Heart and Soul - Chapter 38: Chapter 38

Carter left with Mike exactly ten minutes later. Mike was clinically punctual. He didn't offer any sort of comment or question when Carter told him where to drop him off either. They drove in silence, with a random radio station playing in the background. When they arrived to Carter's destination, Mike stopped the car and watched him leave.
"Do you want me to wait for you?"
Carter shook his head. "You can go. I'll take a bus home if I have to."
Mike nodded. "Call me if you need anything."
Carter walked through the parking lot in front of the psychiatric hospital, searching the cars for the black BMW he recognized at the front. He had to wait for two whole hours before he saw Seth come out the front door of the facility.
His friend didn't notice him at first. When Seth finally looked up, the tense look on his face melted into one of unguarded surprise.
Carter leaned away from the dashboard of Seth's car. If it had been anyone else, they would be facing Seth's wrath for touching his car. Seth didn't mention it, though. He took out the car keys from his pocket, in silence, and unlocked the car. Carter opened the passenger's door and took a seat inside, when he saw Seth do the same on the driver's seat.
They sat in silence for a couple of seconds. Seth didn't make a move for the ignition. Before Carter could say anything, his phone buzzed and he reached into his pocket. It was his mom.
Carter pocketed his phone and looked to his left, to find his best friend's eyes trained ahead.
"I'm sorry."
Seth turned his head to meet his gaze with a small frown.
Carter shrugged. "For being an idiot. For overreacting when I found out about you and Bella. For not being around since then. And before that too," he listed. "Just...for not being the greatest friend lately."
Seth's expression betrayed nothing. "It's fine," he said neutrally. "It's not your job to always be there."
Carter smiled half-heartedly. "Except it kinda is."
Seth returned that same smile. "I'm sorry too," he said. Then he clarified, "For hiding my relationship with Bella from you. And for not being the most present friend either."
Carter nodded. There were other things on that topic that Carter wanted to discuss. But some time during his two-hour waiting time, he'd decided there was something he wanted to do now. Something that took priority. Mostly because he needed to get it off his chest, and he didn't trust himself not to chicken out if he delayed it.
"It's okay," he said shakily. "Like I said, I overreacted. Especially... because... I've been keeping something from you too."
Seth didn't say anything. He didn't act shocked, or offended, or curious. He simply waited for Carter to continue.
"I've been seeing someone too."
Carter gulped. It was just like taking off a bandage. If the wound bled afterwards, he'd deal with it then.
"It's another guy," he said.
His voice was quieter than he meant it to be. He wasn't even sure Seth had actually heard it, until he spoke.
"It's Johnny, right?"
Carter's eyebrows drew in slightly. Seth's tone was so natural. Utterly unsurprised.
"Did you know?"
Seth shook his head. "Not until you told me."
"Are you okay with it?"
The corners of Seth's lips curled upward slightly. "Are you okay with it?"
Carter rolled his eyes. "Getting there," he mumbled.
Seth nodded again, the little smile on his face remaining unchanged.
Carter wasn't sure how it happened, but somehow he was the one confused.
"You don't seem surprised at all."
Seth tilted his head thoughtfully. "Can't say I saw it coming all along," he confessed. "But now that I do know, guess it makes sense."
"Why?"
"You're always tense in the locker room," Seth said, dazing Carter. "And, to be honest, you never seemed that into girls. I thought maybe you just had your head too deep into football, but this makes more sense."
Without warning, the rigidity Carter hadn't noticed in his muscles dissolved. The knot in his brain relaxed. The strain in his chest faded. He hadn't even realized how nervous he was, until suddenly, thanks to Seth, he wasn't anymore.
And he laughed.
"I built this moment up so much in my head," he confessed. "Guess I was overthinking it unnecessarily."
"How did you expect me to react?" Seth asked curiously.
Carter shook his head. "I don't even know. Never thought that farther into the future. Too busy freaking out over how to say it."
"You always think too much."
That made Carter smile. If it was true Carter tended to overthink, which it was, then Seth was the opposite. He'd always been the impulsive of the two. While one weighted his decisions too much, the other never weighted them enough.
Their friendship had provided them with an equilibrium in that way. None of them could deny that now. Because the moment they were without each other for a couple of weeks they both went down. And everyone noticed.
Carter cleared his throat. "Now that this part is out of the way," he started. "I meant to ask you. How the hell did you and Bella happen?"
Seth snorted. "We had Algebra with Mrs Abrahams together. Plus, detention."
"Yeah. But how?"
Carter couldn't even believe the sense of relieve and comfort making peace with Seth had brought him. He didn't want to ruin that for anything. So he didn't say exactly what he wanted to say. That Seth and Bella seemed like two totally different people, in many ways. Instead, he hoped Seth picked up on that from his intonation.
Seth only shrugged. "Can't really explain it. She was different," he said.
