HEARTBEAT | VKOOK - Chapter 23: Chapter 23

To love, and to be loved.
Jeongguk wondered how it felt like to be loved. To have someone to take care of him, and shower him with affection every day; someone who'd stay for him; hold him in their arms whenever he'd feel down.
Jeongguk craved to be loved. Oh-so badly. Since a long time. Yet, never found a way to express it. To express his loneliness, his melancholy, his misery. Jeongguk craved love. An emotion, awfully familiar yet, unknown.
Perhaps, it was because he was once loved. There was a time he knew how it felt like to be loved, to be showered with affection and care, to be praised for every good work done. All due to his mother. His mother, who made sure to keep him company and cheer him up at all times, be there for him when he felt down, when other kids bullied him for things he vaguely remembered.
His mother, who was there for him like a shadow that never leaves, a guiding light that illuminated his world and brought him the utmost happiness. His mother was the only light he found in the darkness of the world. A light— that faded away in the blink of an eye.
Jeongguk has never been loved after that. And he didn't know how to love someone either. As love was an emotion he wasn't too familiar with, not even with his parents, or anyone in particular. Seemingly as though, love didn't seem to exist in his life.
A plain, boring life, that is.
Until, a certain someone had entered his life, at the most unexpected times.
Someone, who made him feel things he couldn't decipher, who made him flustered like nobody else could. Someone, who knew of his thoughts before he himself, could even voice them out.
And unknowingly, won his heart.
The certain someone, who sat across him, with his kid between the two of them as a barricade, scolding his son for eating like a pig and wiping away the sauce stuck at the corner of his mouth.
Quite funny, it is. How he could change himself in a span of seconds, even so, unknowingly. Yet, he was amazing. Kim Taehyung was simply fascinating. Rather captivating to Jeongguk, who couldn't seem to take his eyes off him. Not even for a second. Even as he ate and seemed quite uncomfortable of the eyes watching him like a hawk.
But to Jeongguk, it was rather adorable— how his cheeks would puff out every time he took a bite of his burger, how his lips would turn to a pout as he chewed. All of it, Jeongguk admired everything of Taehyung. All of his flaws, that shaped him into a perfectly imperfect man. And Jeongguk was unknowingly attracted to the older male, as everything he did, somehow made him smile. Although he wasn't sure why.
Jeongguk was falling for him, even so, unknowingly. And the feeling was inevitable.
"What's wrong, Jeongguk?" Taehyung rose a brow, concerned of the male's sudden change of mood. That seemed quite weird to him. As Jeongguk didn't really behave like how he usually did. Rather, he was awfully quiet and watchful.
The aforementioned male seemed to have snap out of his trance, doe eyes dilating as he looked up at the older male for a brief moment before shaking his head slightly. "Nothing really,"
"You've been acting weird lately. What's wrong?" Taehyung continued, taking another bite of his food and munching on it, eyes fixated on Jeongguk who hadn't eaten much, seemingly occupied with something else in his mind.
"Don't you fret. It's really nothing." Jeongguk simply flashed his infamous bunny smile, in hopes of convincing the older that he was okay, although it seemed as though he wasn't convinced at all, seemingly worried for the younger. Yet, Taehyung chose to not question it. As it seemed like the younger wasn't comfortable enough to share his thoughts with him.
"I'll show you the new video games dada bought for me. They're awesome and you won't be sad!" Minjun exclaimed in sheer enthusiasm, once they exited the restaurant. But Jeongguk barely paid attention to the boy's words, simply nodding his head wordlessly. Eyes hazy as though he were in a daze, battling with his inner thoughts.
"Jeongguk," Taehyung called out to the spaced out male, who seemed to be staring at a random spot on the ground, gnawing at his lips nervously. This had Taehyung frowning as he analysed the younger male, opening the car door for him to get in. "Jeongguk!"
The sudden outburst eventually caught Jeongguk's attention as he then darted his dilated doe orbs to the older male, watching him frown in utter disappointment. "Get in."
Jeongguk simply stood there, blinking dumbly at him for a brief second as he attempted to register what the older male had said. Or more like, ordered him. His eyes then flickered to the car door for a split second before looking up at the older male again.
"But. . I-I need to go, I've—" He was then cut off abruptly by the older male, sharp delinquent eyes boring into his own doe orbs, radiating dominance. "Just get in. Leave it for later. Minjun's been whining about you."
