Hate to Love You - Chapter 47: Chapter 47

Hannah
Tristan was nowhere to be found when we got to the bonfire area, but we did find Jenny and her friends sitting with Matthew and a few others, all enjoying cold beers and grilled food. Jenny was the first to invite us to join them. I thought about saying no and going in search of Tristan, but I didn't want to distract him if he was busy. I told myself I'd see him later, so Bailey and I settled in with the group, joining in on the conversation. Well, mostly Bailey.
Try as I might, my mind kept wondering. I had a lot to think about — this whole thing with Amanda weighing heavily on my mind. One question nagged at me: why hadn't she confronted me about this sooner? After an entire year?
She wasn't the type to sit back and keep quiet. I guess there had been those rumors she and Penelope spread, but surely she would have said something else? Perhaps Penelope had found a way to keep her quiet, fearing that a confrontation between us would reveal her betrayal, which kind of happened. However, Amanda might still be too pig-headed to realize what Bailey had implied when she'd reprimanded her.
"And you, Hannah?"
I was jerked from my thoughts by Jenny's question. Both my brows raised as I turned to face her. "I'm sorry, I missed your question."
Today she was dressed in a loose peach-colored shirt with the words 'living my best life' on the front and some white yoga pants. Her red hair was pulled into two french braids and she wore very little makeup. She looked young and fresh.
"I was asking everyone what their plans for the holidays were. Can you believe there's only three weeks left until Thanksgiving?" she asked, her smile genuine and curious.
"Oh, uh, I'll probably just split my time between my parents — they're divorced. And you?" I replied, mirroring her smile.
To be honest, I wasn't even sure if I'd be visiting my dad this year. I hadn't met his new girlfriend yet, and the thought of that encounter made me uneasy. And then there was the prospect of dodging my mother's relentless matchmaking attempts with men from her church. To her, only devout, church-going men were fit for marriage. Not that I had marriage on my mind, but that didn't seem to matter to her. Just thinking about it all gave me a headache.
Though, I wondered what she'd think of Tristan. I had intentionally kept him out of our conversations to avoid her probing questions, back-handed comments, and her dramatic reactions to my dating choices. After all, why open that can of worms when I knew it wouldn't last long?
Jenny turned to Matthew, her face lighting up with a big, goofy grin. "Matthew invited me to spend Thanksgiving with him and his family! My parents are doctors, so they'll be working that day. It works out perfectly. His sister and I have been messaging every day, and I adore her."
She looked so content, practically glowing as she gazed up at him. When he returned her smile, she melted, and a sharp pain pierced my heart, leaving me breathless. I forced a smile, even as raw envy consumed me. Because I'd never have that.
"I'm happy for you guys," I said sincerely. Jenny truly deserved every bit of happiness; she was a genuinely good person, and I could never wish her anything but the best.
Yet, any happiness I could grasp seemed fleeting, a pattern that had defined my life. Maybe Amanda was right; maybe I deserved some of the things happening to me. Her harsh words had opened my eyes to how others perceived me. I knew I wasn't the most liked person, but I hadn't realized how deep that sentiment ran. It... hurt.
The conversation quickly shifted to other subjects and I decided to get a bottle of water, just as something to do. I felt drained and just plain tired. Bailey shot me a questioning look as I stood up, but I offered her a reassuring smile, signaling that I was fine and would be back soon.
As I was retrieving a bottle from the cooler, Jenny appeared beside me. "Cold beers are nice, but not all the time. Could you grab one for me too, please?"
I dug around for a second bottle and handed it to her. But as I looked at her, a lump formed in my throat. "Jenny? Can I ask you something?"
"Of course you can. I'm an open book — just don't ask about the summer of '09. If anyone asks, I wasn't responsible for the series of events that happened back then," she quipped, offering a playful wink.
Her joke helped ease the tension in my shoulders and I let out an amused breath. "Good to know."
"So what did you want to ask me?"
I sobered, leveling her with a serious gaze. "What do you really think of me?"
This was a hard question to ask, mostly because I didn't know if I wanted the answer. If Jenny hated me, then I was really beyond reproach.
She tilted her head, confused. "What do you mean? Like, right now?"
"No, I mean in general. Do you... hate me? You can be honest — I won't be mad. I just want to know the truth."
"Hate you? Of course I don't hate you. Did I ever give you that impression?" Her eyes widened with concern, realizing the possibility. "Oh, God! I'm so sorry if I was ever mean or hateful in any way."
Rushing to clarify, I shook my head. "No! You've been nothing but nice and friendly... it's just that... a lot of people do, and I wanted to know if maybe you were one of them. I'd understand if you did — I haven't exactly been the best company." I shrugged, feeling extremely uneasy despite having put myself in this situation.
She softened, offering a sympathetic smile. "I don't hate you, Hannah. I never have. I just think you're misunderstood. And I don't think as many people hate you as you might believe."
"Misunderstood? What do you mean?" I frowned.
She looked around to make sure no one else could hear, before saying, "When you first moved in, you seemed really... sad. I remember always thinking that when I looked at you. And you were really quiet — liked to keep to yourself. But that's not a bad thing! Just because you aren't bubbly and forthcoming, doesn't mean you're a horrible person and people hate you."
"But it feels like they do," I confessed, my voice small.
"Really? Who hates you?"
Where did I even begin? "Amanda, Penelope, the other girls in our house... uh..." My mind raced. Maybe some of Tristan's female fans? But did that count? They seemed to hate me on principle because they thought I was dating him. There had to be more people, but I couldn't seem to think of them in that moment.
