Homecoming (Lesbian) - Chapter 19: Chapter 19

"Riley, take the shot!" I heard him yell "Take the shot! Riley!" His voice was overwhelmed with horror.
My arm was ripped to pieces, I could taste the blood inside my mouth and my ears were buzzing after the explosion. And their bodies, their lifeless bodies covered in blood and dirt. The blast had let them almost unrecognizable.
The enemy was getting closer, and I looked up. My willingness of living forced me to grab the gun closest to me. It felt as if it weight a ton. I watched the enemy as they approached us and feared I wouldn't be able to fire. He yelled again "Riley! Take the fucking shot!"
And my brain kept repeating 'I am not going to die today. I'm going home. I am not dying today'.
I woke up at three thirty AM. I sat up screaming and then, silence. I was alone in my bedroom, in the darkness, with nothing but my own thoughts. The door opened as my parents stood by the doorway.
"Darling? Are you okay?" my mother asked.
I ran my palm through my forehead to feel the cold sweat. I gazed up. "Yes. Just a bad dream."
My answer didn't seem to please her so I smiled in an attempt to calm them down. They went back to sleep and so did I. The rest of the night was uneventful.
I woke up again at six AM. It was still dark and it smelled of grass because of the dew. I did three series of fifteen push up with my good arm, three series of sixty sit ups, and three series of forty crunches. I put on my knickers, some sweat pants and a hoody and went for a run. I promised myself I wouldn't push me as much as I usually do, it gives me headaches but the pills help with that. Also my arm it's a problem. Still I ended up hitting the four miles in thirty minutes goal. Running helped me relax, it emptied my mind and filled it with only the scents of the morning. The cold breeze, the moist air, the beauty of the sun barely visible in the horizon.
I came back home forty minutes later, took a bath and stood in front of my wardrobe wrapped in my towel noticing I was nervous. Jesus, I was going to see Faye Burton. Faye Burton. For the first time in four years. I decided to go with some blue jeans, a hoody and a brown leather jacket for the cold.
When I went back downstairs, mom was already in the kitchen making breakfast.
She turned around as she heard my footsteps and asked "Darling, you're already showered? At eight AM?"
"Yes, ma'am. I can't really sleep passed six. Already went for a jog, too."
She frowned "Since when do you...?" then she cut herself off. It was like admitting to herself the daughter she sent to the army, was not the one she got back "Do you want scrambled eggs?"
"Yes, please."
I sat on one of the chairs of the breakfast table and watched as my mom cooked. I had never done that, and she noticed, but she didn't send me away. I just wanted to be there with her, to feel home again. When she was almost done, she asked "Riley, could you please go get your brother?"
"Yes, ma'am." I said standing up.
"Riley?" she called out as I was about to walk out the kitchen. I turned "You'd never said 'Yes, Ma'am' to me in your life."
"Sorry."
"No, no, no. It's not bad, it's just... changes, I guess."
I nodded and ran upstairs. I knocked on Connor's room but there was no answer. I knocked again and got a "Go away," from inside.
I tried to open the door but it was locked. I came back to mom and told her Connor wasn't getting up anytime soon. She placed the dishes on the breakfast table and sat as if she was expecting that reaction.
"Yes, well. He rarely ever does but I keep trying."
I noticed the hitch of sadness on her voice but tried to wave it off "It's Saturday, mom. He's probably just tired."
"Tired from what? He doesn't have a job or any kind of responsibilities. He spends his days in that room playing video games and he doesn't even clean after himself, tired of what?"
I pursed my lips and started eating. When we were done, I helped mom wash the dishes and offered to help her with the laundry and wiping the floors. She looked at me as if she had never met me before.
"They really set you up straight in the army, didn't they?" she joked.
I laughed. "Yeah. I guess."
She refused my help on the wiping but was glad to allow me to lend her a hand with the laundry. I piled up the clothes and noticed she was doing everyone's laundry, except my dad's. Where was my dad's clothes?
"Mom, where's dad?" I said as I threw the clothes into the washing machine.
