Forgotten Conscience - Chapter 98: Chapter 98
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Faith's POV
What am I doing? What the hell is wrong with me? I care about Buffy, you could even say I l-l... I really, really care about Buffy. So what am I doing here? What am I doing pacing around my motel room? I'm staying away from Buffy is what I'm doing. I might l... care about her a lot but she accused me of murdering Riley. I admit I didn't really like him but I'd never kill him. I don't do that anymore, not since... the point is she accused me of murder, and I'm not gonna just forgive and forget that no matter how much I might want to.
No matter how much I might want to go to her and kiss her and tell her that everything was all right, that as long as we're together nothing else matters. But I'm not going to. She made her choice and now she has to live with that, even if I don't want her to. She has to... and yet, I can't stop thinking about her. I can't stop wondering if she's healing okay.
Giles said she's gonna be okay but, somehow that only made it a little bit better. Maybe I should go see her, make sure she's all right.
I walk towards the door but stop myself.
Maybe I shouldn't, it would be too much of a temptation. I'll call her... I'll call Giles and find out how she's feeling.
I go over to the phone and pick it up. There's a knock at the door.
Who could that be?
I hang up the phone and look at the door.
Could it be her? Could she be coming to see me? Could she be checking up on me? Making sure I haven't skipped town? Well, I'll have to ask her.
I start toward the door.
For all I know the world could be coming to an end again and she might need my help.
I reach the door and open it.
After all, I did promise to...
"Willow."
I step back and cross my arms over my chest.
"Hey Faith how's it going?"
Why is she trying to be nice?
I turn back into my room.
"What do you want Red? I'm kinda busy right now."
She looks around the place.
"Yeah I can see you're real busy with the lack of things to do."
I turn around to see her come in the door.
"Did you want something?"
"I came to talk."
What?
"You came to talk did you?"
Where am I going with that question?
"Yes."
"Are you sure that's it?"
Again, what am I doing?
I get up close, a little too close for her liking.
"What?"
"I'm thinking, you heard about what went on between B and I and you came to get a piece of me yourself. After all, the four of us seem to be playing for the same team..."
I slip a leg between her thighs, putting as much of my body against hers as possible.
"You, me, Tara... and Buffy."
What the hell am I talking about?
She pushes me away.
"I came here to talk to you about Buffy."
I let out a sigh and roll my eyes at her.
Maybe I'm just trying to distract myself from talking about what she's here for. Yeah, that's probably it.
"What about her?"
"She's a wreck."
Really? I don't know what I'm feeling about that. Part of me feels bad, but I can't seem to do anything but joke about it.
"Is she?"
"Yes, she is. Look I'll admit, I don't know everything that went on between you two, mainly because I was kept in the dark about it until recently, but what I do know is that Buffy is hurting. And she wouldn't be hurting this much if she didn't believe that there was something between you."
"There was..."
I take a deep breath and run a hand through my hair.
Who the hell am I kidding?
"There still is."
"Then go to her and tell her that. She needs to hear you tell her that."
"Why?"
"Why what?"
"Why should I be the one who goes to her? She's the one who screwed up. She should be the one coming to me."
"Didn't she?"
"What?"
"She went after you when she found out you didn't kill Riley. You can't tell me she went after you to discuss weather patterns."
"She apologized, and apologized, and apologized... doesn't mean she meant it."
"She meant it. Trust me she meant it."
Whatever.
"Even still..."
I move to go to the fridge for a cold one but her words stop me.
"She got kicked out Faith."
What?
"What?"
"She got kicked out of University."
What?
"How? Why? When?"
Why wouldn't she let me know about that?
"You remember how Riley died right outside Buffy's room?"
How could I forget?
"Yeah?"
"Well the Dean decided that the whole thing was Buffy's fault, so they kicked her out."
But...
"But that wasn't her fault I mean, the vampires they..."
"And I'm sure once we tell the Dean that, they'll just let her back in."
"Right, of course. But she's fighting it right? I mean she's not going down without a fight right?"
