Heart and Soul - Chapter 60: Chapter 60

As May trudged in after April, Carter's mom started growing a baby bump behind looser blouses, and Carter started getting used to the idea of little brother. Or sister.
The days seemed to slither past their fingers. Eventually, June arrived and, with it, so did the end of the school year. Carter's mom was roughly seventeen weeks pregnant, when Carter and Bella left for a camping trip in the Everglades with the others, in the beginning of summer break. Carter couldn't remember who had the idea in the first place, or even when everyone else had agreed it was a good plan.
His spirits dropped, though, as he noticed the look on Johnny's face. His boyfriend's lips quirked up slyly and he stepped close enough to wrap his arms around Carter's waist from behind.
"What are you doing?" He asked slowly, propping his chin on Carter's shoulder.
"Setting our tent," Carter said, gesturing to the backpack on the floor. "Tony borrowed it from his brother. It's supposed to be one of those that pops open when you throw it, so you can save the skeptical looks."
Johnny's chin quaked on Carter's shoulder as he laughed. "I'm not doubting your tent-assembling skills," he said. "I'm just questioning your location selection."
Carter looked around him. Seth and Bella stood just a few feet to their side, putting together their own tent, which required a bit more of craftsmanship than Carter's 'for dummies' edition. Joey, Jenna and Mel were staying on a large, two-room tent next to them and, on their other side, rested Lauren and Roy's tent.
"What's wrong with this spot?" Carter asked, putting his hands over Johnny's, linked over his stomach.
"Just thought maybe you'd like to set our tent not so close to the others," Johnny murmured in Carter's ear. "If you know what I mean," he added in a whisper.
Carter gulped, because he thought he did know.
"How far?"
Johnny turned him around to smile at him. "How confident are you in your skills?"
Carter laughed, grabbing his backpack in one hand and Johnny with the other, and dragged them six feet away from Seth and Bella. Johnny snorted, shaking his head.
"Clearly, I have you in much higher regard than you," Johnny mused, tugging on Carter's hand until they were standing as far from everyone else as possible, without abandoning their camping site.
Carter laughed, dropping his bag on the floor. He slid his hands around Johnny's waist and let himself stay put as Johnny leaned slightly up to kiss him.
Unwillingly, Carter pulled back a little to ask, "Can you just give me a minute?"
Johnny hummed agreeably and Carter left him with his backpack, walking toward his best friend. Seth stood to the side, arms crossed, watching as Bella was crouched on the floor, holding a nail-shaped thing and a bendy plastic piece.
"How can you not know how to put together a tent?" Carter heard Bella question, just as he approached them.
Seth shrugged, arms still crossed. "I never went camping."
Bella shook her head, looking up at him. "How's that possible?"
They had probably both noticed Carter standing by, but didn't acknowledge him.
"My family trips involved holiday estates and summer resorts," Seth said through a smirk. "And lots of drunken, dysfunctional couple spats."
Bella rolled her eyes. "So did Jenna's and she put hers together." She gestured to where Mel and Jenna stood near a perfectly assembled tent.
Jenna must have heard her, because she smiled knowingly at them. "We read the instructions manual," she said. "You know, that thing men are allergic to."
"Since he's useless to you, mind if I take him for a sec?" Carter intervened.
"Please," Bella answered. "He's only getting in the way."
Carter put his hand on Seth's arm and urged him to follow him away from the girls, to stand near a slim tree trunk. Seth shot him an inquisitive look and Carter scratched the back of his head.
"Do you, er, have condoms?"
Seth raised his eyebrows.
Carter cringed. "I completely forgot."
"Doesn't Johnny have any on him?"
Carter sighed. "Probably not," he mumbled. "I was in charge of the condoms," he admitted begrudgingly. "He was supposed to bring the—" He cut himself off before finishing that sentence.
Seth cleared his throat as he probably guessed what he was going to say anyway. "I'd love to help," he started quietly, "but I'm sort of in the same situation. I also told Bella I'd bring the condoms, but I forgot. I was planning on buying them at some store."
