HEARTBEAT | VKOOK - Chapter 37: Chapter 37

The blue sky was dotted with fluffy white clouds that drifted lazily in the gentle breeze. Tiny specks of dust seemed to dance in the afternoon sun rays that slanted through the window of Taehyung's office. The male finished the last of his coffee and averted his piercing gaze to the pdf document displayed on the screen of his monitor.
The solemn silence of the office was disrupted shortly after by a petite figure barging in through the black doors, startling the CEO who flinched back in his seat, distracted from the file he was working on the monitor.
His gaze landed on a certain blonde male who strode in confidently, plopping down on the comfortable white couch across him- arms folded over his chest, and legs crossed over the other; staring at the brunette expectantly.
"What?"
"Are we back to square one?" Jimin queried after a brief silence, shoulders tense as he titled his head to the side, "When you'd push us away and pretend like we're nobody, cut off all connections yourself and blame us at the end?"
"What's with you?" The concern gracing his friend's face caused Taehyung to break the eye contact, unable to find the courage in himself to look him in the eye, "And what the hell are you trying to do? Get married? Really Taehyung? I never thought you'd do that."
"People move on, Jimin. Let me do as I wish." Taehyung turned back to his computer, fingers flying over the keyboard as he typed away, avoiding the other's gaze.
"You. . You're not doing this, are you?" Jimin queried in a small voice, features softening as he focused on the male with a soft glint in his eyes. "You can't do that."
"I can, and I am." Taehyung murmured, brows knitting slightly. His head turned blank, yet even so, he kept his eyes on the screen, not a trace of emotion evident on his flawless face. The side of his lips twitched as he finally set his eyes on him again, "And I like her, what's the matter?"
Jimin's face contorted to a baffled look, eyes shimmering in his disbelief as he allowed his arms to fall to his lap, "The matter? You can't be kidding me right now."
"You're just being overly dramatic." Taehyung rolled his eyes, watching how the other slumped back in his seat, fingers carding through his blonde locks in sheer disappointment, "I like her, and that's it. It has nothing to do with you."
"What about Jeongguk?"
"What about him?" Taehyung turned to look at Jimin, lifting an eyebrow, unamused. Just then, a soft knock resonated through the office, interrupting a furious Jimin; whose eyes flickered to the door, before snapping to Taehyung. The aforementioned male exhaled deeply as he voiced out an approval, a pissed off look embedded on his face.
However, the expression soon dropped once he glanced at the doorway, recognising the figure stepping into the room and closing the door shut. For a split moment, Taehyung was caught off guard as he took in the male's appearance— eyes travelling down his dark blue buttoned up shirt, to his tight jeans, that flexed his luscious thighs. A soft hue of pink coated his cheeks as he quickly shifted his gaze elsewhere, failing to notice the deep auburn eyes observing it all in sheer disappointment.
"Ah, Jeongguk, we were talking about you."
Jeongguk's eyes darted to Jimin's sitting figure for a moment, before flickering to Taehyung who seemed a bit tense, yet not even bothering to look his way. "Sorry for the interruption. I've prepared the meeting room like you've said, and the conference will start in about thirty minutes. Mr. Lee has requested for an appointment with you, if you're interested."
Jeongguk then affixed his gaze on the older from his notepad, watching him purse his lips and nod after a moment, yet even so, refusing to look at him, "Okay. I'll be in the hall in a few minutes."
The silence that followed after was thick and heavy with tension, the three males exchanging awkward glances. Jeongguk then cleared his throat, nodding as his gaze fell to the floor, "I'll take my leave then."
"See you at lunch?" Jimin perked up, turning to Jeongguk, who nodded in return, "Sure."
Then, he was out the door, on his way down the hall to his office, repeating the same cycle as always. And Jeongguk was fucking tired of it. Yet, there was nothing he could about it— he asked for it, now he had to suffer the consequences. Jeongguk had only called for trouble when he'd signed the agreement without knowing the Kims were the actual owners of the enterprise.
Too bad, he couldn't afford to pay the price if he cancelled the contract now.
He felt stuck.
