How to Make a Sinner Sleep - Chapter 56: Chapter 56

The lake wasn't as beautiful as it was the previous night.
That was Kaden's first dazed thought, and he wondered if it was because it was day and not night, that the contrast between the intensity of water wasn't as vivid against the skies.
Or was it the company of two, when his focus could only wander between the dragon and the lake?
Beside, a certain dragon was sharing similar thoughts, thinking the tranquillity of the lake couldn't compare with a noisier crowd.
He didn't mind it—the rowdy group of students that chased chaos and recklessness. But the atmosphere from then and now was irrevocably different. The difference was in the company that surrounded; he knew.
But what was the precise thing that separated Kaden, alone, and the group of silly friends?
He had a guess for that answer as well.
"Are you perhaps thinking about a particular, stupid fool?" wondered Niklas in a raised voice, lifting his eyebrows slyly.
Noah glanced sideways, expressionless. "You were awake last night. You knew he left."
"I knew no such thing. How could you accuse me?"
"...you can't always play the fool, Niklas."
"Hey, let's not call each other names." complained the other, despite having done the same earlier. Kaden had walked ahead with Holly and Nicola. "Anyway, it did something, didn't it? He fell asleep."
Niklas wasn't heartless, even if his pastime was teasing others, and making messes. He insisted that he cleaned up after his messes after, however.
But even a man with failing vision could see the unsteady stumble of Kaden's steps, the dragging darkness under his eyes. Kaden's stubborn way of pretending nothing was wrong couldn't detour Niklas from thinking of plans in his mind.
If a direct approach didn't work, then he would find discreet and indirect matters.
He wouldn't admit it.
Because of course, why would he take to sleep earlier than he normally would, squeezing his eyes shut to force the darkness to come? Why would he wake up in short periods and bursts, hearing the near rustling sheets and lie still as if still in deep slumber?
It wouldn't be because Kaden wouldn't dare to disturb him and quietly slip outside to not wake him. It also wouldn't be because Niklas knew Kaden would think twice before returning, believing his own insomnia would disrupt and wake Niklas.
Niklas kept walking, saying nothing. It was unlike his typical character.
If possible, Niklas would've had a terrific time baring his deepest, darkest secrets and worries to Kaden, indulging in a mini therapy sessision that only the best of freinds could share.
A pillow fight, which he predicted would be violent, was another option he would've participated in. Time was short, but he valued their friendship and every event that could occur.
Perhaps their age made them a little old to mess around, but Niklas could confidentally say that if he threw a pillow at Kaden, the other would throw one back even harder. The image made him snort slightly.
But fun wasn't what Kaden needed, so Niklas had to adjust his plans.
"Don't think too much, Noah. We're all friends. I have never lied about that." He turned half-way, the side of his face shadowed by the trees above. "I wouldn't ruin that. No matter what."
The dragon's eyes watched him, at the smile that wasn't there. Then, the man turned and ran ahead to catch up with the others, waving his hand wildly in the air. "Hey! Don't leave me behind, what did I miss? Don't solve mysteries without me!"
Underneath the shade of a curved tree, Kaden crouched down with a frown. Hanging leaves dangled low over the water, a curtain of nature reflected.
Holly bent her knees, peeking to the side. "I've been thinking, but, why would somebody bury the child's ashes? I mean, if the baby turned into dust," A pause and a flicker of sorrow flashed by her eyes. "...did she sweep up the remains to bury them? But if she placed them here,"
"Why long for the dead?" Nicola's soft voice finished. "You're wondering, Holly, why it is that the ghost cries for a child she buried herself. Perhaps that alone hints at another story."
"But if the child became ashes, then the father searching and collecting every particle he could find is far too..."
"We can hypothesize, but there isn't an answer we can determine." Kaden shook his head, a lock of pink falling over his face as he tore at the dirt. "It's better not to think of things that'll make you miserable. Even if they're true."a
Fingers coated in grime, he continued to claw at the ground, taking no mind to the muddy earth where water overlapped with brown. His clothes gradually became filthy as the disobedient stray hair poked at his eye.
He ignored it, jerking his head to hope the wind would assist in blowing it away, and failed.
"....." The fingers digging paused.
There was the option of asking Holly and Nicola who were near and watching, although they hadn't noticed his temporary desire to shave his head bald. But that was awkward, and what if they judged him, and what if it became weird and unnatural and—
—and he was overthinking the small action of getting hair out of his face.