"A store?" Carter repeated. "We're camping, dude. No stores around here."
"Yeah, well—I know that now," Seth said with a pointed look.
Carter sighed, fanning his shirt over his chest to vent his clammy skin. Seth's head turned as Joey walked by them and his arm stretched out to grab his shoulder and pull him close to them.
"Hey, Joe," Seth greeted, draping his arm over their friend's shoulders. "Have any condoms on you?"
Joey's eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "Why would I?" He blurted. "I'm only here as platonic escort." He waved a hand at the tent he'd be sharing with Mel and Jenna. "You're the ones who should be planning on getting laid."
Seth let go of Joey with a huff. The sandy-haired boy looked between him and Carter, and his face softened with understanding.
"Just ask Roy," he offered flippantly, gesturing to where Roy and Lauren stood.
"No, wait—" Seth tried.
"Hey, Roy," Joey called, loudly.
The light-eyed, pale kid whipped his head to look at them, making his way to them.
"Do you have condoms?" Joey asked, jerking a thumb at Carter and Seth behind him. "These two fucked up."
Carter cringed.
Roy's grin stretched from ear to ear. "I'm afraid I don't," he told them. "Lauren was the one in charge of contraceptives. My task was to bring band-aids and insect repellent." He drew a small spray vile from his bermuda shorts pockets. "Anyone want a splash?" He offered.
"Uhm, we're good, thanks," Carter replied awkwardly.
"Maybe we can just drive to a store later," Seth suggested, rubbing a hand over his jaw.
"Why don't you just ask Lauren?" Joey asked simply.
Seth rolled his eyes. "I don't want Bella to know I fucked this up," he said. "She took care of everything else. She even brought me a travel tooth brush."
"Maybe Lauren won't tell Bella," Joey conveyed.
Roy laughed heartily. "That is highly unlikely," he said, wiping at a tear-lined eye. "Those two share everything," he mused. "It's a three-way thing, really," he added pointedly. "I'm just as much Bella's best friend as Lauren. I actually met Bella first."
Carter bit back a smile. "We believe you, buddy," he spoke reassuringly.
Roy grinned happily.
Unfortunately, Carter and Seth couldn't say they shared his easy-come happiness. They didn't have the chance to drive away to a store amidst all the camp preparation tasks.
They all sat around a circle, a couple of hours later, after eating a dinner of bagged chips and plain ham and cheese sandwiches, because no one felt like starting a campfire in eighty-two-degree heat. Carter and Johnny sat on the ground side by side, close enough for their legs and arms to touch.
Seth and Roy sat close by, with Bella and Lauren between them. Bella had her head on Lauren's lap as she practically laid down on the naked ground. Jenna and Mel were sitting on a couple of folding chairs the latter had brought, with Joey crouched between them covered in mosquito bites and what looked like a blotchy allergy breaking out.
"Why aren't any of you being swarmed by tiny blood-suckers?" Joey whined, slapping his own arm.
"Roy's insect repellent," Johnny answered simply.
Joey scoffed. "I practically bathed in that shit," he complained. "Bella didn't even get any." He gestured impatiently at Carter's stepsister, looking perfectly comfortable and, one might even say, at peace with nature.
"Bella has a natural bitter taste to her blood," Carter mused. "It repels mosquitoes, ghosts and friends."
Bella glared at him, without even bothering to lift her head from Lauren's thighs. "Ghosts don't suck blood. That's vampires, dipshit," she spat.
"My bad." Carter grinned. "I got it wrong. It's your personality that repels people, dead or alive."
"Okay, first off—shout out for stepping up your comeback game. I knew you had it in you," Lauren said. Next to her, Bella lifted both middle fingers proudly in the air.
"And second," Lauren continued, swatting Bella's crude gesture away from sight, "before I forget..."
Carter's eyes widened as she reached into the bag behind her for a carton packaging. She opened it, taking out four square metallic little packages in each hand. She emptied one hand over Bella's stomach and threw the contents of the other for Carter to catch, with a mortified blush on his cheeks.