Carter must've looked like he needed more than that, even though Seth wasn't one to extend on these topics. But Seth must've wanted to make sure their recovered familiarity wasn't ruined as much as Carter did, because he did proceed.
"For instance, everything I did seemed to annoy her to no end, at first," he said, sounding kind of amused. "Then I found out that was only because I was your friend," he explained. Carter rolled his eyes. Seth chuckled. "She was funny, interesting, easy to look at. Initially, I was just attracted. Next think I knew, I couldn't stay away. I just wanted her around."
Carter looked out the windshield, to the front door of Morningtide Mental Hospital. It was a pristine building, in all white walls and clear glass windows. Carter had only ever been inside a couple of times, always accompanying Seth.
He turned back to his friend. "Does she know? About all of it."
"She knows about my dad," Seth spoke evenly. "And my mother. And Freyja."
"You told her?"
Carter couldn't quite keep the surprise off his voice. Seth never talked to anyone other than Carter about his family. Especially about his sister.
"Homecoming week," Seth said. "Bella and I made plans to meet since neither of us were going to the dance. But Freyja had an episode that day and I stayed here late. Forgot to text Bella though. She was a little pissed that I left her hanging for a few hours, but she still came to meet me because I promised her I had an explanation. So I told her. Started with Freyja and then kept going about all the other shit. I don't know why, I just really didn't want her to cut me off."
Homecoming. That was a long time ago. That was how long Seth had been hiding a whole new part of his life from Carter. All because he didn't know how Carter would take it. Kind of like Carter hid everything about Johnny, for the same reason.
"You really like her." It wasn't a question.
"I do," Seth answered nonetheless.
"Shit."
Seth chuckled. "And Johnny?" He tried.
Carter started a sigh that ended in a groan.
"Since we're being fully honest, Johnny and I aren't really seeing each other at the moment. I kinda fucked up there," he admitted. "Overreacted to something. Seems like a recurring theme in my life lately."
"What happened?"
Carter gulped. "Coach saw us... together."
"Is that bad?"
Carter frowned. "Not really. But the way I reacted was," he said. "Until Coach saw us, the whole thing was just between Johnny and me."
Seth nodded as though he understood. "But Coach didn't react badly. You just, what, got scared?"
"Something like that."
"Did you tell him that?" Seth asked softly.
"Tell who? Coach or Johnny?"
Seth shrugged. "Who do you think needs to hear it?"
Carter let his head fall against the headrest of his seat. This was probably the longest conversation he had ever had with Seth. They weren't talkative people. Not in this sense. Their friendship had always been the kind that didn't require words. For that reason, Carter had never realized how enlightening talking to someone could be.
Every time somebody tried to have a personal conversation with him, he saw it as an intrusion. Something invasive. He allowed it from Mel, because of who she was to him, but only on small doses. And she respected that. Jenna and Joey had learned quickly when he was recoiling away and pressed the breaks on themselves then.
But he knew Seth since they were kids. Seth was one of the few people who knew Carter before he even played football. And Carter was one of the few people who knew Seth back when he had apparently happily married parents and a seemingly healthy sister.
They knew each other to the core, and that was a good thing. Things had only soured when they started unintentionally pulling away from each other's lives. And now that they were setting that right, Carter didn't see a point in stopping there.
"There's another problem too."
Seth showed him that he was listening. Carter told him about Johnny's bullying. What he had learned in the past months. What he wished he had seen sooner. About their teammates. About the feeling of powerlessness he couldn't shake off.
Seth listened without interrupting. And when Carter was over, once more, he didn't look shocked. So Carter had to ask.
"Did you know?"
"That Johnny wasn't popular? Hard to miss."
When Carter's shoulders slouched, Seth adjusted in his seat to lean towards him.
"Unless, I guess, if you're the kind of person who always overlooks the worst in people," he said. It was meant to reassure Carter, but it didn't quite do the trick.
Seth sighed. "I always knew Bobby and Scott were dicks. And Wheeler's kind of a pushover around them," Seth said. "Just last week, Gonzalez and Meyers spread some nudes Vicky Donahue sent Chaz around the team."
"What?" Carter gasped, in shock. "You mean, without her consent?"
"Relax. I had everyone who got the pictures delete them," Seth assured him. "Everyone," he added emphatically.
Carter took in the dead serious look in Seth's face and believed him.
He had always been the role model captain, the one the team respected and whose approval they sought. But Seth was the captain the team feared. He was always Carter's quiet shadow, except when he wasn't. And he had a reputation of his own too.
He was the captain who handled the uglier matters without even bothering Carter. Because Carter always overlooked the worst in people, while Seth looked for it. And for the first time Carter was starting to see that with new eyes. For the first time, his optimism felt like a flaw, while Seth's ingrained distrust started to feel like a useful quality.
Oof, that was a journey! This one got extra long so split it.