"At work probably. He leaves early."
On Satuday? "I see."
A little past nine AM it was time. I had waited enough for me not to be intrusive. I put my hoody on and told my mother I would be going to the Burton's. She didn't say anything.
As I walked the mile and a half that separated me from Faye I felt my hands sweaty, my heart palpitating eagerly to see her. See how much she's change, maybe she dyed her hair again, maybe she wear it short now, maybe she got a tattoo or a piercing or something. All of those sound improbable but I couldn't think of anything other than how long it had been.
I climbed the Burton's porch, check myself in the reflection of the window next to the entrance door to make sure I looked at my best and, after a deep breath, I rang.
A few seconds later, the door opened. Jesus, it was sure good to see her.
"Riley!"
"Hello, Mrs. Burton."
Barbara Burton wrapped her arms around me and pressed me against her like my mom had just a few hours before. "When did you get back?" she asked letting go of me.
"Yesterday. I would've come sooner but I got home at nine and I didn't want to be a bother."
"Oh, honey. Nonsense, you know you are never a bother."
"Mrs. Burton... I'm sorry about dad."
She smiled with tenderness and asked me inside. I sat on the couch waiting for Faye to come down at any moment to see who was at the door. Mrs. Burton went into the kitchen to make tea, as she was putting the kettle on the stove, I asked "Mrs. Burton―"
"Riley, you can be gone for as long as you want, but when you get back I expect you to call me mom, yes?"
I smiled "Yes, Ma'am."
"Wow. Ma'am and everything," she joked. Then turned to me and leaned against the counter.
"Mom... where's Faye?"
I was hoping she would say she's probably asleep upstairs, but instead she answered "At her apartment, probably asleep."
Of course. I felt silly for thinking she would still leave at her mom's. "Oh, right. And where is that?"
"Not too far, about fifteen blocks from here. They didn't want to move too far from me since... I'm alone these days."
I frowned. As Mrs. Burton came back with two cups of tea and handed me one, I asked "They?"
"Yes, of course. You didn't expect them to live here, did you?"
"What do you mean with 'they'?"
She stared at me, then placed her tea down and questioned "You don't know?"
"What?"
"Faye got married, sweetheart." I dropped the cup of tea. The cup impacted the floor and shattered into pieces. The noise forced me to say something. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to." I said trying to pick up the pieces but instead, Mrs. Burton placed her hand on my shoulder and shook her head.
"It's fine. You didn't know, did you?" I licked my lips struggling to catch my breath. She hugged me and added "I'm sorry, honey."
I was reluctant to let the tears fall down. I sighed and whispered "It's okay. I should've seen it coming. I told her she shouldn't wait for me."
"I know. I was there when she read the email. She was heartbroken. She cried herself to sleep that night." I was about to apologize for hurting her but she got ahead of me "I know you didn't mean to hurt her. I can only imagine the things you've seen, Riley. Good lord, I don't want to." she commented looking at my arm "But I understand why you let go of her."
"I didn't let go of her, mom. I set her free from me."
Mrs. Burton and I picked up the broken cup and threw it away. Before leaving I promised I would come visit again. I was heading out when I saw a picture to my left, hanging on the wall. A younger Eric was carrying a seven year old Faye on his back while they made funny faces at the camera. The photo was probably taken by Mrs. Burton. It wasn't there before I left. She must've put it there after he died, or maybe after Faye moved in with her spouse.
I turned to look at Mrs. Burton. "Mom, could you please not tell Faye I'm back? I want to surprise her myself. If someone else tells her it might seem like I let her out."
I went home and spent the afternoon talking to mom, helping her with her chores, trying to make things easier on her. I tried speaking to Connor but he seemed distant. Not just with me but with everyone. He wouldn't drink ice tea with us, he wouldn't tell us where he was going and he wouldn't say hi when he came home at nine.