Licking his lips, a sigh of disappointment had then emerged from his lips afterwards as he trudged towards the black car, slipping onto the passenger seat before the door was slammed shut by the older male, who wordlessly got into the driver's seat.
No words were exchanged between the two throughout the ride home— Minjun being the only one attempting to distract the tense atmosphere by rambling about things none of them paid attention to. As they were seemingly occupied by their own thoughts.
Consequences. Jeongguk was afraid of the consequences of his actions. If Taehyung ever knew of his feelings. And it only grew the fear in his heart by the mere thought of him pushing him away. All due to the stupid feelings that could crush him entirely.
Only if Taehyung knew of it, that is.
And what if Jeongguk keeps it to himself? Perhaps, things would be okay. He'd get to see Minjun and him everyday. Without being anxious of the possibility of Taehyung pushing him away. As that would hurt him the most, being rejected and pushed away would crush him down entirely. Alongside being separated from Minjun, whom he loved dearly.
The possibilities were too many for Jeongguk to believe. And it was awfully overwhelming for Jeongguk who struggled to think positively of the outcomes. As positivity is the only way he could hope. Hope for something that wasn't worth hoping for, at least to him.
As Taehyung had made it clear to him at the masquerade. That he wouldn't ever return his feelings or think of him as anything more than just a mere friend. An acquaintance. Someone he barely knew of. Yet, there Jeongguk was. Falling for him harder with each passing day, with everything the male did. As he came to know of him more. Know of his thoughts  and how he wasn't exactly like how Jeongguk pictured him to be.
The more they spent time together, the more he knew of him. His true identity. And now, Jeongguk had to change the thought of him being a bad influence, or like one of those filthy rich idiots he had thought him to be. As Taehyung was certainly the opposite of what he had expected of him.
A fallen angel.
"We could try this one—" A deep voice boomed through the hallways, followed by rushed footsteps and giggles of a child. The voice, completely ignored by the small boy who mindlessly ran through the halls, substantially ignoring his father who chased after him. "Jun wait!"
"Bunny!" A soft high-pitched voice called out to the younger male who stood near the table of his room, eyes fixated over something that resembled a picture— or perhaps, a drawing of some sort, from a distance.
"What are you looking at?" Minjun queried curiously, absolutely forgetting about the video game he was about to show to the bunny boy. However, Jeongguk paid no attention to his surroundings, clearly mesmerized and lost in the details of the portrait, that was truly beguiling in his eyes.
"Oh that. . ." Minjun trailed off, now stepping closer to the younger male to take a look at the portrait hung on the wall of his room. Taehyung then too entered the room, pausing when he saw the two of them gazing at a portrait hung on the wall. "That's. . my mommy's favourite painting."
"Dada made it. It's pretty, right?" Minjun then turned to the younger male who snapped out of his trance and looked down at the small boy for a brief second before turning back to the portrait, an amused smirk growing at his lips, "Yes. Indeed,"
Jeongguk then turned to the older male, who stood near the door, briefly glancing at the portrait before moving his gaze to the younger male, meeting his sparkling doe eyes. Jeongguk then cocked his head to the side in utter amusement, "Never knew you were an artist. It surely is quite surprising."
Taehyung simply scoffed at him in utter disbelief, "That was four years ago,"
"But you're still the same," Jeongguk hummed, turning back to gaze at the mesmerizing portrait that could leave anyone in absolute awe. All due to the sparkling colors that stood out in the portrait, matching perfectly with the lines that accompanied them. Creating a beautiful array of colors that simply enhanced the beauty of the portrait.
"How foolish of me, I must appreciate your skills. You're quite the surprising man, Kim Taehyung."
"People change, Jeongguk. It's in the past." Taehyung then ambled towards the small shelf across the room, seemingly searching for something as he arranged the items accordingly.
"You're lying!" Minjun then turned to Taehyung with a frown etched on his face. "I've seen you sketching a lot of times!"
This had Taehyung pausing for a brief moment, biting down on his lower lip as he began brainstorming for a possible excuse to discard the subject. He then closed his eyes in utter exasperation before opening them again and focusing on searching for the video games. "I don't know what you're talking about, Jun." Was all he mumbled, seemingly uninterested in talking of his portraits.
"Why don't you want to say bunny of your drawings, dada?" His lips shaped into an adorable pout as a frown embedded on his face, eyes fixated on his father, who had his back turned to him. "You do it better than me."