"Actually that's exactly what she's doing. She moved out today."
Why didn't she call me?
"She should've called me, I would've..."
"You would've what? Yelled at her some more? She's barely hanging on by a thread with the things you've already apparently said. I don't think she could go another round."
"I had every right to say what I said after what she did, and I had every right to be angry too."
"Yeah you did. You had every right to be angry with her."
"Thank you."
"But what you don't have a right to do is STAY angry with her."
"I'm sorry?"
"Faith when two people are in a relationship and they care about each other, yeah they fight and they get angry, but at the end of the day they forgive each other and move on."
"So this is what you're here for eh? To play Cupid to me and B. To get me to move on. Well the only problem is I haven't heard a word you've said, cause truthfully? I don't like you."
"This isn't about you and me Faith, this is about you and Buffy. You can hate me all you like. That's fine with me because, I don't like you much either... but Buffy loves you. So really there's only one question I have left. Do you love her?"
Do I... do I love Buffy?
"It... it doesn't matter how I feel, all that matters is what she did. She accused me of murder."
"She made a mistake Faith. We all make them sooner or later. And it does matter how you feel, because if you do love her in your heart of hearts, then what she did doesn't matter because, deep down? All you care about is her. So tell me Faith... do you love her?"
I close my eyes as her words make me wanna cry. And then I say something I never thought I'd say.
"I do. I really do."
I look at Willow through watery eyes as she puts her hands on my shoulders.
"Then tell her that."
I wipe the tears from my eyes.
"But... but what if I can't? I mean, I've never said... that, to anyone before."
"Then show her. Show her you love her and she'll know it's true."
"But..."
She gives me a clear path to the door.
"Go."
"Where? Where do I find her?"
"She said she was gonna go to the Bronze tonight, probably to drown her sorrow. But you can fix that. She's probably there now, go."
I sprint for the door but stop before leaving.
"Willow..."
"Just go. Thank me later, find her now."
And with that, I'm off like a lighting bolt. Off to find the woman I love, and tell her so.
What am I doing? What the hell is wrong with me? I care about Buffy, you could even say I l-l... I really, really care about Buffy. So what am I doing here? What am I doing pacing around my motel room? I'm staying away from Buffy is what I'm doing. I might l... care about her a lot but she accused me of murdering Riley. I admit I didn't really like him but I'd never kill him. I don't do that anymore, not since... the point is she accused me of murder, and I'm not gonna just forgive and forget that no matter how much I might want to.
No matter how much I might want to go to her and kiss her and tell her that everything was all right, that as long as we're together nothing else matters. But I'm not going to. She made her choice and now she has to live with that, even if I don't want her to. She has to... and yet, I can't stop thinking about her. I can't stop wondering if she's healing okay.
Giles said she's gonna be okay but, somehow that only made it a little bit better. Maybe I should go see her, make sure she's all right.
I walk towards the door but stop myself.
Maybe I shouldn't, it would be too much of a temptation. I'll call her... I'll call Giles and find out how she's feeling.
I go over to the phone and pick it up. There's a knock at the door.
Who could that be?
I hang up the phone and look at the door.
Could it be her? Could she be coming to see me? Could she be checking up on me? Making sure I haven't skipped town? Well, I'll have to ask her.
I start toward the door.
For all I know the world could be coming to an end again and she might need my help.
I reach the door and open it.
After all, I did promise to...
"Willow."
I step back and cross my arms over my chest.
"Hey Faith how's it going?"
Why is she trying to be nice?
I turn back into my room.
"What do you want Red? I'm kinda busy right now."
She looks around the place.
"Yeah I can see you're real busy with the lack of things to do."
I turn around to see her come in the door.
"Did you want something?"
"I came to talk."
What?
"You came to talk did you?"
Where am I going with that question?
"Yes."
"Are you sure that's it?"
Again, what am I doing?
I get up close, a little too close for her liking.
"What?"
"I'm thinking, you heard about what went on between B and I and you came to get a piece of me yourself. After all, the four of us seem to be playing for the same team..."
