Forgotten Conscience - Chapter 109: Chapter 109

Buffy's POV
Okay this is insane.
Faith and I are on our way home from Giles' place and we haven't said a word to each other.
If we don't talk about what's bothering her then it's gonna haunt us and we're never gonna work through it. It's not like the idea of a thousands of years old demon plotting to kill us gives me happy feelings it's just... I think it bothers her a lot more. I've had horrible evil demons try to kill me all the time, Faith hasn't. I remember what it was like when they first started coming at me, I was scared out of my mind. She must be going through the same thing. I gotta do something to get her through this.
I stop and face her.
"Faith? What's wrong?"
She stops.
"Hmm?"
"What's wrong?"
She looks at me like she's wondering what the hell I'm talking about.
"Nothing... what could be wrong?"
Okay she's not gonna pretend everything's fine.
"Faith this is me you're talking to. I know you better than anyone, at least I think I do. I was there last night when you freaked out. I was there to help you through it. Now I need you to tell me what's wrong so I can help you through this too. Please?"
She closes her eyes.
"Nothing is wrong B."
She tries to leave but I grab her and stop her.
"Come on Faith, we have to talk about this."
She tries to push me away but I won't let her go.
"There's nothing to talk about. I told you that."
"I'm not letting this go. Tell me what's wrong."
She shoves me away.
"Nothing's wrong. Just let it go."
I shove her back.
"Never... I love you Faith, I wouldn't let this go if you tried to kill me."
"Keep pushing me like this and I just might."
I look in her eyes.
That's no idle threat. I guess this is the way it has to be.
"If that's what it..."
I give her a good hard shove this time.
"... takes then that's what it..."
I shove her again harder, making her stumble back.
"... takes."
She shoves me back weakly, the pain in her eyes now replacing the anger.
"Don't push me B."
I push her again.
"Why not?"
"Because..."
She slugs me in the mouth and I grab my jaw in pain.
Ow!
"Buffy I didn't..."
I punch her back.
"Come on Faith, hit me again. If we can't talk about this then we'll just have to fight this out. Hit me."
"No..."
"Why not? You've done it before, this isn't any different."
"Of course it's different B."
"Why?"
I go to punch her again but she blocks it and punches me first, sending me to the sidewalk.
"Because I'm scared okay? Is that what you wanted to hear? I'm scared to love you too much."
I get up slowly, holding my jaw.
"I just want you to talk to me."
"I'm scared. Are you happy?"
"Why? What are you afraid of?"
"I'm afraid if I love you too much, it'll kill you."
What?
I move toward her but she keeps her distance.
"I... what are you talking about?"
"Oh come on B, the dreams, the evil demon plotting our deaths, the ominous prophecy? You can't tell me things aren't gonna end badly."
"And you can't say things won't work out. I've seen these ancient prophecies before. They're never cut and dry. They're never simple or straight forward. And neither are the dreams. The dreams are just as big a grey area. And you know, evil demons plot the slayer's deaths all the time, we'll get through it like we do everything else."
"What about me?"
What about her?
"What about you?"
"I'm part of the plan aren't I?"
"Well... I..."
"What they did to me? They used me in their evil plot to kill you. How do we know the reason the prophecy says there'll be two into one is because in the end there will only be one slayer? What if...?"
She stops in mid sentence, getting all choked up. I get closer to her.
"What if what Faith? What if what?"
A tear rolls down her cheek.
"What if I kill you?"
I wipe away the tear and kiss her gently. She lets out a dull moan as our lips part.
"So what if you do Faith?"
She pushes me away in disgust.
"God, how can you... how can you say something like that after, after everything we've... we've..."
She doesn't have to finish, I know exactly what she's trying to say.
"Faith it's because of everything we've been through that I can say something like that."
She tries to look away but I turn her head to look me straight in the eye.
"We could die tomorrow. You could kill me, or I could kill you, or someone else could kill us both and none of that could ever change the way I feel about you. I love you and I'll go on loving you until the day I die and beyond."
She sighs heavily.
"So what do we do?"
I push the hair out of her face.
"We'll just have to have Faith that everything will work out for the best."
I grab her ass and pull her body hard against mine.
"I've got mine, where's yours?"
She rolls her eyes at me and chuckles.
"Bad joke B."
She kisses me quickly.
"REALLY bad joke."
I smile at her.
"But that's just one of the reasons you love me right sweetie?"
I feel her hand against my right breast, kneading it.
"Just one of them. But don't call me sweetie okay B? It sounds way too corny."
"Well what should I call you? Honey? Baby? Sugar? Maybe I should call you sugar baby."
She gets this almost evil half grin on her face.
"Well people did used to tell me I taste sweet."
I raise an eyebrow at her.
"Really? Let's have a taste."
I grab the back of her head and pull her lips to mine, pushing my tongue into her mouth, tasting her. I put my arms around her shoulders as I break the kiss to look in her eyes.
"Definitely a sweet taste."
I wipe the drool off her bottom lip and lick it off my thumb.
"That's why I should call you sweetie. For your sweet taste."
She groans in frustration and rolls her eyes at me again.
"Well okay, but try not to do it in front of people. I have a rep to maintain you know? I may be a white hat now but I'm still a bad ass."
I peek around behind her to look at her ass.
"I don't think you have a bad ass. I think you have a great ass."
She smiles coyly at me.
"Giving me compliments isn't gonna change the impending doom we have to deal with."
I thought we were past this.
"It's not impending doom, there's no impending doom. And even if there was, we can't keep worrying about it. All we can do is live in the now, you of all people should know about that kinda thing."
"Yeah but I only lived like that cause I had nothing to hold on to. Nothing that was worth anything to lose... now I do. I love you B, I don't wanna lose that."
I hold her head in my hands.
"You won't. As long as we live every moment to the fullest. And you keep me with you, here."
I put my hand against her heart. She covers my hand with hers.
"I feel you in there B, and I always will. No matter what."
She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath.
"Okay then, let's go home. Start living up some of those moments."
"Let's do that."
We start our way back home, but we are rudely interrupted by a gang of vamps now surrounding us.
"Well this looks like fun."