Heart and Soul - Chapter 58: Chapter 58

Johnny gave Carter a minute, before letting out a giggle-like sound.
"Still alive, champ?"
Carter laughed, lifting his head to look at Johnny's face. The other boy smiled, combing his fingers through the hair stuck on Carter's forehead to pull it back.
"I'm good," Carter said through a grin, rolling off Johnny to lay at his side.
They both stared at the ceiling, evening out their breaths, for a couple of minutes. It was Johnny who broke the comfortable silence.
"That was..."
"Amazing," Carter blurted, once Johnny trailed off. "That was incredible. You're amazing. That was amazing."
Johnny snorted, melting into gleeful laughter. Carter turned his head to look at him with a smitten smile.
"Was that good for you?" He asked tentatively.
Johnny turned his head as well. "That was great," he spoke softly.
Carter scrunched up his face. "That sounds like the kind of thing someone would say if it wasn't great," he mumbled.
Johnny laughed again, turning his whole body on his side to snuggle into Carter's side. Carter welcomed him readily, wrapping an arm around him. Johnny rested his head on Carter's chest.
"I know I said you had no expectation to match," he started musingly, "but you definitely lived up to your locker room reputation."
"Locker room reputation?"
Johnny hummed agreeably. "You know... Guys talk, girls brag."
Carter didn't know how to answer that, so he didn't. Johnny's index finger traced a gentle pattern up his stomach and over his chest. The light touch tickled his skin, but he didn't move. Eventually, Johnny started laughing again, dipping his head between Carter's shoulder and neck to hide his face.
"What?" Carter asked with a grin.
Johnny slipped onto his stomach to lift his head, keeping his hand over Carter's chest. He shook his head with a shrug.
"I never really thought I'd lose my virginity before college," he admitted.
"Really?"
Johnny nodded.
"Why not?"
Johnny shot him a pointed look. "I'm not exactly popular," he said. "Before you, I didn't even know any gay kids at our school."
Carter frowned. "There's, like, two thousand students at our school. I'm pretty sure there have to be others."
"Yeah, but I don't know them," Johnny countered. "And, just because they're out there, it doesn't mean I'd like them. Or they'd like me." His eyes looked down to follow the trail his finger tracked along the curve of Carter's collar bone. "I don't know. I'd just kind of accepted high school was not going to be my time, and that I'd have a chance in college." He smiled, lifting his eyes to meet Carter's. "Until you literally crashed into me."
Carter cringed, making Johnny laugh. He wrapped his fingers gently around Johnny's wrist, stopping the movements of his fingers before linking their hands with interlaced fingers.
"It took seeing me knocked down on the floor bleeding for you to notice me, but I'm not complaining," Johnny muttered, looking at their joint hands.
Carter's heart squeezed tightly. "I wish I had noticed you sooner," he whispered honestly.
"I don't." Johnny smiled. "I was probably having the worst day of my life, that day we met," he confessed.
Carter wanted to ask, but he didn't want to press Johnny on a sore spot. Johnny probably read the look on his face, because he spoke again.
"I used the bathroom near my History class, instead of the one near the library as usual. Bobby and Scott were there when I left," he spoke under his breath. "I tried to keep my head down, but they started messing with me. I told them to fuck off and Scott pushed me. It wasn't hard at first, but I guess he thought it was funny, so he kept pushing me against the walls to see me bounce back, until I stumbled and hit my head."
Johnny's tongue came out to lick at the spot where his bottom lip had busted open that day. Carter gulped at the sad little smile that tugged at Johnny's lips briefly, before he added, "I was lowkey near tears when you hit me with that door. I thought whichever asshole had done that better get ready to hear a fucking mouthful, because I was really done, and then I looked up to see you looking all concerned and guilty."
"I'm still sorry I didn't look where I was going," Carter murmured.
Johnny let out a silent laugh. "We wouldn't have taken that trip to the nurse's office if you did," he pointed out.
Carter brushed his thumb over the back of Johnny hand, still tightly secured in his.
"I like to think I would've still taken you to the nurse's office if I had looked up from my phone to see you bleeding in the school hallway," he mused, running his free hand up and down Johnny's back.
Johnny smiled, tilting his head playfully. "You would've probably tried, and I would've probably told you to fuck off."