"It was a twelve unit package. That's four to each couple," Lauren informed practically, before lifting a hand in warning, even though no one had tried to say anything. "I don't need any intel on your libido though, so you can keep the spares if there are any and keep it to yourself if it's not enough."
Carter felt the heat in his cheeks spread down to his neck and ears, under the amused stare of his boyfriend. Johnny didn't say anything as Carter pocketed the condoms though, and Carter appreciated it.
"We should play a game," Jenna declared, after she was done poorly attempting to stifle her snickers.
"What sort of game?" Mel asked.
"Never Have I Ever," Jenna offered, picking up the vodka bottle at her feet in cheers.
Johnny crunched up his nose, leaning his head on Carter's shoulder. "I don't like drinking games," he said.
"Why not?" Joey asked.
Johnny shrugged, a little awkwardly, due to his position. "I don't drink," he said.
"Me neither," Roy admitted.
"Aren't you Irish, though? Isn't that, like, treason?" Joey blurted.
Jenna rolled her eyes, visibly resisting the urge to swat Joey across the back of the head.
"Truth or Dare, then," she suggested alternatively.
Johnny didn't verbally object, but Carter heard him suppress a little sigh. If Jenna noticed it too, though, she didn't appear deterred by it. Or by the lack of enthusiastic response from the others.
"I start," she announced. "Joey, truth or dare?"
"Dare."
Jenna smiled wickedly. "I dare you to delete Carrie's number. Don't give me that face," she exclaimed when Joey seemed to be getting ready to protest. "You broke up two months ago and she was an idiot. Just delete it, once and for all, and stop letting her toy with you!"
"Fine," Joey snapped. He pulled out his phone and typed furiously at the screen. Jenna leaned over to see what he was doing, smiling proudly when Joey pocketed his phone again with a, "Done! My turn, now. Roy, truth or dare?"
"Truth, I suppose."
"You gotta tell us that candle story," Joey shot back instantly.
Lauren's eyes widened, while Roy let out a resigned sigh that made his shoulders slouch.
"I was just trying to make our night special," he mumbled. "My parents were out of the house for the night and Lauren came over, and I put a few candles in my room. When I took my shirt off," he continued, a little unwillingly, "it landed on a candle and it burned my desk a little, before Lauren put it out."
"Yeah, and his mom still blames me," Lauren said. "In her mind, the fire was a sign my relationship with Roy is exposing her little boy to the will of Satan."
"She doesn't think that," Roy objected.
"She does," Lauren contested firmly.
"Fine," Roy huffed. "Lauren, truth or dare?"
Lauren squinted suspiciously. "Truth," she said slowly.
"Is it that you think my mother hates you, or do you hate her?" Roy inquired.
"I plead the fifth."
"Not in Truth or Dare, you don't," Jenna mused aloud.
"Whatever," Lauren snapped. "I don't like her. She's judgy, moralistic and overbearing. And she definitely hates me," she finished. Besides her, Roy shook his head and Lauren ignored him, combing her fingers through Bella's hair. "Truth or dare, sexy?"
"Dare?" Bella answered, unsure.
Lauren dared Bella to juggle her shoes. Bella sat up to take off her sneakers and made an impressive attempt at balancing them from hand to hand, before they fell after a few seconds. After that, Bella dared Jenna to do five cartwheels in a row. Being one of the best athletes in their school's cheer squad, and the most likely choice for next year's cheer captain, Jenna managed to hold up to the challenge almost effortlessly.
Jenna challenged Seth next, who chose Truth.
"How many girls have you been with?"
"Fifteen."
Bella blew a loud raspberry after that clean exchange, cackling obnoxiously. "That's a downright lie," she accused.
Seth shot her a disapproving glare, to which Bella only answered with a coy smile.
"Depends on what you're considering," he gave in.
"Anything beyond making out," Jenna clarified.
Seth shrugged. "I didn't count."
"Higher than twenty?" Jenna tried.
"Definitely," Bella replied in her boyfriend's turn.
