𝙂𝙧𝙞𝙩 & 𝙂𝙧𝙖𝙘𝙚| 𝘽𝙤𝙤𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙡𝙡 𝙭 𝙍𝙚𝙖𝙙𝙚𝙧 - Chapter 4: Chapter 4

The days had become a blur. Each evening, the bar felt like a space suspended between two worlds: the world you had always known and the one that seemed just beyond your grasp, a world filled with people who were so much more than mere travelers.
It wasn't just Boothill who had changed things. March, Hikemo, Dan Heng, and even the brief encounters with strangers like them had left an imprint on you. Every time they walked in, they didn't just fill the room with their presence—they brought with them questions. Ideas. Possibilities.
You couldn't shake the feeling that something bigger was waiting for you. But what?
Today, the bar was quieter than usual, the hum of conversation barely louder than the sound of the ceiling fan spinning overhead. You wiped down the counter absently, your thoughts occupied by the same swirling questions that had been haunting you for days. Was it really so bad to want more? To feel... alive?
"Something on your mind?" The familiar low voice snapped you out of your reverie.
You looked up to find Boothill standing there, his expression unreadable as usual, though there was an unusual warmth behind his eyes today. For a moment, neither of you spoke, simply standing there, the silence heavy between you.
You hesitated before responding. "It's nothing," you said, not wanting to burden him with your confusion. "Just... thinking."
He didn't seem convinced, but instead of pressing, he leaned forward slightly, his voice quieter. "Thinking about what?"
You opened your mouth, but the words didn't come right away. What could you say? I'm not just a bartender anymore. I feel... more. I don't know what it means, but it scares me.
The door chimed, and your thoughts were interrupted as a few familiar faces entered: March and Himeko. March was grinning as usual, her bright eyes scanning the room, while Himeko followed behind her, her quiet, almost melancholy aura filling the space in a different way.
"Hey, Y/N!" March waved enthusiastically, her voice always like a burst of sunshine in the dimly lit bar. "We're back! I hope you're ready for a little excitement tonight."
You gave a small smile, but your gaze flickered back to Boothill, who had fallen silent. He was watching you, as if sensing the shift in the air. The quiet had returned between you, the brief connection you had shared earlier hanging like an unspoken thread.
"Everything alright?" March asked, her voice suddenly softer, more perceptive. She looked between you and Boothill, then added with a wink, "You two look like you're in the middle of some deep conversation...Awkward..."
You flushed, not sure how to explain the unspoken tension. You weren't even sure if it was a conversation anymore—it was more like a mutual awareness that neither of you knew how to handle.
Before you could respond, Clara spoke, her voice calm but curious. "Y/N, you've been quieter than usual. Something's on your mind?"
Her eyes were like quiet mirrors, reflecting back something you hadn't even fully acknowledged. It was impossible to hide it from her—she saw things that others missed.
"I've just been... thinking a lot," you admitted, your voice quieter than usual. "I'm not sure what's real anymore."
Himeko tilted her head slightly, the corners of her mouth curving upward in a soft, knowing smile. "What do you mean by 'real'?"
You couldn't help but feel a little self-conscious. What do I mean? "I don't know. I've always just done my job, you know? I've always been the bartender. But lately... it feels like I'm... waking up. Like there's more to me than just that. But I don't know what to do with it."
March's eyes sparkled with curiosity, and she plopped down onto one of the stools, motioning for Himeko to join her. "Now that's a question I've never heard from a bartender before! So, what now? You're not just gonna stand there, right? You've got to figure it out."
Boothill, who had been silently observing, finally spoke, his voice gruff but laced with an uncharacteristic sincerity. "You're not the only one who's had that feeling." He paused for a moment, his gaze dropping to the drink in his hand. "I've lived most of my life like a machine—hunting, killing, moving from one job to the next. But there's always something that makes you stop and think. Something that cracks the shell open. Makes you question if this is all there is."
You blinked, surprised by his words. For the first time, you saw a piece of Boothill that mirrored what you were feeling—a feeling of being stuck in a cycle, trapped in something you didn't fully understand.
He took a long gulp from his drink, eyes closing for a brief moment. "It's not easy," he said, his voice quieter now, almost to himself. "But sometimes... you find something worth fighting for."
You stood frozen, your breath catching. The way he spoke felt like a crack in his armor. Maybe he was more like you than you had realized.
The air between you and Boothill had shifted once again—less tense, more like an understanding between two people who had both been hiding something deep within them. Maybe it was vulnerability. Maybe it was fear. Maybe it was hope. But it was there, subtle but unmistakable.
March tilted her head, clearly sensing the change. "Well, well, looks like we have a real conversation going on here!" She looked at you with a smile. "Y/N, you don't have to do it alone. We've all been there. If you want to figure out what's next, you've got a whole team right here."
Himeko nodded, her expression serious but warm. "We can help you, Y/N. You don't have to stay in the same place forever. Just remember, it's okay to question. It's okay to seek answers."
Boothill's gaze softened, but only for a moment before his usual guard returned. "And if you want answers, don't just wait around for them to show up. You've got to go after them."
The words struck you with an unexpected force. There was something about Boothill—about his quiet strength—that made you feel like you weren't as alone in this as you had once thought.
The door chimed again, signaling more patrons, but you weren't listening to the noise. Your mind was racing, swirling with new possibilities. Could it really be that simple? Could you really go after what you wanted—what you needed?
You glanced back at Boothill, your voice steady despite the uncertainty. "Maybe... maybe it's time I stop waiting and start figuring it out."
He met your gaze, something almost approving in his eyes before he looked away, giving you the space to breathe. "It's never too late."
And for the first time in a long while, you felt like you might just be ready to step outside the loop you had been trapped in.