Hate to Love You - Chapter 27: Chapter 27

Hannah
Bumbling out of my room the next morning — half an hour before my first class — I stomped down the stairs to the kitchen.
An entire night of tossing and turning had left me with more problems than the day before. It was dangerous because when I was alone at night with nothing but my thoughts, it was too easy to imagine the two of us together.
We ended up staying pretty late at Moxie's, filling the place with our laughter. I sat next to Tristan while Nadia and Adrian sat across from us. Nadia's generous chest earned her a very invested seatmate, while Adrian charmed everyone with his extroverted nature. He also had a very obvious thing for Tate, even if he tried his best to hide it.
It was a fun evening, giving me a glimpse into Tristan's team dynamics. Everyone listened and spoke to him with respect, but there was also camaraderie and humor among them all. The mostly male table produced some rather... creative jokes. Still, they were all kind to me, and no one commented on the two of us being together.
And then Tristan drove me home in his truck because my car was still in the library's parking lot, promising to pick me up in the morning so I could retrieve it. We kept playing at the friends thing, yet I couldn't ignore the palpable undercurrent of attraction that continued to buzz between us, especially as we said goodbye last night. There seemed to be a... hesitation to part. I didn't know how else to describe it.
I suspected the only way to address it would be in a bed, and we'd established that we wouldn't go there.
"Stop acting like you have any claim on him. She isn't encroaching on your territory, Amanda," I heard Jenny say, her voice laced with irritation — which was unusual for her.
I stopped in my tracks, not in the mood to deal with any of them. But I didn't have the time or patience to wait them out either. Sucking it up, I walked into the kitchen.
"I've clearly said in the past—" Amanda stopped talking when she noticed me, her eyes widening.
Most of my roommates were there, standing in a circle, obviously in the middle of a deep discussion. For once, Penelope wasn't at Amanda's side. They all went silent, staring at me like I was some exotic zoo animal.
"What?" I asked, frowning at their strange expressions.
"We didn't realize you were home," Jenny said by way of explanation, offering me a small but frayed smile.
"Where else would I be?" I frowned, heading for the cupboard to grab my Fruity Pebbles.
"Your car isn't here and no one saw you come home last night. Normally, we'd assume you're at your mom's, but when we saw the pictures, we weren't so certain." Molly shrugged, smirking. There was something in her expression — respect? Admiration? I couldn't quite tell, but it made my guard go up instantly.
"What pictures?"
Aqua sighed dramatically, rolling her eyes. "Doll, you need to check your socials more often. I follow you — and you've posted twice this whole year. If you're going to associate with a public figure like him, you really need to step up your game."
"Aqua!" Amanda gasped, glaring at her.
Him. My stomach twisted. "Show me these pictures," I demanded, walking over to Aqua.
Nodding, she unlocked her phone and quickly pulled up someone's account. I took it with trepidation, my stomach sinking as I examined the pictures. Horror set in as I scrolled through images of Tristan carrying me to his car — one picture had me hanging over his shoulder while he unlocked the door, my face clear enough for anyone to recognize me. My breath caught in my throat as the realization hit — these were out there for everyone to see. My head started throbbing as I rubbed my temples and handed the phone back to Aqua.
"There are some videos too if you want to watch them," she offered, raising a thin brow.
"No, thanks." If I saw any more, I might just have a breakdown.
Campus was going to be a nightmare today. Molly grabbed Aqua's phone, continuing to scroll through the pictures.
"Aren't you going to explain yourself?" Amanda's obnoxious voice cut through the room, grating on my nerves like nails on a chalkboard. For a few satisfying seconds, I imagined covering her face with a pillow.
"I wasn't aware I had to explain myself to you." My hand dropped from my face and I leveled her with a glare of my own. At least I could count on her to distract me from my panic.
"Did you fuck him?"
Everyone looked at her, surprised she'd ask something like that.
"Excuse me?" My glare turned murderous. "How is that any of your business? I don't ask about the men you sleep with."
"So you are sleeping with him," she sneered.
"No!"
I winced, instantly regretting the outburst. I had taken Amanda's bait, and the word slipped out before I could stop myself. The last thing I wanted was for her to have any insight into my life. Amanda was as good as dirt to me, and I preferred her left in the dark, speculating, instead of giving her any ammunition to use against me.
I opened my mouth to try again, but a car horn interrupted us all. Our heads turned to the window, and my stomach sank. I knew exactly who it was, and he wasn't helping matters by showing up right now. Though, to be fair, he was on time. I was the one running late.
