Forgotten Conscience - Chapter 59: Chapter 59
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Faith's POV
God damn it...
I'm standing in front of B in a fighting stance. This whole dream thing is getting kinda pointless. She throws those same three punches again and I dodge them quickly, although at this point I could probably dodge them blindfolded I know them so well. I duck down and kick her legs out from under her, knocking her flat on her back as usual.
I scramble on top of her and pin her arms above her head. After a second to get over the shock she smiles at me. I feel myself smile back at her.
Why is it we're never afraid of each other in these dreams? You'd think I'd wanna see the look of fear on her face as I do what I'm about to do.
And then, the dream changes. I lean in and plant a mad passionate kiss on her lips and as soon as I do this dream kicks into full motion, virtual reality mode. I feel like I can taste her lips on mine as she kisses me back, and I could swear I can smell the scent of her perfume. It's intoxicating.
We start to roll around on the floor, groping each other in every place either of us can grab. I finally manage to get myself back on top cause you know, that's where I like to be in this kinda sitch, and I grind my hips into hers just to tease her that little bit. She puts her hands on my thighs and starts to rub her thumbs along the insides. I could swear I felt myself shudder. I reach down to the hem of her shirt, pushing it up exposing her taut rippling stomach. I move my hands just above her stomach to take in the full view of her beauty.
And just when I thought I was gonna dive back in my hands move up to either side of her neck. I lean down and kiss her, my hands moving to her shoulders as I do. My tongue in her mouth and hers in mine, I slide my hands up her shoulders and around her neck. I glide my thumbs down her neck to the soft spot just above her neck bone and start to press down. I start to put my weight on her neck. I pull my lips away from hers as she stops kissing me back. She coughs more and more as she gasps for air but the happy look on her face never fades. All of the sudden my voice kicks in.
"I'm sorry I-I can't do it, I won't do it. I can't let it happen, I won't let it happen."
She keeps gasping for air as her airway gets smaller the more weight I put on it. Weakly, she grabs at my hands to stop me as she tries to speak.
"F-F-Faith..."
"I'm sorry I... can't."
She falls limp on the floor.
I open my eyes.
What the hell?
I'm lying on Buffy's floor in a semi-fetal position, holding my pillow the same way I was strangling Buffy in my dream.
What the hell am I doing?
My hands start shaking and I let go of the pillow.
Damn it, these dreams are really starting to bug me. What the hell are they trying to tell me anyway? I already know I got a thing for Buffy, and I already know I've been trying to kill her, so these dreams aren't really telling me anything new. She was a pretty good kisser though, I wonder if she's as good at making out for real as she was in my dream. If I keep having dreams like this I won't really have to find out will I? God it was so real. What the hell are these dreams trying to say by being so real?
I move to lay on my back and stare at the ceiling.
Am I meant to be with Buffy or am I meant to kill her? Honestly I think it could go either way. Maybe that's what my dreams are trying to say. Maybe it's saying that it could go either way and I'm supposed to make some kind of choice. How the hell am I supposed to make that kind of choice? Okay so all of the sudden I think she's hot, it doesn't mean I can just forget how much of a major league bitch she was to me before. Then again, Buffy sounds like she's forgiven me for all the people I murdered. Maybe I can forgive her for being such a high and mighty bitch and for looking down on me for so long.
Ah fuck it, why should I? It's not like I think she's hotter than Britney Spears in a working boiler room. She's just, kinda hot is all. And what the hell is it about her that I find so hot anyway? I mean sure she's beautiful and smart and kind of heroic and all that but I've never really found those things attractive in a guy. But come to think of it B isn't a guy, she's a chick.
The only real requirement I've ever had for a guy was that he have a big dick, and I even waved that requirement for Xander. Maybe my priorities are different for chicks. For crap's sake, now she's got me thinking about my priorities and analyzing my feelings. She's got my head all twisted in knots. I should just do what I always do, go with the flow, see where my instincts take me.
Hmm, right now my instincts are telling me to wake her up with a grope friendly kiss and see where it takes us.
I feel a smile come over my face as I sit up.
I must like this idea a lot.
My eyes break the surface of the bed and I suddenly realize how alone in the room I am. I look around the room and she's nowhere in sight. Her bathroom door is slightly open so she's not in there.
B is too uptight to leave it open no matter what she might be doing. So where the hell is she?
I get to my feet and look around, like I expect her to just magically appear. I look down at the bed and there's a note on her pillow. I pick it up and read it.
'Faith,
I woke up and you were still asleep. I didn't want to wake you so I left you this note and went to get us some breakfast in the cafeteria, I hope you like muffins...'
