Ice Cold - Chapter 31: Chapter 31

Landon Reilly
I woke up Monday morning with Wren's back to my chest, my arms around him. It was such a strange position to be in, really. I had never known this kind of affection, never sought after it. But somehow, without me realizing it, it became so easy with Wren. Despite how hard it was to get here, to be in this place with him, with my own resistance of him and with his own walls that he rarely let me see through.
I couldn't pinpoint the exact moment that our relationship became this, or when the way I felt about him changed. It seemed to just happen. One day I wanted to wring his neck and the next I wanted to kiss it.
This whole thing was new territory for me, and part of me knew that it couldn't last, that there would be a day this ended whether I was ready for it or not. I tried to push that to the back of my mind. I was always making myself miserable, I didn't want to be miserable about this.
After a few moments of being awake, I turned over to check the time, Wren turning over with me and wrapping his arms around my waist.
When I saw the time, I pulled myself from Wren's grasp and got out of bed, scrambling to get ready. It was eight o'clock. I barely had time to go back to my dorm and get to class for the exam I had.
I opened up Wren's closet, pulling out a brown crewneck sweatshirt with BROWN written across the chest in white letters. I threw the sweatshirt on and debated taking a pair of pants to change into.
"What are you doing?" Wren grumbled, his voice low and gravely from sleep. He sat up in bed, squinting at me.
"I have to get to class," I said.
I closed his closet and walked over to him, kissing him lightly before turning to rush out of the room.
He was up and following me, throwing on my hockey sweatshirt, before I could even get out of the room.
"I'll drive you," he said with a yawn.
The two of us went down to Wren's car, letting it warm up for a few minutes before he started driving toward my campus. Wren stopped at a drive through about half way there.
"What are you doing?" I asked him.
"You didn't eat breakfast," he said, pulling up to the speaker before I could say anything else. He ordered a breakfast sandwich and a caramel latte.
"I thought I told you I don't need you buying my shit."
Wren just shrugged, ignoring me before getting up to the window and paying for breakfast. He handed me the bag with the sandwich in it and placed the latte in the cup holder.
Wren didn't seem to be much of a talker after having been abruptly woken up. His eyes were still full of sleep, his face a little pale.
When he pulled up to my dorm building, I hesitated for a moment before leaning over the center console to give him a brief kiss. It felt so strange to do, but at the same time felt like it was as easy as breathing, like it was what I was supposed to do. I glanced around the area, seeing that there was no one around to witness it.
"I'll see you later," I told him, opening the door to get out of the car.
Wren just nodded, rubbing his tired eyes.
I grabbed the sandwich and latte then closed the door behind me and made my way to the dorm. Kyle was already gone when I got there, probably at his own morning class.
I ate the breakfast and drank the latte before going to the bathroom to brush my teeth and get ready. After gathering my things, I went to class. I had forgotten about wearing Wren's sweatshirt until I got to class and Jess was looking at me with a confused expression, pointing at my chest as I sat down.
"Wren's?" she asked.
I hummed in confirmation to which she smirked.
"Interesting," Jess said.
I had no interest in getting into my bizarre relationship with Wren with her. She must have seen us at the club the other night, or at least heard about it from James.
Once I was finished with my exam, I left the lecture hall. Livi had sent me a text while I was in class that she would be calling me. Almost as soon as I sent the message that I was done with class, the unknown number she was texting me from popped up on my screen.
"Hello?" I answered, speed walking to get back to my dorm.
"Hey, I'm in my free period," she said. "And I feel like I haven't talked to you in a while."
I winced at that. "Yeah, it's been a bit. How is everything?"
"Oh, you know, same as always," Livi replied. "Mom and Dad drive me nuts and I miss you."
My heart hurt at the thought of Livi missing me. I wanted her to go unaffected by the way our parents treated me, but I knew that was unrealistic. The whole thing was hard on her and I felt absolutely powerless in being able to help her through it, though she was strong and could handle things a lot better than I could.
"I miss you too," I told her.
"You'll visit me on Thanksgiving, right?"
I hated to promise anything to her, knowing the high likelihood that any promise I made could be broken. Sometimes things couldn't work out, and it would leave both of us disappointed, and I hated disappointing her.
