Forbidden (Completed) EDITING - Chapter 4: Chapter 4

Erica
I popped the cork on a fresh bottle of wine. Honestly, I need something stronger than this but I haven't drank hard liquor in a while. I'm in this big house all by myself. Well, Briana is upstairs in her room... so technically I am here by myself.
Terrance is out once again. I think he's been out more times in Atlanta than he had in DC. I don't even ask him where he's going anymore. Actually I never did. One thing about Terrance is he's very insecure. He doesn't want to admit it.
The slow jams I had playing from my phone got interrupted by I'll Always Love My Mama by The Intruders.
"Hey Mama!" I put on my fake happy voice because Lord knows that's no where near the emotion I feel.
"Hey Baby, how are you?"
"I'm good, Mama. How are you?"
"I'm alive so I'm extremely blessed."
"I hear that. How's Daddy?"
"He's still getting on my nerves. If that's what you mean." She giggled. "The old man is doing okay. You know he started teaching music lessons at the center."
"Aww, I'm happy to hear that! I know that's what he loves."
My father was a musician when I was a little girl. He never had a big name in lights or anything but back in New York, he's known in the neighborhood from this group he used to be in. They performed at the Apollo a few times.
"Baby, you don't sound too good. Are you sure you're alright?"
Shit. She's on to me. Now I have to actually explain everything to her.
I sighed. "Honestly, Mama, I'm not."
"What's going on child?"
"Terrance..... ever since we moved down here I've been seeing less of him. He's barely home anymore. I don't know what else to do." I rest my hand against my forehead.
"Are you making him happy?"
Every time me and Terrance have had a problem or two. My mother always asked me this question.
"I am trying to do the best I know how. It doesn't seem like it's working anymore."
"Oh, that's just a phase. Y'all are in that rough patch of marriage right now. It happens."
"Mama, I don't think this is a phase. The signs have been there for a while."
"Are you implying that he's cheating on you?"
"Maybe... I feel like he is."
"You don't know that for sure. Terrance is a good man and he loves you. You two been together since High School."
"I don't know, Mama. Things have been very different between us as of late."
"Well what are you gonna do if he is? If you ain't gonna do anything about it, then let that man be a man."
"Divorce him." I said.
Something I've been grappling with for years. Saying I'll do it, I'm every year and never had.
"Divorce? At your age? Baby, get real with yourself. I'm not saying you can't get back out there because you are beautiful and a lot of men will be attracted to you, no doubt about it."
"Gee, thanks." I desperately wished she could see my eye roll.
"Erica, I didn't mean it like that."
"I know, I know."
I know she did mean it deep down.
"Anyways, I was calling to let you know your cousin Tammy is coming down there."
Tammy is my aunt Diane's daughter and she's my favorite cousin. She's a few years younger than me but she's always been my roll dog. I haven't talked to her in a while though.
"Really?"
"Yeah, she's looking for places to live down there but she hasn't found the right place. So she's got a few open houses to see."
"Ohhh, does she have any place to stay while she's here?"
"I'm not sure. You should call her."
I know Tammy will have my back in this situation. She's crazy but I love her none the less.
"I'm definitely gonna have to call her."
"Please do—,"
I cut her off. "Mama, I gotta help Briana with something. I'll call you tomorrow."
"Tell my grand baby I said hello."
"I will." I quickly hit the end button.
I can't believe she's worried about him in this situation. Can you believe that? Asking me, "Am I making him happy?" What about my happiness?
My mother never moved up with the times far as marriage and relationships goes. She's still stuck in the 60s and 70s when women just stuck with their husbands, no matter what since he "provided" for the family.
I cannot allow myself to continue to be miserable any longer. Hell....I've been miserable since the day we got married.
Speaking of the devil himself. He hadn't checked on me since he's been where ever the hell he is. I kept my phone in my hand and dialed his number.
"Hey, it's Terrance, sorry I can't come to the phone right now. Please leave your name and number and I'll get back to you."
I called him back at least 5 times. The same result.
Tears rolled down my cheeks. The conversation with my mother and Terrance not picking up the phone has me emotionally wired.
"Ma, are you crying?" Briana startled me as she walked into the kitchen .
"No, it's just my allergies." I quickly wiped my tears. "You know I get them all year round."
"Mom, I'm not little anymore. You don't have to lie if you're crying."
"Come here," I held my arms open for her.
She rested her head on my chest.
"Mommy is just extremely tired at the moment. That's why I'm crying."
"It's Dad isn't it?" She inquired.
"What gave you that idea?"
She pulled away from me and looked me in my eyes. "Mom, I'm seventeen not seven. I hear you and him argue some times. I love Dad and everything because he is my dad, that's obvious. But Mom, Dad is bad news if he's making you cry. I know I'm not supposed to be in grown folks business but.... it's the truth."
Sometimes I wonder who is the young woman I gave birth too. She often surprises me with her wisdom. I swear she's been here before.
I'm grown and can barely make these conclusions myself.
"So you wouldn't be mad if we were to get a divorce?"