"Honestly, it isn't so bad." Jeongguk then averted his gaze to the picture hung on the wall ahead of him, an amused grin spreading on his lips, "And I'd love to see more of your works. Only if you're willing to show me, that is."
"I used to. But not anymore." Taehyung then handed the video game he had found to the small boy, "This one's better."
The boy simply frowned, analysing it for a brief moment before shrugging and deciding to go with it. The three of them then settled in the living room, with Taehyung lazily laying on the couch, simply watching the two of them play whilst munching on his snacks.
His delinquent eyes then darted to the younger male, taking in his features— who was awfully immersed in the game to know of his surroundings. Taehyung's eyes then trailed down his face, taking in his appearance. Sharp jaw, doe eyes, seemingly sparkling whenever he saw something that fascinated him, or left him in absolute awe. Thin pink lips, left agape whenever he was in a trance.
Jeongguk was mesmerizing. A living doll with a pretty face.
And Taehyung was out of words to describe his beauty. Or how he saw him in his eyes. As no words were enough to describe what he truly felt for the younger male. Although he was afraid, terrified of the feelings blooming in his heart like flowers in April.
A part of him wished to look away and pretend like nothing happened. All due to the fear hidden at the very back of his mind, haunting him in his own thoughts whenever he thought of the possibility of falling in love. To lose someone again, all due to his stupidity and awful mistakes.
Perhaps, the past was just a mere excuse of avoiding the pain that comes with loving someone else. Along with all the possibilities of them either cheating on him, betraying him, or using him for their own selfish desires. Taehyung just absolutely hated the idea of loving someone else.
But when it came to Jeongguk, he didn't know. He really didn't know what exactly he thought of him or what was going to happen in the future. However, he absolutely avoided the possibility of falling in love with him with every ounce of his might. Or perhaps, ignored it.
Denied every thought of him, every single possibility of falling in love. As Taehyung was simply stubborn. And he could even deny his own feelings if it meant for him to be out of trouble. But no matter how much he attempted to deny it in his head, deep inside, he knew for a fact that he had already fallen for the innocent boy. Yet, even so, he chose to never acknowledge that thought and bury it deep into his mind.
But for how long?
"No! Why! I told you to let me win, you're a bad bunny!" Minjun yelled, face scrunched up in sheer anger as he glared at the bunny boy who sat across him, grinning smugly. "Well, I let you win a lot of  times. This one's mine though."
"I don't wanna play anymore," His voice then softened as his lips shaped into a pout. Pulling Taehyung out his trance as he then averted his gaze out of reflex— darting his eyes towards his son, who looked sleepy as ever. "Its always you who wins. I hate you, bunny."
"But what have I done? I let you win a lot of times. It isn't fair, I've only ever won twice or something." Jeongguk pouted, eyes never leaving the screen as he spoke to the small boy who was absolutely furious and drowsy with sleep.
"No, I hate you. You've scored more than I did." Minjun then ambled towards his dad, slouching next to him on the spacious couch and allowing his head to rest over Taehyung's lap. "Dada is best."
This caused Taehyung to crack out a genuine smile at the boy's words, ruffling his hair and smiling down at him as he poked the side of his cheek, slightly. "My lovely boy,"
A scoff of disbelief evoked from Jeongguk's lips as he threw the two of them a baffled look, concealed with a hint of jealousy burning deep within his onyx orbs. His brows drew together in a small frown before fading in the next second, as the situation clicked in his brain in no time.
Minjun was actually getting close to his father.
And the genuine boxy smile on his face as he gazed at his son affectionately gave it away. That Jeongguk, was indeed, correct. And Jeongguk was utterly surprised, enthralled by the way the older seemed. . happy. For the first time in months— unlike his usual self, lost in a daze or drowning in an endless sea of thoughts. Jeongguk has never seen the affectionate side of him, one that was genuinely happy and being his true self.
And that's when he realised that he had judged him too quickly. Made assumptions about him that weren't even true. As Taehyung was nothing like Jeongguk had thought him to be.
This caused a smile of his own to break out on Jeongguk's lips, as he watched Minjun giggling uncontrollably whilst Taehyung tickled him with that adorable boxy smile plastered on his lips, that clearly resembled Minjun's own.
They were finally back together.
"Dada! . . please stop!" The boy struggled to speak, attempting to shove his dad off of him with his utmost strength, even though he knew he wasn't going to win against his dad; not when he was tickling him endlessly. "Please! I-I want to sleep!"