"Lower than fifty?"
"Yes," Seth affirmed, before Bella could say anything.
Jenna tilted her head to the side. "Somewhere between twenty and thirty?"
"Thirty and forty," Bella corrected musingly.
"Which is still less than Jen," Seth shot back.
Jenna smiled proudly. "You're the one getting defensive. I have nothing to hide," she declared.
Seth averted his eyes away from her. "Johnny," he called.
Johnny lifted his head from Carter's shoulder. "Truth."
Seth's lips curled, somewhat deviously. "What's your biggest turn on when it comes to Carter?"
Carter's eyes widened. "I don't like this question," he mumbled.
"I know. I'm torturing you through him," Seth confessed.
Johnny smiled, resting a reassuring hand on Carter's knee. "I like his shoulders," he answered.
"I don't get it." Jenna pulled a face.
"You wouldn't." Johnny shrugged. "Girls shoulders aren't sexy."
Carter felt his ears get warm again.
"I totally get it," Lauren spoke up. "Nothing hotter than strong shoulders and a nice, broad back."
"I suddenly feel incredibly inadequate," Roy mused aloud.
"Love yourself, buddy," Joey all but shouted. "You're beautiful for your sexy brain."
"I do love you for your brain," Lauren conveyed, giving Roy a quick peck on the lips. "Even if you're mom's a maniac."
Roy gasped, while Lauren smiled. Next to her, Bella tried to hide her laughter behind her hands.
"Melanie," Johnny called. "Truth or dare?"
"Dare."
Johnny smirked. "I wanna see you burp the alphabet," he said. "Don't try to act innocent. I heard rumors from the Math Club guys and I wanna see the proof."
Everybody stared at their former junior class president with equal half-shocked expectant looks. She sighed. Carter's jaw slacked as she actually did it. Next to her, Jenna leaned so far back on her chair she nearly toppled over. Joey looked a little in love. Bella and Lauren were crying with laughter. Roy was the only one who didn't seem all that surprised. He was, of course, in the Math Club.
"I never really knew you, did I?" Carter murmured, in awe, once she was done.
Melanie smiled sweetly. "I'm still the same person."
Carter shook his head. "This changes everything. Our whole relationship was a lie."
Mel shot him a knowing look and Carter smiled sheepishly, because he had unintentionally been right. Unfortunately, Mel hadn't been the one out of touch with the truth between the two of them.
"It's your turn," Mel said.
Carter cleared his throat. "Truth?"
"If tonight was your last night on earth, what would you do?"
Carter pondered on the question for a moment. He looked around him, at his friends.
Seth had his elbow propped up on his bent knee, one hand behind him to support his weight as he looked completely relaxed, free from the aggressive tension that often stiffened his whole body. Beside him, Bella and Lauren were leaning into each other, shoulder to shoulder, head to head, like a single soul in two bodies. Roy sat crossed-legged to their side, his too-big head cocked in curiosity, as he waited for the answer from his Calc 'partner'.
Jenna sat, elegantly as ever, perfectly drawn eyebrows raised in interest. Joey was slumped back, his hands spread out beneath him, and that nasty-looking red blotch on the inside of his elbow seemingly growing by the minute. Melanie was leaning slightly forward on her seat, waiting for the answer without a single trace of expectation or judgement on her face.
And then there was Johnny. His leg pressed up against Carter's, transferring heat and comfort. His arm brushing against Carter's, making his skin tingle, even after this much time to get used to the effects of his touch. His eyes, warm pools of sweet honey, holding Carter's helpless gaze hostage the moment they met.
Carter smiled. "Actually, this seems pretty great," he declared quietly.
Mel smiled too. "That's a really good answer.
"No, it's not," Bella countered with a snort. "Fuck off."
Carter rolled his eyes. "What would you do on your last day on earth?"
"I'd grab my camera, buy a ticket to Japan and photograph every place my mom did, when she was eighteen," Bella stated.
"I would probably fly home to Buenos Aires, with my sister and my parents," Lauren mused.
