From Ashes ✗ Stiles Stilinski - Chapter 24: Chapter 24

May 2008
She didn't know when or why. It felt like it was such a gradual process that maybe she had gone crazy the day she realized it had already happened. Maybe she was crazy to think things were ever different.
That Monday morning, bleak and foggy like any other, Buffy had walked by Maddie's table where she sat with Marie without so much as a look their way – and it felt normal. It felt like she had never gotten to talk to the older slayer at all, like Buffy had never paid her any keen interest that first year or two. Like they were total strangers.
This hadn't been true –she knew that wasn't true. Maddie, or at least the frightened eight year old that had been found in a little town just west of Chicago, had clung to the blonde's side through everything. From the very moment Buffy had stopped the other girls from attacking her, Maddie found herself constantly enraptured in hero worship and wishing desperately to one day be just like her.
Now? Now, as Buffy passed silently and Maddie felt her insides twist up tighter and tighter? It was too late. Not only had the woman ripped her from her real family, she had abandoned her.
She felt angry, so angry that she failed realize her nails were digging into her palms or that her hands were clenched at all. So angry that she only just noticed how blurry everything had gotten as she tried to see through the tears she was refusing to shed. She was crying again; she was felt like she was always crying about something, which only made her angrier. She absolutely loathed how much of a crybaby she was sometimes.
A light kick to her foot made her head snap up. Marie smiled at her only slightly; it was a sad smile that muted her usual carefree expression. She wasn't going to talk about it though – she never did. Marie would just flip her wild, blonde hair and shrug, as if nothing ever got to her. "If you pretend hard enough, even you'll believe it eventually" was how she always put it. Maybe that was why Maddie stuck around the girl; around Marie, pretending was easier than breathing most days.
"Wanna train after breakfast?"
Maddie unclenched her fists and smiled slightly. "It's not too early?"
Marie gave a nonchalant wave of her hand. She always gestured so much, like she couldn't keep still, even for a moment. "Nah! How else are we gonna be the best of the best?"
The thirteen year old brunette tried at a laugh. Since they had begun their unconventional friendship, teaming up was only natural. Sure, Marie talked to every one –and damn, did she have a lot of influence – but she always spoke to Maddie first every day. She always sat with Maddie during meals. She even stayed up late to talk to her. It was never about anything serious – Marie hated serious – but it was still nice. And the lanky, tall blonde had helped Maddie train. In the past several years, her form and agility had sharpened near to perfection – perfection being the level of slayer that she held Marie at.
"Come on, Mads!" Marie shook the younger girl's arm lightly as her wide smile returned. "It's therapeutic or whatever. Besides..." She stood and grabbed her plate, waiting for Maddie to do the same. "We can't rely on me to save both of our asses all the time. Step up, girly."
Maddie laughed as she mirrored her friend's action and the walked over to dump their trash. "What? No, no, no...Don't rely on me. We'd be so dead!"
"Slayer rule number one: don't die," Marie replied, playfully poking Maddie's should with each word. "Learn it, live it. And one more thing..." She tapped her chin thoughtfully, as if she actually had to think about it.
Maddie quirked an eyebrow, still smiling. "What?"
"Train!" Marie grabbed Maddie's arm and tugged her toward the training room. "C'mon!"
Maddie laughed almost hysterically as she allowed herself to be dragged all the way there, grateful to the universe or higher powers or whatever it was that she at least still had a friend like that quirky, blonde ball of energy that was Marie. She didn't know what she would ever do without her.
The morning had gone at a painstakingly slow pace, with classes dragging on well past Maddie's attention span. There was too much to think about as it was without adding essays and tests on top of it. The slayer was feeling anxious and jittery all through her classes, especially after gym. Of course, that wasn't to say she didn't have a lot to think about and worry over every time she woke up in the Argent household. It was bad enough she felt a certain level of discomfort day to day by just living one door down from Allison.
Allison's room was such a foreign place to Maddie even though it was right down the hall from hers. Not only did she try to avoid it like the plague when she could - she learned that the hard way when she walked in on her and Scott half naked on the bed - but she generally didn't feel comfortable there. Or maybe it was that she generally felt mildly uncomfortable around Allison these days.
During lunch that day, she had casually began talking to the girl. "Weren't we supposed to study for Econ last night?"
Allison snapped out of her reverie, her eyes distant. "Oh, um, I actually went for a run. Sorry."
Nothing about her tone said she was sorry. "For three hours?"
"Yes, for three hours," Allison tried to say it jokingly but the way it came out was annoyed. Maddie had given her a strange look and a silent nod before digging her fork into her salad.
