Helping Lena - Chapter 34: Chapter 34

Lena's pov
I woke up feeling big in my crib. I can't even remember when last I woke up feeling big. I could hear the patter of raindrops fall on the roof. I could feel my emotions hit me all at ones.
There is a time during the year when I feel at my worst. It's all when my depression and insecurity hits. I developed it when was in high school. I laid silently and let tears slide down the side of my face until I felt a wet uncomfortable feeling and realised I wet my diaper. I blush and wiped my tears away, quickly getting out of the crib.
I opened the door and looked around the hallway and saw no one, I tiptoed silently to the guest room. It's a room I can spend my time whenever I feel big. I immediately went to the shower and removed the soggy diaper and washed myself.
I felt this lump in my throat., I kept trying to swallow but it hurt.
Sighing to myself, I took out a outfit for work and dressed. I practice my smiling in the mirror, hoping Anna and Olivia won't notice the difference, but my slightly red stained eyes would give it away. I could hear Anna and Olivia make their way to the nursery, but before they could enter, I stepped out of the room.
"Morning" I whispered softly, pulling at my beige knitted jerseys sleeves.
"Morning, sweetheart. Not feeling so little" Anna smiled and walked over to me. I blushed and nod my head yes.
"Let's go have breakfast and then we'll drop you off at the library" Liv said as she threw her arm over my shoulder.
"Are you okay, Lena?" Anna question, looking confused.
"I'm okay" my voice cracked but I gave a small smile to cover it up. 'Don't cry Lena'.
"See you later, baby. Enjoy your day" Anna said over the seat as I got out of the car.
"See you, bumblebee" Olivia said, blowing me a kiss.
"Thank you for dropping me. I'll see you later" I gave them a smile and wave, before running into the library.
I pulled off my raincoat and hanged it by the air conditioner to let it dry. I looked around the library and embraced the silence. That's another thing I love about it.
Sighing, I walked to the front desk and sat down. I laid my head in my arms and closed my eyes. I just want this day to be over.
Chloe no longer works here after what happened. Anna made sure of it and Ms Willows suspected something was wrong and immediately fired her. Now I have a new working partner who is actually really nice and friendly.
Her name is Angelica and she's beautiful.
I watched her from afar as she interacted with a customer. I wish I could be like that.
"Hi Lena" Angelica said in a chirpy voice as she came over once she was done.
"Hello" I lifted my head up and greeted her.
"Its almost our break, do you want to come with me to the bakery"
"Thank you for offering, but I'm okay" i gently turned her offer.
"No problem" she gave a bright smile and walked away. Why is she so nice?
Whenever my depression hits, I struggle to eat no matter how much I force myself to try. The thought of food nauseates me.
Soon Angelica came back and began to read a book by the sofa, while I still haven't moved from my spot. I heard the door open and looked up and saw Chloe enter with another girl. They are both beautiful girls. I mentally prayed for my sanity.
"I need a book" Chloe demanded while give me a dirty look as her friend laughed.
"Sure, what book" I tried sounding politely as possible.
"Uhh, a romance book" they both smirked at each other while giggling.
"Follow me" I could feel my nerves got the better of me.
I walked to the romance sectioned as they followed behind. I could hear the insults they made about my outfit and they made sure to say it loud so I could hear.
"She looks like a grandma. I can't believe she actually has friends, they must feel sorry for her"
My thoughts immediately went to Anna and Olivia. They don't feel sorry for me, right?
And it sting. My eyes teared up slightly, I blink numerous times hoping to stop tears from falling.
"Here is numerous... uhm of books t-t-that you c-could choose f-from" I stuttered as my voice choked up.
"T-t-t-thank y-you" Chloe mock my stuttering, her friend finding it absolutely hilarious.
"Excuse me" my voice cracked and my lip tremble as I walked around them, just wanting to get away.
"Oops" her friend laughed as she tripped me, making me fall on the carpet. My knee and palms stinging of getting a rug burn.
I hurriedly got up and ran to the bathroom. Upon entering the stall, I immediately starting cry. I couldn't do this anymore. I cannot stop being a pushover, a coward that's afraid of standing up for themselves.
The more I kept wiping my tears away the more it kept falling. The things Chloe said ran through my head a million times.
"Lena, are you okay?" Angelica's asked through the door as she knocked on it.
"I'm okay.... I'll be there in a minute" I took some tissues and wiped my face and nose.
I got out of the stall and washed my face with water. I walked out and saw Angelica talking with Anna and Olivia. I watched them as they laughed with what she was saying. I didn't come close to what they looked like. Maybe Angelica can be a better friend for them.
Chloe's right.
"Hi, sweetheart!" Anna's voice came across the room as she waved me over.
"Evening" I spoke softly while looking down.
They talked for a while, while I just sat there and listened to them. They tried to include me, but I didn't have the energy. I just nod along with what they said.
"Alright I think it's time to go" Oli said as they made their way to the door. But I move to the desk to grab my backpack.
Angelica hugged them as she left. I could feel jealousy stir but I tried ignore it. I need some time alone and I didn't want to be a burden to Anna and Olivia. They have to deal with little me and I didn't want them to deal with big me too. They needed space too.
"Come on, baby" Anna said making her way to the car with Olivia. She held the back door open for me to get in. It had stop raining.
"Uhm.... I t-t-think I'm going to stay at m-my apart-m-ment tonight"