I still remember. Do You? ꒰ა yoonmi... - Chapter 53: Chapter 53

" Hyu- Yoongi tell me do you still remember? "
He puts his hands on the collar of Yoongi's shirt, gently grabbing it between his trembling fingers. Jimin shakes him with the power that he has left in him. He feels so light headed right now.
" Was me and m-my child so easy to forget ?"
He breaths out all the air from his lungs. He feels weird to finally address the issue, it feels weird to finally admit these words that he before was trying so hard to forget.
When his heartbeat gets too loud, he starts to break down. He feels so weak that his body starts to slump to the ground. But Yoongi managed to put his hands around Jimin's waist and help him before he could fall to the ground.
He slowly help Jimin get down on the floor before kneeling down himself, right next to him.
Yoongi wraps his arm around Jimin in a side hug, and he keeps it there on his back to make him feel he's there for him.
" Do you not remember about our child Yoongi ?"
He looks at Yoongi with that desperate look in his eyes. He just wants Yoongi to tell him that he remembers. That's all he wants to hear right now. A simple sentence like that would calm his bursting heart.
At least then he wouldn't feel like he's the only one stuck in this gruesome past.
" The child that we were so excited to have? "
He cries loudly as he talks about his child. It breaks his heart to open the old wounds. But he needs to open them so they could heal. It'll only hurt him more if he just let them be, the scar would get deeper and deeper. And it'd make his life more miserable than it actually is.
" The child that you made a crib for? The child you brought clothes and toys for."
It hurts him more when he starts to get flashback of Yoongi being so excited while showing him the clothes and shoes he have bought for their baby.
Was it easy for Yoongi to move on from those moments? The moments when they both built the crib together, the moments where they shopped for their baby together. Was it so easy for Yoongi to forget?
The happiness that they experienced, the joy of becoming parents, the excitement that came with it and the pain... did Yoongi forget about it all ?
" The child that was going to be o-our family."
His own family, that's the only thing that Jimin wished for. Yet that's the only thing the heavens didn't give him. That's the only thing he could never have.
He hates the word 'almost' the most in this world, because he almost had his child in his arms, he and Yoongi almost became parents. Their lives were almost perfect... This almost... It ruined everything.
" The child that-"
He choked on a sob and let out a little scream. Even completing his own sentence breaks his heart. He never wishes to admit it himself but he have to. In need to move on he needs to deal with all his past and the pain that came with it.
He have to face the agony to be able to smile again.
" - that n-never came into this world."
He starts to cry frantically, as if the ferocity of it might bring his child back; as if by the sheer force of his grief the news would be undone.
It hurts him to even think about that time again and what he went through. The time he lost his child, his and Yoongi's child.
The time his life came crushing down, the time his life went downhill. The moment his future became blurry. And he lost his child and his lover on the same day.
" It feels like I'm the only one stuck in the past, the only one suffering-- while you.. you have already moved on."
He waited for Yoongi to bring up the topic. Because even though it might be a hurtful topic they knew it needs to be brought up. But Yoongi never did and it only made Jimin think that Yoongi probably doesn't remember much about it, while it still haunts him till this date.
And he didn't dare bring it up himself because Yoongi had already moved on. He didn't want to hurt Yoongi by bringing the past. He thought maybe he could be like Yoongi too.
That maybe he could forget everything and start a new life like Yoongi. But it wasn't so easy for him. It really wasn't.
Jimin still remembers the time he woke up in the hospital. Everything around him was white, his body aches so badly that he couldn't lift his own fingers without feeling the immense pain shoot through his body.
But what hurted him more was the expression on his father's face when he asked about his child. And that one expression was enough to tell him what had happened, his worst nightmare just came true... That he-- he had lost his child. His and Yoongi's child.
He cried loudly in his father's arms, refusing to believe it. Because just some hours ago his life was fine, he was waiting for his baby's arrival in this world and now... that baby was no longer there. His precious child just left him like that. And Jimin started to blame himself for that.
That it was his fault for not being able to keep their baby safe, for not being able to protect it.
The second shock came when he asked about Yoongi. His father doesn't gave him an explanation and just said he can't reach him.
And when Jimin asked if Yoongi knew, his father only nodded his head. And Jimin started getting a bad feeling from then on. He started feeling like Yoongi had left him because he wasn't able to protect his child.
