Forgotten Conscience - Chapter 31: Chapter 31

Faith's POV
I'm standing in front of Buffy again. No, I don't want to do this again.
She throws those same three punches again and I dodge them easily. I duck and take her legs out from under her. I climb on top of her and manage to pin her arms down above her head with one hand. I run a finger from my other hand down her body and she squirms under me as I do. I lean into her. She starts breathing faster and I feel kinda wet between my thighs as I do.
I can't do this. I don't want to hurt her.
I lean into her just a little bit more.
What's that? There's something on her neck. I take a closer look.
"Is that where it happened?"
It's some kind of bite.
"Where what happened?"
I have this weird desire in me. I'm not sure what kinda urge but it's definitely a weird one.
I lick the healed wound on her neck. I feel my hands wrap around her neck, she squirms under my tongue. I sit up slightly and I feel my weight on her neck.
"Is that where I bit you? Let's see if I can make it more permanent."
I put more weight on her neck but she seems unaffected. She just looks up at me and smiles.
What the hell is up?
She squirms under me but in a good way, which doesn't seem like a good thing, considering. I put my hand on her forehead and start moving her head around in a circle. She just smiles at me. I snap her neck.
Whoa!
I wake up in a hospital bed.
What the hell is happening with me?
I look around.
Buffy's leaving?
I grab her wrist and she stops. She turns around and looks down at me.
What's wrong? She looks freaked out.
"Buffy?"
She's just staring at me. It's starting to get freaky. There's been this tension between us ever since we met... okay, since I met her, she already knew me from the first time we met except I don't remember it. But this is different... it's like the tension just got 20 times worse.
"Buffy, is everything okay?"
"Okay? Yeah, uh, no, uh..."
I let go of her hand and she sits back down in the chair.
"It depends on what you mean by okay."
I sit up in the bed.
"Isn't there just the one definition? But then I may just have forgotten the other one, what with my memory and all."
She forces herself to laugh.
Something is definitely wrong.
"What's wrong?"
"What? N-nothing... nothing's wrong. Why would anything be wrong?"
Hmm, let me think.
"You just seem kinda nervous is all?"
I reach for her and she sits back in her chair, just out of arm's reach.
Whoa! What did I do?
"Nervous? Why would I be nervous? What would I have to be nervous about?"
I move to sit at the edge of the bed and she jumps out of her seat and takes a few steps back.
No, of course you're not nervous. Why would you be nervous?
"Something's obviously wrong. Why won't you tell me?"
"Well I... it's..."
Look at what's happened to her because of me. This probably never happened before I came back into her life. Have I done something that frightens her? What if whatever these Initiative guys found out is what's making her this way?
"Buffy from what you tell me I can kinda guess I didn't really give you much of a reason to trust me. But I'm not that person, not anymore. And I know when you look at me you probably still see that person you can't trust looking back at you, but they aren't. When I look at you I see the person who asked her best friend to leave her own home so I had a place to sleep. The person who stuck with me even after all the people I've hurt and killed..."
She looks at me for a second before avoiding my eyes when they meet.
Why is she looking at me like that?
"I see someone who... who defended me against the people she obviously cares about because she felt I deserved another chance. And I see someone who when she asked me to let a bunch of government demon hunters strap me down and do tests on me, I let them. Someone I trust. You don't do those kinds of things for someone unless you trust them... or if you wanna get them in the sack."
It's almost as if she panics when I said that.
"I don't want to get you in the sack Faith."
"Okay, then I guess it's safe to say that we trust each other."
"It's not a matter of trust Faith. I-I do trust you it's just..."
She trails off and doesn't finish her sentence.
"What? What is it then?"
I take a step towards her and she takes a step back.
"Faith I... I have to tell you something and you may not like it."
I may not like it? What... am I dying or something?
I look back at the hospital bed and then at Buffy.
"Does it have something to do with these tests they did on me?"
"Yes..."
Oh I'm gonna kill those bastards.
"What did they do to me? Did they brainwash me or something? Did they put some sort of chip in my head like that Spike guy you mentioned?"
She takes a few steps toward me and then stops.
"No it..."
It's like she's second guessing herself or something.
"It's nothing they did to you. They didn't brainwash you or anything. It's about what they found out."
Um, okay... I'm not sure what to think. She obviously doesn't have good news but all I want is for her to stop feeling so... so... I don't know. She's way past nervous but she's nowhere near panic.
"What did they find out? Why is it so hard for you to tell me?"
"Faith I-I'm trying to tell you but its hard b-because it's... it's my fault."
Her fault... because of the coma thing?
"Buffy I thought we talked about how I don't blame you for what you did to me when you put me in that coma?"
"We did and I know but... Faith you could die!"
Die? I'm dying?
"I'm dying?"
"You could, yes..."
When did this happen?
"What do you mean I'm dying? How the hell am I dying?"
"Faith you're not dying but you could die."
Why the hell is there a difference?
"If there's even the slightest chance that I'm gonna die, that makes me dying doesn't it?"
"Well yeah but, but Faith there's a chance we can..."
It was probably those army brats.
"Those government bastards did this to me, I'm gonna kill him..."
I start walking towards the door. Buffy tries to stop me.
"Wait Faith, don't..."
I deck her on my way out with a right cross.
"Where is he?"
I get outside and look both ways down this stupid hallway.
"Where the hell is soldier boy? I knew that Riley guy wasn't on the level."
Buffy comes running out of the hospital room, trying to stop me.
Her fault, she said it was her fault.
A couple of army boys, decked out in army gear are coming down the hall.
"Faith, calm down... it's not their fault."
Something snaps inside me. She's right.
"You're right, it's yours..."
I run at her at full speed.
I'm gonna kill her.
We fly back into the room and I land on top of her on the floor.
I'm gonna kill her. She said this was her fault.
She holds my hands back as I try to strangle her. I'm putting all my weight on her and she's still holding me up.
"Faith, please stop... I don't want to hurt you..."
"Why? You said this was your fault, how do I know you didn't take my memory yourself?"
The army guys come in.
"No, stay back... Faith, yes... it is my fault that this is happening but, but not for the reasons you're thinking."
I feel her try to flip me off her but I'm ready for her.
"Yeah and how do you know?"
She struggles to get my hands away from her neck but I'm too strong for her.
"Faith I didn't do this to you but it is my fault because, because whoever did this to you... they did it because they wanted to get to me."
I feel myself start to weaken and my body starts to shake. Every time she says my name I start to shake a little bit more.
"Faith, those guys, the ones who attacked us at Angel's, do you remember them?"
"Y-y-yes..."
"I think that they did this to you... Faith they did this to you..."
I feel my whole body shake.
"Faith you can't let them do this to you... Faith I can help you if you let me..."
I collapse on top her, exhausted.
Oh god, what have I done?
I feel her arms around me.
"Will you let me help you Faith?"
"Y-yes..."
Everything goes black.