I slip a leg between her thighs, putting as much of my body against hers as possible.
"You, me, Tara... and Buffy."
What the hell am I talking about?
She pushes me away.
"I came here to talk to you about Buffy."
I let out a sigh and roll my eyes at her.
Maybe I'm just trying to distract myself from talking about what she's here for. Yeah, that's probably it.
"What about her?"
"She's a wreck."
Really? I don't know what I'm feeling about that. Part of me feels bad, but I can't seem to do anything but joke about it.
"Is she?"
"Yes, she is. Look I'll admit, I don't know everything that went on between you two, mainly because I was kept in the dark about it until recently, but what I do know is that Buffy is hurting. And she wouldn't be hurting this much if she didn't believe that there was something between you."
"There was..."
I take a deep breath and run a hand through my hair.
Who the hell am I kidding?
"There still is."
"Then go to her and tell her that. She needs to hear you tell her that."
"Why?"
"Why what?"
"Why should I be the one who goes to her? She's the one who screwed up. She should be the one coming to me."
"Didn't she?"
"What?"
"She went after you when she found out you didn't kill Riley. You can't tell me she went after you to discuss weather patterns."
"She apologized, and apologized, and apologized... doesn't mean she meant it."
"She meant it. Trust me she meant it."
Whatever.
"Even still..."
I move to go to the fridge for a cold one but her words stop me.
"She got kicked out Faith."
What?
"What?"
"She got kicked out of University."
What?
"How? Why? When?"
Why wouldn't she let me know about that?
"You remember how Riley died right outside Buffy's room?"
How could I forget?
"Yeah?"
"Well the Dean decided that the whole thing was Buffy's fault, so they kicked her out."
But...
"But that wasn't her fault I mean, the vampires they..."
"And I'm sure once we tell the Dean that, they'll just let her back in."
"Right, of course. But she's fighting it right? I mean she's not going down without a fight right?"
"Actually that's exactly what she's doing. She moved out today."
Why didn't she call me?
"She should've called me, I would've..."
"You would've what? Yelled at her some more? She's barely hanging on by a thread with the things you've already apparently said. I don't think she could go another round."
"I had every right to say what I said after what she did, and I had every right to be angry too."
"Yeah you did. You had every right to be angry with her."
"Thank you."
"But what you don't have a right to do is STAY angry with her."
"I'm sorry?"
"Faith when two people are in a relationship and they care about each other, yeah they fight and they get angry, but at the end of the day they forgive each other and move on."
"So this is what you're here for eh? To play Cupid to me and B. To get me to move on. Well the only problem is I haven't heard a word you've said, cause truthfully? I don't like you."
"This isn't about you and me Faith, this is about you and Buffy. You can hate me all you like. That's fine with me because, I don't like you much either... but Buffy loves you. So really there's only one question I have left. Do you love her?"
Do I... do I love Buffy?
"It... it doesn't matter how I feel, all that matters is what she did. She accused me of murder."
"She made a mistake Faith. We all make them sooner or later. And it does matter how you feel, because if you do love her in your heart of hearts, then what she did doesn't matter because, deep down? All you care about is her. So tell me Faith... do you love her?"
I close my eyes as her words make me wanna cry. And then I say something I never thought I'd say.
"I do. I really do."
I look at Willow through watery eyes as she puts her hands on my shoulders.
"Then tell her that."
I wipe the tears from my eyes.
"But... but what if I can't? I mean, I've never said... that, to anyone before."
"Then show her. Show her you love her and she'll know it's true."
"But..."
She gives me a clear path to the door.
"Go."
"Where? Where do I find her?"
"She said she was gonna go to the Bronze tonight, probably to drown her sorrow. But you can fix that. She's probably there now, go."
I sprint for the door but stop before leaving.
"Willow..."
"Just go. Thank me later, find her now."
And with that, I'm off like a lighting bolt. Off to find the woman I love, and tell her so.
End of Forgotten Conscience Chapter 98. Continue reading Chapter 99 or return to Forgotten Conscience book page.