Ice Cold - Chapter 29: Chapter 29

Landon Reilly
Our game against Boston College on Saturday was not going well. We had yet to put the puck in the net while BC had done it twice, one of the goals being Micah's.
Micah had really refined his skill since the last time I had seen him play. He was faster and grittier, shining in a way I hadn't seen from him before. I couldn't tell if that bettered or worsened my frustrations about the game; that he was shining while I was doing nothing for my team at that moment. I wasn't scoring or making plays. We were being beat in every sense.
Chris Rojas tried his hardest to encourage his team, as he always did, but nothing was working or going our way. It was a mercy when the game finally ended. Our coaches were clearly pissed about the way the game went, but they didn't say much. They would give us hell on Monday, I was sure.
After showering and changing, I left the locker room where I was immediately faced with Micah's grinning face.
"Good game!" he exclaimed, throwing his arms around me in a hug.
"Yeah, for you," I said, putting one arm around him and patting his back.
Micah pulled away and he was still grinning.
"You played great," he said, because he was sickeningly kind and would lie to me as long as it made me feel good about myself.
The two of us made our way out of the rink and out to the parking lot. I was planning on just taking him on the campus bus back to my dorm and grabbing some dinner.
"So what are your plans tonight?" Micah asked.
"Just going back to my dorm," I told him. I knew Micah would be happy with anything we did. He was an easy going, just happy to be there kind of guy.
We continued walking until we stopped at the sound of someone shouting my name. I turned around, confused, to see it was Stella who was yelling with Jess, James, and Wren following behind her.
Wren had his hands in his pockets, his head tilted slightly downward but he was looking up at me. The slight breeze ruffled his hair a bit and his cheeks were rosy from the cold. He looked so soft like that. I wanted the two of us to be able to lock ourselves in my room and hide under my blankets, him holding me against his chest as I fell asleep.
It felt strange even allowing myself to want things like that. I wasn't used to it. It never seemed like it could be a possibility for me. But there I was, imagining running off with Wren and wanting him to be close to me.
However, that didn't mean I wanted him and Micah to meet.
"Are these your friends?" Micah asked with a smile, gesturing toward the group.
"Sort of," I replied.
"Of course we're your friends!" Stella exclaimed. "God, Landon what's it going to take for you to call us your friends?" She said it in a joking way, but I still blushed at her words, which caused Wren to grin at me.
"I'm Micah," Micah introduced kindly. "I'm Landon's friend from home."
Stella introduced herself and the others, pointing to everyone in the group. As she did so, something came to my mind.
"Were you guys at the game?" I asked when she was finished.
"Yup!" Jess answered. "Figured we'd watch while we waited for you so we could all go out after."
I glanced over at Wren. His face was blank, giving away nothing. He hated hockey and skating and everything that had to do with it. But he came and watched me play one of the most embarrassing games of my life.
I put a hand on my forehead.
"You guys didn't have to do that," I said with a sigh, shaking my head slightly. It wasn't like any of them knew much about hockey, but it didn't take a genius to see that we lost. Badly.
"It was fun," Stella said with a shrug. "I kind of like it now. And your school is a lot better than Brown anyway."
"You guys go to Brown?" Micah asked, confusion in his tone.
"They do," Jess said. "I go to PC with Landon."
"We're going to the club, you guys coming or what?" James asked, clearly anxious to get going. "That is, if your friend is cool with queer people."
Micah's eyes widened. "Oh, yes, of course!" he said.
"We're just going to go back to my room," I told them. Jess and Stella booed at me while Wren shot me an intense, serious stare.
"Come with us," Wren said, and if I didn't know any better, I would think he was pleading.
He held my stare for a moment before looking over at Micah. In my head, he was jealous. In reality, I didn't know if that was the case.
"We should go, Landon," Micah said, nudging me in the side. "It'll be fun."
"They're going to a gay club, Micah," I told him quietly, gritting my teeth.
"So?"
I really didn't have an answer to that, so I sighed and nodded my head, causing the girls to let out squeals of excitement.
"Great, let's go," James urged, and we all made our way to Wren's car.
"Back seat," Wren told James as he stood at the passenger's door.
"No," James whined. "You want me to squeeze back there with all of them?"
Wren didn't even say anything. He just looked at James, refusing to unlock the car until he moved toward the back door. Eventually, James begrudgingly moved to the back, and it took me a moment to realize that Wren had meant for me to sit in the front with him. My cheeks heated in embarrassment as I opened the door and slid into the passenger's seat.