"I'll definitely try," I said. "Do you still have that iPod I gave you?"
The last time I went home for her, I had dug out an old iPod of mine so that she could text me from it without our parents knowing. She had texted me a few times from it, but the problem was she had to be home to use it, and with her schedule she didn't have a lot of time.
"Yeah, I have it," she replied. "I literally hollowed out one of my books to hide it in so Mom wouldn't find it when she snoops through my room."
My face scrunched in confusion. "How the hell did you get that idea?"
"Wren." She said it so nonchalantly that I almost didn't find it odd. That was until I realized that meant my little sister had been talking to my... whatever Wren was without me knowing.
"My Wren?" I asked, cringing as soon as the question came out of my mouth.
"Who else?"
"Since when have you been talking to him?" I asked, bewildered.
"I don't know, since he gave me his number?" Her tone was sarcastic like any other teenage girl's. "I texted him so he would have mine. Just in case."
"Just in case what?"
"It just makes me feel better to be able to contact someone who knows you in case I can't contact you," she said, her voice softer now.
I tried not to let myself be agitated by the fact that Livi and Wren were communicating. If it made Livi feel better, then it was fine with me. That didn't stop it from turning my stomach over. I wanted to know what they talked about, or rather, what they said about me.
"Okay, it's still weird," I muttered, finally back at my dorm building.
"It's not weird! I can talk to your friend," Livi said with a laugh.
Friend. So he hadn't said anything to her about what really were. Whatever that was. Official, but not. Exclusive, but without any real label to represent that exclusivity.
Just together.
***
A couple days later, I went on my normal running route in the morning, heading toward the coffee shop and hoping Wren would be there. I had seen him the night before, but we didn't do a lot of talking, so I didn't know for sure if he would be there this morning. Our mouths were busy with other things.
When I got to the coffee shop, Wren was sitting in his usual spot with his laptop open, drowning out everything around him as he typed away.
"Hey," Anthony greeted when I walked up to the counter, making me tear my gaze from Wren.
"Hey," I said back.
"Can I get you your usual?"
I hesitated for a moment. "Can I get a caramel latte?"
Anthony looked at me strangely, looked over at Wren and then back to me before putting in my order.
"What's going on with you and Wren?" Anthony asked as I paid.
I stared at him, unsure of what to say. I didn't want other people in our business. It was one thing to let Micah know, along with Wren's friends and Jess. Those were people we were around all the time and it would be hard to hide it from them. But to tell Anthony was something completely different. I just wanted the two of us to be left alone.
"You know him and James fuck each other right?" Anthony asked when I didn't say anything. "Just be careful if you're involved with him."
I was fuming when I walked away from the counter, and I nearly broke my cup when the barista handed it to me from gripping it so hard. Wren was so engrossed in whatever he was doing that he didn't even notice me sit down until I pushed his laptop closed.
"What did I do?" Wren asked when he saw my expression.
"Did you tell Anthony about us?" I asked, and he shot me a look of confusion.
"No," he replied. "Why?"
I couldn't tell him that Anthony had warned me about Wren's past with James. Wren already knew I was insecure about that, and he had reassured me more than once that there was nothing going on between them anymore. I didn't want him to know that the insecurity still lingered.
"He just asked me about it," I muttered, taking a sip of my scalding latte and cursing as it burnt my tongue.
"What did he say?' he asked. "Let me guess, he wanted to know if you knew about me and James."
I glared at him. I hated how he knew everything, and how I would never understand how he did it.
He grinned, taking my expression as confirmation.
"Anthony is insecure and still hung up on James just as much as James is hung up on him," Wren said, sipping on his drink.
"What, did James cheat on him with you?"
Wren shrugged. "That, I don't know. Don't really care either. I don't know the precise timeline of their relationship. And if he did, that's on James, not me."
I nodded, not interested in talking about this anymore.
"Anyway, what are you doing tonight?" Wren asked after a moment.
"Therapy and hockey practice."
"How about you come over after practice," Wren suggested. "I'll kick James out for the night. I told him I'll need the room for a night this week anyway since you're going away this weekend."
I had almost forgotten I was going away for hockey this weekend, but of course, Wren didn't forget.