"What about tonight?"
Allison was in the middle of taking a drink of water when she looked over at Maddie, eyes wide. She set the bottle down and gave herself a moment to swallow the water before answering. "Actually we have plans tonight."
Maddie paused, processing the information. "...Oh." She wanted to say something more than that – something possibly more articulate. Helping out Allison was enough of an ordeal, but scheduling anything with her between school, her family, and Scott was damn near impossible. There were so many strings of words she could've put together – things about responsibility and hard work – but she felt dangerously close to sounding like a teacher or parent and tried to fill as many of those emotions into that one little 'oh'.
Allison, on the other hand, laughed softly and shook her head before nudging Maddie slightly with her shoulder. "We, Maddie. As in, all of us – including you."
Maddie felt herself begin to ask 'where', when the cafeteria went all but silent. Each set of eyes, one after the other, floated over to the cafeteria entrance and both brunettes followed all of their gazes. Sure enough, a girl had walked in, dressed in black and leather and a smile painted on her deep red lips. She walked in as her cheetah print heels clicked on the linoleum and her blonde curls cascaded down her shoulders.
It was Erica.
Maddie's brows furrowed as she watched the girl - the very same girl who had been seizing on the ground just this morning. Her every movement now exuded confidence and – Maddie noted this – a dangerous edge. She felt her chest tighten as a terrible feeling swept through her. There was something not right here, something not natural. The petite slayer found herself hesitantly looking across the cafeteria for some sort of confirmation. Her eyes were met with a shocked looking Lydia and Stiles and the increasingly dark stare coming from Scott.
He must've felt her gaze on him as he turned to Maddie, concern in his eyes, and just as quickly looked away.
Her insides where feeling hollow, like they were scooped out of her completely and she was only left with the gaping wound. Although, it didn't take long for it to start filling up again – only now, with rage. The plastic fork in her hand easily broke in two.
It lingered on her mind for the rest of the school and even into her time with Allison and Lydia. Old memories, new problems – all of it. The same as before, like her life was on some sort of hellish loop. She was feeling as if she had been forced on some old, decrepit carousel ride in a bad neighborhood and every time she went around, she saw the same terrible things happening but the ride never stopped long enough for her to get off of it. Maybe this was more a result of her horrible sleeping habits – wherein she was not getting any sleep at all. It'd been at least 3 days since she slept more than two hours in a row. She withheld a sigh as she sat on Allison's bed and silently went along with everything the girls were saying, pretending she was listening. Pretending...it was still so easy and she hated it.
Still, she continued. What other option was there?
It wasn't until Allison's father walked in and knocked only loud enough to call their attention that her thoughts came back to reality. He wore the same expression as always – suspicion with a moderate amount of concern. "Headed out?"
Allison's face fell and she slowly walked over to her father. Maddie attempted to listen in but was quickly interrupted.
"So, why exactly are you staying here?"
The slayer's head shot over to Lydia. "What?"
The fairer girl arched an eyebrow curiously. "Why are you staying here? At Allison's?"
"I-it's a mess, really," Maddie replied, forcing an awkward laugh. "...I, ah...I got emancipated. Because of some stuff with my mom." Playing the role of my mother this evening, Buffy Summers. "Turns out the Argents are old family friends." Sort of. "They're letting me stay to finish up the second semester."
Lydia gave her a strange look and slowly nodded.
"Madeline," they heard from the door as Maddie looked over at the gruff middle aged man. She released her exasperated sigh this time before standing up and walking over to where he stood.
She didn't say 'hello' or 'what' or anything really. She simply followed him out into the hall with her arms folded, annoyed, angry, apprehensive and vulnerable to a cluster of other awful emotions just below her calm exterior. In a way, Chris mirrored this and it made her wonder just how much he was keeping in as well.
"Training," he said simply and quietly.
She shrugged her shoulders and raised an eyebrow. "What about it?"
"When did you train last?"
"I don't know."
"Then think about it."
She narrowed her eyes. "If you didn't notice, I kind of have my hands full."
"Helping Scott?"
"If by that you mean keeping him away from Allison and all of you so he isn't horribly murdered, then yes. Helping him."
His steely gaze didn't deter. "You need to keep a training regimen."
"And how exactly do you expect me to do that?"
"Get back early."
"Wait, what?"
He sighed and gave her a flat look. "I assume Allison's told you about her own training but she's only just started.  So every Tuesday and Thursday night for an hour, you can start running drills."
Allison's training? Her eyebrows knitted together curiously and somewhat indignantly. "You're not my Watcher-"
"And your Watcher isn't here," he cut her off. "This is a dangerous time; we need everyone at their best."