Molly wandered over to the window, squinting as she looked out. "Yup, same car as the pictures. Tristan's here, and I'm guessing it's for a certain Miss In Denial." She gave me a pointed stare.
"He's just giving me a ride to my car. It's his fault it's not here," I defended myself. "I have to get my things. I'm not talking about this anymore." I directed that last part at Amanda.
Without waiting for a response, I spun around and rushed up the stairs, disappointment settling in as I realized I wouldn't have time for breakfast. My room was a mess, but I hurriedly gathered my things, grateful I was at least dressed and somewhat presentable. After a frantic few seconds of packing, I threw my bag over my shoulder, and headed back downstairs, a little winded but determined to get out of here as soon as possible.
Everyone was gone, but just as I reached for the door, a hand suddenly grabbed my arm, yanking me back. Hard.
I whipped around, grimacing at the tight grip Amanda had on me. Her eyes were cold, filled with a burning loathing. "He's going to get bored of you soon enough," she said. "And when he does, I'll be right there."
I stared at her, stunned. "Have some self-respect. What the fuck is wrong with you?"
"No," she snapped, "It's what's wrong with you. Are you willing to follow him wherever he goes?" At my silence, her lips twisted into a cruel smirk. "Exactly. You're just a temporary body, Hannah. Nothing more."
"And you won't be?" I shot back, yanking my arm free from her grasp.
Her dark blue eyes narrowed. "Do you know who my father is?"
I rolled my eyes. How fucking cliche. "Of course I don't. And I don't care." My hand reached for the door, but before I could pull it open, Amanda's hand clamped down on my arm again, stopping me.
"He's Steven Warren," she hissed. "Retired Broncos linebacker and currently part of the NFL board of directors. Once Tristan gets to know me and my family, he'll see the benefits of staying with us."
I shook my head, frowning at her. "If your dad's such a bigshot, then what are you doing in a place like this? Shouldn't you be part of some sorority or something?" Her face hardened, and she fell silent. I opened the door, done with her games. Without another word, I stepped outside.
"Teach him a few tricks for me, won't you? You were clearly good enough to steal from me the first time."
My anger flared, and I fought the urge to turn around and confront her. But then I saw Tristan leaning against the hood of his car, wearing a sleeveless black shirt and grey sweatpants. His grin softened the razer edge of my frustration.
"I haven't stolen anything from you." I turned and hurried over to him, clutching the strap of my bag.
"Rough morning?" he asked, noticing my expression as I approached.
Before I could respond, Amanda's voice cut through, "Hey! Tristan! It's so great to see you! How have you been?"
My mood soured again, and I edged closer to him. "Don't answer her. Ignore her. Actually, don't talk to her ever again, okay?"
Both brows raised before he grinned. "Sure thing, ma'am. Anything you want, ma'am." I narrowed my eyes at his teasing as he opened the passenger door for me. "I got you something — it's in the backseat."
"Hello! Tristan Beckett!"
We both ignored her as I climbed into my seat, curiosity piqued. I glanced behind me and spotted a familiar brown bag. Grabbing it eagerly, I placed it on my lap and opened it with a bright smile.
"You got me a Chipotle breakfast burrito?" I looked up at him with wide, grateful eyes as he settled into the driver's seat.
He chuckled, clearly pleased with my reaction, and closed his door. "And a coffee in the cup holder. You know which one is yours."
"Thank you," I murmured, my voice soft and filled with genuine appreciation. I really needed this pick me up.
As he started the engine, I found the pink flask of coffee waiting for me and took several sips, careful not to spill any. It was perfect — just the way I liked it. A moan of satisfaction escaped me as I lowered the flask and licked my lips.
After two weeks of him bringing me muffins, cookies, and other assorted goodies, my conscience started to get the better of me. Using the excuse that I was going to get fat, I managed to convince him to limit the treats to Monday mornings. But even then, he always had a flask of coffee waiting for me before every class, and if he didn't have time to stop by Beanz, he'd bring some from home.
When I looked back at him, he was smiling to himself, his hair tousled by the breeze coming through the open window. He drove with one hand on the wheel, the other resting casually on his thigh or the gear stick.
"Who does the other cup belong to?" I asked, eyeing the second flask of coffee.
"My coach," he replied. "He likes the coffee from Beanz but won't actually go in to order one. So I get one for him every now and then. I also put it in a flask so it'll stay hot."
I don't know what I was expecting, but it wasn't another example of how thoughtful he could be. He would be sad to know that if he'd been in the car when I saw that burrito, I would have kissed him.
"That's really sweet of you," I murmured, smiling softly.