"No not really." She shrugged. "I'm almost eighteen so it's not like I would be split between you guys. Ma, just like you tell me with all of the extracurricular activities I've let go... If it's not making you happy then let it go."
She's right I have told her that in the past.
I don't know though. It's easier said than done. I've been with this man since I was eighteen. Mama was right. I might not find love if I throw the towel in. I guess I'll just stick this out.
"Thank you for the advice. But I don't want you worried about me and your father. I want you enjoy your last year of high school. You hear me?"
"Yes, Ma."
"I love you."
"I love you too, Mommy." I hugged her tightly and kissed her forehead.
•••••••••
"Mrs. Carter, that was a good lecture on the Tulsa, Oklahoma race riot. I had never heard about it before." One of my students said as she was headed out the class.
"Thank you, Tatiana!"
In walked Demarcus. He didn't have my class today but he's still here. Every time he's around he brightens up my day. His energy enters the room before he does.
"Hey, Erica, how are you doing today?" He smiled with that beautiful smile of his.
In the last few weeks, we have had more of those little coffee chats like the day when I first met him. He joins me for lunch everyday too.
"I'm good, Demarcus. How are you doing today?"
"I'm doing okay. My day kind of sucked since I didn't get a chance to witness your brilliant mind pour into me."
I tried not to smile but I can't help it. He knows all the right things to say. "I'm flattered." I started to wipe down the whiteboard.
"I stopped by because I got something I think you would like." I heard him unzipping his backpack.
I turned around and he put it on my desk.
It was the famous Life Magazine cover of Coretta Scott King in a veil at Martin's funeral. April 16th, 1968. Me being the history buff that I am stuff like this excites me.
"Wow." I am left speechless. "Did you get this online?" That's where you can mostly find stuff like this.
"Actually, that's one of the original copies. My grandfather has this huge tub of magazines, newspapers articles from that time. He said he remembered it, he didn't need to keep it."
"Thank you so much for thinking of me. When you found it."
"Don't mention it. First time seeing it?"
"First time seeing it in a long time. Growing up I remembered seeing this magazine on our coffee table. The look on Mrs. King's face always stayed with me."
Being a grown woman and being married now and having kids myself. I understand her pain. The killer didn't take away a notable public figure. He took away a father and a husband.
As Demarcus talked to me I can't help zoning out and just starring at his smile and his eyes. The way he looks at me when we talk. Makes me feel like I matter.
Stop it, Erica! This young man is your student and you can't be attracted to him. I'm grateful for my conscience for her input but it won't hurt just to look.
"You busy?" He asked me snapping me out of my thoughts.
"Yeah, I have a ton of papers to grade."
"All work and no play. That ain't the way to do it. It's Friday." He smirked.
"I know but If I don't do it tonight. I'll get extremely behind."
Honestly I'm just killing time so I won't have to go home at the usual time I leave here. I don't want to wallow in my self pity about Terrance anymore.
He nodded. "True, there's nothing wrong with that. Can I ask you a hypothetical question?"
"Umm, sure."
"You gave us your personal cell phone number and gave us a times to reach out to you. So, say if someone wanted to contact you during a different time outside of those hours or days— would you allow it?"
I know the someone is him.
"Yes, I would allow it." I smiled slightly.
"Noted. I'm gonna leave you to it. I hate to hold you up. I just wanted to give you the magazine and say hey." He smiled.
"I appreciate that. Will I be seeing you on Monday?"
"I'll be in my seat, fasho!"
"Good, see you then."
God help me.
10:30 and I was just getting home. I didn't realize how many papers I actually graded.
Time flew by before I knew it.
I saw Terrance's car in the driveway. Whoopi! As tired as I am I wish he wasn't home because I don't feel like dealing with whatever bullshit I'm gonna get on the other side of this door.
As I walked in. I didn't hear the TV blaring from the living room like I usually would. Thank God. One less annoyance I have to worry about. I hung my purse on the banister and made my way up the steps.
Good thing, I slipped on my comfortable shoes in the car. Our bedroom is at the far end of the hall. As I inched closer to the room. I saw the bedroom door cracked a little.
Inching closer to the room, I heard whispers. The door was opened wide enough for my eye to see in. I fucking knew it! My heart fell to the bottom of my feet.
There Terrance was fucking somebody else in our bed. As much as I wanted to kick the door down. I don't have the energy. I stood there and watched for a moment. Growing sicker and sicker at this man.
"What about your wife?" I heard whoever the chick was ask.
I listened in closely and waited for his response.
"You'll be gone before she gets home. Don't worry about it."
At least now I actually know what my heart knew along. I feel so fucking stupid!
Zooming back down the hall and down the steps. I grabbed my purse. I quietly opened the door and closed it back softly. Deep down, I wanted slam it.
I rummaged through my purse for my phone before I got back in my car. I found Demarcus's number.
"Erica?" Seemed like he answered on the second ring.
"Yes, it's me. Sorry to bother you. Are you busy?" I asked, hearing a lot of commotion in the background.
"Nah, I'm not doing nothing important."
"Can you meet me somewhere? "
"Yeah, just send me the location and I'll be there."
"Okay, see you then."