Seeing the same face everyday, the feelings that once bloomed in his heart felt numb, replaced by the unbearable heart ache; the excitement that once pulsated though his veins now dissipating into the unknown, sparks and joy no longer blooming in his heart at the sight of the male. The emotional turmoil he experienced was incomprehensible. The only thing he could decipher was his heart crushing to pieces everytime he was around— not bothering to spare a glance at him or even ask him about how he was.
Maybe, he was right when he said he wouldn't be able to reciprocate his feelings. Why'd anyone want to be with him anyway? He wasn't special, just an ordinary worker of his company. He had nothing to offer in return— so perhaps, his so-called soon-to-be wife was a better choice. She had everything to offer after all.
Then why'd he kiss him? Why'd he lift his hopes up for him? These were questions Jeongguk simply never found the answers to.
It wasn't a surprise, he's been rejected a lot of times, but this one hurt him like no other.
However, Jeongguk had gotten accustomed to the heartbreak, and the grief of always being left alone. It's always been the same after all, but Jeongguk didn't seem to care anymore. If anyone will love him, they'll love him just the way he is. And if Taehyung couldn't reciprocate his feelings, Jeongguk wouldn't waste his time on him.
Jeongguk was done with his mixed signals, his change of personalities, how he'd pretend to be interested in him, express his emotions and play with his feelings. At this point, he felt like he was trying to make a fool out of him, toy him, then discard him away like a piece of trash. And Jeongguk despised being treated that way.
Maybe, it was all a mere game to him. But to Jeongguk, he was more than just a little fun, and his emotions weren't supposed to be played with.
He'd have to move on. Pretend like just how he does.
It wouldn't be too difficult, right?
Wrong.
The following days were pretty much the same, bland and nothing out of the ordinary, except for the fact that he felt Mr. Kim's eyes on him a little more than usual— which was slightly perplexing yet he'd brush it off every other time. It was almost impossible to read him, yet Jeongguk could note the glint of remorse and melancholy flashing in his delinquent eyes everytime they met his own. Yet even so, he distanced himself from the male, no longer wanting to have any sort of connection with him, although it hurt him the most.
A part him couldn't seem to believe it was actually happening. Taehyung clearly wasn't joking around when he said he was getting married. Jeongguk was happy for them, he wouldn't want to lie, as long as Taehyung got to be with the one who made him happy, Jeongguk had no complaints. It may be a little disappointing to not be that person, but all that mattered to him was his happiness.
Even if it meant to let him go.
Perhaps, he had learnt to accept that fact when he watched the couple exchange rings and kiss each other, right in front of his eyes. Yet, he felt numb, almost paralyzed. His mind turned blank, the pain no longer bothering him, not a trace of emotion evident on his face as he focused on the couple's smiling faces amidst the blur of faces.
It was meant to be.
He watched the man he longed for the most dance to the beat of the music with his fiancè, or so-called soon-to-be wife. Their gazes locked for a split moment, and Jeongguk smiled a little, the world seemingly freezing. The smile on Taehyung's lips faltering as he immidiately averted his gaze to his current lover's eyes, faking a smile. Jeongguk saw it all, for in the entire event, amidst the many unknown faces, he couldn't seem to take his eyes off him— almost as though none of them existed, it was only Taehyung and him, in a world of their own.
Amidst the sea of faces, Jimin's eyes darted to Jeongguk from Taehyung, arms holding a pissed Minjun with a fuming face and a frown. His eyes saddened even more at the blank face of his friend; eart crushing to pieces at the sight of his two friends breaking apart, just like that— even while harbouring feelings for each other, a million unspoken words floating through the air.
At this point, he felt like a bad friend, who failed to get them together. Although it wasn't his fault, Jimin felt like absolute shit, mad at himself for allowing such a thing to happen. Yet, there was nothing he could possibly do, at least not when the two of them refused to talk. The kid who leaned against his shoulder, merely glared at his father with his small arms folded chest, tearing his eyes off him with a grimace at the sight of the woman. The boy felt awfully betrayed at this point, for he recalled his father's promise and believed him, only to be met with the exact opposite.
