Honor-Bound [ Lore of Penrua: Book... - Chapter 46: Chapter 46

It had been some time since Aun's arrival at the Imperial Palace. She had spent a lot of time in Mhera's company, and she had spent a lot of time working, too. She did not like to be idle, and her steady hands and wise experience were more than welcome at the palace infirmary.
What other hours she had, she spent with Kaori.
At first, it had been like seeing an old friend. There was enough distance between them now that even Kaori, who still felt a spark of desire and affection for the woman he had loved so well, was comfortable in her presence. He had heard her when she had explained the conflict that had driven her away from the Holy City. He did not want to strain their budding friendship by giving more rein to his feelings than he had to. It would be too easy to crush what was between them, and he had more now to lose than Aun alone. He had a son.
Kaolo was the focus of Kaori's days. At first, Aun had been anxious to leave him and had taken him with her on her visits to the empress and the infirmary, but the boy was young. As he adjusted to staying at the palace, he was less content to hang on his mother's skirts. So, Aun began to leave him with Kaori for long afternoons.
It was scary to be left alone to entertain a child, let alone a son he didn't yet know. Both Kaori and Kaolo were painfully shy at first, uncertain of one another. The boy didn't quite know what to make of the man, and the man was afraid of making a misstep and frightening him off.
On that first afternoon, Kaori had struggled, wishing he had had more time to plan. Surely he should have come up with a schedule of entertainments for the child? As it was, they were alone in his parlor. Kaolo sat on the couch, his hands folded in his lap, casting sidelong glances at the door as if he wished already for his mother's return.
Kaori cast around his empty parlor, grasping for something he could use to break the tension. His eyes fell upon an enameled box on a shelf laden with trinkets and keepsakes.
"Well, now." Kaori went to the shelf and took down the box. "I'm glad she has left us for a little while. I don't have enough of these to share."
Settling into a chair, he rested the box on his knees and took off the lid with as much a playful flourish as he could manage. Inside were a variety of candies, a special sort made seasonally by the palace confectioners. Kaori had a sweet tooth, and these were his favorites. Ever since he'd been a boy, he had asked for extras so that he could ferret some away in his rooms.
"What's that?" Kaolo asked. He sat still, his hands folded, but had lifted his chin and leaned toward Kaori, angling for a glimpse of what was inside the box.
Kaori lowered his voice, letting the boy in on the secret. "These are our summer sweets. Yellow for the sun—citrus. Here." He slid closer to the boy along the couch and picked up one of the delicacies in its paper shell, holding it out.
Kaolo lowered his head and took a cautious sniff of the tiny yellow globe. "It smells like orange."
"Orange and lemon, you're right. It's quite tart. These ones are sweeter." He offered Kaolo a red candy. "Red, for strength. Strawberry. Taste it!"
With a shy grin, Kaolo took the candy and popped it into his mouth. It was clear immediately that he approved. "'Sgood," he said around the mouthful.
"These green ones are for prosperity. We here in the capitol like our symbols, but...well. I just like the candy." Kaori popped one of the green candies into his own mouth and frowned speculatively. "I don't know if you'll like these. They're flavored with herbs."
Although Kaolo wrinkled his brow, still sucking on the red sweet, he looked willing to try it. Casting an eye over the box again, he frowned. "Hey!"
"What? What is it?"
"You said you didn't have enough to share with Mother. This whole box is full."
Kaori laughed, feeling a flutter of affection for the boy. "You're right. I think we can save a few back for her, what do you think?"
"Yes!"
They enjoyed their candy in companionable quiet, until Kaori began to feel strained again. Watched. He pictured the pair of them from a third party's eyes: here they sat, a couple of handspans apart, Kaori with a box of candy on his knee and Kaolo with his shoulders hunched, sucking idly on a strawberry sweet, neither of them speaking, neither of them looking at one another.
It was awkward indeed.
"I'll just put them here. Help yourself, if you'd like more." Kaori put the box on the side table and picked up a book. "Do you mind if I read for a little while?"
Kaolo shook his head. "I like reading," he said.
"So do I." With a smile, Kaori nodded toward the shelves across the room, where his personal collection of books was kept. "I know it must feel rather strange. We don't really know each other yet, do we? But I want you to feel comfortable here, Kaolo. If you want to look around, please. If you'd like to look at any of the books, I'd be delighted. Next time you come, you must feel free to bring anything you wish—any toys or books of your own. This is a very grown-up room, and when I was your age, I would have wept out of boredom."
A slow smile passed over Kaolo's face. "Why would you cry if you were bored?" he asked.
"It's a terrible thing, being bored!" Kaori smiled back, settling his book on his knee. "That's the last thing I want for you here. You needn't feel like you have to sit and humor me. Okay?"
Kaolo looked hesitant, but he nodded. Uncertain, Kaori turned his attention to the book, although he wasn't reading. He did not want the boy to feel surveilled, but he did not want him to feel ignored, either. He was keenly aware of Kaolo sitting there next to him, very still at first and then, after a moment or two, swinging his legs and looking around the room.
