Heart and Soul - Chapter 32: Chapter 32

Carter smiled down at his phone, because he was done pretending he ever tried to stop himself, and got up from the couch.
He stepped into the kitchen, where his mother stood with Tony. Luca, Mike and Richie sat around the kitchen table, while Bella and Jack's voices sounded over the bouncing of a basketball outside.
"I'm going out."
Abby raised her eyebrows at her son. "Can I at least know with who?"
"Johnny," Carter said. "And his brother and sister."
"Kevin's going?" Richie chimed in. "Can I tag along?"
"Can I go too?" Luca asked eagerly. He turned to his dad. "Lydia will be there. And if Richie, Carter, Kevin and Johnny are all going, there'll be plenty of supervision."
Tony glanced at his stepson. "If Carter's okay with it," he started evenly, "then I don't see why not."
Carter smiled tightly. "Sure, I'll text Johnny."
They drove out to the marinas in Downtown Miami. Kevin drove Johnny's car—because of course he did—with Lydia in the backseat, texting Luca. Johnny wasn't even sure when they had become friends after Luca sort of dumped Lydia's friend.
The Santoros and Carter drove behind them, with Richie in the driver's seat.
Johnny wasn't usually the kind of guy to go out to the city and enjoy the November sun. But he wanted to spend time with Carter, wherever he could have him. Not that he would admit that out loud. Not yet, at least.
The two of them sat on a metal bench by the waterfront with an ice cream cone in their hands. Kevin, Lydia, Richie and Luca sat together on another bench, separated by a few feet and a palm tree. Since the seats were only large enough to fit four people, Carter and Johnny had selflessly offered to sit alone.
"It's kinda warm for late November," Carter said, watching a boat slug by.
"It's Florida," Johnny mumbled, almost resentfully.
Carter laughed. "Says the guy who's always cold," he shot back, licking his lips clean of his cherry ice cream. Johnny's eyes followed the action, lingering on glistening red lips he'd had the privilege to taste before. He kinda wanted to have another taste now that they were probably sugary.
"I have a very sensitive inner thermostat," he replied, letting his eyes meet Carter's. The sunlight reflected the sky blue in between the more prominent streaks of sterling grey. Johnny had to admit—only within the safety of his private thoughts—he was having trouble looking away.
Carter seemed to have no problem in returning the indulgent stare.
Kevin and Richie's blaring laughter drew their attention away from each other. Carter laughed as he watched Richie stand up from the bench, empty cone in hand and a glaring crimson stain on his white t-shirt. Kevin's face was pink with laughter. Luca and Lydia shared an amused grin behind their cones.
"That was a waste of ice cream," Carter declared, turning back to Johnny.
He snorted. "Kevin's an asshole," he said. "But it's okay because, if I remember correctly, Richie was too. Kind of a Whitewater Hurricanes football team requirement, I believe."
Carter gasped playfully. "I take offense to that."
Johnny shrugged. "Deal with it."
Carter's eyebrows drew in, lip jutting out slightly in an almost-pout. Johnny's heart tightened at the sight and he told himself to get a fucking grip.
"I am not an asshole," Carter muttered.
Johnny smiled softly. "No. You're not," he conceded. Carter seemed happy to hear it, so it was worth it.
Kevin and Richie approached them then, with Lydia and Luca in tow.
"We're going home to throw a football around for a while," Kevin told Johnny. "Wanna come?"
Johnny rolled his eyes. "Why ask if you know the answer?"
Richie laughed. "I have to go home and change first, so we don't mind dropping the minions off," he said, pulling his little brother into his side to scruff up his hair. Luca swatted him away.
"I don't necessarily love the term, but I'll take the ride," Lydia said.
Carter glanced at Johnny subtly—except it was Carter, so it couldn't have been more transparent. Johnny bit back a smile.
"We'll stay a little longer," he told them.
"Okay. We'll leave our car behind," Kevin said.
Johnny rolled his eyes again. "You mean my car?" He shot back.
Kevin laughed. "Don't be so sensitive about it, little bro."
"Bye." Luca waved.
"Have fun," Lydia sang suggestively before they left.
Johnny would have killed her if he wasn't almost positive Carter wouldn't catch on to her tone. They sat in comfortable silence in each other's company for a couple of minutes, staring out at the water. Eventually, Carter scooted closer and leaned his cone toward Johnny.
