Heart and Soul - Chapter 12: Chapter 12

They lost the homecoming game.
It was close, but they still lost. They finished the first half in a tie, then managed to gain a few points advantage when the game picked back up in the second half. It started going wrong after their kicker failed to get them an extra point. The team began getting in their own heads, pointing fingers and placing blames, and their opponents bounced back.
No one really held the loss against them for too long, though. It was homecoming week after all. Their school lived for it. The game was one of the major events of the week, for sure, but what the student body really wanted was the dance.
Carter woke up past three, on Saturday. When he came downstairs, he found his mother sitting on the couch alone, in a suspiciously quiet house. She told him Tony was working, Frankie and Luca were out with friends, and Bella was out with Jack. Only Mike was in his room, studying.
Carter sat next to his mom, leaning his head on her shoulder as he tried to catch up to the movie she was watching. From the few minutes he got before Melanie called, it was one of those soft-plot Rom-Coms.
As he hung up the phone, Carter noticed his mother's eyes on him.
"Was that Melanie?"
He nodded. "We're going to the dance with Joey and Jenna. But we're grabbing something to eat first," he recounted the plan of which he had just been informed.
"Okay," his mom said, in that perfectly casual tone only moms really think sounds casual.
"What?"
"Nothing." Abby shrugged, too obviously. "Go have fun... with Melanie."
Carter rolled his eyes at the poorly hidden smile on his mom's face. He knew what she was thinking and it couldn't be farther from the truth. Like Mel's dad, Carter's mom had some difficulty understanding the terms in which the two of them had ended their relationship. While Mr Jones thought somebody - Carter - had to mess up for the relationship to end, Carter's mom was having trouble understanding that two people who had previously dated could have a perfectly platonic relationship after parting in completely mutual friendly terms.
With a quick run to the kitchen, Carter made himself a bowl of cereal and joined his mother again. When the movie ended, with a happily reunited couple, he went up to his room to get ready.
Because Seth wasn't going and Carter hadn't thought about the dance until three days before, he had to try out the only dress shirt he owned. Apparently, he'd put on some muscle since last homecoming, because it didn't fit. He thought about texting Joey for a borrowed shirt, but he was significantly slimmer than Carter and all his clothes were carefully fitted.
For a split second, Carter considered texting Mel to say he'd messed up and couldn't make it. But then another thought occurred to him. He hesitated in the hallway, before stepping onto the retractable ladder toward the attic.
From his desk, Mike turned around in the office chair to look at Carter. "Hey." He smiled. "Do you need something?"
Carter rubbed the back of his neck. "Yeah, actually. Do you have a shirt I can borrow?" He tried. "Just for tonight. Mine no longer fits and I didn't remember to buy a new one. Of course, if you need it-"
"It's fine," Mike told him, getting up. He opened his closet and pushed open a drawer. "You can see in here if there's one you like."
"Thanks." Carter smiled, relieved.
He stepped inside as Mike returned to his computer. The drawer he'd volunteered Carter was full of dress shirts. Carter picked a plain white one and tried it out, while Mike kept his eyes on the document he was redacting.
"There's a mirror behind the other closet door," his stepbrother told him, without looking away from the computer screen.
"Thanks." Carter opened the door. He looked at himself in the full body length mirror and loosened the top button. The sleeves were a little off, but the fitting around the shoulders was fine. Mike was a little taller than him, but Carter had suspected their body builds would be similar aside from that.
"If you like it, you can take it," Mike said.
"It's just for tonight. I'll give it back tomorrow," Carter promised.
Mike turned around to smile at him. "It's fine. We live in the same house. Just throw it in the laundry basket."
Carter smiled gratefully, closing Mike's closet and leaving with one last thanks. He went back to his room to finish getting ready - brushed teeth, fixed hair and the dress pants that luckily still fit him. It was just a homecoming dance, so he didn't want to overdo it. Even though that was indeed the spirit of homecoming in their school.
His friends were at the Santoro driveway at seven, just as Mel had promised, as they were so kind to announce with loud honks.
"Is that them?" Abby asked when Carter came down the stairs.
"Yup," Carter confirmed, kissing his mom on the forehead and opening the door.