Carter laughed, dropping their linked hands on his chest again. "Yeah, probably," he gave in. "You were really not into me at all, in the beginning."
Johnny's jaw slacked. He pulled his hand away from Carter's to smack him lightly on the chest. "Are you kidding me? I had the most embarrassing crush on you. It was ridiculous."
"What?"
Johnny snorted. "I only acted all cool, because I didn't want you to see me as some desperate kid who drooled all over you, just from a smile," he said. "I hated to be some cliche, but you made me like you without even trying."
Carter couldn't hide his grin. "Except I kinda tried," he admitted. "I don't know why. You just made me so fucking nervous."
Johnny smiled fondly. "Yeah, I noticed that. It gave me the tinniest bit of hope."
"Yeah, well," Carter sighed, "I can't believe it took me so long to realize." He shook his head. "I wanted to be around you all the time. Even in the beginning, I just wanted you to think I was smart, and funny, and cool. And I ended up looking like an awkward idiot, most of the time."
"It was cute," Johnny said. "You were a cute idiot." He nestled closer to Carter's side. "That's why I kissed you on homecoming dance. I couldn't help myself," he confided, in a whisper. "I was terrified of your reaction after. I thought you were going to push me, or punch me, or something."
Carter laughed. "That kiss changed my life," he said simply. "I was a little too drunk to process at the time, but I couldn't stop thinking about it afterward. It really messed with my head."
A doting smile crept slowly onto Johnny's lips. "Really?"
"Yeah," Carter confirmed. "Everything from that moment on was honestly just inevitable. I couldn't stay away from you." He held that honey-brown gaze in his own. "You got in my head."
Johnny hummed. "Good."
Carter smiled, snuggling Johnny closer to him.
"I can't believe I almost threw it all away, because I was scared," he whispered. "It's hard to remember what I was even scared of, now that everybody who matters knows."
"I get it," Johnny said. "Fear is not rational. And you kinda made up for it."
"Yeah..."
Carter rubbed circles on Johnny's lower back. His head stuck to those four words Johnny spoke. Fear really wasn't rational. But Carter hated the idea of Johnny living in it.
"Can I ask you something?"
Carter bit his lip, when Johnny nodded wordlessly. Then he asked, "Why did you let things go so far with Bobby and Scott? Why didn't you tell your dad, or reported them to the principal right away? Or even told me, when I offered to help?"
Johnny sighed. "Kinda like what you said," he answered after a moment of silence. "It's hard to remember why I didn't say anything, now that I finally spoke up. I just... I was used to people giving me shit since middle school."
Carter hated that that was true. He hated the thought of Johnny getting comfortable with bad treatment, because it was all he knew from others.
"I guess I didn't tell my dad, because I was embarrassed," Johnny continued, with something else in his tone. Like what he just said was something he'd always known, deep down, but never allowed himself to recognize it.
"Kevin was always the perfect son, with the perfect reputation. Athletic, popular—like my dad, in his day. I made Lydia keep the secret, because I didn't want my dad thinking I was a pushover, or a disappointment. I tried to stay away from most people, never really got along with anyone, which kind of only fueled the antisocial weirdo rumors.
"I especially kept away from the football team," he continued. "They didn't even touch me before sophomore year. It was completely random and just a one-off thing. And then it was a two-off thing, and that turned into a three-off thing." He shook his head, like saying it out loud made it sound almost too predictable. Then he added, "I think the only reason they paid so much attention to me this year is because they saw me with you so much, around school. Gave me visibility."
Carter lifted his upper body off the mattress, letting Johnny slip off him to lay on his back with Carter looking down at him.
"Please, Johnny," he implored, eyebrows drawn in. "I know it's over now and they're leaving at the end of the year. But I hate the thought of someone treating you like that. I get that you were scared, but please don't ever let anyone treat you like that again."
"Okay."
"I mean it," Carter affirmed. "It doesn't make you a pushover to ask for help. If anyone treats you like shit again, please, just tell me."
Johnny looked a little dazed. "Okay," he repeated.
"Promise."
Johnny smiled. "I promise," he spoke softly, cupping Carter's face in his hand. "And you need to promise that, if you ever start feeling afraid or insecure, you'll talk to me."
Carter smiled. "I promise."