"Where does he even go when you kick him out?"
"Sometimes Stella's, but if she has Jess over, I don't know where he goes," Wren said. "He has a lot of friends. I don't think it's hard for him to find somewhere to go."
And so I agreed to spend the night in Wren's room once again.
Therapy was difficult like always, and I was mentally drained by the time I left. Part of me wanted to skip out on practice, but I knew I couldn't if I wanted to play this weekend. But if Cooper or any of his stupid friends did anything to make me mad, I would blow up.
When I stepped onto the ice, I could feel eyes on me. I was late like I was every time I had therapy. It was only once a week, but Cooper had already voiced how he thought I was getting special treatment, and it seemed like he had others convinced that I was.
I was getting glares from teammates I had never even spoken to, let alone done anything to make them hate me. But that was what happened when you were a recluse and someone like Cooper wanted to make you their enemy. He was social. It was no wonder he had gotten his own little group to crowd around him like he was their king and they were his subjects.
So when practice was over, I didn't even bother showering there. I just grabbed my things and went back to my dorm to shower and get my things to spend the night with Wren. The last thing I needed was Cooper or one of his pawns trying to pick a fight with me.
After I showered, I threw on some new clothes along with Wren's sweatshirt and waited for him to pick me up. He could tell I was angry as soon as he saw me.
"What has upset you?" Wren asked, glancing over at me. I leaned my head back on the headrest, turning to look at him. He was looking at me intently, no amusement on his face.
"Therapy was rough," I told him, letting out a long sigh.
"Hm," Wren hummed, pulling away from the curb.
His hand traveled across the center console to rest on my leg. I liked the feeling of his hand there while he drove, and I never wanted him to stop doing it. It was affection in a simple form, a small gesture that felt much larger.
He didn't say anything else or try to guess what had gone on in therapy, and for that I was grateful. Wren tended to turn his overly analytical brain off when it came to my therapy sessions, or he just didn't let his analysis of me come pouring out of his mouth. He left that alone like even he knew that bringing it up would be going too far. And I had once thought he had no boundaries.
"Come relax," Wren said when we got into his room. We kicked off our shoes and got in his bed. He lay down first, then I took my spot beside him, letting his arm come around me while I laid my head on his chest. I felt so comfortable there against him like this was a place I could be where nothing else mattered.
When he turned on an audio book, I let out a groan.
"Seriously?" I asked him, looking up at his face from my spot on his chest.
"It can be relaxing, listening to a story," he said, running his fingers through my hair. "Just listen. I know you don't read, so you need some kind of literature in your life."
I sighed, but listened anyway. Wren kept playing with my hair and I could feel myself dozing off with the combination of the feeling of Wren's fingers in my hair, his chest rising and falling beneath my head, and the sound of the whimsical words coming from his phone.
"This book is confusing," I mumbled against his chest.
"You're supposed to be confused at this point," he said. "Sometimes these things don't come together until the end."
After a few chapters, he shut the book off and his hand started wandering down my body. It left my hair and went down my back, his fingers finding their way under the waistband of my pants. Now I was wide awake, forgetting I was even feeling tired a moment ago.
"I've been thinking," Wren started, his fingers moving lower.
"You're always thinking," I responded, letting out a shaky breath.
He laughed, turning slightly so that we could face each other. Wren leaned forward, catching my mouth in a kiss. He turned, moving me so that I was flat on my back as he hovered over me, his mouth moving faster against mine. I brought my hand up to the back of his head, pulling him against me as I opened my mouth for him. Wren pulled up my shirt, his hands moving up my stomach. His lips were face but precise, moving at a pace that matched my own. His tongue pushed against mine lightly, as if luring me to take charge. So that was what I did.
I grabbed onto Wren's hips and turned us over so that I was now on top of him, my legs straddling his waist. Wren let out a moan at the movement, pulling his mouth away from mine. I took the opportunity to kiss his neck. Wren took in a sharp breath when my lips brushed over his sensitive skin. The noises he made drove me wild. I could barely even think straight.
Wren brought his hand to the back of my head as I continued exploring his neck. My mouth moved up to his jaw, and Wren shuddered beneath me.
