HEARTBEAT | VKOOK - Chapter 20: Chapter 20

"I wanna watch this movie!" Minjun exclaimed in his usual high-pitched voice laced with excitement as he pointed at a random movie name on the screen, that Taehyung paid no attention to. As his gaze was almost entirely fixated on the male who sat next to his son, frowning at his choice of movies.
"That's not a good movie, Jun." Jeongguk pursed his lips, eyes trailing down the list of movies he had searched, pressing his tongue on the walls of his cheek as he debated on what to watch. Minjun's eyes then darted to the bunny boy he had grown close to over the past month, lips shaped into a pout as a frown appeared on his face.
"I wanna watch it! It's funny!" The boy's protests were substantially ignored by Jeongguk who was entirely focused on the names, searching for a certain one in mind that'd be suitable for the small boy instead of the mature movies that weren't at all for his age. This had the boy scowling at him as he crossed his tiny arms over his chest and faced the other side, avoiding the male next to him.
"Jeongguk, let him watch whatever he wants." It was Taehyung who spoke after a long moment of silently observing the two who were busy arguing on what movie to watch. Jeongguk's wide doe eyes then darted to the older male who sat across him on the couch, legs placed atop of the other and hands holding a bunch of papers on his lap.
"But that's just not for him! He's a kid, Tae— I mean, Mr. Kim." Jeongguk stammered over his words as his eyes found Taehyung's delinquent observing orbs, that seemed to catch even the simplest of movements being made, as though his eyes were like the lense of a camera. And no matter how Jeongguk attempted to avoid him or escape his menacing gaze, it was just absolutely inescapable. He couldn't seem to avoid him, as though he'd find him anywhere he went.
"You're a bad bunny! I wanna watch it!" Minjun whipped his head towards the ravenette and shot him the best glare he could muster. Even though it made him seem a lot more adorable than dangerous. He simply wished to imitate his dad, like how people feared him just by a mere glance. Although he knew he wouldn't be able to do so.
Jeongguk tore his gaze away from Taehyung and glanced down at Minjun for a brief moment exhaling deeply as he looked up at the screen, the frown clearly evident on his face. "Fine," He then proceeded to play the boy's desired movie, avoiding Taehyung's dark eyes that were glued to him the whole time he's been here.
Taehyung then rose from his seat, wordlessly leaving the room. Which caused Jeongguk to whip his head back and gaze at the older male's retreating back, creasing his eyebrows in wonder and disappointment as to why the male would just simply leave. Wasn't it his idea for a movie night anyway?
However, his conclusions were proved to be wrong the moment Taehyung entered the spacious living room again, this time holding snacks for the three of them. He then approached the coffee table and placed them wordlessly before claiming his seat, not bothering to talk or initiate a conversation.
Jeongguk stifled a smile at this as he shifted his eyes towards the screen again, watching the characters converse. He couldn't help but wonder what must've occurred to the cocky CEO who had suddenly invited him for a movie night at his place out of the blue. In his opinion, it was the least expected of him to do something as such. For he was mostly engrossed in his work to spare time for his own self.
Perhaps, Jeongguk must've mistaken him for being too introverted and arrogant. He must've failed to notice the good in him and judged him right away for his flaws. He failed to realise that no one was perfect in this world, not even him.
Maybe if he tried a bit more, he could probably befriend him. Like he is with Jimin and the others. They've been best friends all their life anyway. And Jeongguk wonders if he could ever get the opportunity to witness the good side of him, instead of the cold shoulder he offers him on a regular basis.
He then thought back to the night of the party at Seokjin's place, how carefree Taehyung seemed as he joked around with the others and had the time of his life, which was a rare sight of him considering how he always chose to put up with his cold exterior. As though wanting people to fear him and never dare to approach him. Perhaps, he hated to initiate a conversation due to how bad he was at it.
Jeongguk's eyes then darted to Taehyung, doe eyes scrutinizing his monotonous features— eyes dark and absolutely blank, devoid of any ounce of emotion as he gazed at the screen. He leaned back in his seat, gazing at the television as if he failed to notice the eyes that subtly checked him out. Which caused his lips to twitch up in a subtle smirk that clearly went unnoticed by the ravenette who was mesmerized by his stunning looks.
Taehyung then moved his eyes to Jeongguk, catching him staring although he knew he had been eyeing him for a long time. And Jeongguk was then lost. He was lost in his eyes, that seemed to bore into him, every time he looked at him.
Something. There was something his eyes held. Something that must've been the very aftermath of his sufferings, his longing and desire. Anything. Over the years of him living, Jeongguk thought of numerous events, that could cause him to be like this. Perfectly structured, mature in some way. A really, really fine man.
He was the epitome of perfection, in his eyes.