When he slipped into the backseats of Jenna's car, he closed the door with a huff. "I'm already here! You can stop that," he hissed.
The honking finally stopped and Jenna looked at him through the rear-view mirror. Her eyes were glamorously made up, her skin flawlessly coated in an appropriate amount of foundation and probably other stuff that made it shimmer, and her lips were as red as her tight fitting dress. Melanie sat at her side, in an emerald-green dress that appeared to be a little looser from the waist down. Joey was in the back, in beige-colored pants, a dark shirt and a bow-tie. A lollipop hung from his mouth.
"Just wanted to make sure you knew we were here," Jenna said, driving away with the satisfying soothed purr of a modern, practically-new car.
"The whole block knew."
Jenna ignored him, checking her eyebrows on the mirror. Carter fought an urge to tell her to keep her eyes on the road.
Without warning, Joey shoved an open bottle of Gatorade under Carter's nose. Judging by the smell though, it wasn't Gatorade inside. Carter wrinkled his nose.
"Want some?" Joey asked.
"What even is that?" Carter asked dubiously.
"The end of every unfinished bottle I had stashed under my bed. And some cranberry juice," Jenna answered.
"It's honestly not that bad," Joey assured him.
"I'll pass," Carter told him nonetheless. "Maybe after dinner."
Joey shrugged, taking a large swig of the brown-red mixture. It looked revolting. It smelled worse. Carter couldn't imagine his liver surviving Jenna's death mix. Even after coating his stomach with food.
Melanie drove them from the diner to the dance. At that point, Jenna and Joey had already drunk most of their homemade mixture; and though Jenna wasn't as shiny-eyed as Joey, they all knew she probably wasn't apt for driving.
The dance was being held at the school gym, as was tradition. Jenna didn't let Carter go inside without finishing the bottle. Just a few gulps were enough to burn through his throat all the way to his stomach. Carter winced as the sensation intensified after a few seconds. Mel wrapped a reassuring hand around his arm, while a giggly Joey threw out the empty plastic in recycling. Light-headed, but conscious.
Their gym had been re-decorated with lights and shimmery adornments. A large band, hung over the entrance, announced HOMECOMING DANCE. The lighting made Jenna's face gleam stunningly, the way Carter imagined it had been meant to.
Inside, they met with Chaz Wheeler and his date, Sienna; as well as Bobby and Scott, and their dates, who weren't on the cheer squad or any other varsity team, and whose names Carter didn't know. One of them, Scott's date, introduced herself, but Carter couldn't hear her over the music. Instead of asking her to repeat, he just nodded politely with a smile.
Turned out, the 'no alcohol on school premises' policy had presented as no obstacle to Chaz. He showed them another Gatorade bottle he was hiding in his jacket. His was filled with a liquid of a much more appealing amber color. Carter had still meant to pass on it, but Bobby Gonzalez wasn't having it. He practically served it down Carter's throat. Only Mel was let off the hook, after she explained three times she was the designated driver.
Clearly, most of Carter's teammates had pre-gamed hard before the dance, as had their dates. After a few drinks from Jenna and Chaz's mixes, Carter stopped resisting them altogether. He even let himself be dragged to the dance floor. Mel stuck to his side throughout the night, dancing and laughing with the others. But Carter knew she kept an attentive eye on him.
They had started in the sidelines, so to say, but people had progressively gathered around their group until they stood in the center of the room. Surrounded by sweaty, half-drunken bodies. Eventually, Carter started feeling too hot. The last thing he saw, before he told Mel he was going to step outside to cool down for a bit, was a fight breaking out between Chaz, his date and the girl with whom he had started making out. Just before he closed the side door that took him out to the football field, Carter got a glimpse of Scott holding Sienna back from the other girl.
The air outside was less stuffy, but it was still one of the warmest nights of the month. Generally, by late September, they could expect the nights to start cooling down, but it was probably at least eighty-degrees out. Carter loosened an extra button on Mike's shirt and rolled up the sleeves to his elbows, starting a walk down the field.
