I Still Want You [Taekook] - Chapter 19: Chapter 19
You are reading I Still Want You [Taekook], Chapter 19: Chapter 19. Read more chapters of I Still Want You [Taekook].
Seoul - November 2016
Krystal p.o.v
Oke. I need to learn 'how to think first before speaking'. Gosh. I know I'm not that smart, but never know that I'm this stupid. How can I say something like that? I indeed fell for Taehyung, but I don't need to claim him as my boyfriend. He's gonna be mad about this, and I just can facepalm myself.
A cold sweaty hand touch mine. It's Taehyung's. He's so pale. Oh, my God. He might start to self-destruct again. Sana, Irene, both of you are dead meat if something happens to Taehyung. All the words that come out of their mouths definitely triggering Taehyung. I pull him back to our waiting room.
He's definitely out of his self. His gaze was empty, cold sweat poured down, his hands trembled, and he couldn't stop muttering "useless" and "disgusting".
"Tae. Dear. Take your breath. Slowly. Inhale-Exhale" I kneeling in front of him, trying to 'teach' him the breathing technique.
"You're doing good. Inhale-Exhale" I caress his cheek gently, and cup his face in my hand.
"Tae, don't ever listening about what they said. Remember, they didn't even know you. It's not you who's useless and disgusting. You're amazing. You're an abundant light who doesn't get affected by any darkness that surrounded you. No one can stop you from shining bright. Right?"
He starts to gain his conscious back and I kept caressing his cheek.
"It's you who's responsible on your life, on your happiness. Not them. So you don't need to take their words. You can do it, hmm? I know you can do it. You're a great man, so it would be easy for you"
A white lie. I know it hard. very hard. At the beginning of my debut, I also got a lot of hate. they said I have a bitch face, didn't like to smile, cold, not friendly, can't be as cute as other girl group member, undergone plastic surgery, and many other hateful comments. At first, I really wanted to give up. But over time, I became accustomed to hearing those words, there was no effect anymore. I've gone too far to give up. they didn't know that I was born with this cold-beautiful face. What can I do about it? In the end, they shut their own mouth.
The hatred I received was nothing compared to what Taehyung experienced. Imagine, he not only received hate comments, but he was also physically attacked, his house was also 'destroyed', they talked bad about his family, even people told him to die, saying he is not worth to live. How terrible. Taehyung has gone through a lot. It's not surprising when Bogum said that Tae used to cut himself.
being gay is already hard enough to get the acceptance from the society, especially in this country, they didn't need to point a finger at him.
yeah. He is gay. Why do I still like him, when it's so clear that there is no hope for me.
Suddenly Taehyung hold my hands that still cupping his face
"Why did you lied?"
"huh?"
"Why did you said that I'm your boyfriend?" So Taehyung didn't completely out of his mind? Glad, it means he can control himself a little bit now.
"Why Soojung? You know we're just a friend" dang, friend zoned.
"I know I'm doing something wrong. I'm lying. I didn't do it on purpose. It's just my reflex. I just want them to stop hurting you" I sit beside him. He stares at me with an unreadable expression
"Am I that pitiful?"
"Oh, God. No Tae. That's not what I mean"
" Hahahaha" he laughs?
"I indeed useless. I can't even protect my self, hiding behind a woman. If there is no you or Bogum Hyung, I can't do anything. Hah, you're really useless Tae. just a piece of shit"
"Tae... No. For the heaven sake, you're the most amazing man I've ever meet" I tried to put my hand on his shoulder but he yanks my hand away. Oh, Tae No. Now I'm the one who's triggering him. I'm no different from them.
"It's okay Soojung-ah. You don't need to lie to me. I know very well that I'm so weak to the point it's annoying."
"Tae..."
"You better change your statement. You should tell them the truth or else it's going to put you into trouble"
"No. That's just going to make them insult you more"
"I can defend my own self" He yells at me and it makes me jolt in surprise, and seems he notice it because he starts to soften again.
"You can't lie, Soojung. You can't."
"I'm not lying. You're not useless, Tae. Never ever in my life would think that way about you"
"it's not that. You can't be lying about me being your boyfriend. He is there. How if he thinks that you're really my girlfriend?" So it's because of him? Guess his mind is still full of Jungkook.
"You're too kind Tae, that's why you care so much for a jerk too."
"Don't you dare to call him that way"
"And you even defend him"
"Let's not have a fight about him, you're my dearest friend, I don't want to lose you because of this matter"
"What if I didn't want to be your friend anymore?" He startled with my words.
"You want to leave me?"
"Nope. Didn't I just say that you're my boyfriend? and you said I can't lie about that. How about we dating for real then?"
