Forgotten Conscience - Chapter 28: Chapter 28

Buffy's POV
I'm the trigger... it's my fault.
I'm walking across campus to Tara's dorm, if I can remember where Willow said it was.
Whoever did this to her, did it because they figured Faith would be able to get to me and probably had the power to kill me. It's my fault, and it's more than just because I put her in that coma. Putting her in that coma was only the start. It gave whoever did this to Faith a chance to get to me. They were trying to hurt me and Faith got  used as a pawn in their game. They probably strapped her down and did all sorts of terrible experiments on her. They must've injected her with all sorts of drugs and it's my fault.
I turn a corner and I see Tara's dorm. I walk up to it and go inside.
How am I gonna tell Faith I'm the reason she's going berserk? It was hard enough telling her how I put her in a coma, how can I tell her that she has no control over wanting to kill me?
I start walking down the hall to Tara's room, where I figure Willow is.
Maybe I shouldn't tell Faith anything at all. Maybe I should just stay away from her all together. Giles could take her in and help her train and get that formula thing out of her system. If I'm the trigger, he shouldn't have any problems with her. He would be safe with her.
Also, with these weird dreams I keep having, they kinda leave me all hot and bothered and after what happened last night when I had that dream... I don't wanna give Faith a reason to go berserk and try and kill me by giving her mixed signals or something. There's no telling what will happen when the next dream happens. Is Faith having them too? Her dreams certainly don't seem to be the same with the way she's reacting. But we have no idea how or why these dreams are happening. What if they change? That could really be a problem if she starts having the same ones I am. What am I gonna do?
I reach Tara's dorm room and knock on the door, a few seconds later Tara opens the door.
"Hi Buffy..."
"Hi Tara, do you mind if I come in?"
She steps out of the way and I walk through the door.
"Sure, come in. Willow's in the shower."
"Oh I see, so if Willow wasn't in the shower you wouldn't let me in?"
"No that's... that's not what I meant to... I-I'm sorry if I offended you I... I didn't mean..."
I chuckle at her as she closes the door.
I think I'm gonna like getting to know Tara. She reminds me of when I first met Willow, very uptight and kinda weird. I guess that's why Willow likes her so much.
"It's okay. I'm just joking with ya. I'm really sorry to make you put her up like this."
"It-It's okay, I l-love her and I feel better knowing she's here."
I still feel bad.
"It was just... Faith needed a place to stay and... I didn't know who else she would be safe with."
"It's okay, I understand... but I just wonder..."
She starts playing with her hair and gets all nervous.
She wonders?
"What? What do you wonder about?"
Yeah she definitely reminds me of Willow.
"Well... are you, are you sure that's why you wanted her t-to stay with you?"
"What do you mean? I couldn't let her stay with anyone else, they might get hurt."
"True but... yeah but that's not why you wanted her close to you."
"What are you talking about?"
She's not making any sense.
"Buffy, I know we haven't known each other that long, but I think I'm a, a good judge of people and how they feel. Are you sure you're not helping Faith b-because you have f-feelings for her?"
Feelings for Faith? What kind of feelings for Faith? She thinks I have feelings for Faith.
"Feelings for her? Of course I have feelings for Faith. We've been through a lot together. I'm sure Willow has told you about our history."
Wait... what did I just admit to here?
"T-That's n-not what I m-meant."
I was kinda worried about giving Faith mixed signals earlier. What kind of mixed signals was I trying to avoid? I know I have feelings about Faith after everything that happened when she first came to town. The way our relationship evolved, when she went a bad place with The Mayor... of course I have feelings about her. So why did I just say I have feelings FOR her?
"What did you mean then?"
"B-Buffy you keep defending Faith against the people you trust the most. Why?"
"Well, if people would stop attacking her, I mean, she has amnesia for god's sake. She can't defend herself."
"O-Okay but, but why are you the one d-defending her? Willow told me you... you put her in a coma. You nearly beat her to death and now you're defending her. Willow just doesn't understand that."
That makes sense.
"I guess if you think of it that way..."
"Y-You just m-might wanna ask yourself why you're defending her. Are you sure you're not defending her for O-OTHER reasons?"
Other reasons?