Jeongguk was the first to leave, the heavy feeling in his chest suffocating him the longer he stayed. And knowing they'd party all night till dawn, it was quite exhausting and a waste of time, and he simply didn't wish to join them on their celebration. He didn't plan to come here either, although he got the invitation, but only for his manager; who had practically begged him to attend the event for the sake of his job. Although he wasn't sure why Taehyung would fire him if Jeongguk himself didn't attend the event.
Once he was back in the confines of his humble abode, Jeongguk locked the door, and turned to the living room, kicking off his shoes, greeted by nothing but the dull silence. His shoulders slumped, the façade of lies and secrets stripping away, slowly unveiling his vulnerable self that couldn't seem to put up with the pain. Once he was back, standing all alone in the vacant living room, Jeongguk felt all the emotions strike back at him, the ones that had numbed down to nothing slowly creeping up to the surface and crumbling the façade he'd built for himself.
His gaze eyes flitted across the for a moment before trudging towards his room, closing the door shut behind him. His shoulders slumped as he leaned his back against the door, dragging a hand over his face as he sighed heavily, his memories meshed with the images of the event, or more specifically, recalling a certain man holding onto his fiancè's waist as he moved to the beat of the music.
Jeongguk recalled the look in his eyes when he spotted him, the absence of sparkle or true enthusiasm on his face as he smiled at his lover— yet even so, he played along; pretended the same way he did. Jeongguk hadn't realised how much he longed for the male until now, when he sat all alone in his apartment, reminiscing the event. He hadn't realised how much a part of him missed interacting with him, talking to him about the most random things, or simply hanging out with him and Minjun— sometimes the two of them alone, although, things got a little awkward when it was just the two of them.
Jeongguk missed it all.
And all this time, it was him all along.
A lone tear slipped down his cheek, eyes brimming with tears as he reminisced their memories. He hadn't realised how deeply he'd fallen in love with him, someone whom he couldn't have. Yet again, he was given hopes and met with disappointment. Perhaps, fate just wasn't in his favour.
He couldn't have him.
Yet again, he failed to protect himself from breaking his own heart with his own expectations; when he knew clearly well fate was never on his side, at least in this case, love just wasn't for him. However, despite the consequences, Jeongguk kept his hopes up, a habit he ought to drop by now; for he knew, expecting too much would break his own heart. And the last thing he wants is to be damaged by a mere rejection.
But did Taehyung ever love him back?
He'd probably never know. For there were times when it felt like it was mutual, like Taehyung felt the same. While other times it felt unrequited, and avoided, like it was just him, all in his head. As though he was obsessed with the thought of love, and not actually in love with him. Taehyung made a fool out of him at this point, messed with his mind and made him question his own feelings and sanity; gave him hopes just to shatter them all own on his own.
Jeongguk felt like a fool.
He felt helpless.
More tears cascaded down his face as he gnawed at his bottom lip, no longer fighting the urge to hold back the tears and agony burning his heart in flames. His back slid down the door to the cold floor; head falling back against the wooden surface as he allowed a hand to drape down his knee— reminiscing the moments he treasured most with all his heart.
Moments that once brought him joy, helped him survive another tiring day; now breaking his own heart that he struggled to fix. The images diverted to their first encounter, how they got off on the wrong foot; reversing to the day of their business trip, where he confessed his feelings, a moment that held a special place in his heart. The images rewinded to the moments he longed for with Minjun, the bundle of joy that brought a wave of happiness to his life, and gave him a purpose to live.
Unfortunately, nothing lasts forever.
It will never be him.
Jeongguk hadn't realised the value of those little moments until now; when he sat all alone in his room, staring off into the blank space; the darkness around him engulfing him in a soothing embrace. He hadn't realised how much the older meant to him, and how he'd given up almost everything just to please him. Only to be returned with nothing.
It was a bitter truth that burned across his skin, set him aflame with rage, the frustration and agony of always being left alone tearing him apart, and no matter how much it hurt to admit, Jeongguk had to accept it and deal with it.
There was no other choice after all.