Well I can't say I hate them.
'And I'll try and find some thing for you to drink, like, I don't know, fruit punch or something. I left about 9 o'clock...'
I look over at the clock.
That was 20 minutes ago.
'... and I hope I can get back before you wake up but I'm not betting on it, hence the note.'
Who says hence anymore?
'Anyway, just hang out and I'll be back as soon as I can with breakfast. See ya soon,
Buffy.'
I let out a sigh as I fall back on the bed, my head slightly hanging off the other side.
So she wants me to wait for her hmm?
I crumple up the note and chuck it in her trash bin.
What the hell... it's not like I have anything else planned. Who knows, B might actually have some actual fun penciled in some time today. Then again, this is B we're talking about, real fun doesn't really get in her head unless she's pushed into it. I guess I'm gonna have to do some pushing. Heh that thought alone makes me all tingly the way that dream was... before the strangulation. You know now that I think about it I should probably use this alone time to change clothes. I've been wearing this bra since yesterday and it's starting to bug me.
Not to mention, sleeping in my clothes? I haven't done that since I was like 13 or something. I guess I'm gonna have to learn to live with it until I figure out what's going on between B and I, or at least until she loosens up a bit.
I get up off the bed and head to B's dresser. I ruffle through her clothes, trying to find something decent to throw on. I stop when I catch my eye on a white sleeveless shirt.
Is this hers or is this mine? Ah hell, I don't think she'll mind.
I put it over my shoulder and start fiddling through the clothes for some pants. I settle on a pair of black leather pants and close the dresser drawer. I fling the clothes over the top of her dresser. I take the hem of my shirt in my hands and pull it up, off over my head. I toss it to the ground.
Wow, I already feel better.
I run a hand over my newly exposed skin.
This is the first time I've felt comfortable in my own skin since, since before I lost me memory.
I reach behind me and unhook my bra. I roll my shoulders forward and let the fabric fall away from my body. I throw it on the floor on top of my shirt. I roll my shoulders back upright. Just as I take the white sleeveless in my hand, I hear the door open.
"Faith?"
I look behind me to the door, never bothering to cover up. The door still half open, she steps inside and nearly drops the tray in her hand.
"Oh my god I..."
She looks away.
"Hey B, how's it going?"
Speaking of fun.
God damn it...
I'm standing in front of B in a fighting stance. This whole dream thing is getting kinda pointless. She throws those same three punches again and I dodge them quickly, although at this point I could probably dodge them blindfolded I know them so well. I duck down and kick her legs out from under her, knocking her flat on her back as usual.
I scramble on top of her and pin her arms above her head. After a second to get over the shock she smiles at me. I feel myself smile back at her.
Why is it we're never afraid of each other in these dreams? You'd think I'd wanna see the look of fear on her face as I do what I'm about to do.
And then, the dream changes. I lean in and plant a mad passionate kiss on her lips and as soon as I do this dream kicks into full motion, virtual reality mode. I feel like I can taste her lips on mine as she kisses me back, and I could swear I can smell the scent of her perfume. It's intoxicating.
We start to roll around on the floor, groping each other in every place either of us can grab. I finally manage to get myself back on top cause you know, that's where I like to be in this kinda sitch, and I grind my hips into hers just to tease her that little bit. She puts her hands on my thighs and starts to rub her thumbs along the insides. I could swear I felt myself shudder. I reach down to the hem of her shirt, pushing it up exposing her taut rippling stomach. I move my hands just above her stomach to take in the full view of her beauty.
And just when I thought I was gonna dive back in my hands move up to either side of her neck. I lean down and kiss her, my hands moving to her shoulders as I do. My tongue in her mouth and hers in mine, I slide my hands up her shoulders and around her neck. I glide my thumbs down her neck to the soft spot just above her neck bone and start to press down. I start to put my weight on her neck. I pull my lips away from hers as she stops kissing me back. She coughs more and more as she gasps for air but the happy look on her face never fades. All of the sudden my voice kicks in.
"I'm sorry I-I can't do it, I won't do it. I can't let it happen, I won't let it happen."
She keeps gasping for air as her airway gets smaller the more weight I put on it. Weakly, she grabs at my hands to stop me as she tries to speak.
"F-F-Faith..."
"I'm sorry I... can't."
She falls limp on the floor.
I open my eyes.
What the hell?
I'm lying on Buffy's floor in a semi-fetal position, holding my pillow the same way I was strangling Buffy in my dream.
What the hell am I doing?
My hands start shaking and I let go of the pillow.