Hell yeah. It's not Soojung if she doesn't go all the way. If he's going to reject me later, at least I already confess my feeling to him, that way I wouldn't have any regrets.
"What?" And now he is more than startled
"I said, let's date"
"No. You don't need to go that far for me. You don't need to lie for me."
Huft. I thought, all this time, he will at least get a little bit clue that I have a feeling for him. Guess not.
"I like you. I fell for you" he widened his already wide eyes
"I know we just know each other for not so long. But I really do like you. I even love you. Don't say that it doesn't make senses, because right from the start love is something beyond reason. I couldn't stop my self from being drawn to you. Your face, your smile, your voice, your behaviour, your words, everything about you are etched to my heart and I can't erase it no matter how much I tried. I'm a girl who used to believe that love is just ruining your life, but here you are, come into my life. I fell for you, and I couldn't stop myself" It's all or nothing. He moves toward me, or he never looked back at me.
He bewildered at my love confession
A drop of tear fell down my cheeks. I don't even know, is it because of the relief that comes after I confess to him or because of the fear of rejection
"You can't do that. You can't love me"
"I can't even control my feelings towards you, and you think you can do that?"
"You know very well that I can't return your love" He looked away from me
"Is it because I'm a woman?"
"No"
"Is it because of him?"
"Yes, I know I'm stupid, but I can't give my heart to anyone else but him"
"He left you Tae. He is fucking left you. He left you after promising that he would stay with you. He left you so easily, and yet you still love him this much"
"He must have a reason for this. I believe in him. So let's just stay as a friend. I can't love you, and I hope you don't love me either."
I've experienced a rejection before, but it's nothing as painful as this. Why does he still love Jungkook so much?
"Okay. I understand" I stand up and walked away for him, this time I really want to avoid him for a little while.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry for hurting you. I'm sorry Soojung-ah" Tae is back-hugging me when I'm about to leave the room, saying sorry over and over again.
I closed my eyes and let out a heavy breath. Don't hug me you, Idiot. If you do this, then how am I supposed to forget you? I really want to say this to him, but the words stuck in my throat.
Suddenly Taehyung released his hug from me. And my mouth is hanging ajar the moment when I open my eyes.
"Tae, can we talk for a moment?"
Jeon Jungkook standing there, in front of us
****
Random confession 😋
"I really love Taehyung's side profile" 😍😍
I'm not exaggerating - Taehyung's side profile is the best I've ever seen in my entire life...
His side profile is WOW... 💜💜💜
Krystal p.o.v
Oke. I need to learn 'how to think first before speaking'. Gosh. I know I'm not that smart, but never know that I'm this stupid. How can I say something like that? I indeed fell for Taehyung, but I don't need to claim him as my boyfriend. He's gonna be mad about this, and I just can facepalm myself.
A cold sweaty hand touch mine. It's Taehyung's. He's so pale. Oh, my God. He might start to self-destruct again. Sana, Irene, both of you are dead meat if something happens to Taehyung. All the words that come out of their mouths definitely triggering Taehyung. I pull him back to our waiting room.
He's definitely out of his self. His gaze was empty, cold sweat poured down, his hands trembled, and he couldn't stop muttering "useless" and "disgusting".
"Tae. Dear. Take your breath. Slowly. Inhale-Exhale" I kneeling in front of him, trying to 'teach' him the breathing technique.
"You're doing good. Inhale-Exhale" I caress his cheek gently, and cup his face in my hand.
"Tae, don't ever listening about what they said. Remember, they didn't even know you. It's not you who's useless and disgusting. You're amazing. You're an abundant light who doesn't get affected by any darkness that surrounded you. No one can stop you from shining bright. Right?"
He starts to gain his conscious back and I kept caressing his cheek.
"It's you who's responsible on your life, on your happiness. Not them. So you don't need to take their words. You can do it, hmm? I know you can do it. You're a great man, so it would be easy for you"
A white lie. I know it hard. very hard. At the beginning of my debut, I also got a lot of hate. they said I have a bitch face, didn't like to smile, cold, not friendly, can't be as cute as other girl group member, undergone plastic surgery, and many other hateful comments. At first, I really wanted to give up. But over time, I became accustomed to hearing those words, there was no effect anymore. I've gone too far to give up. they didn't know that I was born with this cold-beautiful face. What can I do about it? In the end, they shut their own mouth.
The hatred I received was nothing compared to what Taehyung experienced. Imagine, he not only received hate comments, but he was also physically attacked, his house was also 'destroyed', they talked bad about his family, even people told him to die, saying he is not worth to live. How terrible. Taehyung has gone through a lot. It's not surprising when Bogum said that Tae used to cut himself.
being gay is already hard enough to get the acceptance from the society, especially in this country, they didn't need to point a finger at him.
yeah. He is gay. Why do I still like him, when it's so clear that there is no hope for me.
