taken out, the sum remaining in his bank accounts was just under $200,000. Mom and I were both shocked at the amount, not expecting it. Then suddenly it was all over and in an account set up for our benefit and the last of PJ was gone.
I felt like I was in a daze those first two days, like nothing and everything mattered. I didn't know how to feel then I felt everything at once. When we got out of the meeting with the lawyer and got back to the house, I called Doctor Ellis and had an emergency session with him because I didn't know how to handle it all anymore. We talked through my feelings for three hours. When we finished up our session he told me he would give me a call with a therapist he recommends here in Boston for mom and I to see together.
Things felt a bit more stable after that conversation. The world slowed back down again and I could focus on the present. I felt bad that Cassie had to deal with my emotionally recked self. I didn't want to do anything but just lay in bed and not move. Mom was no better then I was. I had a feeling if she didn't talk to someone about it soon, her feelings were going to eat her alive. Having Alyssa here definitely helped her though. Even though I could tell Alyssa was still trying to figure out what to do to help mom, she just stood steady by her side. She also called up the hospital and explained everything that happened to get mom a small leave of absence while we work through everything.
On the third day of behind home, I felt a bit more myself and wanted to get out of the house so I went shopping with Cassie for some furniture for my new room. All the joy of coming home to a new house now completely forgotten in this mess. Cassie and I went to a few different places looking at furniture and I found a few pieces I liked. I bought a new nightstand and desk for my room. Alyssa let me borrow her truck so I had them put the pre-assembled nightstand into the bed along with the box that contained the desk. We also hit up the hardware store and I got some paint for my room to cover the white walls. I went with a green gray color and also bought all the painting supplies I could think of. The last stop before we headed back home was Target. I ended up buying a new smart TV for my room and a cube shelf for other things I couldn't fit in the closet or the nightstand.
Just as we returned home and were starting to bring everything inside, I got a phone call from Doctor Ellis with the information of the therapist for mom and I. He got us into an appointment for tomorrow and I thanked him a few times over for it. As mom and Alyssa helped us bring everything inside I told them about the phone call and I could see the relief in Alyssa's face.
After we finished bringing everything upstairs, mom disappeared with Alyssa as Cassie and I started the task of putting together my new desk and shelf. The shelf didn't take long at all, the directions were really clear and easy to follow and we got it together in about a half an hour. Though when we tried to put together the desk, we ran into trouble. About half way through the build we realized we mixed up almost all of the pieces because we were missing a page in the manual and I couldn't help but just laugh. When I got myself together Cassie and I slowly took everything apart and called the store to complain about what happened. They apologized and offered to have someone come in and put it together for us and I agreed right away not wanting to go through this again.
When we resolved the desk fiasco, Cassie and I went downstairs to find mom and Alyssa curled up on the couch talking about something. We left them too it and went into the backyard for a while to play with Frank. It wasn't too long before they both came outside to join us for a few minutes before we headed back inside to eat dinner together. Tonight we just ordered pizza, nobody really wanted to cook anything. After dinner Cassie and I went back up to my room to relax in bed and watch some TV before falling asleep.
The next morning I was up early to get ready for the appointment. Dr. Ellis wasn't kidding when he said he got us the first available appointment. It was barely 7 when I stumbled down the stairs to get some breakfast together. Mom joined me a little while later and we quietly sipped our coffee before we had to leave.
I drove us to the appointment. I could tell mom was too anxious to drive so I checked the directions a few times before leaving the house. The office is in a building above a tattoo and coffee shop. Kind of like one stop shopping if you think about it. Mom and I stopped in the coffee shop and got another cup each before we walked upstairs to the office. Neither of us said anything as we waited and it wasn't long before the elderly man behind the receptions desk walked us to the office of Doctor Annemarie Gamble.
Doctor Gamble greeted us at the door and her kind smile and her warm eyes settled some apprehension in my chest. Mom and I took a seat on the couch together while Annemarie sat across from us with a notepad in hand.
"So I just want to start with that I did have an extended phone call with Doctor Ellis. He did fill me in on what's been going on and how you have been doing McKenna and how much progress you have made while seeing him at school. But we all know that that's not why you're both here. I do want to offer my condolences on the passing of your ex-husband and father. When you lose someone who you've once loved who has also harmed you, there is a lot to process in your head. Here in this room we can pulled back all those layers so you both can take the time to grieve and process everything properly." Doctor Gamble started. I took a sip of my coffee and looked over to mom and saw her hands wound tightly as fists.
"Is there anywhere you guys would like to start?" Doctor Gamble said as I continued to look at mom.