His eyes flickered down to my lips before he said, "Is it? Maybe I'm just doing it to stay on his good side — not because I'm being sweet."
I considered his words. "I choose to believe it's a bit of both." I peeked into the paper bag again. "Do you want me to wait until we're out of the car to eat this?"
"No, it's cool. Go ahead and eat. I know you have class soon."
Grinning, I reached in for the burrito but paused before taking a bite. I looked back at him. "Do you want a bite?"
He seemed poised to decline but then his gaze fell on the burrito, and he reconsidered. "Sure. One bite."
Instead of taking it from me, he leaned toward me and opened his mouth. I lifted the burrito to his lips, holding a hand under his chin just in case anything spilled. He took a bite, and for a brief, electrifying moment, our eyes locked before he pulled back to focus on the road.
Swallowing the saliva that flooded my mouth, I took a bite from where he'd just eaten, settling back in my seat with a satisfied sigh before looking out the window at the passing scenery while Tristan navigated the morning traffic.
As I ate, it struck me that lately, I was happiest when I was with him. And we were together a lot. It was strange how quickly we'd gone from strangers to nearly a daily presence in each other's lives.
It was just funny how life worked sometimes.
°•°•°•°
Our presentation was due today, and watching Skylar and Tristan present it together left a bitter feeling in my chest. I sat there, nails digging into my thighs, as their chemistry played out in front of the whole class.
They bounced off each other's energy, drawing laughs and cheers from everyone. Skylar was good, but Tristan's charm really had its chance to shine. He somehow found a way to make statistics funny as he effortlessly rattled off the percentages and data points we'd calculated, adding little quips and dry comments. Even Professor Haynes, a man known to be stoic and no-nonsense, chuckled a few times.
A conflicted storm of emotions swirled within me. While a begrudging part of me admired their performance, a much larger and grossly human part seethed in angry silence. It felt like a weight pressing down on my chest, squeezing my throat as I watched them with a mixture of envy and desperation. They just seemed so perfect together.
I bet Skylar had her shit together. I bet she didn't have an ex who emotionally abused her enough to put her off relationships. I bet she felt like she was enough.
They ended with a round of thunderous applause, both of them bowing dramatically. Skylar righted herself and, with a wide grin, launched herself into Tristan's arms. He caught her effortlessly, looking caught off guard but hiding it with a polite laugh before carefully putting her back down. It grated at me to see her hand still on his upper arm.
I sat there, watching all of this as it felt like my world was crumbling around me. That dark, gnawing sensation continued to spread throughout my body, sending shivers down my spine and making my blood run cold. It was an all too familiar feeling.
The first time I felt like this was when I discovered Dylan's infidelity — before he guilted me into believing it was all in my head. The same pattern repeated itself with the next girl. And the next. It was that same sinking feeling of betrayal, deception, and powerlessness that now ravaged me as I watched Tristan and Skylar together. Which was ridiculous because this was nothing like the past. I remembered Amanda's words and the feeling deepened, nearly choking me with its intensity.
My heart raced, roaring in my ears as I couldn't tear my eyes away from them. I watched as they climbed the stairs together, smiling and talking about their successful performance. Skylar said something, and Tristan responded with a small laugh, making her eyes linger on his face, even pausing on his lips. The jealousy and frustration boiling in me threatened to overflow, and I wanted to scream.
I needed to leave.
I needed time alone to collect my thoughts and regain my composure, to build up those walls and shove these disgusting feelings as far away as possible before Tristan realized what was happening. It wouldn't be fair to him if I revealed the absolute mayhem going on inside my head. I couldn't ruin the friendship we'd built with my stupid tantrum.
I needed to leave.
Grabbing my phone, my fingers fumbling as they trembled, my eyes quickly found the time on the screen. Five minutes until class ended and this was my last class of the day. Surely the professor wouldn't mind if I left now?
I grabbed my things in a panic, shoving them into my bag with little care. Tristan was getting close, and I wanted to be up before he got here. In my haste, I dropped my keys. Bending to pick them up, I took a second to breathe; closing my eyes and taking deep, calming breaths.
With one last breath, for courage, I stood up and made my way in the opposite direction of where Tristan was. People stared, probably wondering why I was scrambling past them like I was running from the cops. I slowed my exit, trying to look as calm and composed as possible.
Finally, I left the row and quickly descended the stairs as quietly as possible. Thankfully, the door was nearby, and so I just calmly walked over to it. Professor Haynes spared me a single glance before going back to speaking. It was nothing important anyway — just his thoughts on all of the presentations.