He sucked in a breath, and figured getting dirt on his face wouldn't be a bad deal compared to asking for help. A muddied finger moved to grab the taunting piece of hair when slender fingers grazed by his cheeks, enclosed by a leather glove.
They brushed his skin briefly before placing the wayward strand away, tucking it behind his ear. Kaden was suddenly made aware of the figure crouching beside him on one knee.
He said nothing, gaze lowered to continue digging.
Then, he muttered a quiet, "Thanks."
Noah regarded him, indifferent to digging up the ashes, and instead focused on Kaden's face. "You can ask for help. Even if it's something small like this."
"I— I intended to, fully. A shame you weren't there earlier—I'm keeping myself pure for you, see, Bellamy. I am yours alone."
"Is that so?"
Noah hummed, and Kaden fell silent. He'd always teased the dragon, always suggested things in disgusting and intimate ways, and Noah would glare in horror. That was the fixed routine, wasn't it?
When did the dragon become immune to it?
Kaden felt a little upset that he wouldn't see the annoyed expression as often anymore. He frowned as the hole he dug grew larger.
Noah saw the creases between the man's eyebrows and resisted the urge to smooth them out. "What's upsetting you?"
"You're no fun anymore, Bellamy."
The dragon was slightly surprised, and frowned in response. "...I'm not fun? Why?"
There was annoyance and also worry reflected on the handsome features, as if the other were really debating in what aspects he was lacking. For a person like Noah to look offended by being not fun greatly amused Kaden.
"Well," drawled the sinner with a newfound purpose. "You're strict, always scolding me, all quiet and stoic as if trying to become the main characters in your novels—"
"The characters I write are noisy and loud."
Kaden looked somewhat surprised. He'd read the skeletons and the beginning of the novel Noah had written, but hadn't really seen the depth of the characters. In fact, it was dififcult to discern who the main character was.
"Don't you write about people similar to yourself?"
"I write about the people I cannot be."
Noah wondered if he should feel a little insulted, considering Kaden implied his behaviour was boring and stoic.
"You want to be somebody else?"
"Sometimes, I want to wear the skin of another and be everything I am not."
Kaden scrunched his nose. "That's rather gruesome. How villainous of you."
"I haven't promoted my heroic agenda."
"Yet you reek of the nobility and courage that only a hero could have."
"I reek?"
"It's not an insult." said Kaden quickly. "I'm, I'm saying you smell good." It was only after the words left him that he realized how strange it sounded. "Not your scent, particularly, but in a general sense."
He stopped talking, realizing that he only dug himself into a deeper pit.
Noah quirked an eyebrow, the curve of his lip tugging into an amused smile. He hummed again. "Is that so?"
"Yes!" Since the hole was already dug, Kaden could only jump into it. "You smell wonderful! Brilliant. Like some soulful, earthy and flowery and also tart contradiction of—"
Noah held up a hand, rubbing his temple. "I think I understand."
"Embarrassed, dragon dearest?"
Of course, the dragon had developed some immunity to Kaden's ridiculous words, but there was so much he could endure without feeling any embarrassment.
Kaden leaned in closer, though keeping a sliver of space between. "What's this? The wondrous and proud Noah Bellamy feeling a little shameful? I'll need to call Holly over to capture the expression to distribute to the crowd."
Noah glared at him. "I hope you realize the similarities between you and Niklas. You are cut from the same cloth."
"....." Kaden felt insulted. "I'm obviously better than him?"
Just as he said that, a smiling face appeared next to him. Kaden, having been distracted and relaxed by his conversation, jerked sideways. Dirt flung at the intruder, who hissed with disgust.
"Oh come on! Even if you're jealous of my brilliance, there's no need to resort to mud fights!" exclaimed Niklas.
"I'm helping you out." sneered Kaden, secured from falling backwards by Noah's steady grip. "Look in a mirror, doesn't the dirt suit you?"
"I'm sure it does. My charm can only increase, whether I wear a mask of dirt or a brand-new uniform." said the other shamelessly.
Niklas peeked curiously at the uncovered ground, eyes widening. "Wait, wait. Do you see that? There's something metalic gleaming, I just saw it! I think I saw wood too?"
Kaden swivelled, and tore through the dirt again. The two woman had stepped back briefly, but hearing the commotion, quickly approached the trio. Everybody held their breath in waiting as a wooden box was uncovered.
"Inside..." said Holly nervously. "Is it...?"
Kaden's hand trembled slightly, feeling how surreal it felt to see the box that possibly held the ashes of a dead baby. The remains of a mother's beloved, of a life gone too early.