At seven, I went back into my room, turned the computer on, plugged in the speakers and went through my book shelf wanting something to read. To my disappointment, everything in that shelf I had read. I picked up one of Lovecraft's books and read a couple of stories to keep my mind busy, but in the end, it didn't last. I pulled out my phone, wrote a note that read 'You're out to buy a book' and set the alarm for fifteen minutes later. I turned off the computer, put my jacket on and went downstairs. As I headed for the exit, mom asked if I could buy some eggs and milk for tomorrow. I nodded.
I grabbed a bus and sat by the window and closed my eyes as we went through town. When I opened them I had forgotten what I wanted to buy. I knew I wanted to buy something, something important, but I just couldn't recall what. My alarm went off. 'You're out to buy a book'. Right, a book. I couldn't remember why. Small things disappear easily. Big things are a bit harder to forget, things like 'I went to see Faye and she's married and not living with her mom' I remember. I might not remember the conversation, but I remember the concept. Small things as 'you wanted to do laundry' are gone in minutes.
I got off the bus, went into a nice little bookstore filled with old book at low prices since they only sold second handed books. I picked up a copy of Pet Cemetery and a Copy of Emma and before paying, I made another note in my phone. 'You should really think about opening a book store' and set the alarm for three days later.
As I walked to the bus stop, I heard a car scape and a small part of me wanted to take refuge and pull out my rifle, I could see myself taking cover and getting ready to run and take out as many as I could. I turned around to see it was just an old car with a bad scape pipe. I sighed.
When I got home and was about to go upstairs when my mother asked from the kitchen "Darling, did you buy the eggs and milk?"
What eggs, what milk? "What?" I asked.
"The eggs and milk I asked you to get."
I forgot. And I don't mean I had forgotten to buy them, I mean I had completely forgotten she ever told me I should buy eggs and milk. For all I knew, she could be lying and I wouldn't know because I didn't remember her saying that. But it was mom, and I knew I had a memory problem. Traumatic brain injury because of the blast. They had me tested.
"Sorry, mom. I'll get them right away."
I wrote it down on my phone and kept it on my hand. In case I forget. But I didn't forget that time. Eggs and milk had become personal. I went to the closest seven-eleven and got everything without needing my phone to remind me.
"Your condition was stable when you went back to you family, yes?" she asks.
"Yes. I had gotten through treatment for both my arm and my brain injury. I was supposed to see a doctor back home every couple of months to check on my head. I should be able to have a relatively normal life."
"But back then you doubted that day would come."
"Maybe. I had developed a way in which I could be functional, but since my family didn't know anything, I pretty much made things hard on myself."
"But your mother started noticing. That you kept forgetting simple things, that you had occasional headaches, and dizziness."
"Dizziness wasn't a regular thing, not like the headache at least."
"When did you see Faye again?"
"Why is that important?"
"Because Faye played an important part in your recovery."
I look down at my feet. I'm feeling a bit lightheaded just thinking about those moments. It's getting harder and harder to remember how things happened back then since my memory wasn't the best, but the things I don't remember correctly, don't really matter.
Weeks went by and I got used to a routine, which doctors said would be good for my memory. I had noticed there was something strange about the way my family kept acting around me, and mom had noticed there was something wrong with me. Of all the people in the world, I didn't want to lie to her, so instead I sat her down one night to have an open conversation.
She tried to dodge the bullet, but in the end, she came to grips with the fact that this couldn't be helped.
"What is going on, mom?" I asked sitting on the opposite side of the couch. "Dad is never home, he comes late every night and leaves early every morning, even when he doesn't have to work. Connor doesn't have a job and is not looking for one and when I asked him about college and he said 'None of your fucking business.' Just tell me."
She remained quiet, thinking. She placed her hands on her lap. "Your father and I are getting a divorce. After you left, things between him and I only became more... unstable. About a year ago we had a fight that simply told me things couldn't be fixed. He says he's looking for a place to go but can't find one, so he's staying in the guest room. He's not really looking for a place to stay. He's just waiting for me to regret my decision, yet he does nothing to show me I should forgive him."
"Oh, Jesus." I said putting my hands on my mouth, then ran them through my hair and inquired "What did you fight about?"
