Helping Lena - Chapter 54: Chapter 54

Anna's pov
I parked the car in the garage and opened the door for Olivia and Lena to get out, then helped them out. She thanked me and walked into the house, still with Lena hiding in Liv's neck.
It felt odd, because it is always me that was carrying Lena and Liv was the one who would help us out.
I walked in after them as we all walked up the stairs, straight to Lena's nursery.
"Can mommy put you down, honey? I have to change your diaper?" Liv asked softly as she tried laying Lena on the changing table, but she just whined and cling tightly.
"Please, bumblebee. I don't want you to have a rash" Liv rubbed Lena's back, hoping for her to comply.
Lena winces and hesitantly nod in her neck. Liv kissed her head gently and laid her down, not without a struggle.
"Thank you for being a good girl, baby" I said as I smiled at Lena. I walked closer to her and brushed her hair out of her face.
But Lena only spared me a glance and looked back at Olivia and smiled at her. Oh.
"Oh Lena, a small rash started. You need to have a bath" Liv said sadly and removed her onesie.
"M-m-om-my w-wif?" Lena finally said something after leaving the park. Her voice was rough.
"Are you thirsty, sweetheart? Mama can give you some milky baby" I tried once again to get her speak to me. Lena loves nursing.
Milk was leaking out of my breast since I heard her cries and it hadn't stop. I could feel my breast pads soaked up and could possibly leaked through.
"W-wa-t-ter m-m-o-om-my" Lena choked out and made grabby hands to Olivia.
"Sure baby, let's go" Liv cooed and picked Lena up, wrapping her in a towel.
"I'll go get it, you give a bath" I smiled sadly and hurriedly walked out the room down to the kitchen. Bath time was Lena and mama time.
Once entering the kitchen, I bursted into tears as I slid down the kitchen cabinet., bringing my legs up to my chest. I cried silently as I hugged myself close.
I know that Lena didn't wanted to talk to me, but after such a traumatic night I just wanted to hold her in my arms. I just wanted to feel her close and breath in her baby smell and feel reassured that she was safe in my arms.
"It's okay Anna. She just needs time" I took shaky breaths in, trying to reassure that everything will go back to normal.
I took shaky breaths in and out and wiped my tears away. I got up with shaky legs and made sugar water in her silly cup. I counted till ten and made my way to the bathroom.
I softly opened the door and watched as Olivia gave Lena a bath while singing to her. Lena stared up at her with her doe hazel eyes, with love and amazement.
"I got the water" I cleared my throat as lLv looked at me. Lena frowned and turned to play with her toys.
"Here you go baby" I said gently as I bend down next to the tub and held the silly cup out to Lena.
"Thankies" Lena whispered inaudible and took the cup from my hand and hesitantly took suckles from it.
"You welcome" I smiled. At least I got a response.
"I think you done, let's get you ready for bed" Liv said and took Lena out of the tub and carried her back to the nursery.
I stayed back and removed her toys out of the water and drained it. I didn't like the silence and atmosphere in our home. It was dull and gloomy.
"Scawed mommy" I heard Lena whispered out. I could hear the slight tremble in her voice.
I decided to stand by the door and listen to there conversation. I guess Lena didn't want to speak with me being there.
"I know, honey. I can't imagine what it was like to be outside alone and cold in the dark. You were shivering when we found you" Liv said sadly.
"Bad ans meany man, 'hase me, so sca'ed" Lena's voice cracked. Poor baby.
"I'm so sorry, bumblebee. I'm so sorry, I wish I came sooner to get you. I can promise you that nothing like this will happen again" I peeked in and saw Olivia crying.
"I okays mommy" Lena wiped Olivia's tears away and kissed her lips.
"Thank you, honey" Olivia chucked as she cried.
"Welcome mommy" Lena smiled and cuddled closer to Liv as Liv pulled her tightly and laid numerous kisses on her head.
I watched them for a while. Lena was suckling on a new paci and Liv rocked them back and forth on the rocking chair. I sigh and walked away. I was not needed and stood their like a stalker.
"Lena?" Liv spoke up, making me stop in my tracks.
"Wes mommy?" Lena mumbled around her paci.
"Do you want to sleep with mama and I tonight in our bed?" Olivia questioned. I bite my lip, hoping for a yes.
"Nos, I s'eep hewe"
"Are you sure, you want to sleep alone tonight? I would feel better if you slept with us, just to be safe. Tonight has not been a good night" Liv sighed.
"Sowwy mommy" Lena apologised.
"You have absolute nothing to be sorry for. You did nothing wrong, I promise you that. It was all..." Olivia stopped mid sentence and sigh in exhaustion.
I felt my heart cracked, knowing she was going to say it was my fault. I know it was my fault, but actually hearing from the person you love, was like a stab to the heart. And I knew Lena thought so too.
"Mommy s'eep wif Lena hewe" Lena said. I could hear the nervousness in her voice.
"Oh...oh okay. Mommy will sleep with you. Would you like mama to join us, mmhm?" Liv asked. Silence followed soon after.
I waited with a baited breath and some hope that she would say yes. I crossed my fingers, praying for a miracle.
"Ti'ed mommy. Sleepy time" Lena said as she yawned, clearly not wanting to answer the question.
"Okay, bumblebee. Let's get some sleep, we have a long day tomorrow. Would you like some milky?"
"Nos milky. Lena fine" Lena whined.
I hurriedly walked away. I couldn't listen to their conversation anymore. I felt like a worthless mother, who couldn't look after her baby. A mother that made her baby hate her.
I sobbed as I walked into our bedroom and slammed the door shut. I fell onto the bed and pulled Lena's baby blanket and Olivia's pillow into my arms. I hugged it close to me.
I didn't know how long I was laying there. I sluggishly got up as my breast started hurting. I threw on Olivia's shirt and picked up my breast pumps. I laid against the headboard and attached the pumps to my breast. The suction pulling were painful, breastfeeding Lena was better and less painful. My emotions were all over the place as I started crying again.
Everything that happened in this week came rushing back to me. All the shitty ways I treated them just because I was in a mood.
The days I didn't tuck Lena into bed.
The days I didn't play with her.
The days I didn't breastfeed her.
The days I didn't cuddle with her.
The days I didn't pick her up from work.
The days I didn't take time to spend it with her and Olivia.
The guilt was eating me alive as I sat in absolute silence, only the noise of my breast pump and my sniffling could be heard.
With no wife and no baby, alone in a dim lighted room, feeling sorry for myself.