Taehyung simply smiled at him and ruffled his hair, "Let's go." He then hoisted him up in his arms and headed out of the room, Jeongguk following him with his eyes, till his retreating back had disappeared completely upstairs.
A sigh then emerged from his lips as he leaned back in his seat, pursing his lips afterwards as he eyed the score board displayed on the wide screen afront him. Jeongguk then contemplated his thoughts for a while, debating internally whether he should play another level or just quit and walk home. As it was clearly getting late.
Jeongguk hadn't expected the hours to pass by so quickly. It's as if, in the blink of an eye, the clock had already struck midnight. Yet, Jeongguk didn't want to leave, rather he wished to stay and be with them a little while longer, spend his valuable time with the small boy he began adoring since the first day they met.
It's funny how things turned out to be, beyond Jeongguk's utter expectations. And how he ended up catching feelings for the man who was known to be the boy's father, even so unknowingly. And now, the mere thought scared him to no end, as it only brought out the million possibilities he had buried in the far back of his mind. It terrified him, so much that he had to shake them away before they got the best of him.
After a long while of contemplating internally, he then decided to switch off the TV, seeing how it was getting late already, and Taehyung might've fallen asleep with his son, forgetting about him. Well, turns out he was wrong.
"You're leaving already?" The voice he had grown familiar with, had then startled him beyond belief, as he was about to lift himself from the couch. Jeongguk then snapped his head towards the voice directed from somewhere behind him, doe eyes meeting Taehyung's— who stood near the staircase, scratching the nape of his neck awkwardly.
Jeongguk blinked at him dumbly for a brief moment before averting his gaze, "I thought you fell asleep."
"No. . I don't sleep so early, dummy." Taehyung chuckled, shaking his head slightly as he averted his gaze, "I thought you knew me, Jeongguk?"
"Oh. . I-I forgot," Jeongguk scrunched his nose slightly in utter embarrassment, cracking out an awkward smile— that Taehyung found to be adorable.
"It's fine, don't you fret." Taehyung smiled, eyes finding Jeongguk's own catastrophic orbs, that seemed to glimmer like the brightest stars in the night sky, whenever he looked at him. "You'll get used to it."
"What do you really do though?" Jeongguk seemed genuinely curious as he cocked his head to the side out of habit, curiosity burning deep within his onyx eyes, that seemed quite adorable to Taehyung who simply crossed his arms and leaned against the railing of the staircase.
"Well, just the usual."
"Why don't you sleep?" Jeongguk frowned, analysing how Taehyung licked his lips nervously. As though, hesitant to answer his questions. However, he decided to be honest, although he wasn't sure why. "I-I don't want to think of her."
Jeongguk felt silent at that, realising how hard it must've been for Taehyung to move on from the past. And he felt guilty, although he was uncertain of why he felt so, perhaps it was because he simply couldn't see him in pain. As it hurt him to see Taehyung in pain.
"So you're always busy with the works of the office?" He then changed the subject, seeing how the older's smile had dropped to a sad one, and it hurt him to see that. "Doesn't it get tiring?"
"Well, of course. But I'm not always busy with that. I wouldn't burn myself out for that of course." Taehyung then rolled his eyes playfully as he approached the younger, a pleasant smile still present on his face.
"Then what do you do?" Jeongguk watched as Taehyung took a seat on the couch next to him, arms crossed over his chest. Taehyung then pursed his lips, shrugging his shoulders slightly.
"Anything that's my cup of tea."
An eerie silence then surged into the atmosphere, but not the type to make you uncomfortable—it was rather comforting and peaceful, at least to Taehyung, who then glanced at the male beside him who turned awfully quite.
Jeongguk paused, biting down onto his lip— hesitation surging through him as he began contemplating his decisions. Although a part of him was curious of knowing the man a little more, he was uncertain on whether he wanted to open up to him just yet. And Jeongguk clearly didn't want to make him feel uncomfortable or suffocated.
Hence he gave in, deciding to blurt out the small question bothering him, and scrunitize his reaction for any signs of discomfort. "Then. . what are you really interested in?"
The older male stared at him for a brief moment before pursing his lips, as though pondering over his question. "Depends on the type of interest your implying."