"I feel okay, stable, right now. I had a long conversation with Doctor Elli and we worked through a lot of what was going on in my head. I'm more worried about what's been going on with mom." I said after I switched my focus onto Doctor Gamble.
"Felicia, do you want to tell us what's been going on with you." Doctor Gamble said.
My attention shifted again to mom and saw her hands still tightly clenched together. Carefully I put my coffee down on the floor by my feet and moved over to mom. I took her hands in mine and pulled them open so I could hold onto her hands.
"I've been having nightmare about him. Been having them for months, hell probably years at this point. But over the last few months, they have been happening more often then not. When it was just myself in my bed, I would just wake up and either pick up a shift or just stay up all night long and watch TV so I didn't have to fall asleep again to relive it. But now that Alyssa and I moved in together, I can't ignore them anymore. She wakes up when I have them and I can't hide them from her. She seen to many by now to know when I'm lying." Mom finally opened up.
I didn't let go of her hands as she spoke with with Doctor Gamble. She needed this time more then I did. During the next few minutes I held moms hand as she talked through some of her night terrors. When she was finished and Doctor Gamble responded, I thought it was best if I left them to talk in private. When I brought up stepping out, Doctor Gamble thought it would be best. Mom looked defeated as I picked up my coffee and kissed her head before stepping outside. Mom needs time to work through what happened to her first before we could work on things that happened to us together.
I left the office entirely and sat outside the coffee shop on one of the benches they had. The March weather wasn't the warmest, but bright sunshine made up for it. I didn't know how long I would be waiting for so I pulled out my phone and played a few games. It was still pretty early and I didn't want to bother Cassie when I know she will still be sleeping. Just as I was going to start another game I got an inbound call from Travis. My throat tightened as I let it ring for another few seconds before picking it up.
"Why didn't you call me Mac?" Travis asked. My eyes burned as I willed myself not to cry.
"Travi, he hasn't been in our lives for years but I feel like everything just fell apart." I sighed and leaned back into the shop window.
"We are home now. What do you want for dinner because if you don't tell me, mom is going to just make a shit ton of food and bring it over." Travis said.
"Whatever she wants to make she can bring. You know that we moved into the new house right. Shit we don't have a table or enough chairs." I said and ran my hand through my hair.
"We will take care of it all McKenna. That's what family does when it is hurting, we take care of our own. Cassie came home with you right?" Travis asked.
"Yea" I answered.
"Okay, we will be over around four, if you need anything before then just text me okay?" Travis said.
"You got it; I'm going to text you the new address." I said.
After the phone call with Travis I sent Alyssa a text to let her know about dinner later and then moved into the coffee shop to get out of the chilly weather. The barista's didn't say anything as I took a seat by the window and continued to drink the last of my second coffee. I ended up sitting at that table for a good hour reading through different emails from Toni and Megan about all the things I need to know as captain going into next year. I already have a list of things I need to do when I get back to campus. Number one being I have to draw up room assignments.
When I finally got a phone call from mom saying she was done I went through about a few hundred emails. Mom was waiting out front for me when I left the coffee shop. She looked worn out and I knew she is ready for a nap. I pulled her arm into mine and lead her over to the car to drive us home. While driving home, mom told me she is going to see Doctor Gamble herself twice next week. I just nodded and thought about how good of an idea that was.
It didn't take long to get home. On the way I did tell mom about Dawn and Malcolm coming over for dinner later. She started to get concerned about how the house wasn't finished yet but I just told her we would take care of it. When we got home mom went off to her room while I grabbed a granola bar before going upstairs to mine. Cassie was still in bed when I closed the door behind me. I changed back into my pajamas and slid right into bed next to my girl and sighed when she wrapped me in her arms.
We didn't move for a little while; well it was until I heard Cassie stomach starting to grumble. So we got out of bed and I made Cassie breakfast and told her Travis and his parents are coming over later and are bringing dinner with them. After breakfast Cassie and I spent the day together just relaxing on the couch. Alyssa joined us a little while later and told me that mom was sleeping it off. I told Alyssa a little about what happened during therapy, for the little amount I was still there for and Alyssa told me about the nightmares mom has been having. They were just as bad as mom talked about and I'm happy that mom was open and honest in that moment with Doctor Gamble. It shows that she is actually going to take therapy serious and it put me at ease.
A little while later I suggested to Cassie we take Frank out for a walk to move around a bit. She agreed and we took off with the dog who has happy to be outside for a while. We walked around my new neighborhood and I took it all in as we talked about the second half of the spring semester. I have more hockey duties now before the end of the term and Cassie's mock trial club is about to start their second mock trial so she is going to be super focused on her roll in it.