James sat behind me while Micah sat behind Wren, the two girls sitting squished in the middle of them and sharing a seatbelt at Wren's demand. I was surprised Wren was even allowing there to be an extra person in his car.
I glanced at him as he started driving, his face blank. His arm rested on the center console and his fingers tapped on the shifter. I wanted to lace my fingers with his, but I couldn't. I couldn't do it in front of the others, especially not Micah, so my hands stayed at my sides.
"Turn the music up, Wren!" Stella exclaimed from the back, and he complied. It was some pop station, probably something James had put on when they drove to the rink earlier and definitely something I had never heard in his car before.
The club was already packed by the time we got there, Wren having to circle around a bit until he found parking. The car was barely stopped when Stella, Jess, and James jumped out of the car, leaving the rest of us behind.
"They must really love this place," Micah said cheerfully.
"You have no idea," Wren replied before getting out of the car and slamming the door shut.
Micah and I shared a look before following after him. Micah stood close to me and leaned in to speak quiet enough so that Wren wouldn't hear from where he was walking ahead.
"That's Fox's brother right?" Micah asked. I nodded in confirmation. "I knew he looked familiar, but I've only seen him a couple of times. I didn't know you two were friends."
I didn't have it in me to tell him that we were more than friends. I had no idea how to admit something like that since I'd never had to before. It wasn't like Micah didn't know I was gay. We wouldn't even be in this situation if he didn't know that, but knowing it and actually seeing it were very different things. I didn't know how he would react.
So I just didn't say anything to that. I could let him believe the two of us were just friends for the night.
Wren didn't wait for us to catch up before going inside. By the time Micah and I got in there, he was already at a table in the corner, Mara on their way to bring him a water.
The club seemed louder and more vibrant than the last time I was here, but that might have been because last time I was walking around with a dark cloud over my head.
"Wow, it's great in here!" Micah shouted over the music as we sat down with Wren.
The table he chose was circular. Wren sat with his back toward the bar while Micah sat across from him facing it. I sat between the two, facing the dance floor, my back to the wall.
"Do you want a drink?" I asked Micah. He thought on it for a moment then nodded.
"Get me a soda!" he said.
I stood up and went to the bar, ordering a soda for Micah and a water for me and leaving a tip down for Mara before heading back to our seats. Micah was smiling as he was saying something to Wren, but I couldn't tell if Wren was actually listening or if Micah was being oblivious to Wren ignoring him.
"Do you guys come here often?" Micah asked as I sat down.
Wren shrugged. "Once in a while." He stared at Micah as he took a sip of his drink.
"I've only been here once," I told him.
"It kinda reminds me of back in high school when we were always trying to sneak into places like this," Micah said with a laugh. "Of course, those places were a lot less colorful and a lot more dodgy."
He said it in a light-hearted way. Micah was always light-hearted. But I still hated thinking about myself from back then. I was someone who was a lot angrier, someone who was trying so hard to hide a part of themselves that everything about me was an act. I would do anything to make my friends think I was cool back then.
And they did think I was cool until my father told everyone at church to pray for his gay son. Then I wasn't so cool anymore. I was disgusting and wrong and corrupt. I was surprised I even made it out of my senior year, but I supposed I had Micah to thank for that.
"I can't imagine Landon sneaking into a club," Wren said to Micah. "Or you if I'm being completely honest."
Micah only laughed. "I was always so paranoid about it, but Landon just led us in there like he owned the place. Sometimes I couldn't even go in. I was too nervous."
"We didn't do it that often," I muttered. I just wanted him to stop talking about back then. I didn't want Wren to know that part of me because it didn't exist anymore.
Wren glanced at me for a moment before getting up from the table, telling us he was going to the bathroom.
"This isn't really his scene, is it?" Micah asked when Wren was gone.
I sighed. "It's not mine either."
He grinned. "So the two of you just sit off to the side together while your friends have fun?"
"Pretty much," I replied, sipping on my water.
"I don't really do this much either," Micah admitted. "I go out with my friends sometimes, but I mostly stay in."
"Me too."
"I actually started seeing someone," Micah told me. "And she's the same way. We stay in together. It's nice."
"That's good," I said, not knowing how else to respond.
Micah and I never really talked about this sort of thing. That was mainly because from he time I started living with him until now, he hadn't been seeing anybody. He was spending most of his time making sure I wasn't about to have a mental breakdown.
"Are you seeing anyone?" he asked me.
I was taken so off guard that I was speechless. I just stared at him with my mouth hanging open like an idiot. I started looking anywhere but him, and that was when something caught my eye.