It was one of his inexplicable pleasures. Getting a look at the football field at night, while it was empty. Usually, whenever he stepped on a field, he was surrounded by people. His teammates, Coach yelling out instructions, the fans cheering on the bleachers, his muscles burning, the mud and grass in his gear. It was a hectic scene. But this was an image of peace.
The spotlights were on, lighting the empty stands and the empty field. Carter walked alongside the deserted side bleachers, looking out at the vacant seats. Until he realized they weren't, in fact, empty. A single figure sat alone, head cast down. Carter kept walking toward him, quickly recognizing that full head of brown hair.
Johnny looked up when Carter jumped onto the bleachers. He didn't move as he watched Carter walk up to him and he didn't say a word while Carter sat by his side, leaving nearly a foot between them.
There was a second of silence. Or maybe several of those.
"Not feeling the dance?" Johnny finally asked. He had a pale button-up shirt on, and dark dress pants, but he still wore his denim jacket over it.
Carter fanned himself with the unbuttoned top of his shirt. Johnny's eyes followed the action. "Too hot in there," he said. "You?"
Johnny's eyes came up to meet Carter's. "Just here on big brother duties. My dad wanted me to bring Lydia."
"Really working for that drone, aren't you?" Carter teased.
Johnny's lips curled upward, only slightly. "I really want the drone," he stated smoothly.
"Hard to watch your sister like this, though," Carter commented. "If she's in there and you're out here."
The little smile that had taken over Johnny's expression faded. He shrugged wordlessly, casting his eyes back down. Carter wasn't happy with that reaction at all. He slid a bit closer on the bleachers, before he could even stop himself. Johnny glanced at him through the corner of his eye.
"You look a little unhappy," Carter said. It was blunt. But he'd had more to drink than he had planned and he was feeling a little light-headed.
Johnny didn't seem to mind it, though. He just shrugged again. "Not the biggest fan of school events. Or parties with people from school."
Carter nodded in understanding. "Homecoming week must be your nirvana then," he said.
Johnny stared at him for a while before a slow smile formed. Not on his lips though, in his eyes. Something inside Carter responded to that little glimmer more than it should.
"I'm in heaven," Johnny said dryly.
Carter laughed. Johnny's smile extended to his lips. Carter slid an inch closer and pretended not to notice the way Johnny noticed it.
"You're a good brother," Carter said plainly. "I should know. I have like a hundred of those now."
Johnny snorted. "Guess you're an expert then."
"Yup." Carter popped the 'p' sound.
He shot a glance out at the gym, where all his friends were. From where he and Johnny sat, they couldn't even hear a murmur of the thumping music inside. Only complete quiet.
He turned back to Johnny. "Is your sister in there with her friends?"
Johnny shook his head. "Her date's Brad Wheeler." His lips curled strangely around the name, as though he disliked saying it out loud. Johnny continues almost bitterly, "Her brother was a football star, his brother is a football star. It's a perfect match."
Carter smiled unabashedly. "Chaz Wheeler is hardly a football star," he mused. "More of a satisfying running back, at best. Definitely no Kevin Mason." Carter bumped Johnny's shoulder playfully with his own, sliding even closer until they were barely an inch apart.
Johnny met his gaze with a smile in his eyes. "No Carter Parrish either, then."
Carter winced. "I wouldn't call myself a football star either," he mumbled.
"My dad does," Johnny told him. "And Seth Queens too," he added with an eye roll. "First freshmen to make it to varsity starters since Kevin and Richie Santoro. First junior captains ever."
Carter hung his head, while Johnny listed all the achievements people usually bragged him up for. He could feel Johnny's eyes still on him, though.
"Scouts go talk to him about you all the time," Johnny said matter-of-factly. Carter lifted his head, letting his eyes find Johnny's. "You could go anywhere for school," the other boy added quietly, with same kind of factualness.
Carter let Johnny hold his gaze for a while, before he averted his eyes into the empty field ahead. He twiddled with his fingers on his lap without even noticing it for a while.
"I'm not really sure I want to play football in college," he finally said. The words felt foreign and lurid. He had been playing football his whole life. And everyone expected him to continue in college.