Taehyung then titled his head slightly, merely lifting a perfectly arched eyebrow, intense gaze directed on his face. Which caused Jeongguk's face to heaten up once he broke out of his trance— eyes widening and lips parting slightly as he felt his heart pounding vigorously at the way those dark obsidian eyes of him trailed down his face.
And Jeongguk was quick to avert his gaze, attempting to focus on anything in particular than the fine man across him who gazed at him longingly. However, he froze when he felt a small amount of weight pressing onto the side if his arm. Which caused him to look down to his side, only to see Minjun dozing off next to him, small arms holding a bowl of popcorn that almost seemed to slip away from his grip.
Jeongguk was quick to grab the bowl and place it away before fixing the small boy's position to a better one. He then turned to look at Taehyung for a split second before glancing down at the boy, "Mr. Kim, I think he's sleepy."
"Well, then let him sleep." He mumbled nonchalantly, eyes shifting back to the screen as he leaned back in his seat comfortably. This had Jeongguk frowning, clearly disappointed by the male's words, "You can't just let him sleep on the couch."
"Mm? And I'm lazy to walk around." He scoffed slightly, leaning forward to grab a drink from the table in front of them, "And what's so wrong about sleeping on the couch? I'll move him later when I'm off to bed."
"You're such a prick." Jeongguk scoffed, turning to the small boy who slept peacefully on the couch. "No wonder he doesn't fancy you."
"And what do you want me to do?" Taehyung rolled his eyes insensibly, tossing popcorns into his mouth as he watched the movie that was long forgotten by Jeongguk. "He seems comfortable anyway."
"How do you expect him to fancy you if you're being an asshole? Treat him right, Taehyung. Take him to bed." Jeongguk scowled at the older male, who exhaled a deep sigh before placing the bowl of popcorn away and lifting himself up from the couch, trudging towards Minjun.
"Y'know what? You're really annoying." Taehyung mumbled, scrunching his nose slightly in utter exasperation as he hoisted his son in his arms and ambled out of the living room. Soon coming back again and plopping on the couch, not bothering to spare a glance at the younger male who watched him intently.
Jeongguk then shifted his eyes to the screen, focusing on the movie instead which was almost at the end. And there came a scene where the lovers were talking of their love for each other, and how they'd die for each other. Which made Jeongguk wonder what love actually felt like. Or if he'd ever fall in love that is.
Love. Something he never had. A completely foreign emotion for Jeongguk who never got the love of his own parents. Perhaps, he  had it once when things were right. Once when he was a helpless child, when his mother was alive. When he had everything he could ever ask for.
Only for it all to come crashing down on him, like a wave of tsunami. When all of a sudden his mother had to die, only for him. Perhaps, it was fate, or his own mistake when he decided to call his mother to pick him up from school. All due to the fact that it was pouring heavily. And Jeongguk was afraid of being drenched in the rain. Afraid of the storm that took place in front of his own eyes.
His fear was what destroyed everything he once had. And therefore, he began hating storms from that very day. The day his mother died and his father abandoned him, blamed him for all of it.
Jeongguk didn't want to think of it. He didn't want to reminisce the pain all over again. The pain of his past, that seemed almost impossible to let go of. And although he might bury it in the far back of his mind, and comfort himself by the words of how he was finally overcoming his past, he was still hurting deep inside.
Nonetheless, Jeongguk never had love in his life, to actually know the true meaning of it, to feel it. Perhaps, love was a feeling a person felt for someone they deeply cared about, someone who's destined to be with them. Love was caring about even the simplest of things of someone they truly adored. He wouldn't know. For he was never loved or been in love before. Nevertheless,  Jeongguk would never truly understand the absolute meaning of love.
"Have you ever been in love before?" A soft, yet deep velvety voice rang in his ears, snapping him out of his wandering thoughts as he darted his wide doe eyes to the older male across him, who had the usual mundane look on his face as he gazed at the TV.
"N-No." He murmured under his breath, gaze dropping to the tiled floor as he got lost in his thought again, "But I do believe love is a beautiful feeling."
"Indeed. Love is truly amazing." He paused, taking a sip of his expensive wine that Jeongguk didn't know of. "It could heal you and break you too. Love is all beautiful and ethereal until the person you love suddenly leaves you forever, alone. In the dark. It's then when love turns awfully painful to bear."
"I loved her. No wait— scratch that. I still love her. Like a fool. Head over heels for someone who's dead. Dead for the world. But she's still alive. For me." He whispered the very last part of his sentence, eyes distant and seemingly in a trance, as though he was digging into his past again. The past memories of them resurfacing in his mind again. And Jeongguk could only watch and listen how he spoke of her, how his eyes gleamed with adoration, as if she was here. Even if she wasn't really.