She clenched her jaw and glared at the man bitterly, knowing that no wouldn't be an acceptable answer.
And the carousel continued to go round and round in her head. No time to stop. No time to slow down. No time to rest.
Blades.
Blades on her feet.
Blades sliding around on ice.
"No. No way."
"It's just ice," Lydia said with a laugh.
Allison rolled her eyes. "We're already here."
Maddie's eye narrowed at Allison, still not exactly past the news that she had lied to her. She did well not to bring that up now, though. For the moment, she'd only allow herself to be angry about the ice skating she didn't sign up for. "You said nothing about ice."
Now, she sat on the bleachers, staring at the size 7 ½ ice skates to her right, all scuffed up and faded. A grimace overtook her face. There was absolutely nothing on earth that would possibly get her to put those things on and continuously fall on her butt for the next hour or so. Nothing.
She looked to her left, where Stiles sat a couple of feet way talking to Lydia about colors and things that don't typically go together being perfect with each other, like people. She couldn't help but roll her eyes so hard that it hurt a little bit. After finding out about his crush on Lydia, suddenly his efforts seemed painstakingly obvious.
"No, I can see that," Lydia said, her tone genuine. Both Stiles and Maddie looked over at her, wearing equally shocked expressions.
"You can?" Stiles asked, sounding both surprised and hopeful.
She can? Maddie thought.
"Yeah." Lydia's eye were on Stiles for only a second longer before she looked past him to Scott and Allison. "They're cute together."
All three pairs of eyes went over to the couple who were helping each other up. Maddie even found them to be somewhat cute, in a sickening type of way. That was probably a result of being on the other side of that wall most days while they were...spending time together. She suddenly had a new appreciation for crappy motel rooms and found herself sorely missing her old one.
"Oh, yeah, them." Stiles sounded a little bitter.
Lydia nodded. "Cute."
"Cute." Scratch that. He sounded extremely bitter. "Adorable."
It was no time at all before all four were on the ice, each one at their own particular level. Scott was painful just to watch, although Maddie was sure it was a lot more agonizing for him, considering he couldn't stay on his feet for more than a max of ten seconds. It was lucky he had Allison with him, who could actually function on skates quite well. Stiles was alright too but then again he was doing less skating and more watching Lydia than anything else. Then there was Lydia, who glided across the ice like one of those girls in the Winter Olympics.
She found herself frowning and feeling rather guilty about it. Lydia seemed to be naturally gifted in everything she did in general, from school to socializing to this. Hell, she survived an Alpha bite – something Maddie could in no way do. In fact, the only gifts Maddie was given had been thrust upon her and she wasn't even sure she could call that a gift.
All in all, she felt envious – of all of them. All four were paired off with each other and having fun, enjoying one another's company. Maddie didn't belong here, not with them. Not with anyone. No one knew what she was even like. She was always protecting people and patrolling and training and trying to figure everything out; she never actually gave herself time to be an idiot teenager who falls on their ass at ice skating rinks, like Scott. Or have a social life, like Allison. Most times she managed to convince herself that she didn't want one anyway.
She glared at her ice skates, knowing that wasn't true. She thought back to days with Marie, constantly getting into trouble and sneaking out. There was never a dull moment, not for five whole years. She shook the memories away, getting irrationally angry just thinking about Marie. Getting angry for being the responsible one. The blonde got to be brash, selfish, and cocky because she knew someone would always be there to clean up the mess. Even now, Maddie felt as though she were cleaning up Marie's mess, more specifically the one she made of Maddie's life.
She didn't want to be responsible for everyone all the time. She wanted to be dumb. She wanted to be selfish. She wanted...
"Hey!"
Her eyes shot up to the direction of the voice, finding Stiles standing at one of the entrances to the rink. She sighed. "What?"
Stiles shrugged as if he wasn't even really sure why he was talking to her. "Nothing, just...are you really just gonna sit there all night?"
"I dunno. Probably." She raised one eyebrow curiously. "So?"
He was gesturing a lot again as if he were getting more frustrated each time she spoke. "So you can't just sit there all night. This is a group outing. You are part of the group."
Am not. "Actually I can sit here all night if I want. And why do you care anyway?"
That seemed to catch Stiles off guard for a second and it took him a few seconds to answer. "Because we're all having fun and then I look over and you're just sitting there doing absolutely nothing. It's depressing!"
"And I can't seem to care," she shot back with a glare.
"C'mon, Mads. Have some fun!"
Her eyes darkened. "What did I tell you about calling me that?"
"You know, strangely," he began with a small grin. "I don't feel as threatened with you all the way over there."