Wren was on his way back from the bathroom, but some guy had stopped him in his tracks. The guy was smaller than him, but his presence was large. I could feel his confidence from where I sat. He trailed his hand up Wren's arm and up to his shoulder, his fingers touching the top of his collarbone.
That was enough for me. I stood up from the table and stormed my way over to them. I couldn't even remember if I said anything to Micah before leaving. All I could think about was getting that guy away from Wren. I shoved through people as I made my way closer, and when I got there, I put my hand on Wren's shoulder and pushed him back so that the guy's hand fell away from him.
Wren and I stared into each others eyes, his looking amused while I knew mine must have looked furious.
"What the fuck are you doing?" I asked him.
"I wasn't doing anything."
"Cut the shit," I snapped, shoving him slightly.
"I was just being polite," Wren told me. His calm tone was infuriating. "I wasn't going to shove the poor guy."
"You did that on purpose."
"Did what?" Wren asked, genuinely seeming confused. "Made you jealous? That wasn't what I was going for, but I do like this side of you."
"You're so fucking-"
"Um," said a voice from behind me. I whipped my head around to see the guy was still standing there. "If it makes it any better, he was just telling me that he had someone waiting for him." He gave me an awkward smile before scurrying off into the crowd.
"See? I'm faithful," Wren said, bringing my attention back to him. "Lance, did you really think I was going to go fuck some twink in the bathroom while you were sitting over there alone with another guy?"
"No," I said, releasing him. "I don't know."
Wren grinned, grabbing my hips to bring me closer to him.
"He's not really my type," Wren said, bringing his face closer to mine. "My type is more like hot-headed hockey players with green eyes."
I scoffed, hitting him lightly on the chest. "Shut up."
"It's true," he said. "Remember last time I said I would get you out on the dance floor?"
It was like all my anger, frustration, and jealousy had faded the second he put his hands on me. With him touching me, I would do anything he wanted. I was no longer thinking of my shameful past or about anything that Micah had said earlier. All I could think about was Wren as he moved the two of us out onto the dance floor.
"I'm really only a dancer when I'm drunk," I told him as he gripped me tighter, the two of us swaying slightly while everyone around us was moving much faster to the beat.
"Oh, I remember," Wren said with a smirk, bringing his lips up the side of my neck and to my ear. "You looked so sexy dancing like that."
I shivered at his words, slightly embarrassed.
"I'm sure you can do it sober," Wren said, pulling his mouth away from me.
"Not really." There was no way I could. Not with him watching my every move, drinking me in, savoring the taste. His gaze was dark and he stared at me intensely.
We were moving so slow, but it really didn't matter. Wren's touch electrified me, made me feel like I had to use all my energy just to keep up with him.
I brought my lips up against his, brushing them together like a paintbrush against a canvas. I didn't think about the fact that we were in a room full of people and that I was kissing a man in public, out in the open where anyone could see. That didn't matter. It was peaceful, freeing, that I could do this with him, stand in the middle of a dance floor and kiss him like we were the only two here.
I never imagined this for myself, never even allowed myself to think of this as a possibility. Because if I did, I would only leave myself disappointed at the fact that this was never in the cards for me. Only it turned out that it was, that I could have this, and I didn't know how to feel. I was overwhelmed and melting against him. Wren was the only thing holding me up.
When we parted, I rested my forehead against his, felt his breath against my skin.
"That was very nice," Wren said, and I rolled my eyes, pulling away from him. He winked at me and we went back to the table with Micah.
On the ride back to the dorms, I sat in the front seat again. James was asleep in the back, his snores filling the car, and the girls were chatting with Micah. Wren and I didn't say anything. He rested his arm on the center console like before, only this time he reached over to me and placed his hand on the top of my thigh and kept it there for the whole ride. I didn't really know why, but I liked it there. I didn't want him to take his hand off of me ever.
Micah and I said our goodbyes to the others when Wren dropped us off at my dorm. I held Wren's stare for a little too long before turning and walking away from the car.
"My roommate Kyle is out for the weekend," I told Micah as we made it to my room. "He put fresh sheets on his bed and said you could use it."
"That was nice of him," Micah replied, his voice soft.
"The bathroom is out in the suite," I said, kicking my shoes off under my bed.
After a few moments of a silent stare between Micah and me, he spoke up.
"So, you and Wren, huh?" he asked.
I let out a sigh. There was no use in denying it.
"Yeah, me and Wren."
Micah grinned wider than he had all night.
"Nobody knows," I told him. "Well, only you."
"I'll keep my mouth shut," he assured me.
"Thank you."
His gaze softened. "I'm happy for you, Landon."
And those words had taken a weight off my chest.