Perhaps, he was slightly drunk by the way he got too deep into his emotions. Almost drowning in them, as if he had buried them in him for a long time. And Jeongguk wondered if she was the very reason of why he became what he was now. If she was the reason why he overworked himself, only to forget her memories, to not allow his emotions to take over him and fuck up his mind.
"But she's gone. How do you still love her?" His curiosity got the best of him as he watched the older male break out of his trance and move his eyes toward him, locking with his own onyx orbs.
"Right. But her memories are alive, fresh in my mind like it was yesterday. It's all I have anyway. It's all what keeps me connected to her, and kills me at the same time." He scoffed slightly, a small melancholic smile now tugging at his lips as he gazed into the space, dark eyes seemingly vacant and hollow... dead perhaps? He didn't know.
"How... how did she die?" Jeongguk queried softly, looking up at the older male intently as he watched him take another long sip of the drink in his hand, licking his chapped hips afterwards.
"She didn't actually die. I killed her. I'm to be blamed. They all say it's an accident. But she died cause of me." His eyes turned glossy and red as tears welled up in them, tears that he seemed to hold back with all his might. "If only I'd stayed silent and just... let her stay. My son wouldn't be grieving over her death, she would've been here, alive."
"But no, I was a fucking asshole who only thought of himself." He swallowed harshly, tears brimming in his eyes and threatening to spill as he pursed his lips for a brief moment. His features remained monotonous despite the storm of emotions that stirred within him. "I could've stopped her from leaving the house. Could've done anything to make it right. But I didn't. Which was so foolish of me."
He then blinked away the tears that threatened to escape his eyes, not wanting to tear up in front of the younger male who stared at him with his wide doe eyes, curiosity burning deep within them. And Jeongguk, for once, felt pity for the older male, who seemed to have gone through a lot in the years. Perhaps even more than what Jeongguk had gone through. Or perhaps, they were both on the same level, just different situations.
Lonely and deprived of love and care.
"Its not your fault, Taehyung." Jeongguk attempted to say, in hopes of comforting the male. Although he didn't know how. As  he never really comforted anyone before. But it was the least he could do, to comfort him that it wasn't really his fault. Fate just wasn't by his side.
"I've been told that a lot. But if you think of it, I should've listened to what she really wanted to say, should've listened to her when she told me not to leave for another business trip, it could've been easier. . . Without my dad forcing me. And I just..." He trailed off, unable to find the words to describe what he was going through. His mind was blank, face devoid of emotions as he stared blankly at the white wall in front of him.
"I'm sorry..." His voice was barely above a whisper as he gazed at the older with concern swirling in his onyx eyes. He hated how he couldn't seem to comfort the older at the moment, as he wasn't the best with his words. Jeongguk fought the urge of pulling him in a comforting embrace, for Taehyung wasn't his friend nor did he fancy physical contacts much with anyone except his friends. Therefore, he had to control himself and his emotions that he couldn't seem to comprehend.
"You don't need to be sorry." He breathed out, leaning back in his seat as he took another long sip of his wine. Delinquent eyes flickering to the large screen of the TV that rolled the credits, signifying that the movie had ended long ago. "Its not your fault anyway. It's mine."
A moment of eerie silence followed right after his statement, the two of them awfully silent as they pondered in their own thoughts. Jeongguk could only watch the male silently, wondering how hard it must've been for the older to raise a child and manage a company all on his own.
Perhaps, Jeongguk was quick to judge him based on his thoughts. Without really knowing the actual person behind the façade he chose to show the world.
"If it wasn't for him, I would've died a long time ago. Probably killed myself or jumped off a rooftop." Taehyung heaved a deep sigh, tongue swiping over his lips as he pursed them. "For him, I'm alive. He saved me. With those round innocent eyes of his. I couldn't abandon him. I was the only one he had after all."
"You know Jeongguk," He called out to the younger male, who immidiately snapped his eyes up at him, lips slightly agape as though he had snapped out of his thoughts. Taehyung then placed his empty glass of wine away and fixed his position so he was now laying on the comfortable couch, eyes droopy and laced with sleep.
"Happy ever after... doesn't exist. At least not for everyone. It's never like the fairy tales you've heard of in your childhood. Never." He chuckled, words slurring together slightly. Jeongguk simply blinked at him, not knowing what to say to that as he could only stare at the older's ravishing face.
"You see, I'm in love. With someone who no longer lives. Yet, I love her. A looot. Even after all these years." A lazy grin spread on his face as he closed his eyes. "Love is beautiful, indeed. But there's no promises of a happy ever after with the one you're so in love with. They could leave any moment." He scoffed in utter amusement, the grin still evident on his face. "But that's the bitter truth of life."
"If you're willing to take the risk of any extent to save someone's life, even if it means losing yours, that's when you know that you're truly in love. Absolutely crazy in love."