Johnny didn't say anything, though. He didn't even seem surprised or put out by Carter's statement. Which was how he had always expected anyone to react if he ever voiced these thoughts. Johnny just looked at him neutrally and waited for Carter to elaborate. So he did.
"I love football, but all I really need to play is a ball and a friend." Cater shrugged. "College football is intense. It would leave me no time for other stuff."
Johnny smiled slyly. "Are you afraid it will damage your chance at a social life?" He teased. "Pretty sure it's the opposite, champ."
Carter laughed faintly. "I meant... studying," he admitted. "I always imagined I would study something I like in college."
Johnny looked interested. "What do you like?" He asked.
"Not sure," Carter replied almost shyly. When Johnny looked away, biting on his bottom lip, Carter adjusted on his seat. "Actually," he said, drawing Johnny's attention back in. "Math," he corrected. "But I can't study that."
"Sure you can," Johnny delivered bluntly.
He watched Carter go back to playing with his fingers on his lap and shifted in place, to get a more direct look at him. "You have a full year to decide, though. You can just keep thinking about it, apply to different places when the time comes and then just do what feels right."
When Carter turned his head to meet Johnny's frank look, their faces were closer than he expected. But neither moved to change that. Carter smiled softly.
"It's that simple, huh?" He muttered.
Johnny nodded with a little smile. He'd been so plain-spoken, put things so black-on-white; Carter felt tempted to believe him. Because it would be so nice if things really were as Johnny put it.
"Do what feels right," he repeated under his breath, looking down. In the process, his eyes found Johnny's lips and lingered there for a moment before meeting Johnny's eyes again.
"Everything would be a lot easier if we could just do what feels right," he mused. "With everything."
"Yeah," Johnny breathed. Something in his tone made Carter bite down on his own lip. He stared back into honey-brown eyes, darkened by the glaring white spotlight behind him.
This time, it was Carter's turn to watch Johnny's eyes lower. They stayed on Carter's lip until he released it from between his teeth. For a fraction of a second, Johnny's eyes flickered back up to Carter-was he leaning in-before dripping back to his mouth-they were definitely closer.
"Do what feels right," Johnny whispered. It was almost like a question, barely audible. Carter didn't know what to answer, though. Johnny moved still. He leaned forward, closing the short distance between them and pressed his lips to Carter's.
It was barely a kiss. Just a soft touch, at first. Then Johnny's lips moved, just slightly.
Carter didn't move. He didn't kiss back, but he didn't pull away either. Johnny did instead. Only half an inch, as though to give Carter an opportunity to flee.
Carter didn't.
So Johnny moved in again. This time, it was more than just the promise of a kiss. His lips moved tenderly, gently prompting Carter's to respond. And they did. In the final seconds of a kiss too brief to make sense of, Carter returned Johnny's timid advances.
When he pulled away this time, Johnny gave Carter some real distance. The space between them stood as question. Johnny sat back, watching attentively. Expectantly. Almost fearfully. Waiting for a reaction. He looked like he was ready to run at any second.
Carter realized he didn't want Johnny to run. Everything else felt too hazy to be real. His mind was stuffed with silky cotton, keeping him from working anything else out. But he had been enjoying their conversation. He di not want Johnny to leave, despite the obvious point he did not want to-did not know how to approach.
So, he chose to totally bypass that. And just kept talking.
"You're probably right," Carter looked ahead toward the field. "There's no use stressing over something still so far in the future. College applications aren't until next year."
"Yeah," Johnny agreed. He took in Carter's relaxed stance, despite flushed cheeks and tingly lips. His own posture seemed to let go of the defensive.
Carter smiled. "Do you have any idea where you want to go?"
Johnny nodded. His voice was quiet as he answered, but still as sure as ever. "Ann Arbor, Michigan. Aerospace Engineering."
"Shit, Johnny," Carter blurted, laughing. Johnny raised his eyebrows. Carter shook his head head incredulously. "Here you are, lecturing me about taking it easy and taking my time, while you already have your life all planned out."
Johnny smiled. "Different people, different approaches."
Carter let his head hang back. Staring up at the blue-black sky, he realized he was still very much light-headed. Perhaps even more than when he sat down. Still, he thought on Johnny's words and how undeniably true they were.