"Landon," Wren said, his voice raspy and quiet. I almost didn't hear him.
I pulled away from him briefly to look at his face. Wren was staring at me intensely, his pupils blown wide.
"I want you," Wren said, staring right into my eyes. "I want..."
I didn't know where he was going with this or what to make of it, so I brought my mouth back to his neck, peppering it with kisses.
"What do you want?" I asked him, my mouth against his skin.
"I want you to..." He paused. "Fuck me."
I almost jumped off of him at his words. My mouth stilled against him and I sat up, staring down at him. I had never seen Wren look so vulnerable. He always seemed like he was in control of every situation, and was never willing to give up that control. But the look he was giving me told a different story. He wasn't in control of this. I was. He put the ball in my court. He wanted me, but it was up to me if we went through with it.
Maybe that was why I said yes without thinking much about it, despite the fact that I had never done this before. But I couldn't say no to him. I had never felt like I had much control in my life at all, but here he was, giving that to me, wanting me to make this choice for us. He was ready and willing, all I had to do was say yes.
"I've never..." I started.
"I know you've never had sex with a guy," Wren interjected. "I'll get myself ready."
I thought he would leave the room to do whatever he needed to do, but he stayed as if he actually wanted me to watch him get himself ready.
My breath was uneven as I watched him. It was obscene, but I couldn't look away. I could tell that he liked that I was watching him. There was a certain gleam in his eye.
Watching him distracted me from all my insecurities about the whole ordeal, at least until he was ready and beckoning me over. That was when I went into panic mode.
Wren knew I had never done this with a guy, but he didn't know that I had never had sex at all.
And then there was the fact that I often had my father's voice creeping into the back of my mind telling how wrong I was, how disgusting and shameful I was.
Those thoughts were shoved further back into my mind when Wren grabbed me and started undressing me. He started kissing me on my exposed skin. He kissed down my chest and to my stomach, then pushed me down onto the bed and kissed my inner thighs. Wren looked up at me, making eye contact the whole time his lips were on my skin.
"Can I start on top?" Wren asked, sitting up on the tops of my thighs.
"Yes."
He had lube and condoms ready, already having used the lube on himself. He stroked me, allowing me to harden before rolling the condom on and using some more lube on me.
My thoughts were going a mile a minute at this point. I was overwhelmed with feelings every time he touched me.
Wren lowered himself onto me and I was completely blissed out. My hands found their way to his hips before one moved to stroke him as he moved on top of me. The two of us shared eye contact the whole time, and I had never experienced anything like this in my life.
I never knew I could have this level of intimacy with someone, thinking it was never in the cards for me and that I was to be alone forever. But Wren changed that and let me have these experiences.
It was strange to feel emotional about having sex, but I was feeling that way anyway. There was nobody but Wren on my mind. Nothing could ruin this for me.
When we both finished, Wren was breathless. He lifted himself off of me then tucked himself under my arm, kissing my bare chest before staring at my face like he was trying to read my emotions. Of course, he was.
"That was hot," I said, my breathing heavy.
Wren laughed, and I knew my orgasm high was making me crazy because I thought it was the most adorable thing in the world.
"It was," Wren agreed. "I'm glad you didn't hate it."
I couldn't hate it despite the sinking feeling in my stomach. Even though I wasn't in contact with him anymore, I still had this fear of my father finding out, about what he would say or do to me. It was an irrational fear at this point, but it was still there nonetheless.
"I've never done that before," I told him.
"I know."
"No, I mean like at all," I said. "With guys or girls."
I didn't know why I felt the need to tell him this. Maybe it was because I just wanted him to know that this moment was important to me. Or maybe I wanted him to know that there were no others before him.
That was the one thing I had never let myself do with the girls I was with. I had made out with girls, let them blow me or give me a hand job, but I had never gone all the way with them, despite the fact that I was trying to use them to make myself straight. I didn't want to give any of them that part of me.
"Oh," he said. "Well, if I had known that I would've have made it more special. Maybe would've lit a candle or something."
I laughed, despite feeling queasy and on edge. He could read my emotions too easily, and I didn't want him to notice how uneasy I felt.
"There's always next time," he said with a grin. And I laughed again.