"I would buy a six pack and spend the day on the football field, playing with my boys," Joey decreed.
"I would like to see Mount Rushmore," Roy uttered.
Jenna shot him a truly displeased look. "That's a crappy answer," she shot down. "I would book myself a spa day with my mom and enjoy my literal last day of peace."
As the discussion continued, Johnny leaned in to put his lips to Carter's ear. Before he even said a word, Carter felt a shiver down his spine.
"I'd take you into that tent and let you make me forget it was my last day on earth," Johnny whispered hotly.
Carter's heart skipped excitedly and something farther south twitched enthusiastically as well. He wished he had both the nerve and the way with words to give Johnny an equally promising reply.
Johnny pulled back just a little to smile at his strained look. "Wanna rehearse it, for safe keeping?" He asked, quietly, so only Carter could hear.
Without answering vocally, Carter shot to his feet, pulling Johnny up with him. They started toward their tent, noticing how Bella and Seth swiftly followed their lead and got up as well.
"Oh, I see how it is," Jenna piped up before either couple could make a subtle escape. "Y'all were just waiting for somebody else to get up so you could sneak away too."
Bella and Seth grinned unapologetically, before retiring to their tent. Carter let Johnny tug on his arm too, until they were inside the safety and privacy of the water-proof nylon walls.
Johnny pushed Carter on his back, over the thin camping mattress, climbing onto his lap with one knee at each side of Carter's hips. Carter gasped when Johnny's lips latched themselves to his neck, while eager hands roamed beneath the fabric of his t-shirt. He let Johnny pull the piece of clothing off him, but stopped him before he could kiss his way down, past Carter's chest.
"Wait, wait, wait."
"What?" Johnny asked through a smile, without letting Carter's tentative hands pull him fully back up.
Carter forgot what had made him press the breaks for a second, while Johnny's tongue licked a hot wet trail over his collar bone. A little light blinked in the back of his head suddenly and he remembered, trying once again to bring Johnny up to face him.
"I need to ask you something."
Johnny's face leveled with his own, but his hand was wandering dangerously close to the edge of Carter's shorts.
"Yes?"
Carter laughed, summoning all his restraint to wrap his fingers gently around Johnny's wrist to pull his hand away from his most critical area. Johnny bit back his smile, but waited for Carter to say what he needed.
"Wanna go to prom with me?" Carter blurted.
Johnny snorted, sitting up before climbing off Carter to sit at his side. "A bit too late for that, champ," he mused.
Carter sat up too, still shirtless. "Not this year's prom," he reasoned. "Next year. Senior prom. Our prom."
"That's a year away."
"I know," Carter muttered. "Will you, though?"
Johnny shook his head, looking like he was having trouble keeping up with Carter's point. Not that Carter could blame him.
"You think we'll still be together in a year?" Johnny asked quietly, almost timidly.
"I hope so," Carter replied instantly.
Johnny tucked his bottom lip between his teeth, looking at a loss for words. The truth was Carter hadn't really set up the room for the conversation he wanted to have with the greatest expertise. But he couldn't back away now, so he charged on.
"I just... I really love you, Johnny," he said. "I can't imagine doing anything in my life without you in it."
Johnny's eyebrows drew in a little. He spoke in an even, cautious tone next. "We still have a full year before we have to think about the future—"
"But you already did, didn't you?" Carter cut him off. "You already know what you want your future to look like and I think, for the first time, I know what I want mine to look like too," he admitted. "It's you. Whatever I do, I'll be fine as long as you're there. If you want me..."
"Of course I want you, Carter," Johnny rushed out, almost desperately. He gulped. "I love you too. A lot. But it's so soon to make plans. We don't know what's going to happen... I'm going to Michigan," he whispered that last part.
"I know." Carter nodded. "I talked to your dad. He heard from a Michigan scout this year, who's interested in me. I know you're right and we can't know what will happen, but... I was actually thinking about applying there next year too."
Johnny's eyes widened. "You want to go to Michigan?"