Sure enough, after a couple of minutes had passed, Kaolo got up from the couch. He was shy and slow as he crept around the room. Kaori glanced at him, secretly watching the way Kaolo leaned down to examine the keepsakes on the shelves and then, with greater interest, the books. He had his hands clasped behind his back, a polite young boy trained not to touch things, not to break things.
When Kaolo turned toward him, Kaori dropped his gaze back to his book, pretending to have been absorbed in his reading.
"...Kaori?"
"Mm?" He raised his head again.
"May I look at these?" Kaolo was pointing at the bookshelf.
"Of course. Shall I get anything down from the higher shelves for you?"
Kaolo shook his head, smiling. That last little nudge had been enough; he turned back to the shelves at once and gathered two heavy books into his arms, carrying them back to the couch. He clambered up again, sitting a greater distance from Kaori than before but with much more ease.
"Ah," Kaori said, "Those are some of my favorites. The illustrations are beautiful. After you have a look, you shall have to tell me which are your favorites."
At first, the two of them turned pages in silence, each of them absorbed in their own books, but soon enough, Kaolo was offering up his options for the best pictures. By the time Aun returned from her afternoon in the infirmary, she found the two of them settled comfortably on the couch. Kaolo was dozing with his head against Kaori's shoulder, the illustrated book bridging their laps.
Aun looked startled, but then pleased. "Well, I can see you two got up to mountains of trouble."
"Is it that obvious?" Kaori asked in a whisper. He didn't move—he was loath to wake the boy.
"It couldn't be plainer, my prince." With a secret smile, Aun approached the pair. She gently lifted Kaolo's head from Kaori's shoulder and nodded him away. He slipped off of the couch and retreated as she lowered her son to rest where he'd been seated.
"I'll get a blanket," Kaori whispered. He slipped into the bedroom and brought back a woven blanket, which he laid gently over Kaolo's shoulders.
They passed days in this manner, Aun happily leaving Kaolo and Kaori to their wild adventures. They would spend time as a group, too, having tea or supper together, walking in the gardens, or going down into the city of Karelin to buy cups of sweet summer cider or new books.
It was easy. It felt, for all the challenge and the pain of those first hours, like coming home.
One night, the three of them had spent the evening after supper working on a wooden puzzle board borrowed from the Lorekeeper. Kaolo had been interested in the game for a while, but, being young, his interest had waned and he had settled on Kaori's couch with a book to page through by candlelight. Soon enough, he had fallen asleep.
"He'll be quite the scholar," Kaori observed.
Aun laughed softly. "Once he is able to stay awake long enough to make it through a few pages, perhaps."
Turning toward her, Kaori was poised to reply, but his words were intercepted by the soft and sudden kiss Aun gave him.
His heart thrilled. His pulse froze for an instant and then quickened. He had only just begun to return that sweet kiss when Aun pulled back, her head low.
"I'm sorry," she murmured. "I've meant to do that—I mean, I've wanted to do that for days, but...Goddess above, prudence had been winning. Please forgive me, Kaori."
"Forgive you?" he asked in disbelief. "For a kiss?"
"I'm not here to play games with your heart. That isn't why I came. I came for him." She looked up at him. "I can't imagine—I brought your son into your life, and unless I mistake the evidence of my eyes, you care for him. The two of you together...I don't mean to...to influence your affections."
"You're afraid that I might love you because you brought Kaolo to the capitol?" Kaori asked, incredulous.
Aun knit her brow. "When you say it like that..."
"Aun." Kaori cupped her face in his hands, fixing her with his gaze. "I do love you because you brought my son—our son—into my life. But that is not the only reason I love you. I love you because you are sunshine, everything bright. I love you because of your kindness. I love you because you are wise, because you are a healer and a teacher and a friend. I love you because you saved my life, those many years ago, and moreover, you saved my spirit. I love you because...because you are." He lowered his hands and slid back along the floor, putting a little space between them again. "I do not expect anything of you. I know you did not come here to stay. But I won't allow you to think that you are somehow...working some mischief on my emotions. Even had you the desire, it's far too late."
She had been solemn at first, but a slow smile had crossed her features as he'd continued to speak. She reached for Kaori's hand and slid her fingers through his. "Perhaps I would have done things differently, if I could do them again."
"It is in the past, Aun."
"There was never anyone else. Not since you. I want you to know that. Whatever happens." She pressed his fingers gently.
He returned the gesture, then raised her knuckles to his lips to kiss them. "Nor for me."
"Honestly?" She seemed surprised.
"Honestly."
In silence, they gazed at one another, and then they looked down at their linked hands. Kaori did not want to be the one to break this silence. At length, Aun licked her lips, preparing to speak, and Kaori braced himself to be rebuffed.
"Perhaps..."
He waited.
"...Perhaps...we might try this...again?" There was a hesitant, distant hope in Aun's voice, which trembled. For a woman as capable and steady as she was, moments like this were rare. The trust Kaori had had in her, which might have been broken beyond repair by what she had done in leaving with her secret, somehow remained intact. Perhaps it was because he could hear her sincerity, her uncertainty.
He did not make her wait for his answer. He leaned in and kissed her, and the years they had spent apart were washed away.