Ice Cold - Chapter 18: Chapter 18

Landon Reilly
We lost our first two games. They were both on home ice and I only got about ten minutes of ice time in each. Rojas and the coaches were certain that we were just still finding our rhythm as a team and they would keep messing with the lines until they found something that worked.
They only chose three freshman to go on the trip to the first two away games of the season, both against schools in Minnesota. One of the freshman defensemen, Rivera, would be playing and Cooper was a healthy scratch, there only if we needed him.
I was centering the third line. I had never played on the third line in my life. I tried not to let that bother me. It wasn't like I could take Rojas's spot on the first line.
On the bright side, they had me rooming with Rivera instead of Cooper. I didn't think either of us would have survived the trip if we were stuck in a room together.
We had just finished our Friday night game and the team was having dinner in the restaurant at our hotel. Despite losing the game, spirits were still high among the team. I sat at the end of the table with my line mates, looking down at my phone.
Stella had posted a bunch of things on her story from her night out with her friends. The first picture was a selfie of her and Jess, which reminded me of the guilt I felt from the last time Jess and I spoke. The next post was video of James dancing and holding a drink in each hand. There were a few more videos of James before I got to the last picture she posted.
The last picture was Wren sitting at a table with a water in front of him. There was a closed book on the table and he was looking down at his phone. She captioned it "lame ass."
My heart lurched looking at him. I pressed on the picture to keep it on my screen.
Something had changed between us last weekend, for me at least. Waking up with him, spending time with him, just talking. It was different. I felt comfortable with him, cared for. And instead of that repulsing me, it scared me.
Wren didn't care about anything, let alone me, yet he still had a way of making me feel like he did. And that was just stupid on my part, letting myself feel things for someone who I wasn't even sure had emotions. Someone who definitely didn't feel anything for me.
I was still staring at the picture when I got a text from Wren. It was like he could tell I was thinking about him. I had to hide my thoughts from him even when we were a thousand miles away from each other.
From: Wren
Glad you're not here this weekend.
I furrowed my brow, confused as to why he would send that to me. It was like he knew my thoughts about him were stupid and he wanted to remind me that he didn't care. Another text came in.
From: Wren
James got us kicked out because he kept climbing over the bar.
To: Wren
I'm glad i'm not there either then
From: Wren
Your game was on in the bar.
"Who are you texting that has you smiling at your phone?" Landry, one of my line mates, asked. "I don't think I've ever even seen you smile."
I looked up from my phone to see the rest of my line mates were looking at me. Luckily, they were the only ones and this conversation hadn't spread to the rest of the team.
"No one," I replied.
I hadn't even noticed that my lips had curled up into a smile after reading Wren's text. The thought of him watching my game both unnerved and excited me. It was a strange phenomena I felt with Wren, being both attracted to and repelled by him.
"Really?" Landry asked with a grin, raising his eyebrows at me and clearly not believing what I said. "You're not texting some girl from back home?"
"No, it's my sister," I lied. I felt slightly guilty at using Livi when I hadn't heard from her in a little while. I tried not to let my mind dwell on that.
"Oooh, a sister," Jacobs, another one of my line mates, chimed in. I narrowed my eyes at him.
"She's fifteen."
"Oh. Nevermind," Jacobs replied, looking apologetic while Landry let out a loud laugh and slapped him on the back.
Another text notification lit up my phone.
From: Wren
Isn't the premise of the game to get the puck in the net?
To: Wren
Are you texting me just to irritate me
From: Wren
I do enjoy irritating you, though it's a lot more fun doing it to your face.
This time I did feel myself start to smile and I wanted to punch myself for letting myself get amused at Wren, to feel happy that he was texting me. This was the sort of thing I wanted to avoid, but of course, Wren was impossible for me to avoid.
From: Wren
When will you be back? So I can properly irritate you.
To: Wren
Not until tomorrow night
From: Wren
How unfortunate.
I was trying to think of a response when another text came through from an unknown number.
From: Unknown
Landon it's livi going to call u
I got up from the table just as my phone started to ring. I waited to answer it until I was out of the room and on my way toward the elevator to go back up to my hotel room.
"Hello?" I answered.
"Hey!" Livi replied.
Relief rushed through me at the sound of her voice. I tried not to think too much about why she didn't contact me for a little while. She was only fifteen. Time got away from her. It didn't mean anything bad had happened.
"What's up?" I asked her, stepping into the elevator. "Everything alright?"
"Eh, it's been okay," she said. "Mom grounded me and took away my phone because she thought I wasn't focusing enough on skating, so I stopped going to practice until she ungrounded me."
"And things with Dad?"
"Still an asshole," she responded. "But he's not so bad with me. Not like he was with you. He said something about you the other day."
My eyes widened as I stepped out of the elevator and walked toward my room.
"What?" I asked. I found my room and unlocked the door before stepping inside and going toward my bed. I sat down, awaiting Livi's answer.
"He was talking to Mom about me and my skating and said something like 'Landon was like that at her age. He was losing focus. Olivia is not losing focus.' And Mom got super upset. They act like you're dead or something."
At least my father hadn't said anything about seeing me last weekend. Maybe I hid myself well enough that he really didn't see me at all. I still didn't like the idea of him speaking about me, of him referring to me at all. I would rather he act like I just didn't exist. That was something I had wished for even back when I was living with him, back when he would make me feel worthless even before he knew of my sexuality, the ways he would prepare me for the upcoming hockey season.
*
I fell to the ground, exhaustion taking over me. I just needed a break. Just a minute and I could be back on my feet.
"Get up, Landon," Dad demanded, standing over me. "Did I tell you to stop?"