"With you," Carter answered, with more certainty in just those two words than any other time he had ever spoken of this topic.
Johnny shook his head like he was having trouble believing it, or maybe because he didn't want to believe it. "You should be considering the best options for you," he said. "I don't want you to make this decision for me, just because you think it might make me happy."
"I did hope it would make you happy," Carter started with a smile, "but it's not just for you. It's for me. You make me happy. It's you I want." He leaned forward, putting his hand on Johnny's leg. "I'm still not sure about anything else. But you, Johnny, this—us—it's the surest I've been my whole life. We can't know what will happen, but we can still make plans. Like prom, and applying to Michigan. And then we'll see... along the way... together."
The crease between Johnny's eyebrows still hadn't faded. "This is what you want?" He asked, barely above a whisper.
"More than anything," Carter said surely. "I've also talked to my mom and Seth... and Mike," he added his brother almost like an afterthought, though he had been an indispensable help for the past few weeks. "They told me to consider other places, backup plans. Like UCF, LSU, or Louisville... So I'll keep those places in mind. But it's you I want, in Michigan. If you want that too."
"Shit, Carter," Johnny huffed, letting out a little laugh. "Of course I want that. I just... You really think this is going to last? Us, I mean..."
Carter felt uncertain all of a sudden. Taken by doubt and insecurities he thought he had finally managed to put to rest.
"You don't?" He asked Johnny.
"I don't know," Johnny mumbled. "Sometimes, it just feels a little surreal," he confessed with a shy shrug. "I guess part of me was expecting you to wake up one day and realize you could have some hot male cheerleader in college, or any other guy you want, and dump me."
Carter shook his head, laughing because that idea sounded completely ridiculous in his head.
"I already have the only guy I want," Carter told him. "So long as he doesn't dump me, when he realizes he can have any genius at his hotshot engineering school, and gets rid of his dumb jock boyfriend."
Johnny's lips betrayed him with a smile. "My jock is not dumb," he said. "He's kind of fucking perfect."
"See, that's what I'm talking about," Carter let out, sounding a little desperate. "I'm not. People always think I am, but I'm really not perfect. And I'm scared you think that too and, once you realize it's not true, you'll dump me."
Johnny rested his hand over Carter's. "I know you're not perfect, champ," he promised. "That's why I love you. I like that you're a good guy, despite all the flaws. But I love how aware of those flaws you are. Keeps you humble." He leaned forward, whispering against Carter's lips, "That's what makes you fucking irresistible."
Carter smiled, leaning in to chase Johnny's lips instinctively. "Is that a yes on the Michigan half-plan?"
Johnny smiled, cupping Carter's face in his hands. "That's a yes."
Carter grinned, closing the distance between them for a kiss that felt like home. Easy comfort like the kind he got from Tony's home cooked meals, or the sound of a basketball bouncing between Frankie and Luca's hands outside, or the smell of Mike's breakfast pancakes, or the late night conversations in Bella's room when Seth stayed the night.
The kind of comfort he had never been able to feel outside the tiny apartment, where he had laid an old blanket over his mom so many times, after she fell asleep on the couch following a long day of work. The kind of comfort that sprouted the confidence he had only been able to feel while holding a football, surrounded by the teammates who trusted and respected him.
The kind of comfort Carter never imagined he would be able to find outside what he had always known as his life. The kind he never thought could come from change—and such drastic change it was, over a single year.
And though he'd always hold onto the memories of the life he knew before, he couldn't ignored the way everything seem to fit into place, once he stopped fighting change. Once he'd stopped thinking and just let himself follow what felt right.
Carter broke the kiss to smile playfully at Johnny. "And prom?" He asked.
Johnny didn't like school events. He had spent his whole life trying to put distance between himself and others, willingly separating himself from his peers before they had the chance to shut him out themselves. For the last few weeks, though, Carter had watched Johnny look more and more at ease around a small group of people. Carter had hoped that meant Johnny, too, was opening himself to change.
Johnny laughed.
"You're just gonna have to ask me that again next year."