"About your bother being kicked out of college."
I stood up, this was too much at the same time. "Connor was kicked out of college?"
"Yes, he got together with the wrong kind of people, they caught him with drugs and kicked him out. Your father and I fought because he thought Connor needed to stop whining and grow up. I told him he was acting out because of you leaving and that he needed help. Your dad said he needed to man up. We fought and I asked him for the divorce two days later. I sent Connor to rehab and spent all of our savings, but he seems better now."
I sat back down and hugged my mom. "I'm sorry, mom. I'm so sorry."
She let me hold her while she cried. After tears had been shed, she pushed me away and asked "What happened, Riley? To your arm, to you? Don't think I don't hear you screaming on your sleep, or crying in the middle of the night."
I looked away, she had told me everything, so I owed her the same honesty. I told my mother I had an accident, but I didn't describe how. I told her I had suffered a Traumatic Brain Injury and that it could be temporary but it could also be permanent. I had to go see a doctor once every couple of months. I didn't give her details, and she didn't request them.
A month after I came back I started looking for a job to keep my mind busy and to stop my brain from reliving the things I had seen. No such luck. No one hires someone who can barely do anything with her left arm, so I kept myself distracted by jogging every morning, helping mom with her chores and trying to reconnect with dad, which wasn't an easy task, but he was more opened to me than he had been when I left. Connor wouldn't speak to me unless he had to. When I asked him what he wanted to do he would reply "None of your fucking business, leave me alone!" He had a hostile vibe surrounding him and had no intention to drop it, especially with me.
I also did my best to visit Mrs. Burton as often as I could. Normally twice a week, but when time didn't provide I made sure to go see her at least once a week. She always had coffee and cookies ready. I hadn't seen or heard from Faye, she never asked and never suggested talking about her daughter. I imagine she thought she was doing me a favor. Talking about how happy she probably was wouldn't help my growing depression go away.
One day, my mother asked me to go shop for groceries, she had too many things to do and I didn't have anything else to do with my time. I went to the closest Walmart and grabbed a cart from the entrance. Mom's list wasn't extend, but it required me to go through every single hallway looking for all the stuff we needed. At one point, I noticed she had included my Froot Loops on the shopping list. I couldn't put into words what that made me feel. I was part of the family again.
I walked down the alley to pick up my Froot Loops and stopped short. Faye was standing in front of the cereals deciding whether she wanted Apple Jacks or Lucky Charms. Her hair was cut about three inches down from her shoulders and had being died dark blue on the tips. She was wearing a gray blouse with the picture of an owl in the center. Her eyes were as green as I had dreamt of all those years. She wore tight jeans that accentuated her curves and black leather boots that matched her jacket.
In the end, she returned the Lucky Charms and decided to go with Apple Jacks. I started walking towards her without noticing, like my brain had made a choice without consulting me. I stood beside her, but as I came closer, she turned her back on me and started walking on the opposite direction. I couldn't speak, I couldn't call her. I couldn't say 'Hey, stranger' or something clever that would break the ice and take the horrible possibility of her hatred off my shoulder. But this is when the Apple Jacks she was carrying on her shopping basket fell off. I was close enough, so by inertia, I kneeled down and picked them up. She kneeled down with me and our eyes met for just a second, but she didn't seem to recognize me. She was just seeing a stranger at the Walmart who had helped her pick up her box of Apple Jacks.
"Thanks," she said taking the box from my hands, standing up and walking away from me again.
I stood up sighing helplessly as her figure became small.
But then, at ten feet away, she stopped. She froze in her spot as if a witch had cast a spell. Her shopping basket shaking as her hands shivered. She breathed in once, twice, three times and then turned around.
Her green eyes laid on me, opened with astonishment. Her lips parted as she whispered, almost crying: "Riley?"
I remember I thought 'Say something you idiot. Say anything, anything will do, just say it.' "Hello, stranger."
She smiled at the stupid joke, dropped the shopping basket and ran into my arms.