"Want some?" He offered, invitingly.
Johnny smiled, licking off a portion. He shrugged. "Still more of a chocolate fan."
Carter laughed. Johnny leaned his cone toward him, the same way Carter had for him, and watched with an ill-oriented mind as the other boy's mouth and lips moved.
Carter was that unnerving kind of effortlessly sexy guy in a completely unassuming way. And Johnny was still having a hard time accepting how much that affected him in all the right ways.
He laughed quietly, trying to pull those thoughts out of his head. When he spoke next, what came out was, "This almost looks like a date."
He masked his own horror behind a sarcastic smile. Hopefully, Carter wouldn't take that too seriously.
"This is not a date," the other boy affirmed.
Shit.
Carter smiled softly and Johnny's heart strings tightened.
"If I ever go on a date with you, it needs to be done right," Carter said with a sort of naturalness that completely blindsided Johnny. "With no crashers," he added.
Johnny laughed. "Now my hopes are up," he joked.
Carter tilted his head, and it was fucking adorable. "Yeah?" He shrugged. "We could do it tomorrow."
"What?"
Carter smiled. Handsomely. Easily. Irresistibly. "Do you wanna go out with me tomorrow?"
Johnny gulped. "I thought we were out today," he tried a lame attempt at dismissive humor.
Carter laughed. "On a date," he clarified.
Johnny bit down on his lip. "Like dinner and special treatment?" He mumbled, with only a small edge of sarcasm.
Carter shrugged lightly. "Yeah. If you want," he said. "Can't promise anything fancy, because I definitely don't have the funds. But I can promise no crashers and all the special treatment you want."
Johnny had to glance away for a second. "I was joking before," he spoke quietly.
"I'm not," Carter replied.
Johnny looked at him to find an honest smile on the other boy's face. He smiled a little too. "Okay."
When Johnny entered his room later that day, Lydia was already sitting crossed-legged on his bed. He rolled his eyes, shutting the door.
"Why are you in my room?"
"Because Kevin already kicked me out of his," Lydia answered naturally.
Johnny didn't contradict that, toeing off his shoes and flopping onto his bed, stomach down. He rolled onto his back. Lydia turned to face him.
"It was kinda weird to see Richie Santoro all grown up, wasn't it?" She inquired.
Johnny thought on it for a second. "Not sure how grown up he is," he mused.
"That's because he and Kev are like kids again, when their together," Lydia said. "But he has a job now, which just started turning in profit. Nightclub promoting."
Johnny gave her skeptical look. "So, partying and posting about it on Instagram," he said. "Not sure how much of a job that really is."
Lydia laughed. "That's what his dad said to him."
"Tony Santoro always came off as a reasonable guy," Johnny said matter-of-factly.
Lydia shuffled to lie down next to him, onto her stomach. She stared at Johnny with wide, curious eyes, one shade of blue darker than their father's and their brother's. Johnny let himself simmer under her doe-eyed scrutiny for a while, before he huffed.
"What?"
"Are you really not going to give me anything?" She whined.
Johnny kept his eyes on the ceiling. "I have no idea what you mean."
Lydia frowned, displeased. She poked a stubborn finger into his side. "You've barely told me anything since what happened at homecoming," she complained. "I'm going through some serious withdrawal. What the hell is happening between you and Carter Parrish?"
Johnny glanced at her briefly, but even that was enough for his lips to betray his resolve. "Nothing."
Lydia looked entirely unconvinced. "It looked like many things, but nothing was definitely not it," she said. "Why don't you talk to me? You always talked to me about your crushes before."
"It's different, okay?" Johnny tried. He really didn't want her to keep pushing. Mostly because he knew he would ultimately give in. He always did with his little sister. They all did.
"Why?"
"Because it's not mine to tell anymore," Johnny insisted. "And it's not just a crush either."
Lydia raised her eyebrows. "Johnny," she said, in a warning tone he really didn't like.
"I know."
"Johnny."
"I know."
"Do you?"
"It's different, I promise. He's different," Johnny said. He wanted her to believe him, because then it would be okay for him to believe himself. "Can't you just trust me?"
"I don't know that I can," Lydia confessed.