Damn it, these dreams are really starting to bug me. What the hell are they trying to tell me anyway? I already know I got a thing for Buffy, and I already know I've been trying to kill her, so these dreams aren't really telling me anything new. She was a pretty good kisser though, I wonder if she's as good at making out for real as she was in my dream. If I keep having dreams like this I won't really have to find out will I? God it was so real. What the hell are these dreams trying to say by being so real?
I move to lay on my back and stare at the ceiling.
Am I meant to be with Buffy or am I meant to kill her? Honestly I think it could go either way. Maybe that's what my dreams are trying to say. Maybe it's saying that it could go either way and I'm supposed to make some kind of choice. How the hell am I supposed to make that kind of choice? Okay so all of the sudden I think she's hot, it doesn't mean I can just forget how much of a major league bitch she was to me before. Then again, Buffy sounds like she's forgiven me for all the people I murdered. Maybe I can forgive her for being such a high and mighty bitch and for looking down on me for so long.
Ah fuck it, why should I? It's not like I think she's hotter than Britney Spears in a working boiler room. She's just, kinda hot is all. And what the hell is it about her that I find so hot anyway? I mean sure she's beautiful and smart and kind of heroic and all that but I've never really found those things attractive in a guy. But come to think of it B isn't a guy, she's a chick.
The only real requirement I've ever had for a guy was that he have a big dick, and I even waved that requirement for Xander. Maybe my priorities are different for chicks. For crap's sake, now she's got me thinking about my priorities and analyzing my feelings. She's got my head all twisted in knots. I should just do what I always do, go with the flow, see where my instincts take me.
Hmm, right now my instincts are telling me to wake her up with a grope friendly kiss and see where it takes us.
I feel a smile come over my face as I sit up.
I must like this idea a lot.
My eyes break the surface of the bed and I suddenly realize how alone in the room I am. I look around the room and she's nowhere in sight. Her bathroom door is slightly open so she's not in there.
B is too uptight to leave it open no matter what she might be doing. So where the hell is she?
I get to my feet and look around, like I expect her to just magically appear. I look down at the bed and there's a note on her pillow. I pick it up and read it.
'Faith,
I woke up and you were still asleep. I didn't want to wake you so I left you this note and went to get us some breakfast in the cafeteria, I hope you like muffins...'
Well I can't say I hate them.
'And I'll try and find some thing for you to drink, like, I don't know, fruit punch or something. I left about 9 o'clock...'
I look over at the clock.
That was 20 minutes ago.
'... and I hope I can get back before you wake up but I'm not betting on it, hence the note.'
Who says hence anymore?
'Anyway, just hang out and I'll be back as soon as I can with breakfast. See ya soon,
Buffy.'
I let out a sigh as I fall back on the bed, my head slightly hanging off the other side.
So she wants me to wait for her hmm?
I crumple up the note and chuck it in her trash bin.
What the hell... it's not like I have anything else planned. Who knows, B might actually have some actual fun penciled in some time today. Then again, this is B we're talking about, real fun doesn't really get in her head unless she's pushed into it. I guess I'm gonna have to do some pushing. Heh that thought alone makes me all tingly the way that dream was... before the strangulation. You know now that I think about it I should probably use this alone time to change clothes. I've been wearing this bra since yesterday and it's starting to bug me.
Not to mention, sleeping in my clothes? I haven't done that since I was like 13 or something. I guess I'm gonna have to learn to live with it until I figure out what's going on between B and I, or at least until she loosens up a bit.
I get up off the bed and head to B's dresser. I ruffle through her clothes, trying to find something decent to throw on. I stop when I catch my eye on a white sleeveless shirt.
Is this hers or is this mine? Ah hell, I don't think she'll mind.
I put it over my shoulder and start fiddling through the clothes for some pants. I settle on a pair of black leather pants and close the dresser drawer. I fling the clothes over the top of her dresser. I take the hem of my shirt in my hands and pull it up, off over my head. I toss it to the ground.
Wow, I already feel better.
I run a hand over my newly exposed skin.
This is the first time I've felt comfortable in my own skin since, since before I lost me memory.
I reach behind me and unhook my bra. I roll my shoulders forward and let the fabric fall away from my body. I throw it on the floor on top of my shirt. I roll my shoulders back upright. Just as I take the white sleeveless in my hand, I hear the door open.
"Faith?"
I look behind me to the door, never bothering to cover up. The door still half open, she steps inside and nearly drops the tray in her hand.
"Oh my god I..."
She looks away.
"Hey B, how's it going?"
Speaking of fun.
End of Forgotten Conscience Chapter 59. Continue reading Chapter 60 or return to Forgotten Conscience book page.