I looked up at him, my breathing heavy. "No."
"Then why did you stop?" he asked, his voice low and calm. But I knew better than to trust his voice. He was not calm. He was angry. "Do you want to be out of shape when hockey season starts? Do you want all those guys to skate circles around you because you were lazy the whole off season, because you've been eating like shit and not following the diet and work out schedule I laid out for you? Why should I even bother doing that for you if you're not going to follow it?"
I pushed myself up onto one knee, still breathing heavy.
"Should I stop letting you go hang out with your friends?" Dad continued. "Because they're undisciplined in their diets and when you're with them, you eat shit! And I can tell when you're not eating right. I've told you time and time again, you need to remain disciplined if you want to be successful. You're going into your last season before high school and what do I say about high school hockey?"
I let out a deep breath. "It's the most important hockey I'll play. It's how I get scouted for college hockey and it sets the tone for my hockey career."
"That's right," he said. "So are you going to give up everything we've worked for and give up the only thing you're good at or are you going to get up and work?"
I didn't say anything. I just stood up and continued the drills my father had planned for me that day. It was so much running that I couldn't feel my legs anymore. I was breathing so hard, it felt like my throat was bleeding. When I stopped and threw up in the grass, my father didn't say anything. He waited for me to finish and then ordered me to start running again.
After the running was over, he made me stand about thirty feet away from him. Then he shot tennis balls at me with a hockey stick and made me block his shots. Even though I was a forward, he always wanted me to be a two-way player, so he made sure we focused on my defensive skills as well.
When the sun started going down was when he finally called it quits for the night. I was exhausted and bruised. My legs felt like they were going to give out on me at any moment.
"You go take a shower and go to bed," Dad said as we entered the house. "You need rest so we can continue training tomorrow."
Livi and Mom were sitting on the couch watching a movie. Mom smiled over at me and gestured for me to go to her.
"How was training?" she asked, pulling me down toward her so she could kiss my cheek.
"It was fine," I muttered.
"He needs to put in a lot more work," Dad interjected. "We should have never let him go to that sleep over at the Hanson's. They fed those kids a bunch of junk and it shows. Boys shouldn't be having sleep overs at this age anyway."
Mom shook her head but didn't say anything. Dad gestured for me to go upstairs, so I did. I fought through the pain and got in the shower, what felt like the longest shower of my life. And I braced myself to do it all over again tomorrow.
*
"Landon?" Livi called out.
"Sorry, I zoned out," I replied, trying to shake the memories from my head.
"I was just saying that Jimmy Murphy asked me out on a date," she said.
"What?" Jimmy Murphy was on the JV hockey team last year when he was a sophomore. Apparently he had been named captain of the varsity team this year, according to Livi.
"I don't know if I'll say yes," Livi continued. "I don't think Dad will approve and Mom doesn't want me dating at all."
"You never know," I said. I didn't like the thought of my little sister dating, but she was fifteen and I didn't want her missing out on this stuff like I did. "Maybe they'll be okay with it."
"Doubt it," she said with a sigh. "Anyway, how's hockey going?"
"We lost our first three games."
"Bummer, but I'm sure you guys will start winning soon," she replied. "Any boys I should know about? Secret romance on the hockey team?"
I hesitated for just a moment before she was yelling in my ear.
"There is someone!" Livi exclaimed. I had to pull the phone away from my ear for a moment.
"No, Olivia," I denied. "There is no one."
"You're lying!" she said excitedly. "You hesitated! It's okay. You can tell me when you're ready."
I scoffed. "Okay."
"Anyway, got to go," Livi said. "We'll talk soon."
"Yeah, let's plan to meet up soon."
"Yes, definitely. Love you."
"Love you too."
I laid back in bed, staring at the ceiling. I missed my sister. I missed... No, I didn't miss Wren. That was the most idiotic thought that had ever sprung up in my head. It was just that these away games made me feel lonely. I wasn't interested in hanging out with any of these guys. At least back at school I was too busy to even feel lonely. And I somehow ended up seeing Wren most weekends anyway. But now that the season was in full swing, that was going to end. I was going to end up alone in hotel rooms a lot of the time.
I picked my phone up to finally text him back.
To: Wren
Unfortunate for you
I'm enjoying the time away
That was a lie, but he wouldn't be able to tell that through text.
From: Wren
You can't possibly be saying you don't miss me.
To: Wren
That is what i'm syaing
Saying*
From: Wren
Well, I know that's a lie. Otherwise, you wouldn't be texting me.
He didn't even comment on my spelling mistake.
To: Wren
Did you forget that you texted me first
From: Wren
You're the one who keeps texting me back.
I thought about what I would say next for too long. And even though it unsettled me and made me feel nervous, I sent it anyway.
To: Wren
Maybe you're the one who misses me
He didn't respond for a moment and that made my nerves even worse.
From: Wren
I'm glad to see you're finally using the correct "you're."
I let out a deep breath and mentally cursed at him. He was insufferable and infuriating.
To: Wren
You're infuriating
From: Wren
Great job. Now all you have to do is add punctuation to your sentences.
To: Wren
Dont you have better things to do than annoy me over text
From: Wren
I do, but I haven't been able to annoy you in a few days.
To: Wren
Which has been great for me
From: Wren
And not so great for me. When you're back, I'll have to work extra hard to annoy you. I know how much you like it when I make you mad.
I was grinning at my phone like an idiot when another notification popped up on my phone. It was an Instagram message from Stella.
From: Stella
Hey Landon!!! I'm having a little get together at my dorm on Sunday night. You're invited<3 Hope to see you!
Without even thinking, I replied.
To: Stella
Sounds good see you then
And now I just had to get through tomorrow.