"I can't speak on behalf of Amanda and Penelope," she smiled gently. "But I can tell you that the rest of the girls don't hate you. We give you your space because we can see that's what you prefer. We all saw the state you were in when you arrived, so we were just trying to make things easier for you. I'm sorry if that gave you the impression that we hated you."
I blinked, my breath catching as I struggled to process this shift in my understanding. It felt as though my entire world had suddenly turned over. Because if she was right, then I'd been wrong this whole time.
But how? There had to be others... but when I really thought about it, I realized there weren't. Amanda and Penelope were the only ones I actually had any real conflict with. I was on good terms with most of the people in my life, and normal terms with others. Maybe I didn't have as many friends as other girls did, but I was content with the ones I did have.
"So then... you like me?"
"Sure I do." She grinned, looking at me like I was being silly. "I think you're super smart, really beautiful, and I love your sense of humor. You're also responsible and disciplined — I wish I had your dedication. And I know that if I asked you for help with something or if I was in trouble, you'd help me immediately. I know you're a good person. You've never been outright rude or hostile to me, so I have no reason to dislike you."
A twinge of guilt struck me. Today I'd been hostile to Amanda. I'd certainly been more than rude — so a part of me rejected Jenny's words, even as another side of me warmed under them. It was still so hard to wrap my head around this new perspective. I realized I had let Amanda get to me, despite my best efforts to shrug her off.
"You've known Amanda for a long time, right?"
"Not really," Jenny replied, shaking her head. "I actually met her through Penelope since we're from the same town. Amanda moved in during our second year after she and Penelope were kicked out of their sorority. Penelope asked me for help because they needed a place fast, and I felt bad for her. So, I offered them two rooms, and, well, they never left."
I didn't know any of that. "Why were they kicked out?"
Jenny shrugged. "I'm not sure about all the details, but Amanda used to be really close to the sorority president. Then they had a falling out. Whatever went down, it got her and Penelope kicked out, so I know they were in it together."
Interesting.
"Do you remember a guy named Bryson?"
"Bryson? Bryson Pendergast? Yeah, I remember him. He and Amanda were constantly on and off. It drove everyone crazy." She rolled her eyes. "He was always cheating on her, and she was always screaming at him. Boy, am I glad that's over," she chuckled wryly.
I tilted my head, considering her words. "Well, today, Amanda accused me of sleeping with him. She wouldn't believe me when I said I hadn't touched him. We had a huge fight about it."
Jenny's eyes widened in shock. "She said that?"
I nodded, filling her in on everything that had happened. "And I'm pretty sure it was Penelope who actually fucked him. Which is weird, right? Wasn't she supposed to be Amanda's best friend? She always seemed so loyal. I never would've guessed Penelope would betray her like that."
To my surprise, Jenny let out a long sigh, pinching the bridge of her nose. "I should have known this would come up again."
"What do you mean 'again'? You knew about this," I realized, clearly the only one in the dark about everything.
With another heavy sigh, Jenny lowered her hand and met my gaze. "When all that drama happened, Amanda came to me, demanding I kick you out for 'stealing her boyfriend'. But anyone with an ounce of sense could see you weren't the type. I didn't buy it, and I told her as much. She refused to listen, though. I warned her — if she ever harassed you over that nonsense, she'd be the one out the door. Penelope begged me not to kick them out and promised to handle it, and after Amanda dumped Bryson, I thought we'd all moved on."
"Did you know it was actually Penelope?"
Jenny pursed her lips, shaking her head. "No, I didn't. Like you, I didn't think she'd do that to Amanda." She paused, considering her words. "But, now that I think about it, I can see why."
"Why?" I asked, curiosity getting the better of me. Normally, I'd stay out of this, but considering I'd been dragged into it, I felt like I had a right to know.
"Penelope was bullied pretty badly in middle school and high school for being overweight. When she got to college, Amanda took her under her wing — helped her lose weight. Showed her how to be hot, for lack of better words. Not only was Amanda like a big sister, but she was also the first popular girl who welcomed Penelope instead of hurting her. Perhaps Penelope can't help but feel a little jealous of her — maybe she even wants to be her. I think she thinks she'd be nothing without Amanda. We also can't discount Bryson's role in this. He used to flirt with any pretty lady he could find, and Penelope finally fit that criteria. She might not have been able to resist his attention after years of being ignored or teased."
I thought back to how pale and shaken Penelope had looked earlier, clearly terrified of Amanda discovering the truth.
Jenny gave me a reassuring smile. "Don't worry. I'll have a serious talk with Amanda when we get back. Either she drops this whole thing with you, or she has to leave. We're all tired of her bullshit." She quickly covered her mouth, embarrassed. "Sorry, excuse the language."
"You're going to kick her out?"
"Only if she refuses to cooperate." Jenny glanced at my face, gauging my reaction. "Unless... you want me to?"
As tempting as it was, I couldn't agree to something that drastic. Kicking someone out mid-semester with little notice felt harsh, and besides, I wasn't even sure I'd be around for much longer. Now was probably a good time to mention that I might be leaving. I couldn't keep brushing aside that little fact.
Shaking my head, I said, "No, it's okay. I might be leaving soon anyway. So there's a good chance the two of us won't have to live together for much longer."
Jenny blinked, clearly taken aback. "Leaving? Where are you—"
Her question was cut short by a deeper voice.
"What do you mean, 'you might be leaving soon'?"