"Stiles..."
Stiles backed up a little bit, further onto the ice. "Sorry, what was that? You're too far away!"
Maddie stayed put, shaking her head disapprovingly as her attention turned back to her phone for the time being. It wasn't worth the time or effort to go after him, to be honest. She wondered for a second why was choosing to bug the hell out of her and not Lydia (while completely bypassing the fact that she was glad someone remembered she was there).
He released a loud, frustrated breath as he skated back over to the bleachers and his shoulders slumped. "Do you do anything fun? Like...anything at all?"
She didn't look up from her phone as she sent a text to Xander, briefing him on the current situation.
"Really? Nothing?"
She was about to hit 'send' when her phone flew out of her grasp. Her head snapped back up as she watched Stiles pocket the small black brick and head back out to the ice as quickly as possible. Maddie leapt up from her seat and ran to the entrance to the rink, stopping just where the concrete turned to ice. Stiles was several feet away already, withholding wide, triumphant smile that Maddie could tell was already threatening to spread on his face. She looked down at her boot-clad feet and then at the ice before her eyes found their way back to Stiles again. "Stiles. Get. Over. Here. Now."
"Okay, one," he began, moving his feet back and forth slightly. "No. And two, why did you think that would work?"
"Give me my phone!"
"Why can't I call you Mads?"
For a moment, her anger ebbed and she stared at him, a bit shocked. "...What?"
"Every single time I call you Mads, you get pissed off and hit me. I think It's fair for me to know why."
She glared at him. Again. For the millionth time. It felt like all she ever did was glare at him most days. "That's none of your business."
"Then put on your skates and come get your phone." He skated a bit farther back. "Your choice. I can do this all night."
Maddie swallowed hard and looked back at the skates with distaste. Then she looked back at Stiles who seemed far too pleased with himself. "This is blackmail."
"Technically it's bribery."
She gritted her teeth before rushing back to the bleachers and untying her shoes. "When I catch you, you're dead, Stilinski."
"That's a risk I'm willing to take. Now hurry up."
In no time, she had laced up the skates and found herself unsteadily walking towards the ice rink. Once she was back at the entrance, she gripped the side wall tightly and took one unsure step onto the ice. The slick surface made her move more than she anticipated and she began guiding herself along the edge of the rink carefully.
"Now, when I said I can do this all night –" He skated a safe distance from her, just out of her reach. " – that wasn't a challenge."
She wobbled on her feet, feeling utterly foolish as she debated pushing herself off from the wall and attacking him. "Shut up."
"Come on," he taunted, waving her phone around. "Just a little farther."
"I hope this is worth it." Her voice was low and full was anger.
Of course, it was the she noticed he was no longer waving around her phone, but aiming the tiny lens at her. "Totally worth it. I'll gladly risk my well being for this." She growled and pushed herself off of the wall and clumsily moved forward, towards Stiles. All he did was laugh at her failed efforts. "Has anyone ever told you that you have all the grace of a baby elephant?"
She slowly skated a little bit further. "Give me the phone, damn it!"
Stiles skated back a little bit and she attempted to leap forward and catch him, but instead fell to the icy floor with a thud. He couldn't help but laugh but still managed to go back over to her and hold out a hand. She was still glaring menacingly at the boy but took the hand anyway. In that instant, she tugged him roughly to the ground and landed flat on his back. He winced in pain but when he opened his eyes, he found her laughing hysterically and covering her mouth. Despite the pain on his face, he managed a half smile. "You think this is funny?"
Maddie didn't answer but she at least seemed to be calming down as she quickly reached into his jacket pocket and retrieved her phone. She momentarily waved it in his face, smirked, and added, "I win."
Before she could even process that a moment had passed - where she and Stiles had not only been civil, but looking at each other and smiling almost like they were friends - it happened.
A scream.
Lydia's scream.
Both heads turned to the center of the ice rink where the girl had been. She was on her hands and knees and, gods, the screaming...
Maddie had trouble getting to her feet but Stiles had already started to rush to her side. Even as he held on to her, she kept thrashing and screaming, so loud that Maddie was cover her ears.
Everything had been going so well and Maddie had almost convinced herself that Lydia was okay. Of course, she wasn't. How could the slayer possibly think that this girl would just be okay after everything?
"If you pretend hard enough, even you'll believe it eventually."
She heard that. She knew that she heard that - that soft, southern drawl. Her breath caught in her throat and her organs felt as if they crumbled to ash. Her head darted around wildly but nothing was there.
No one was there.
She closed her eyes tightly and waited for the screams to stop – and perhaps any other voices that had started to seep into her head.