But he still refused to believe it, because Yoongi promised him that he'd never leave him. So he waited for his alpha. He knew Yoongi would need some time to deal with this loss too, so he let the alpha be like that for the time being.
But as the time went by and there were no signs of Yoongi coming back, Jimin knew he had lost Yoongi along with his child.
So, he buried the memories of Yoongi and his child in the deepest corner of his heart, to keep himself from being hurt again and again. Like a sort of defensive mechanism.
The news about Jimin's pregnancy waa only known by him, Yoongi and his father. So, when he went back home after being discharged, the crib and the closet he prepared for his child wasn't there anymore. And he knew his father must have done that to protect him.
" Did you really wanted a child so bad that you left me and had it with someone else ?"
He asks Yoongi in a hoarse tone. He is hurt and he can't help but show his feelings through his words.
When he saw Yoonjun that day, the intense moment of his brain being frozen, the feeling of his haunting past coming back. He felt like he was just slapped on the face for not fulfilling his duty of giving a heir to his alpha.
It hurted him to think that for Yoongi- only a child, a heir was important rather than him. It made him think that Yoongi wanted a child so, desperately that he left him when he couldn't give him one.
And that's how the hate and anger for Yoongi started to grow in his heart. But he was never able to bring himself to hate that little innocent child. Who stared at him with the purest eyes in the whole world.
" Tell me Yoongi. Say something."
He cries again and this time his cries and mixed with anger and frustration. He can't do this anymore, he's at his limit now.
If he doesn't get answers from Yoongi today, he'd be seriously hurt. And he doesn't think he'd be able to continue this.
" Jimin ah, calm down please."
Yoongi tries his best to relax him down by caging him in his arms, but Jimin breaks through by pushing him away. His eyes are red by now and his heavy breathing fills up the room.
He wants Yoongi to see his desperation and just give him what he wants.
" NO! I WANT A-ANSWERS!"
He screams making Yoongi flinch. The omega looks so scary right now that it makes Yoongi shudder.
Jimin sensed it too, that he was losing his composure. So, he breathed in, clenching and unclenching his fist to calm down.
He's here to make everything right, but if he keeps letting his anger overpower him it'd only lead to make things worse between them. And he doesn't want that.
So, he pushes his body forward toward Yoongi. His hands searching for Yoongi's and once he found them he intertwined their fingers. He's trying to act mature even in a situation like this, all because of his fear of losing Yoongi and Yoonjun.
" Tell me Yoongi. Tell me everything. I don't believe that you'd ever leave me like that."
Him losing their child was more of a reason for Yoongi to come back to him. But if Yoongi didn't, there has to be some big reason behind it.
Because after, all that Jimin has seen that night, he doesn't have a reason to doubt Yoongi's love for him anymore.
The way Yoongi cried for him to not leave that night, the glimpse of pain and hurt in his eyes made it all made Jimin start to believe that what he thinks is not the reality. That it isn't as simple as it seems. There has to be something. Something that made Yoongi do all this against his will.
And he desperately wants to know it now. If Yoongi still rejects telling him he, might go feral.
" I'll tell you everything but first calm down."
Yoongi takes his hands off Jimin's hold to rub his back. Engulfing him in his arms, trying to shush Jimin down a bit. He knows Jimin is desperate for answers and he'll tell him everything, because he too can't do all this anymore.
He's at his limit seeing how much this all is hurting his Jimin. And that was never his intention behind all this.
He had already messed up his relationship with Jimin one time, but he won't let it happen again.
" Drink this."
He brings the glass of water upto Jimin's lips and make him drink even after his resistance. He knows the omega need it after all the screaming and cry.
" Where are you going? "
Jimin asks when Yoongi suddenly gets up. He holds Yoongi by his wrist, afraid that the alpha is running away from his questions again.
" To give you the answers to your questions."
Yoongi replies before he gently slides Jimin's hand off his wrist to go inside, leaving Jimin alone there.
While Yoongi was inside his room, Jimin sat out there with a pounding heart that threatened to come out of his chest ahy second.
He is well aware of the fact that he's the one who desperately wants the answer. But now when he's finally getting then, he's scared. He's afraid what the truth might be and how it'll effect him.
Will knowing turns out to be a good or bad thing for him?