Suddenly Taehyung hold my hands that still cupping his face
"Why did you lied?"
"huh?"
"Why did you said that I'm your boyfriend?" So Taehyung didn't completely out of his mind? Glad, it means he can control himself a little bit now.
"Why Soojung? You know we're just a friend" dang, friend zoned.
"I know I'm doing something wrong. I'm lying. I didn't do it on purpose. It's just my reflex. I just want them to stop hurting you" I sit beside him. He stares at me with an unreadable expression
"Am I that pitiful?"
"Oh, God. No Tae. That's not what I mean"
" Hahahaha" he laughs?
"I indeed useless. I can't even protect my self, hiding behind a woman. If there is no you or Bogum Hyung, I can't do anything. Hah, you're really useless Tae. just a piece of shit"
"Tae... No. For the heaven sake, you're the most amazing man I've ever meet" I tried to put my hand on his shoulder but he yanks my hand away. Oh, Tae No. Now I'm the one who's triggering him. I'm no different from them.
"It's okay Soojung-ah. You don't need to lie to me. I know very well that I'm so weak to the point it's annoying."
"Tae..."
"You better change your statement. You should tell them the truth or else it's going to put you into trouble"
"No. That's just going to make them insult you more"
"I can defend my own self" He yells at me and it makes me jolt in surprise, and seems he notice it because he starts to soften again.
"You can't lie, Soojung. You can't."
"I'm not lying. You're not useless, Tae. Never ever in my life would think that way about you"
"it's not that. You can't be lying about me being your boyfriend. He is there. How if he thinks that you're really my girlfriend?" So it's because of him? Guess his mind is still full of Jungkook.
"You're too kind Tae, that's why you care so much for a jerk too."
"Don't you dare to call him that way"
"And you even defend him"
"Let's not have a fight about him, you're my dearest friend, I don't want to lose you because of this matter"
"What if I didn't want to be your friend anymore?" He startled with my words.
"You want to leave me?"
"Nope. Didn't I just say that you're my boyfriend? and you said I can't lie about that. How about we dating for real then?"
Hell yeah. It's not Soojung if she doesn't go all the way. If he's going to reject me later, at least I already confess my feeling to him, that way I wouldn't have any regrets.
"What?" And now he is more than startled
"I said, let's date"
"No. You don't need to go that far for me. You don't need to lie for me."
Huft. I thought, all this time, he will at least get a little bit clue that I have a feeling for him. Guess not.
"I like you. I fell for you" he widened his already wide eyes
"I know we just know each other for not so long. But I really do like you. I even love you. Don't say that it doesn't make senses, because right from the start love is something beyond reason. I couldn't stop my self from being drawn to you. Your face, your smile, your voice, your behaviour, your words, everything about you are etched to my heart and I can't erase it no matter how much I tried. I'm a girl who used to believe that love is just ruining your life, but here you are, come into my life. I fell for you, and I couldn't stop myself" It's all or nothing. He moves toward me, or he never looked back at me.
He bewildered at my love confession
A drop of tear fell down my cheeks. I don't even know, is it because of the relief that comes after I confess to him or because of the fear of rejection
"You can't do that. You can't love me"
"I can't even control my feelings towards you, and you think you can do that?"
"You know very well that I can't return your love" He looked away from me
"Is it because I'm a woman?"
"No"
"Is it because of him?"
"Yes, I know I'm stupid, but I can't give my heart to anyone else but him"
"He left you Tae. He is fucking left you. He left you after promising that he would stay with you. He left you so easily, and yet you still love him this much"
"He must have a reason for this. I believe in him. So let's just stay as a friend. I can't love you, and I hope you don't love me either."
I've experienced a rejection before, but it's nothing as painful as this. Why does he still love Jungkook so much?
"Okay. I understand" I stand up and walked away for him, this time I really want to avoid him for a little while.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry for hurting you. I'm sorry Soojung-ah" Tae is back-hugging me when I'm about to leave the room, saying sorry over and over again.
I closed my eyes and let out a heavy breath. Don't hug me you, Idiot. If you do this, then how am I supposed to forget you? I really want to say this to him, but the words stuck in my throat.
Suddenly Taehyung released his hug from me. And my mouth is hanging ajar the moment when I open my eyes.
"Tae, can we talk for a moment?"
Jeon Jungkook standing there, in front of us
****
Random confession 😋
"I really love Taehyung's side profile" 😍😍
I'm not exaggerating - Taehyung's side profile is the best I've ever seen in my entire life...
His side profile is WOW... 💜💜💜
End of I Still Want You [Taekook] Chapter 19. Continue reading Chapter 20 or return to I Still Want You [Taekook] book page.