"He's... I just..." Johnny struggled to find the words. "I'm trying to respect his privacy. I'm not sure he wants people to know. But I promise this isn't... He asked me out."
Lydia's eyes widened and Johnny's closed. He cursed himself, because within the same minute he managed to say he wanted to respect this boy's privacy and then went and did the opposite.
"Out how?"
"On a date."
"Did he specifically say 'date'?"
Johnny gave her an exasperated look. "He said he wanted to take me out, on a date. Specifically." He was going to leave it at that, but her look compelled him to say one more thing. "Tomorrow."
Lydia's expression twisted his gut unpleasantly. He fucking knew, but he also didn't care.
"Johnny..."
"Please, don't."
"Are you sure about this?"
"No. Yes... Maybe. I want to be."
"I know it's really easy to get pulled in by all that," she said pointedly. "The eyes, the face, those fucking shoulders, the whole Mr Perfect Quarterback look...the charming smile... But you're usually smarter than this."
"I know," Johnny insisted. "Shit, Lydia, don't you fucking think I know? But that's the thing. It's not just that. It's not just the smile, the shoulders and the look. He's really nice. Like what you said, he's the type of guy to recycle his plastics, and open doors for you, and laugh at your nerdy jokes, and ask about your plans for the future, and actually fucking care. He cares. About me, my life, my well-being... I wanted it to be just that, but it's not. He makes it impossible."
He closed his eyes, because it was true. He hated and loved that it was, but his attraction for Carter Parrish, the boy who was supposed to be entirely out of his league, was so much more than it should have been. And he wasn't sure yet how he wanted to deal with that. He knew what felt right, but he also knew what felt smart.
Lydia did too, by the look on her face.
"Jesus, you've really got it bad for him," she breathed.
Johnny gulped. Because it was true.
"I just..." Lydia trailed off. Worry took over her eyes. "Just be careful. I know he's...all that. But he's not the only cute, nice guy who'll care about you. Michigan is a long way from home and you'll meet plenty of people who will care about you. It might be hard to believe now, but I promise it's true."
Johnny closed his eyes again, because he couldn't take her gaze on him.
"Just," he swallowed, "don't tell anyone about this, please. Especially not dad." He looked at her, so she could see how serious he was. "I don't think Carter wants people knowing."
He stopped himself from adding 'yet'. Because, in truth, he didn't know that much. And he didn't want to think about how much that bothered him.
"I won't tell," Lydia assured him softly. "But—I know you don't need me making things harder for you, but just consider this. I've seen you take so much shit from so many people because you never bothered to hide who you are. It's really hard, but I don't even know how to tell you how proud of you that makes me feel. And it would really suck to see you start hiding yourself because of a boy. No matter how perfect he looks."
Johnny pursed his lips, because he knew she was right. And that bothered him too.
"I just... Is he worth it?" She asked. "I won't tell you what to do, because that's not my place. I'll be here no matter what you chose to do with your life. But just think about everything you went through and the brilliant future you definitely have ahead of you. Before you go on that date, just ask yourself—is this one boy worth it?"
Johnny didn't answer her. Lydia wasn't expecting an answer either. Seeing the conflicted expression on his face, she smiled the tension away. Weirdly enough it worked. Lydia had this sort of gift.
"Wanna watch Riverdale?"
Johnny snorted. "That show is shit."
"I know, and your commentary is the sole reason I enjoy it," she said with an eye roll.
Johnny went to get his laptop and joined Lydia on his bed again. The episode she chose was messy, and corny, and badly written. As usual. But Johnny didn't offer any commentary that day. He barely paid any attention. His mind was too full of Carter Parrish.
He remembered that first day they met—the worried, caring look on Carter's face. Their bittersweet moment at the homecoming dance, in the empty bleachers. That fucking breathless kiss in Jenna Torres's attic. Their late not-so-studious sessions in the library. That fucking smile and the feeling of his lips against Johnny's. How gentle and willing Carter always was when it was just the two of them.
He hated himself, because Lydia was right and he had always been smart. He prided himself in it too. But that was because he had never met Carter Parrish before. Truly met him. Because the boy he now knew—the sweet, caring, gentle boy with the irresistible smile... He was definitely worth it. If only Johnny could have him for himself.
Carter Parrish was worth everything.