We also talked about our trip to Chicago that is coming up in April. Cassie already booked the hotel room for the night and has a list of place she wanted to take me too. We both know that this little weekend get away during the heat of the semester is going to be a much-needed distraction from our classes and we are both looking forward to the alone time.
When I noticed Cassie was started to slow her pace we made our way back to the house. Just as we got home, Travis' truck pulled up and I smiled at him as he rolled out of his Ford.
"It's nice, still needs the Wisconsin flag though." Travis said and pulled me into a hug.
"That's on the list for me to do in the summer when I come home." I answered and watched as Cassie pulled him into a hug.
"I have a table and chairs if you want to give me a hand to bring it inside." Travis said and pointed his truck.
I nodded and Cassie took Frank inside for me as I helped Travis unload his truck. The two of us made quick work of the stuff he brought and when it was all inside, Travis took off again and said he would be back later with his parents. Alyssa and Cassie helped me prop up the two folding tables and I found a table cloth to throw over it once it was together.
As we finished up I felt someone wrap their arms around my waist and turned to see mom pressed herself into my side. I smiled and wrapped an arm around her to hold her close.
"I told you I had it all under control." I said and watched as Frank walked over to the table. He sniffed at the table cloth and I watch him grab it in his mouth and pull it right off the table and start to run away with it.
"FRANK!" We all yelled and started to chase after the dog. I ended up slipping on an end of the table cloth as he tried to get past me and ended up on the floor as I wrestled it back from him.
When I looked up I found mom in tears from laughing as Alyssa and Cassie were laughing just as hard as she was. I just laid back on the floor for a few moments soaking in the laughter until Frank came over and licked my cheek. It's good to be home.
Mom and Alyssa helped me up and we had to throw what was left of the table cloth into the trash because it got all ripped up. We all ended up on the couch watching TV for a while until the doorbell rang. Dawn, Malcolm and Travis were all standing on the porch holding trays of food when I pulled the door open. Dawn put me to work right away and handed off the tray she was holding to me to pull mom into a hug. It didn't take long for all of us to get all of the food inside and onto the kitchen island. Dawn definitely made enough food for us to eat for a week.
Dinner went over really well. It was nice to have Dawn and Malcolm over, it felt normal to have them here because mom and I were always over at their house growing up. They were such a constant fixture in my life and really are like a second set of parents to me. Then there is Travis who for all intensive purposes is my brother. He has seen it all. From the aftermath of one of PJs rampages, to the highs of me scoring the winning goal in a game and everything in between. To have them over tonight felt like we were cementing ourselves in this new house and that they are coming right along for the ride with us.
As the night grew long and we put all the extra food away, mom broke out the card deck and I knew we would be here all night. As mom was setting up the first game I took Frank outside for a few moments of peace before the rest of the night would dissolve into yelling. A few seconds later the door opened and I turned to find Alyssa standing beside me.
"I was hoping to get a moment alone with you before you went back to school." Alyssa said as we took a seat on the patio couch as Frank chased a ball around the yard.
"Something on your mind?" I asked concerned.
"Yes actually." Alyssa said and reached into her pocket and pulled out her hand. She leaned closer to me and opened her palm up and I saw a ring sitting in it. My eyes widened as I reached out and picked up the ring. The ring is beautiful, it has one center diamond that isn't over baring and on both sides of the diamond the band is twisted together with one side of each band covered in smaller diamonds.
"I don't know when, or where, or even if I'll ask but I wanted to ask your permission before I propose. Felicia and I haven't talked about getting married or even if she would want to get married again but then I saw this ring and though of her and now I can't stop thinking about seeing her walk down an aisle in a white dress. But I wouldn't ask her to marry me unless you would approve." Alyssa said her eyes getting misty with unshed tears as I sat here stunned. Almost to stunned for words. It took me a few more minutes to find them before I could answer.
"I couldn't tell you if she would say yes or not. That's up to her to decide what she wants but she would be such a fool to say no to you. Alyssa if you weren't here right now in her life, I would be dropping out of school to stay home with her because I don't trust her to be alone right now. I trust her with you because through all of the shit that has happened, you haven't left her side. I know you guys hit a rough patch when PJ did what he did, but some how, some way, you guys mended your relationship and it became something more. I think that stands to prove that you guys were always meant to be together. I only wish she would have left PJ earlier so you could have shown her what true love looks like. So yes I approve of you marrying my mom if she wants to be married again." I said and handed Alyssa back the ring.
Alyssa took it back from me and carefully put the ring back in her pocket. When she turned back to me to say something I didn't let her, I just pulled her into a tight hug and held her close. When I pulled away Alyssa had to wipe away some tears before we could collect Frank and head back inside. The trip home started out a mess. But slowly and surely, everything just fell right into place.