"No no, it's just. . . what do you like doing if you're not busy with the office works?" Their eyes met, and Jeongguk was awfully embarrassed, all due to giving the older male the wrong idea. And the sly smirk present on Taehyung's face just made him even more flustered.
"If you're wondering what I do when I can't sleep. Well, I do a lot of things to keep myself busy." Taehyung wondered, leaning back slightly, and moving his eyes to Jeongguk. "But mostly, I design things. Different things. As a matter of fact, I like shaping  things and designing them, or sometimes even paint— you could call it a hobby."
This had Jeongguk frowning slightly in sheer confusion, and Taehyung was quick to notice it. Hence, without a second thought, he grabbed the younger male's hand, muttering a, "Come with me."
It only added to Jeongguk's utter confusion, as he found himself being dragged to a room behind the staircase. He presumed it to be a storage room, but what would he be doing there anyway?
Or perhaps, he was wrong.
As the moment Taehyung opened the slightly dusty wooden door, Jeongguk was pulled into a room full of old wooden furnitures, occupied with dusts gathered over them and cobwebs stuck to the corners of the ceiling— as though this place wasn't cleaned for a long time, unlike the other rooms that were absolutely neat and tidy.
Taehyung then let go of his hand, pulling Jeongguk out of his thoughts as he then began missing the warmth of his large hands on his own— that were slightly cold, perhaps due to the temperature dropping rapidly as the night got longer.
Jeongguk watched as the older male then unlocked a drawer, pulling out a box that wasn't too small, perhaps the average size, Jeongguk guessed. Placing it on the dusty wooden table, Taehyung then turned to the younger male, selvte fingers holding an exquisite green pendant, that left the younger male in absolute awe.
"I made these a few months ago." He gestured at the pendant wrapped around his selvte fingers, placing it on Jeongguk's hand for him to take a closer look at it.
"That's. . . so beautiful, Taehyung." Jeongguk was mesmerized by the glimmering pendant in his hands, illuminated by the bright light of the medium sized room.
It was beyond Jeongguk's utter expectations, how Taehyung never failed to surprise him was rather astonishing. As the more he got to know him, the more he discovered his unexpected talents and skills that could leave anyone absolutely speechless.
With his capability of controlling his emotions, and being absolutely unpredictable with his words, Kim Taehyung never failed to amuse him with his brilliant skills and deep words. And Jeongguk was truly fascinated by the older male.
Indeed, he was truly the epitome of perfection.
"You could take this," Taehyung then stepped closer to the younger male, gently tugging at his wrist as he stepped closer to him. Only to wrap an exquisite bracelet around his wrist— a bracelet he had designed himself.
Cheeks flared up in a bright shade of red, Jeongguk's eyes then found Taehyung's own delinquent orbs for a brief moment, before averting his gaze down to the bracelet, lips agape in fascination at the combination of colors he had added to enhance its beauty.
"W-Why are you giving me this?" Jeongguk then softly queried, looking up at the older male who gazed at him in a rather adoring manner. As his eyes seemed rather soft, than usual whenever he looked at him, that is. Although Jeongguk was slightly baffled by the look in his eyes, he found it rather endearing.
"Well- take it as a gift. For uhm. . . being there for me." Taehyung then gnawed at his lower lip, attemtping to avoid Jeongguk's eyes by simply staring at his bracelet. Hands still wrapped around his wrist, subconsciously perhaps. As he pondered for a reasonable excuse. "You helped me fix my relationship with my son. So. . . yeah."
"You don't need to—" Jeongguk was then interrupted by Taehyung who glanced at him, as though pleading with his eyes. "Just take it, please."
This caused Jeongguk's lips to stretch into an adorable bunny smile, giving a glimpse of his front bunny teeth to Taehyung; who gazed at him fondly. His eyes were fixated on Jeongguk entirely, even when the younger male had averted his gaze to glance down at the bracelet wrapped around his wrist— that was still in the older's hold. As though, reluctant to let go.
His soft giggles were like a melody to his ears. And his smile, his oh-so adorable bunny smile simply caused Taehyung to flash his own boxy smile. Heart fluttering in his chest, at the sight of the younger male, who glew like an angel bestowed from the heavens.
Jeon Jeongguk was an angel in Taehyung's eyes. An angel— meant to be with him. To be his guiding light, to bring him out of his darkness and misery.
And Taehyung didn't even know of the little changes Jeongguk had made in his life. Changes— that could add up to a huge difference in himself, even so unknowingly.