With my hand on the handle, I chanced a glance back. My eyes immediately connected with Tristan's. He was watching me with a confused frown — so I gave him a reassuring nod, and opened the door, stepping through it without a second thought.
As I closed the door, I saw him reach for his phone.
°•°•°•°
I sat on my bed, arms wrapped around my knees and staring into the distance. My phone pinged with incoming messages, but I had no emotional energy to engage with anyone right now. I needed this time alone to confront the turmoil raging within me.
I couldn't go on like this, reverting back to that jealous, paranoid girl I used to be. The anger that had overwhelmed me at seeing Skylar's hand on his arm left me breathless. It also disturbed and freaked me out.
With a pained groan, I pressed my forehead against my knee, squeezing my legs together. What was I doing? Why was I torturing myself like this?
Turning my head to the side, my gaze landed on the pictures of my family on the wall. My eyes lingered on my young self, on her too-wide smiles and visibly tense body — and how her smiles didn't quite seem to reach her eyes. Was I the only one who could see how unhappy she was? How she was slowly crumbling to pieces on the inside?
I knew my issues stemmed from my parents — whose didn't? I suspected my mother had a troubled childhood, and that translated into her parenting methods. In her desperate need to protect and control me, she'd smothered any childish wonder I'd ever had. She'd created a naive girl unprepared for the harsh realities of life. And because of her, I'd been unable to recognize the monsters around me — unaware of the dangers they posed to me.
Now, I couldn't help but view everyone as a potential monster, a danger to my well-being.
Sighing, I reached for my phone and unlocked it. There were several messages from my mom and Tristan. My mother's messages were the usual — pleading with me to convince my dad to break up with his new girlfriend because the church was judging her. I ignored them and tapped on Tristan's name.
T: Why did you leave?
T: Did something happen? Is it your family?
T: Is everything okay? Why aren't you answering me?
T: Hannah?
T: Are you ignoring me? Did I do something?
T: Hello?
I stared at the words, my heart heavy with guilt. It was a familiar feeling, one that echoed back to the days when I'd been on the receiving end of this. I knew how it felt to be ignored, to wonder what you'd done wrong. And now, I was the one causing that pain.
The weight of my actions pressed down on me, and I knew I needed to respond, to say anything.
I was busy formulating my response when his name popped up on the screen and my phone began to ring. Surprised, I answered without thinking. Before I could speak, his angry voice cut through the phone.
"What the hell, Hannah?"
I pursed my lips, frowning at his tone. I couldn't help it — his angry voice had my defenses shooting up, preparing to fight back. I had to force myself to keep from retorting. More arguing would get us nowhere.
"Hello? Why aren't you saying anything?"
I took a deep, soothing breath and said, "I'm sorry."
Saying that was harder than it should have been.
"You're sorry? That's it? What's your explanation for bolting out of class like a pack of hell hounds were on your ass?" he asked, audibly frustrated. Even now, I could picture him raking his hands through his hair, a behavior I'd come to love.
"There was..." I opened my mouth, racking my brain for an excuse but it short-circuited, "An emergency. I needed to come home quickly."
"Emergency? Is everything okay?" His reply was a lot calmer, threaded with worry.
"Yeah... the shower... exploded." I cringed, squeezing my eyes shut. What the fuck was that excuse?
He didn't sound like he believed me. "Exploded? How the fuck did that happen?"
"I don't know... something with the pipes, I think. Everything's okay now. The plumber came and fixed everything."
"That's good, I guess. I was worried you were pissed with me or something."
"Hm?" I tried to sound surprised, my voice too high. "Why would I be angry with you? I'm not angry with you. There's no reason I'd be angry with you." I was speaking too much — I needed to shut up.
"I don't know, something about your face just seemed... off. But I guess I was wrong. I'll... see you on Monday."
"Mm-hm. See you." I swallowed, pulling my phone away from my ear and quickly pressing the red button.
And then I sighed, suddenly drained.
My moping was cut off by someone knocking at my door. It opened to reveal Jenny.
"Hey, Han. Sorry to interrupt. I just thought I should tell you the girls and I are having some friends over later tonight. But don't worry — there won't be too many people, and it won't go on for too long because it's a weekday. If that's okay with you?"
I nodded. "Sounds good. Thanks for letting me know."
She smiled softly. "Of course. You're more than welcome to join us if you want?"
"I'm okay, thanks. I'll just be up here with my headphones, working on some assignments. Don't worry about me." I forced a reassuring smile onto my lips.
"Okie-dokie. See you later, Han."
For the second time that night, I said, "See you."