He unclipped the lock, and snapped the lid open.
A gust of wind snaked between them, and clouds settled over the sun, smothering the light.
Nicola closed her eyes quietly, and Holly clutched her friend's sleeve with a tremble. Noah didn't look away, and Niklas' shoulders slumped slightly.
It was one thing to hypothesize, to imagine the scenarios that could make up the truth. It was easy, thinking of the possibilities, feeling sorrow at the thought of them. But when the truth was in their hands, and the slightest chance that such tragedy was false disappeared, they could no longer look at it calmly.
Kaden sighed, closing the box. The sound of the lid shutting was loud, and woke them all from their silence.
"We'll take the child's ashes back. If it's the mother that's seeking the baby, then they were likely buried by the father after he returned."
His calm demure, devoid of any awkwardness he occasionally betrayed, or any emotion at all besides a touch of resignation, unsettled his friends. His gaze remained blank, stating facts without holding emotion.
As if such a thing were an inevitable course of nature, something he'd seen transpire too many times to still react.
"That's the only thing we can do for them now." added the man after hearing no response. "Let's go."
Another brush of wind crept up their arms, and Holly shuddered.
Slowly, she nodded after glancing over at Nicola, whose simple shake of her head warned not to say anything, and followed behind Kaden back to the house. The child still deserved a proper burial—Kaden understood, the wishes of the mother and the father.
What horrible scene had exactly occurred, what emotions had been felt, what things had been seen? It was impossible to know.
Even if he learned exactly what happened, he wouldn't be able to graze the tip of their emotions—no two people felt emotions the same way, to the same intensity.
He wondered how he would feel, losing his family helplessly.
Family. How did it feel to have one, much less to lose it?
Believing that the others were close behind, Kaden walked to the garden that could be seen from the large window of the study. Where a person had likely watched their family run outside, free and alive.
There was a towering flower tree, every slender branch blossoming with peeling buds, or fully bloomed flowers.
Silently, Kaden knelt down at the foot of the tree.
The grass rustled around him, and four more people followed his steps. He looked up in surprise. "I can bury the child."
Holly was tearing up then, bright gaze blurred by water drops. "No way. We'll all bury the child, for the sake of the mother. For the sake of the father who lost his family out of his sight. Sniff— I'm not crying, by the way."
She started to dig, despite the dirt filling the underneath of the tips of her clean, rounded nails. Nicola followed suit, without mind to the mess.
Niklas sighed, shaking his head as he started to dig. "A shame."
"What of?" wondered Holly with a frown.
"Of a life not lived. Of a child that could've become much more than we might ever be. Of a loss, to more than one life."
Holly sniffed loudly, wiping her nose at her sleeves and said nothing.
Kaden's fingers had frozen in the indented ground, the box placed carefully at his side. He'd buried many people in his past, the old and the young, animals, everything that could be imagined.
And if he couldn't, he'd leave a single flower to those sacrificed for a cause they had no relation to. It did nothing to ease him, but he did it when he could neverthless.
Reed had sneered in the past, laughing that he would do something so hypocritical—would the dead really rest in peace, knowing they were buried and respected by their murderer?
It was selfish, and it was foolish. But there were many people, many stories left untold, many bodies scattered across the street with nobody to claim.
People who lived a solitary life, living alone, dying alone.
It was those that Kaden chose to bury.
The hole, in the midst of his thoughts, had already become deep enough to fit a small box. All heads turned to Kaden, who blinked and grabbed the box gently. He held it for a second before lowering it to the ground.
Dirt was thrown over, little by little, until the wooden box could no longer be seen. Kaden patted the ground, flattening the surface quietly.
'To the child who never got to grow up.'
Kaden looked around at his friends, their heads lowered in silent prayers.
'You were known, and you were seen. You were alive.'
The child would not be another nameless who remained unknown entirely, its existence forgotten and buried without a single thought. And although that couldn't compare to a full-filled life—
Kaden turned his head slightly to the large window in the study. He furrowed his eyebrows, a flicker of white ghosting in the distance.
—the child had lived. Unlike all those children among the streets whose bodies rotted away with the rain, this child would be grieved.
And in another life, perhaps they would become something more.
Kaden's entire body turned cold as the white form condensed into the slender figure of a woman, quietly watching. Interlocking eyes, she smiled softly and he saw the outline of her pale lips open.
'Thank you.'
When Kaden blinked again, there was nothing there.