"Are you trying to say I'm trying to keep Faith for myself?"
"I-I-I'm not trying to say anything. Are you?"
Why do I feel like she's taking me in circles?
"Are you trying to say something? Are you trying to tell me I have the hots for Faith?"
"T-The better question might be are you sure t-that's not what you're trying to tell yourself?"
I... I don't know. I did kinda feel like kissing her when we were on the floor after I woke her from that dream. Could I have the hots for Faith? No, no, no, what happened there was all because of that dream I had. I don't have the hots for Faith.
"W-well I..."
The bathroom door opens and Willow comes out, tucking her towel in around her body with another towel on her head. She starts drying her hair.
"Hey Tara, I'm sorry I took so long, I hope I didn't use up all the hot..."
She takes the towel off her head and sees me stand there.
I swear I can feel the air getting thicker.
"Willow, I..."
"Come to throw me out of this place too? Well I've got news for you. I don't live here so you can't throw me out."
"Willow I'm sorry. I know what I did was wrong but... but Faith doesn't have a place to stay and..."
"Save it Buffy. There's not explanation necessary..."
Okay um, I hope Tara's not the reason there's no explanation necessary. Her explanation kinda scares me. Why does the idea of having the hots for Faith scare me?
"I believe you when you say Faith has amnesia. That was one of the big reasons why I was so angry before."
Really?
"What changed your mind?"
"Tara."
I kinda raise an eyebrow at her before looking at Tara for a second.
Tara didn't tell Willow about her theory did she?
"Tara, she can read auras... and she told me that Faith's aura is all weak and and clear and that means she has no memory because auras are determined by experience. That doesn't mean Faith and I will be the best of friends or anything. I still don't like her."
"I understand... you'll need time."
"Yeah, I need time to deal with her wedging herself back into our lives. Plus I still don't totally trust her."
"Okay... is there anything I can do?"
"Well, seeing as how I need some time it might be a good idea if we didn't cross paths unless it's important... by we I mean me and Faith, not you and me. You and me, we'll be okay."
She comes over to me and hugs me. She's still a little wet but I couldn't care less. After a few moments she breaks the hug and takes a step back.
"I'm sorry for being so mad at you last night."
"It's all right, I guess I didn't really think about how you'd feel, me showing up at our doorstep with someone you hate and kicking you out so she had a place to sleep, doesn't exactly put us on the best of terms now does it?"
"I guess not, but it's not like we can change what happened. What's done is done and all that, you know? I guess if you feel safer knowing that Faith is staying with you, where she can't hurt anyone, then she can stay as long as she needs to."
"I do."
I look over at Tara and she sorta half smiles at me.
She was right. I don't want Faith staying anywhere but with me. I feel safer knowing she's staying with me, why is that? Could she be right about everything else?
I turn my attention back to Willow.
Even after finding out that I'm what sets Faith off, all I could think about was how the news was gonna affect Faith. Speaking of which...
"Oh, before I forget why I came here..."
I pull out the list Riley gave me.
"I took Faith to see Riley and The Initiative today. I wanted them to figure out why Faith was having these panic attack things."
"Are you sure that's safe? The Initiative isn't all that trust worthy. I may not like Faith that much but she doesn't have the kind of resources and pointing things like The Initiative."
"Yeah but Riley promised me he would be in charge of everything with Faith, so she's okay."
"Good. Did they figure out why?"
I can't tell her I'm Faith's trigger. It'll just give Willow a reason to start arguing with me again and that's not gonna help Faith.
"They don't know why Faith is going off but they know how it's happening. They found a few things in her system that had no effect on her whatsoever."
"You think it could be mystical?"
"That's what I figured. Riley had them make a list, I was hoping..."
"You were hoping I'd take a look at the list and see what I could come up with?"
"Would you mind?"
I know Willow and I can have our differences but when it comes down to it we always come through for each other.
"You know I will Buffy."
I hand Willow the list.
"Thank you Willow, I really appreciate it."
"We're best friends Buffy. There's nothing I wouldn't do for you. I'll have this figured out by tomorrow."
I turn around and head for the door. I stop before I head out the door.
"See ya later Will."
I look over at Tara before leaving down the hall.
This conversation isn't over Tara.