I Still Want You [Taekook] - Chapter 15: Chapter 15

Seoul - October 2016
Taehyung's P.O.V
I drag him into the trouble again. Because of me, Bogum Hyung gets so many hates and malicious comment.
"Hyung, you don't need to do this. Just let them be. I can handle it" I said trying to stop him to post the video message
"Tae, listen to me. I'm doing this in my own accord, not because of you. I don't want them to interfere with my private life. If I let them do this, they'll continue to do the same in the future. Who I am friends with, who I am dating with, they'll going to control me over that subject. it doesn't matter to me if this video message ends my career as an actor." He pushes the Tweet button
"But hyung... "
"Okay, let say I'm doing this for you. Then doesn't it mean you need to pay me back?" I gulped
"Yeah, of course. What should I do then? Telling the media that we actually didn't know each other? That you're just lying to protect me?"
"You stupid. What kind of bullshit you're talking about," he snorted irritably
"Then what should I do to pay you back hyung?"
Bogum hyung hold my hand and pulled me to face him. "Be a better you. For you, for your family, for your friend, and for me. Can you do that?"
I just stunned. Be a better me? Can I do that? me? This useless disgusting human being?
"Don't think too low of yourself. The only lacking side of you is thinking too much about what the others say about yourself. If they don't know you personally, then don't take it to your heart about what they said" He ruffled my, now black, hair.
"You used to be a very cheerful kid. You are someone who is full of life, very social, friendly, humble, easy to talk too, someone who's only has a good personality. That's the true you. The one in front of me, who is timid, pessimistic, low self-esteem, lack of self-confidence, feeling useless, always looking down on himself, aloof, always feeling guilty, is not Kim Taehyung. He is just a shadow made by the abominations of society who doesn't know who you really are. Why should you change for someone who doesn't even know you? while your family, your friends, me, missed your old self, missed the real Kim Tahyung."
"I know it hurts so much. I know your whole heart is devastated, accompanying your sorrow for the loss of him. But it doesn't mean you can give up on yourself. The moment when you want to give up, just remembers your family and everyone who loves you. They'll help you to hold on. One of the most difficult tasks in life is removing someone from your heart, but when you do that, it can make room for better people, for a better life." He wiped away my tears, which I don't know since when I've been crying.
"Can everything go back like what it used to be, Hyung?" I sobbed in his arms
"Of course" he strokes my back in a very soothing way.
"Remember, You are one of the most popular students at Seoul National University. The handsome Kim Taehyung. You're known for your anime-like face, your kindness, your friendliness, your musical ability, and your beautiful voice. So many people queue just to become your friends."
"But right now they left me. They hate me. They don't even want to talk to me again" I looked up to him.
"They don't hate you, they just afraid about what people going to say. They just wondering and hesitating is it okay to be friend with you. And I just prove to the world that nothing goes bad when I befriend you. You are a very kind person, very great person to be friend with, and that's what matters. Be yourself, be the you that it used to be, be the real Kim Taehyung. And everything's gonna be alright. Believe me. Trust me. You just have a pair of hands, you can't use them to shut everyone's mouth. What can you do is use it to close your ears."
Yeah. Why I'm so weak all this time. I have my family, I have my friend, I have Bogum Hyung. They always there to protect me, to support me. I should stay strong for them. I'm going to close my ears, I'll cover them. ignore all the hatred they pointed towards me. Listen to them just going to weaken me both physically and mentally.
About that person, I'm going to remove him from my heart and my life. Completely, step by step, bit by bit. Loving him is one of the best things happens in my life, but if by loving him I'm losing my self-respect, that's wrong. Tonight is the starting point when I finally let him go and move on.
* * *
Krystal's P.O.V
I hummed happily. As usual, tonight I'm seeing the night sky with Taehyung. It less than 2 weeks since I meet him, but every night we sat together doing nothing but talking and enjoy the beauty of the night.
Here he is, sitting on the swing bench.
"Boo" I tried to surprise him
"You better try another way, girl." he's smiling. his smile is not as grim as it once was.
"How's your recording, mister?" I act like I'm holding a microphone and interviewing him.
"I have no idea. I know you already grasp what happens"
"well yeah, it's all over the news and SNS. if I were you, I'll grab their hair or slap them hard."
"easy to said" he glares at me then smile.
"How does it feel to be an idol?" he asked me, his eyes look at mine and it's so beautiful. Oh God, I'm tired of admiring his beauty, but I can't stop.
"Do you interrogate me Mr.Kim Taehyung?"
"Just answer me" he is whining cutely.
"how does it feel to be an idol? I don't know how to explain it. It has it's own sweetness, spiciness, saltiness, and bitterness. You can taste them at the same time, but sometimes you taste them separately, alternating one with the other. It's kind of joyful but stressful in general." It's been 7 years since I debuted but I never really think about 'the feeling of being an idol'.
"How about the trainee days? is it hard?"
"Very. I have different schedules every day. I need to impress my coaches and higher up people as my number one priority. As a trainee, you don't have time for yourself because you'll be too busy with lessons and training. Your life will be a competition. It's either you win or lose. We have suffered through it just so we can be an idol. But actually, the trainee life is full of uncertainty. there is no guarantee that someday you'll debut as an idol. So, the seconds when you finally debut is the most euphoric moment. then gradually that euphoric moment will be replaced with the stress due to working hours, full packed schedule, competition, society pressure, even sometimes you got some harassment. You need to maintain your 'perfect' image, need to satisfy the netizen's standards. And the one that I hate the most for being an Idol is your life isn't private anymore. People will try directing and make your life according to their wishes. They will tell you not to mention this or don't say that, tell you to do this or do that. Everything you do will be known and it will never be forgotten. You can't go to anywhere without feeling watched. Basically, your life is a puppet show. Does that sound nice?" I turned to him, he was looking at me
"Oh, I see. No wonder he left me" he mumbled his words softly but I still hear him. left him? So, someone left him? An idol? Who is he? Could it be BTS Jungkook?
"What?" I pretend that I didn't hear him.
"Nothing." he smiles and I Just tilting my head.
"You know, for someone being an Idol is their dream, a lifelong dream. To realize that dream, they need to survive a harsh life, endured everything. Then, once you being an Idol there is no way you'll give that up, right?" he added
"Depend on the person. Many of them choose to give up though." I just shrugged my shoulder.
"If someday you love someone, but you need to give up your idol life as a consequence, what would you do?" this time I'm sure that the one who left him is Jungkook. So, what he said in the media is a lie? That's why Taehyung breakdown so much.
"Depends on how much I love him. if I ended up deciding to leave him instead, it means he is not worth my dream. But for me, when I love someone, I'll make sure that I love him wholeheartedly, more than anything. Personally, I'll choose him over my career."
"aah... "
"Why do you ask such a thing?"
"Just curious."
"do I answer your curiosity?"
"Very"
He starts to talk about the things that make him happy, from his favourite food to his favourite movie, talking about his family. He talks about the little things he likes about me. He also talks about the hateful and horrible incident which he experienced these past two months. The way he's smiling, the way he's blushing, the way he's brushing his hair aside, makes me want to be the best listener in the world. While talking he hesitates a little bit. Maybe because it's the first time he decides to open up to me.
And it's the first time for me too. I've never seen a guy open up to me and showing all his emotions. It's my first time seeing a guy showing his strength and his vulnerable side at the same time.
As he finishes his talk, he looks at me.
As our eyes meet, like a teenage girl, I fell for him, in the blink of an eye.